My Girl Is My Poison
by loudmouthschmuck
Summary: Here it is the final chapter, i hope you all enjoy! Characters belong to Tom Lynch and story belongs to Chris Angel
1. Chapter 1

My Girl is my Poison

Chapter One

"Miss Carlin, did you hear me?"

It wasn't becoming' for a model student, people always told her. Those people happened to be her white-bread mother and father, Mr. and Mrs. Carlin. They had a tradition of excellence, after all, Yale and Harvard and all that. Yet in the tide of all the pressure that came with their child for meeting those expectations it was pretty certain that they hadn't considered how much potential her love-life, as insignificant as it had been before, had to throw a spanner in the works.

The result was being felt in class.

She had been busted for daydreaming.

Spencer shook her head; whipping herself out of her reverie, as the grating, shrill voice of her battleaxe of a History teacher, Mrs. Swirlin, pitter-pattered into her brain. Upon looking up from the graffiti-stained wood of her desk she saw the shrill woman's disapproving (and somewhat startled) glare. All the way across a room that cold angry stare of hers could cut through many a defense. You expected that with Mrs. Swirlin. But what she clearly didn't expect was to see one of her best students phasing out in the middle of a class. The girl clammed up in her seat as the dozens of eyes in that classroom were now cast at her. Spencer had never been completely comfortable with the attention of others. Nervously, she pulled the dark blonde bangs from her eyes and looked back down at the pink plastic of her notebook, trying as hard as possible to block out all the stares she was getting from the rest of the class.

And in her defense she mumbled to Mrs. Swirlin a tidy and mundane, "Sorry, Mrs. Swirlin".

The old matriarch, her wrinkled brow further creasing in irritation, pulled the reading glasses off of the thinned slit that were here eyes and set down the text she was reading from. "I won't have this in my classroom, Miss Carlin. I expect more from someone like you. Now, if we could all get back to the text at hand..."

Some of the other students started giggling behind her as Spencer opened up her textbook for the subject, Philip Curtin's The Atlantic Slave Trade: A Census. As much as she felt... uncomfortable with that laughter, she didn't expect anything else. It was a patented fact that when someone so classified as a nerd', actually got told off by a teacher, you could be guaranteed a little victory chuckle from the rowdier kids in class. For the most part Spencer just tried to shut it all out and work. But as Mrs. Swirlin began reading mortality figures from the text again, it dawned on Spencer that she still couldn't focus. One look at a page covered with garbled numbers and equations, supposedly indicating traded lives and deaths, at it became to her no more than blurry shapes. A sigh escaped her. She couldn't think.

The girl destined for Ivy League colleges couldn't think.

Spencer exhaled with light frustration and buried her head in her hand, biting her lower lip, trying desperately to think of something other than what had happened last week. But the event had dominated her thoughts every day since then, the normally even march from Monday to Sunday had slowed down into a piddling trawl in which every moment and second was dominated by memory of what a certain someone had taken from her – her virginity.

And the beautiful, sultry thief was a woman, no less.

Even now Spencer was enamored by those memories, remembering every last detail, her continuous breathless sighs, the glossy sheen of sweat that had polished her skin, the wafting fragrance of arousal in the air, and the young but ever so powerful woman taking her forcefully from a stage of social anxiety to a stage of private sexual rapture. At the thought of that day, Spencer felt her tiny nipples swelling underneath her bra and blouse. Reflexively she shut her legs and tried her hardest to shake those thoughts from herself. But irrespective of that wish was a remote image in her head of the girl that had made her feel this way. The lump in her throat was swallowed when Spencer started to unconsciously picture that woman, which provoked an internal cornucopia of feelings... doubt, anger, attraction, fright and confusion, as well as an unmistakable and frighteningly powerful lust. But before she succumbed to those great conflicting emotions the bell rang. Immediately the metal feet of each chair skidded back and a wave of conversation overtook the room as Mrs. Swirlin tried in vain to talk over them and remind them what homework they'd be having over the weekend.

Normally Spencer made a point to listen to what Mrs. Swirlin said about homework, an attitude befitting the jewel of her parent's eye, but not today. Today, like every other day since that...event', Spencer wished only to leave as fast as she could to collect herself, a hope that was often fruitless. Even so she swiftly packed her books and notebook away, along with her pencil case, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and quickly made her way out of the classroom. She was so distracted though that she bumped into the shoulder of a boy (whose name she did not know) on the way to the door.

"Watch where you're going, geek!" He barked, right before adjusting his baseball cap and barging back past her.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I..." Her apologies fell on deaf ears. He was gone by the time she uttered the last syllable. So she went about leaving the room and in thought she thanked whatever deity was popular nowadays that the lunch bell had finally rung. As she walked out into the corridor she was joined by dozens of other students pouring out of their own classrooms and bringing their irrelevant, prattling conversations with them. It was the usual crap. "Did you see that game last night?" and "Dude, my Mom bought a PS3, it's totally fucking awesome!" and "I finally got the phone number of that hottie fullback on the football team! He's so gorgeous!" as well as more of the like. As per usual Spencer was pretty much oblivious to all of it. The words came in but the meaning was lost to her. And since there wasn't a single soul on this good green Earth that she could call a friend (at least not a real one) it became customary for her to merely let it all pass her by.

In a work of rock, pop and rap, Spencer was the odd one out for caring to listen to modern interpretations of Bach. She was the kind of girl who preferred theatrical productions to Tarantino movies, the kind of girl who preferred a philosophical treatise to an X-Box, the kind of girl who preferred discussing globalization and American foreign policy to discussions of fashion trends and local school gossip.

In other words, she was an alien in her world of origin.

Despite what people said of her behind her back (not so well apparently, as she knew what they claimed), Spencer didn't think of herself as better' than the rest of her peers for having those concerns and likings. Not once had she felt or suggested that, no matter how prestigious or pretentious her background was. It was funny how people could hate so easily and on such a shallow basis -- but the irony was lost on her -- and now Spencer had deeper concerns than what biting comment the cheerleaders and the trendies had for her. So she strode down the hall, weaving between all the other students, on her way to the cafeteria. To them she was no more than a nameless face in the crowds. But for one of the first times in her life Spencer was happy that no one would bother her because of that.

The cafeteria wasn't far. All one had to do was exit the building of the humanities department, cross the wide open emerald grass of the courtyard, then walk around the length of the east building, delimited by the expanses of the football pitches and basketball courts. As usual the predominately white football team and the predominantly black basketball team heckled and jibed at each other, even though the leader of the football team was himself black -- just as the captain of the basketball was white. It was just another one of those odd contradictions that Spencer couldn't get her head around. And it was backed up by the slutty brainlessness of the cheerleading squad. They sat on the bleachers with their glossy pompoms and batons, debating between them which of those jocks were the hottest. Those that had boyfriends amongst them immediately stood by their men', jockeying in favor of their spouses. The only element of that that Spencer welcomed was that those same cheerleaders wouldn't be in the cafeteria -- no snide comments that way.

Though she didn't intend to stay there long. Like always Spencer tried to make her stop at the cafeteria a quick one. It was a place of social gathering for the tribes that the student body consisted of -- it could be as awkward as the locker rooms. There was nothing more embarrassing than sitting at a table in the cafeteria alone. And essentially all that loudness, all that laughter, all that talk, all those friends; the culmination of it just reminded Spencer of her isolation. It was something she didn't care to be reminded of. So when she pushed through its glassy and metallic doors and her ears were consumed by its noise, she didn't even bother to scan the tables to see if one was free. She only walked to the lengthy line and grabbed one of the shoddily cleaned brown lunch trays from a stack of them. Spencer queued up behind one of the shaggy-haired stoners, holding up her tray and hoping that the kids around her were too wrapped up in their own lives to address her. It appeared she'd be granted that as the line started to move along. When she came to the glass screens that shielded off the mildly warmed junk food -- pizza slices, French fries, cheeseburgers, etc, one of the jowl-laden middle-aged lunch ladies greeted her, complete with disinterested tones.

"What can I get you?" She garbled indifferently.

Spencer tried to speak up over the noise in the background. "Can I have a tuna sandwich please? And maybe an apple?"

With her tongs, the lunch lady clasped one of each and dropped them onto her tray, then gestured for her to move along so that she could serve someone else. Spencer moved along and at the end of the line, where she was given a choice between a glass of water, a carton of milk and a can of soda for a beverage, she chose the glass of water. She paid for it afterward and then quickly made her way out of the cafeteria. She didn't like eating in there now and she wasn't planning on changing that any time soon. The girl exited that hall and walked out into the grassy fields that surrounded this building, those that were far removed from the football fields. This was where she liked to eat. Only a few people ever came out here and most of the time they were quiet, never bothering her. And on beautiful days like this, with cerulean skies, pearly clouds and a dazzling sun to bask under, there was no greater alternative for her.

Spencer sat down and, for once, tried not to think about the event' of last week, or her status as a social pariah. She merely made a quiet nibble of her tuna sandwich and sipped periodically from her glass of water. She was relatively calm like that. And after a few minutes it seemed like the world would peacefully pass her by like this. Yet only a few moments after that she heard an amused baritone voice say to her, "Nice day, isn't it?"

Spencer glanced up; expecting to be addressed by some jock, only to find a teacher -- and one of the few that she honestly could say that she liked here at Alderson High School. Relatively speaking, Mr. Stephens was the complete opposite of someone like Mrs. Swirlin. He was young, male, and black, as opposed to old, female and white, and he was also quite liberal in nature. He taught cultural studies and Western philosophy, optional classes the latter of which Spencer herself was in. Kids at school liked him a lot, mostly because he was lenient and laidback, but also because of his weird ability to empathize. It was like he could tell what you were thinking just by looking at you.

Mr. Stephens pulled a small smile and kneeled down beside Spencer as she sat, legs folded underneath her.

"Gets a bit noisy in there, doesn't it?"

He didn't even have to gesture to the cafeteria for her to know that was what he was talking about. "Yes. I like it out here more."

"I hear you," The older man shut his eyes and sniffed in the fragrance of the grass, freshly cut. "Such a beautiful day out here as well. I wish more of you kids would enjoy it. Oh, and by the way, I read your Sartre report last night. I have to say, it was pretty good."

Spencer smiled with a little embarrassment. She'd never been one to know how to take compliments. "...Thanks, Mr. Stephens. I don't really know much about Existentialism, but..."

"Not many people do, Spencer. But I was impressed with the effort you put in."

She was also thankful for the fact that she handed it in a fortnight ago. If she had written in within the past week it would have been utter crap, that's how skewered her focus was. Thinking about that caused her smile to drop. And Mr. Stephens, ever a man of empathy, took notice.

"...Look. Spencer. If ever you need to talk about anything, my door is always open."

She clammed up again. "...I... I'm fine, Mr. Stephens."

He didn't look convinced but he didn't push any further than that. He merely stood back up, rearranged the term papers in his arms, and gave her a parting wave. "Well, as long as you're okay, you do what you feel like doing, I'm off to finish marking all this. You wouldn't believe the crap some of these idiots throw at me. Unfortunately, they can't all be as talented as you are, kid. I'll catch you later, huh?"

Spencer nodded to him as he walked off toward the gravel footpath that curved around the grass fields. Once he was gone she realized that his concern for her just brought up whatever feelings she had been hoping to suppress here. And with that her thoughts turned to the only other sanctuary she had at this school. That was the library. It was the one place you could honestly not expect to run into any cheerleader, jock or trendy: a demilitarized zone, Rhineland worthy. She finished up what was left of her tuna sandwich, ate her apple, and gulped down her water. Then

Spencer went into the cafeteria one last time to drop off the tray, quickly making her exit a few seconds afterward. The unassuming girl crossed across campus and entered the southern building, turned a left at the main corridor, and went up the steps of a nearby stairwell to reach the double doors of the library on the fourth floor.

As soon as she pushed in she smiled privately at the scene inside. Quietness. Everyone was quiet, the few people there were either seated or scanning the bookshelves for an obscure tome to read or study from. She liked it here. It was her speed, the speed she was accustomed to. It was one of the few places she could relax. Now that she was here Spencer pulled her backpack off her shoulder and walked right into the second of the three large rooms that made up the library. It held a multitude of small, private stalls for personal study. Fortunately they were all empty so she had her pick of them. Spencer chose one at the back, closest to the rearmost window. She took a seat inside its three walls and set her bag down. After a calming breath she removed her copy of Jean-Paul Sartre's Being and Nothingness from it. It was the text there were to be working out of for her Western Philosophy classes this week. Though they were only to read the introductory chapter (The Pursuit of Being) for now, it was still quite a tricky read, and because of that it was easy to see why Western Philosophy was an extra-curricular subject -- it wasn't something that everyone would gravitate to. But in a way, this was the perfect thing to get Spencer's mind off of what had happened to her last week. Just a quiet read of chapter she'd discuss in class afterschool tomorrow. And so she tried to read. Less than nine minutes later, whilst trying to read, a shadow was cast over her body. "I knew you'd be here."

Spencer's body tensed into rigidity at that voice. She'd know that voice from anywhere. That was the voice that growled with voluptuous zeal as its owner had had her way with her. But Spencer didn't dare stand up and look back to see her face -- she didn't need to. She'd seen that face every minute of every hour of the past seven days. But when she didn't make the first move the woman behind her did it in her place, reaching out and running her hands through Spencer's jaw-length ashy blonde hair. She reflexively flinched, not knowing how to respond, as the other girl slowly ran her hands through the strands of her hair with possessive, petting strokes.

Spencer bit her lip after whispering, "Ashley, please..."

"I miss you..." she leaned in and whispered into Spencer's ear."I've been fantasizing about you all week..."

"...Please..." a whimper escaped Spencer as Ashley's petting of her hair descended into a tender caress at the nape of her neck. Her touch was so soft, yet Spencer knew from experience how powerful those hands of hers could be. "Please don't do this to me here..."

Soon Ashley's willowy voice went husky with arousal. "Why...? There's nobody around..."

Spencer bit her pink lower lip again. Once words became memories Ashley's hands slowly slid their way down her lissome back. She tightened up. Without looking back Spencer could tell that Ashley was grinning vividly at the power she had over her. It was a thing of magic, this attraction. It left a normally intelligent young woman powerless in the face of someone's overwhelming sexuality. Spencer felt the force of that as Ashley's hands slipped down toward the band of her denim jeans skirt.

"Please don't'..." She struggled to say.

The slightly older girl chuckled a little. "...Stand up and turn around, Spencer."

She cooperated without even considering an alternative. The blonde stood up slowly and turned around at the same speed, almost nervous at the prospect of seeing her again. But she did. And all the feelings she had been trying to belligerently suppress thus far came roaring back with twice the vigor.

Her name was Ashley Davies.

Spencer, brought face to face with this taller, confident, omnipresent being, couldn't help but admire her with desperation and passion. She was a tall girl, even by the standards of a senior. She was only less than half an inch shorter than most guys at Alderson High School. And she definitely carried herself with the swagger of one. There was a tomboyish edge to her, at least in terms of her interests and domineering attitude, although she was actually very pretty, almost strikingly so. Her wavy black hair climbed down as far as her shoulders, swinging about the back of her tank top, which held back her sizeable and beautifully sculpted breasts. Her body was so lithe and tight, her thighs toned and yet shapely, a likely nod to her athletic pastimes. But it was her face that stood so threatening and engaging to Spencer. Ashley's visage was one pretty enough to be a model, her heavy bangs and cocky smile framing her face, but that was added to by a insatiable, almost arrogant self-confidence that was completely and utterly demonstrated by her caramel brown eyes. Her body reeked of it but her eyes confirmed it. Ashley was the kind of girl that was willing to do anything once and was more than willing to take on anyone who got in the way of her doing it. Every time Spencer looked into her eyes she saw that confidence for herself. She wanted to bathe herself in it, live within it, mask herself in it. With that self assurance and those incredible looks (looks that she had inherited from her Italian-American mother) Spencer found herself unable to resist her.

Even now, Spencer stood paralyzed before her -- even though the hardening of her nipples and the rush of heat and fluid between her legs, as well as a demanding voice in the back of her head, were all telling her to beg this superior woman to ravish her.

Somehow, however, her sensibilities had managed to keep Spencer afloat. "...Ashley, I... I want to study..."

Instantly she ignored that and dragged Spencer into an embrace. The smaller girl gasped briefly before Ashley grasped at her hips and held her in place. Those powerful brown eyes stared deep into Spencer's own, displaying the wanton, carnal lust Ashley was no doubt feeling. For the life of her, Spencer had never understood what it was that Ashley saw in her, but that fact was of so little importance when they exchanged glances like this.

And all of a sudden Spencer realized she was being sucked in again. She couldn't allow that, not this time.

"...I can't do this..." She said softly, tearing her eyes away. "...Please let me go."

Ashley's smile fell a bit. "I know that's not what you want."

"Ashley, please-"

But Spencer was cut off. A second later she yelped with surprise when Ashley literally forced her up against the left wall of the compartment and pinned her there, hands up above her head. Whatever protest she tried to summon up was muffled when Ashley plunged down and cogently pressed her lips against Spencer's. She sobbed openly as the intense rush of arousal that consumed her from the action, her fists clenching and unclenching. Ashley growled a dominant moan into their kiss, prizing her lips open and tilting her head to the left, just to allow herself to shove her tongue past her meek lover's mouth. Spencer was rendered powerless again, this time physically rather than mentally. She barely even noticed when Ashley kicked her feet apart with one of her own -- she only did with the thigh of that leg pushed authoritatively between her hips.

That broke Spencer out of her momentary blindsiding. She desperately broke the kiss, gasping for breath, and pressed her small hands against the taller girl's chest. "Ashley stop, please! I-I can't do this here...!"

She grinned a little. "But you want to, right?"

Spencer said nothing.

"Spencer?"

She swallowed. "...Look. What happened last week... it's... it's not going to happen ever again. I... I don't want it to."

That one took the smile off of Ashley's face. "What about what I want?"

"...Please let me go."

"Look, don't be like that. I know you want me. I know you want this," Ashley's eyes searched out Spencer's for a reply. When she didn't get one she sighed and tried a different approach. "Why don't you meet me afterschool, come for a little drive with me, yeah? We'll talk about it."

Spencer hazarded a glance at her. "...Just... to talk, right?"

"Yeah."

She was willing to believe her. Then again, Ashley could convince her to do anything with those hypnotic eyes...

"...Okay."

...No matter how much of a mistake it would eventually turn out to be.

--

**Characters belong to Tom Lynch and story belongs to my friend Chris Angel and if you would like to read the original story here is the site to go to - - nifty(dot)org -- rest pointer over GENERAL ARCHIVE -- click on LESBIAN -- click on HIGH SCHOOL-- scroll down once and click on **my-girl-is-my-poison/ i must warn you that this is an adult site


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

After their meeting at the library (though Spencer was still at a loss to explain how Ashley knew she was going to be there) the first thoughts Spencer had upon Ashley's leaving was how to get out of this without hurting her feelings. Once Ashley was gone she immediately started to regret the fact that she had agreed to meet up with her afterschool. As much as she had been thinking and daydreaming about what had happened between them last week -- it couldn't outshine her overwhelming insecurity about it all. Spencer was never what you might call a strong woman' but she led a sheltered and safe life with her parents, the people who cared about her and wanted the best for her. But on that night something quite alien happened to Spencer. She had, for the first time in her life, truly felt vulnerable. It was the same anytime Spencer saw Ashley. She could barely bring herself to refuse the older woman anything. And in the pit of her stomach she felt overpowering lusts and urges that had also been alien to her -- no more than two weeks ago. To be thrust into that kind of scenario was no picnic and Spencer's case was no exception to the rule. When they had slept together, Spencer felt unbound and free in a way she couldn't fully describe. She was naked both physically and emotionally -- but she resented the latter. There was no control with Ashley, only submission, submission to her own desires and of course to Ashley's.

In short -- Spencer couldn't control herself with Ashley -- and it terrified her.

When it occurred to her that she just couldn't think of a logical way to get out of meeting Ashley afterschool, she settled on trying to block it all out until she could. After smoothing out her clothes, made messy and unkempt from Ashley's virile groping at her, she tried to sit down and read once more. And just like in Mrs. Swirlin's history class she found it impossible to do so with so much on her mind. The words became garbled again and she couldn't take any of them in, let alone any of the messages it was trying to present to her. Then the bell rang.

Spencer immediately slammed her book shut and winced, nervously running her hand through her short bangs. The lunch period was over, class would get started again soon, and she still hadn't found the strength or will to focus on her work. Not only was her mind now preoccupied with thoughts of Ashley but now also of what to do about the Ashley situation. And ignoring it through books wasn't working. Despite the dilemma she merely packed her stuff back into her bag and exited the library as fast as she could. She didn't even stop to check if there was a book she might like to loan out for any homework she had for the weekend -- which was something she did almost every time she came to the library.

What followed was three more hours worth of classes that Spencer wasn't even trying to bring herself to pay attention to. Fortunately for her she had been one of the quietest and most inconsequential of all students at Alderson High. That meant that she didn't bother a lot of people and not a whole lot of people bothered her. She could go through some classes without being noticed at all -- she kept to herself that much. If Spencer hadn't been so distracted with everything else then she would have been grateful for that, because it meant that she could go through the rest of her classes without anybody else bugging her about not paying attention.

Not all the teachers at Alderson High were as doggedly perceptive as Mrs. Swirlin, it seemed.

When the final bell rang Spencer squirmed internally. Just as everyone else started to rise from their seats, pack up their gear and make tracks for the door, she swallowed and skimmed through a course of action. No one noticed that she hadn't moved from her seat except the Geography teacher, Mr. Peyton, as he put away some of his numerous sleeves of notes in his briefcase. He looked up a moment and saw her sitting silently by her desk, too confused to leave.

"Hey, Spencer," he said cheerfully. "Lesson's over!"

She blinked, just barely registering his voice. "Huh?"

"Hey, are you okay? You look a little pale, kid."

By now everyone else had left the room. With no one around Spencer stared first at Mr. Peyton then at her desk. Her notebook was blank again. But she didn't want to leave either. Leaving meant facing something she was trying so hard to avoid -- and she still wasn't completely sure why. Not only that but it was becoming clear that she wasn't hiding her anxieties very well. Mr. Peyton was the second teacher today to notice that she wasn't feeling right.

The girl shook her head, scattering the cobwebs of thought, plastered a fake smile on her face all for Mr. Peyton's benefit, and shunted her notebook and pens into her backpack. "...Um, I'm... I'm fine, sir. I should be going now..."

Before he could question her further about things she quickly exited through the door and stepped out into the corridors. At that point all the thinking that Spencer had done through the day (the thinking that in fact didn't get her anywhere) was put on the backburner. For a prolonged few minutes she simply walked', not knowing or caring where she was going. It caused her to dart between kids, exit the building through its glassy front doors, from there she stepped out into a warm late spring afternoon that the courtyard was basking in. A little extra sunlight didn't stop her from unintentionally walking out of the school precinct, around its length, then toward its rear near the streets that lay behind the fencing of the football fields. What lay there was a car park.

When Spencer finally stepped out of her oblivious trance she heard a car horn blare at her. Across tarmac and white street paint was Ashley, perched in the driver's seat of her crimson red auto. The heartbeat she hadn't realized was thumping now became all too clear just as her heavy breathing had done. Had she really led herself to their meeting place that easily? At the very last minute she thought about making some kind of excuse to get out of this. Maybe she could just tell Ashley that her Mom needed her to get home on time tonight. Maybe she could suggest something about an important assignment or something that was due in tomorrow and it had to be polished up tonight -- but Spencer quickly dispelled those thoughts. Ashley wasn't stupid, she knew that Spencer's relationship with her Mom wasn't all that great and she knew that she didn't have any big assignments to hand in -- most of them Spencer had already completed. More importantly there was no guarantee that Ashley would listen. She had this tenacious, rigid will to get whatever she wanted no matter how much anyone else insisted otherwise. It then became clear.

She couldn't get out of this.

Spencer's shoulders sagged at the thought as she and Ashley stared at each other across the car park. Despite her will to avoid this, as well as the intelligence that suggested her Ivy League destiny', she was at a loss to think up a way to get out of this thing and do so without being derailed on it. And so she impotently advanced on Ashley's car, stepping towards that widening self-assured grin, declaring without doubt her complacency. Ashley leaned over and opened up the passenger side door, patting the seat's leather upholstery as though it were some kind of welcoming mat.

"Have a seat." Ashley spoke.

Spencer nervously sat down, not willing to make eye contact with her, and shut the door. Ashley kept both hands on the inert wheel and grinned brightly, devouring every inch of Spencer's body with her eyes. She was such a pretty specimen. Though she was a year away from college she certainly didn't look it. Spencer looked more like a fifteen-year-old; she appeared so young for her age. You honestly couldn't blame anyone for thinking that she'd just crept out of junior high because the way she looked so often whispered it -- her baby-soft, lightly freckled cheeks, so prone to the blush; her relatively diminutive height, her tiny and oh so adorable breasts, her thin arms and legs, the innocence' in her eyes -- they all contributed to her adolescent prettiness, a prettiness she was quite oblivious to. Had Spencer sported a different personality Ashley was sure that the guys at this school wouldn't have left her alone. Fortunately she was so unassuming that no one had noticed her... with the exception of Ashley.

"You look so pretty today, Spencer..." Ashley whispered.

The smaller girl blushed, staring at her shoes.

"Well?" She prodded. "Aren't you gonna say the same about me."

Spencer's blushed deepened in a brighter hue of red. "...You always look pretty."

If you were smart enough to notice the emphasis then you'd know that wasn't exactly a compliment. But all it did was make Ashley smile more. Spencer could have an edge to her but unfortunately she didn't show that side often. Yet simply knowing it was there and knowing that she was the only one who knew of it endeared Ashley toward Spencer all the more. The brunette shifted a little on her seat and wrapped her arm around the headrest of Spencer's, moving closer to her. Finally Spencer looked up. When their eyes connected for that moment, a fragile sapphire pair trapped by carnivorous brown ones, she realized that Ashley was leaning in to kiss her. Spencer quickly pressed her palms up against Ashley's shoulders, stopping her.

"Don't..." The frail blonde pleaded. "...You said we would just talk..."

"...Sorry. It's just, sometimes I see you and it's like... I can't control myself..." Ashley exhaled. "You know what, forget it. Lets go."

Ashley's right hand returned to the key in the ignition,twisting it and bringing the engine to roaring life, the two of them fell into a silence. Ashley pulled up out of the car park and drove off down one of the side streets that eventually cut into the expanse of the overwhelming city known as Los Angeles. Spencer eventually stared out of the window and watched West Hollywood pass her by. Endless palm trees, endless sidewalks, endless people, endless shops, endless homes, endless everything. Other things always seemed dull when she was around Ashley. Spencer never knew why she felt that way but she did. Yet as she was staring out through the window at the clustered monotony she gleamed, she noted something she didn't know.

"Where are we going?" Spencer asked expectantly.

"A little place. Nice and quiet."

Wasn't much to go by but Spencer didn't argue. She returned to staring out the window and Ashley returned to her driving. Eventually the two of the drove out of the area and turned into a side street near a dog-walking park. Ashley drove around it and ended up pulling into an old abandoned lot behind the park. It was empty, it's fencing covered over with reeds and cracks forming across the expanse of its stone flooring. Not many cars drove by here apparently. The only real signs of life were the loud dogs barking in the background of the park woodland. Ashley parked the car up in the corner of this abandoned lot and shut off the engine.

"Is this the place?"

Ashley smiled at her again. "We don't have to worry about anybody else out here. And you wanted to talk right? So talk."

All of a sudden Spencer felt like she was being put on the spot. She didn't speak well when she was on the spot. She looked up and stared at Ashley trying see if she really wanted to hear what she had to say -- and from the looks of things she did. She then cast her eyes away and pondered what she did want to say. After resolving herself on the words and the motivation behind them, she whispered nervously, "I... I don't think we should see each other anymore..."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Not this shit again."

"...It's... not a good time for me right now," Spencer struggled to defend her stance. "...I've got a lot of work, I-I-I've got to think about my parents, and... I just... I don't want to be..."

"Oh don't feed me that crap," Suddenly her voice was rising. Spencer shrunk as Ashley piped up. "What are you so damn scared of? We've already had sex and it was great. I know you liked it Spencer I was there. So what the hell is your problem now?"

Spencer winced. "I... I don't know. Please don't... shout at me."

"Look, I'm not getting angry, I just..." She paused with a frustrated sigh, calmed herself by running a hand through her jet-black hair, and then grabbed the handle of the right car door. "Get out of the car."

"What?"

Ashley's voice went terse as she opened the door her side. "I said get outta the car."

She said she wasn't angry but that didn't sound to be the case. So Spencer quickly did as she was told and opened up the pasanger door. By the time she got out Ashley was standing at the rear left car door with a hand on the roof. With a nod she gestured to the parallel door.

"Get inside." She commanded.

Again Spencer merely did what was asked of her by opening the door, getting inside, and sitting down. Ashley then walked around the back of the car and entered. Spencer was at a loss to understand what was going on but that proved to be only a brief moment of confusion. The next thing she knew she was being pushed down over the backseats with Ashley's mouth smothering her own. Spencer's reflexive gasps dissolved into their forceful kiss, with Ashley grasping by the wrists and pushing them both up above her head. Ashley's actions were quick and smooth; with ease she slid up and mounted Spencer over her upper thighs. Spencer, so overpowered by what was happening, whimpered in response. But a few moments to absorb it all and she was alarmed. Her eyes shot open and she tore her lips from Ashley's. The two women parted and took in breaths, chests heaving, cheeks flushed. Spencer looked up into Ashley's eyes with a pleading expression that asked her, that begged her, that pleaded with her, not to take this any further. The plea was as ineffective as it was wordless.

The brunette on top of her grabbed both of Spencer's tiny wrists with a single hand while the other one started roughly popping open the buttons of her blouse, one-by-one.

Spencer quickly found her voice. "Don't...! I-I said I didn't want to do this...!"

Without a word spoken in reply, Ashley popped open the last button and opened the white cotton of the blouse. She then tore off the small-cupped lace bra that lay beneath and brought Spencer's petite breasts into the open. The blonde girl shut her eyes at this nakedness, squirming, but unable to free herself. Ashley on the other hand stared intently at the rising and falling of Spencer's tiny breasts as they moved in tandem with her breathing. Both girls noticed how their tiny pink nipples had swollen into rigidity. The significance of it was that, to them both, it was a statement. The only difference being that Ashley saw it for what she felt it was -- a victory. For Spencer the reverse was true.

Ashley smiled again, this time warmly and without arrogance, and dropped tiny butterfly kisses across Spencer's quivering jaw and rosy cheeks.

"I know you like this, Spencer..." Ashley dropped a soft kiss to her chin. "I know I make you hot..." then she kissed her way down the flesh of Spencer's bobbing throat. "Don't be scared, baby..." Ashley's ministrations led her down to the junction between Spencer's tiny breasts.

She extended her tongue and licked her way down it. Spencer quivered. "Oh God, you're so pretty..."

Spencer bit down on her lip. As much as she wanted Ashley to stop, as much as she wanted to go home, her body couldn't shake the small but powerful twinges of pleasure it was experiencing. Ashley's lips were so soft and tender, and that tenderness played so well on her sensitive ivory skin. The resistance she wanted to maintain, her will to not want to do this, no matter what its origins, fell to the wayside at this point in time. Her body loosened (so much that Ashley noticed it and released her wrists) and her frightened gasps turned into longing ones of pleasure. Ashley grinned to herself at Spencer's overcoming arousal and slowly pulled down her skirt while her tongue danced in circles around her flat stomach. She pulled it all the way down to the smaller girl's knees then hooked her thumbs underneath the band of Spencer's panties. They came down in a swift yank, eliciting a tremble of surprise. It was at that moment that Ashley saw what she was looking for; the unfurled flesh of Spencer's womanhood. Its gorgeous pink lips were sparkling with wetness. A grin overtook Ashley's face again, this time an arrogant one, whilst dragging the tips of her index and middle fingers up the younger girl's hot and moist vulva.

There was a pause.

And then Ashley slid her arm under Spencer's neck, pulled back her other hand slightly, and then thrust her two fingers straight into Spencer's sodden vagina. The blonde girl cried out. Her back arched instantly while her hand gripped one of the seatbelts unconsciously. Those bright blue eyes of hers bugged out the very second that she felt Ashley's fingers plying into her wet folds. Ashley watched her nubile lover quiver again before pulling her fingers out to the first joint, then back in. Then in and then out again, transforming it into a repetitive series of deep thrusts, all the while her actions picking up speed. Spencer's face contorted and she heaved heavily back and forth, her body both moved by and matching Ashley's fucking of her. The strokes became ever faster as Spencer's sopping hole grew wetter and wetter. Before long the two were moving in sync, with Spencer moaning paralyzed beneath her older lover.

Ashley watched her bob up and down to her thrusts, heard her desperate moans filling the back, and smelt the distinctive smell of sheer female arousal wafting in the air. She lost all sense of herself when she wanted to fuck Spencer. Now was no different. She suddenly dipped her hand toward Spencer's chest and bit down on her stiff pink nub. The younger one moaned aloud again, reaching with both hands to Ashley's back and clawing at it, until minutes past when the pooling urge' inside her was threatening to overflow. And then it came. Spencer dissolved into a mass of quivers and sobbing when the rocking force of her orgasm surged through her. Her grip around Ashley tightened and her erratic breath slowed down into a gasping trawl. Her trembling body slowly returned to calm after-warmth and breathing pace. And with that, Ashley withdrew her fingers from the hot, wet, clamping folds of Spencer's vagina.

Spencer bit her lip and opened her eyes a few moments later. Ashley pulled up and stroked at her blonde locks, staring down at her possessively. A few words escaped her mouth thereafter, "...I love fucking you..."

And although still basking in the warmth of her orgasm, Spencer looked decidedly uncomfortable.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The drive back from the abandoned lot, at which Ashley had parked and had fucked Spencer silly, was quiet. There was no real contention as to why. Spencer sat in the passenger side with her eyes fixed firmly out of the window, watching the streets of Los Angeles pass her by without really paying attention to them. Ashley knew better than to press her into speaking. That wasn't her bag. Truth be told, it gave the older girl a few moments to pull herself together as well. Just being less than a meter from Spencer, knowing that she was the only one able to touch her in a sexual way, made Ashley horny. As she drove into one of the suburban roads of West Hollywood to take her home, she couldn't help but steal a few quick peeks at the blonde girl's nubile little body. Even now, Ashley felt herself dampening between her hips to the memory of what they had done no more than eleven minutes earlier. And at this time the only thing keeping her restrained was the driving.

Spencer, absent and unaware of that fact, continued to stare at the moving landscape. For her right now there was only an urge to get home and get cleaned up. Her panties were so wet from Ashley's handling of her that they actually felt a little chilly on her. Not only that but in Ashley's haste to pull open her blouse one of the buttons had popped off. She couldn't go home on a bus looking like this. She didn't want to. But really the way Ashley had mussed up her clothes wasn't the key issue on Spencer's mind.

An entire day of her life had been wasted -- deliberating over an issue that in the end she screwed up -- and she did that by sleeping with the girl she told herself she wouldn't sleep with again (even if every waking moment her errant thoughts were devoted to the memory of their first time together). The only real bonus of it all beyond her orgasm was her understanding of WHY she didn't want to sleep with Ashley again. They just didn't have the same tempo. Ashley had this unbelievable habit of pushing her into sex. The same thing happened when they first slept together last week. Spencer tried to be as confident and as insistent as she could, tried to stress that she didn't want to have sex, and yet Ashley would find a way to just herd her into doing it. As great as she felt when she climaxed... she had also felt quite vulnerable. She didn't like that.

Fortunately Spencer came to that conclusion just as the car pulled up in the gravel driveway of her sizeable three-floor home. It was one of the many homely yet imposing houses that lined her street -- all of them sealed off with painted pearl picket fences, 50's style letterboxes, weathervanes and rich double-glazing. It was your typical white suburbia, a honey-laden nest for the good and golden WASPS that had deemed themselves Los Angeles' conscience'. Even the normally overconfident Ashley Davies wasn't comfortable here. As much as she hated the stifling nature of this place, Spencer was thankful that it could at least be seen as something of her own that had the power to knock the wind out of her admirer's sails.

When the chugging engine was shut off, Spencer quickly unbuckled herself from the seat and reached for the door. But she paused when Ashley's hand clasped her shoulder to stop her. Reflexively she tightened up. Just like in the library, just like fifteen minutes ago in the old car lot.

"Y-yes...?" She said meekly.

"I wanna see you again, tomorrow night, maybe?"

They had never seen each other at night before. In fact they saw very little of each other in the day. And it was a school night too. Since Spencer had nothing in the way of a social life, it would strike her parents as odd if she asked them if she could go out. But there was enough of the American teenager in Spencer to not want Ashley to know that her parents wouldn't approve... so she wasn't about to admit that.

"I... I don't know about that..." The young teen wracked her brain for a justification. "...I mean... I have a class afterschool tomorrow and everything..."

Ashley frowned at her. "Blow it off."

"...I can't do that..."

"Spencer, I thought we were done with this shit. Don't push me around."

Though there was a reactionary defensiveness welling up inside her, just from that alone, a more pensive Spencer suppressed it. "...I'm not, I _do_ have a class... Western Philosophy... I was studying for it this afternoon?"

The frown didn't fade and the grip she had on Spencer's shoulder didn't ease. In fact it got tighter. Ashley peered into the smaller girl's eyes with possessive desperation, searching her out. Some people had the power to interrogate you just by looking at you. That ability resided within Miss Davies as well as any other. Spencer clammed up. It felt like being stripped naked with the invisible and psychic hands of the ocular.

She'd say anything to get that stare off of her. "...I'll see what I can do, o-okay?"

"...Okay," The more familiar grin replaced the less welcome probing frown. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

Spencer gave her a weak nod and fumbled to unlock the door. When it swung open and she tried to get out, she felt another hand reach up, grab her by the wrist, and pull her back into the car. Ashley held her back and beamed, lustily. "Hey. Where's my goodbye' kiss?"

Spencer balked at the idea. "We're in front of my house...! My parents are probably home!"

"So?"

"Ashley, I can't..."

As usual she didn't heed it. Ashley abruptly pulled Spencer in and made the decision for her, compressing their lips together in full view of the front windows of the Carlin Household. Spencer whimpered in protest and pulled free with a gasp. She stared disbelievingly at Ashley's smiling indifference, not even believing for a moment that Ashley would actually _do_ that in front of her house (even if they were in a car). Apparently she would. Without a word she wiped the smeared lip-gloss from her lips and got out of the car, before anything else could happen. She hurried to the door and got out her keys just when the car engine came alive again behind her. When she unlocked the door and got inside Ashley was already pulling out of the driveway. She slammed the door behind her and exhaled. There was so much shit floating around in her head. She only hoped for the life of her that her parent's hadn't been near the windows of the lounge.

She had to check. Spencer caught her breath and strode across the pale brown carpeting of the corridor, taking a brief glance at the mail retainer hanging off the wall. There were no letters for her. She turned and walked into the living room afterward and saw her mother and father waiting leisurely in there. Her Mom, Paula Carlin, sat in one of the comfortable brown leather lounge chairs in a corner of the room. Reading glasses were mounted on her lightly freckled nose as she read a novel privately. Her Dad, Arthur Carlin, has his own nose buried in today's edition of the _Los Angeles Times_. Like usual (when he had time off from work) he had his slippered feet up on his recliner and a shot glass of brandy on the coffee table next to him. They glanced up simultaneously when Spencer came in.

"Spencer honey," Paula spoke. "Welcome home. You're a bit late today."

She glanced at the antique grandfather clock in the upper left corner of the lounge. It was 3:54. She normally got home a little earlier than that. "I'm sorry, Mom."

"What kept you?" Arthur declared, his head ducking back behind his paper.

Ashley happened. But she couldn't tell her parents about that. Not only did they not know about Ashley but also they didn't know about her sexuality. And in retrospect Spencer couldn't say that she had any plans to tell them. She didn't expect outright hostility from the idea -- she had a feeling that they would try to be supportive', but in their own twisted way, like by sending her to some kind of de-gay camp or by setting her up with some neighbor's prudish and equally bourgeois son. So though Spencer didn't want to lie to them she had no choice.

"Um," Thinking fast never _came_ fast to her in these situations. "...Mr. Stephens asked me to help him out afterschool. It was for my...Western Philosophy class. He's... pretty meticulous."

"Ah. That's that colored fellow, right?"

Spencer grimaced. "...Yes."

"Humph," Arthur paused a moment to sip from his glass of brandy. "If only there were more Negroes in this country willing to accomplish something. But I suppose miracles happen every now and again."

His daughter held a hand to her face and sighed. It was so typical of Arthur to say something of the sort. Within the façade of their family's liberalism was a heartbeat that pumped with synchronization to that of conservatism. If he wasn't positing blacks as no-hoper criminals, he was dubbing all Hispanics as cheap migrant labor', all far eastern Asians as economic leeches and all middle-eastern Asians as potential terrorist threats. Paula didn't share the sentiments but didn't do much to dissuade him from them either. It was just one more of those things constantly grating on Spencer's willpower. It made her feel guilty she namedropped a pretty decent teacher in her track-covering lies. All of a sudden she wasn't prepared to entertain any of it -- so she turned on her heels and headed out the lounge. Paula yelled after her "Supper will be ready in half-an-hour!" and Spencer yelled back, "Okay Mom!" as she climbed the stairs. She went straight to her room, closed the door behind her, shrugged off her backpack and literally collapsed into lavish purple fabric of her duvet.

She exhaled a healing breath. It felt like for the first time today she had some time to herself. It was short-lived because her little companion, her pet kitten, affectionately called Koenig'. She meowed briefly underneath the dark security of her bed and stuck her little head out, hearing Spencer's return. The ginger-furred kitten pounced up onto the bed and stepped onto her owner's back, purring warmly.

Spencer smiled at the feeling. "Koenig... you're tickling me."

The cute strawberry-blonde kitten trod in circles around her back with tiny steps but didn't settle there. So it hopped off of her and nuzzled herself against Spencer's cheek. The young owner giggled and nuzzled Koenig back. The kitten settled into a series of calm purrs and Spencer played with her all the while, stroking under her chin and behind her ears. It bought her a few moments of peace. But somewhere in the following few minutes Spencer started thinking about her situation again.

She exhaled. "It just feels like everything's ganging up on me today, Koenig. I can't concentrate in class, my Mom and Dad are driving me crazy, and most of all, this thing with Ashley. I'm attracted to her, I really am, but... why does she always have to push me into things? She won't let me go at my own pace... is that really the kind of person I want to be with? I mean... we're not really _together_ now, but... every time she looks at me... I just melt. And I hate feeling like that. But then when I try and distance myself from her she gets angry with me... and I hate that too. I'm just so confused right now, Koenig. I wish I knew what to do..."

Too bad that little kitten couldn't talk. He was a good listener. And since the adorable Koenig was the closest thing she had to a friend in the real' world, which was as good as she was going to get. Spencer heaved a sigh and rolled off of her bed, disturbing Koenig. She had to get changed. So she peeled out of the blouse-missing-a-button, her pea green skirt, as well as her drying-yet-still-cold-from-vaginal-wetness white panties. She redressed in some relaxed indoor wear consisting of a loose eggshell brown pair of summer shorts and a plain white tee shirt. Onto her feet she slipped on her green-strap thong sandals. And once dressed she sat down on the revolving chair by her desk and switched on her computer. She had no life in the real' world but in cyberspace... there was a sad, anonymous freedom at her hands. Anonymity gave her the courage to say things that she just couldn't with a physical profile (shades of the Nietzschean Last Man'). The first thing she did after logging on was going online and checking her hotmail account. Seven unread e-mail messages were waiting for her -- usual stuff. Two from some of her contacts, three review notifications from the websites at which she posted her poetry, a special offer e-mail from (25 off all classical albums) and the last one was a confirmation of her membership to a historical journal she had been eyeing a week or so ago. Just as Spencer clicked on the first of those e-mails to reply to, a tiny AIM window popped up.

It read...

**peachlilies**: hiya!

peachlilies' was, or at least claimed to be, a nineteen-year-old biracial student studying anthropology in a South African university. They had met online a year ago when they were both posting their poetry on for others to read. Spencer had read one of hers, loved it, e-mailed her about it and soon they became fast friends. They were both lesbians and they often exchanged e-mails or spoke with each other with AOL instant messenger about their lives. Spencer of course didn't tell her everything, especially not about Ashley, but of all the Internet contacts she had, peachlillies was the closest. Speedy fingers started tapping over her keyboard to reply.

_Sophrosyne_: Hi. How's it going over in SA?

**peachlilies**: side from the crime it's pretty cool LOL. What about you?

_Sophrosyne_: Not great to be honest with you :(

There was a slightly longer pause than normal between replies.

**peachlilies**: girl trouble?

_Sophrosyne_: Yeah.

**peachlilies**: i should have known. is she hot?

_Sophrosyne_: What does that have to do with anything?

**peachlilies**: i just wanna know!

_Sophrosyne_: Yes. She is pretty hot.

**peachlilies**: yeah?

_Sophrosyne_: I guess.

**peachlilies**: you guess? what kind of answer is that?

Spencer giggled a little at that.

_Sophrosyne_: This is the stupidest conversation we've ever had!

**peachlilies**: maybe. but I bet it put a smile on your face though, right?

That caused Spencer to blink in surprise. She was right. She had been smiling at that. It was nice to have someone to talk to. It made her long to have a friend in the real world', someone just like peach lilies, who she could talk to about the Ashley situation. It was those thoughts of hers that stopped her from looking out of the desk-side window and noticing the moving van parking up at the curb of a sold' house. There was a car behind it. When its doors opened two people, a middle-aged couple, came out. They were followed out by a young woman -- their daughter.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Thursday morning.

The alarm clock by her bedside table sounded off like a marine. The loudness awakened Spencer instantaneously, her head suddenly jerking up from her lavender pillow, whipping her matted blonde hair about her face and shoulders. It took even less time to note the beams of light piercing through the gaps between her curtains. It definitely _was_ morning. Spencer yawned a moment and sighed. It was nearly 8:00 according to her alarm clock. And it came as a surprise because normally she'd wake up a lot earlier than this. Spencer Carlin was something of a night owl. Normally she woke up at about 3:15 AM, usually for no other reason than to crash the net and do anything she needed to, be it replying to any unanswered e-mails, checking up on her favorite forums and blogs, or posting reviews of any stories she had read at over the weekend. So because of that it was a surprise to her that she'd woken up so late. She was a light-sleeper and didn't get more than five hours at best, regularly. She could only think that to be indicative of stress she had been under thus far; yet another unwelcome gift from Ashley.

The dark-blonde yawned again and crawled out of bed in her pajamas, an electric pink with little red loved hearts dotted across its fabric randomly. As she awoke, Koenig came up from her usual hiding place under Spencer's bed and rubbed her little head into her ankle.

"Good morning, Koenig," Spencer whispered, stroking her kitten under the chin.

After playing with her for a few seconds, Spencer left her bedroom and went into the bathroom. She started off with her normal morning routine, first by undressing and then by catching herself a quick hot shower. When she came out of the plastic curtains of her shower compartment, fogged up by the steam, she cleansed her pale skin with a little baby oil and re-dressed in her pajamas to placidly brush her teeth. Thirty minutes or so later on the bathroom door opened and Spencer emerged feeling somewhat refreshed. She returned to her room and ignored the computer for now; anything she didn't do this morning would have to wait until she got back from school. What followed was her packing books she needed for class today, her wallet, as well as her cell and then turned to choosing what clothes to wear. Spencer was no fashion horse. It was a quick decision -- stonewash jeans shorts, a plain white tee, and some shoes. If her family was lacking in anything it certainly wasn't money, so buying designer was in no way a stretch for her, but for the most part Spencer couldn't fathom spending more money on something that was only marginally more functional than your average retail brand. She had a habit of being reasonably pragmatic.

Spencer put her clothes on, gave Koenig a goodbye stroke, then grabbed her bag and headed for the door. She went downstairs where Arthur and Paula were already awake. The Carlin patriarch sat in the mahogany dining room table with a croissant in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. The Carlin matriarch on the other hand was in the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of orange juice. They were both dressed for work and as usual they kept to themselves in the morning. They didn't see each other much. It had a lot to do with their jobs – Arthur was the chief of medicine at a local hospital and Paula was a legal partner in a law firm downtown. Because of Arthur's shifts and Paula's casework, the two hardly ever saw each other. One of the few exceptions had been yesterday. They both had the day off and at the same time no less, a rarity. Spencer couldn't help but note that they wasted that time doing things together that they easily could have done (and almost always did) alone.

Instead of continuing to review and analyze the clearly weakened foundation of her parent's marriage, Spencer went into the kitchen and poured herself a cup from the coffee maker, greeting her Mom softy. "Good morning, Mom."

"Morning, Honey." Paula said in a yawn. "You're up late today, aren't you?"

Comments like that made Spencer wonder how mundane and systematic her life was. The slightest deviation from her normal pattern of behavior and her parents were all over it. "Uh, yeah... I don't know, I guess I was just tuckered out yesterday. I feel fine now though."

"Are you sure? You look a little pale, even for you."

"I'm fine, Mom." The lies were never-ending. "Um, listen Mom... could you do me a favor? Could you feed Koenig for me? I'm running a little late and I just don't have the time to do it myself."

Paula sighed. "...Okay. Just make sure you're not late for school."

She thanked her mom then took her cup of coffee to the dining room table where her father was seated. They gave each other the normal, casual, indifferent greeting they always did and sat down in silence. She wasn't as close with her father as she was with her mother. There didn't seem to be any real reason for it other than the fact that they had so little in common. Spencer tried to finish her coffee as quickly as she could without burning herself so as not to prolong the time with Arthur. When she was done she set the cup down and stood up again.

"I better go now." She checked her watch. "It's almost 8:40."

Arthur glanced at her. "Before you go, I should tell you. You're mother and I will be attending a wine party tonight -- a kind of promotional event for her firm's recent merger with _O'Caplen & Wintermire_. We'll be out the whole night so, we probably won't see you until tomorrow morning."

Spencer winced. Now she had no excuse for avoiding Ashley tonight. "Okay, Dad."

"If you get hungry, your Mother left you a chicken casserole in the refrigerator. And don't stay up late."

"I won't, Dad," She gave him a goodbye kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow morning then."

He nodded. "Bye bye, Sweetheart."

Before she got any later than she already was, she headed for the corridor. Her mom was just coming down the stairs with Koenig in hand by the time. Spencer said a quick goodbye to her and then left, shutting the door behind her. A surprise was waiting for her on the curb though. She was about to walk down to the bus stop to go but saw the polished black finish of Ashley's car parked up at the sidewalk.

Spencer, in her disbelief, jogged down to the curb and balked. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Where's my hello' kiss?" Ashley quipped with a grin.

The blonde looked from one side to the other to make sure that they weren't being listened in on or being overheard. Neither was happening apparently. And since she knew her parents weren't at the window that gave her license to speak more. "Ashley, you can't come here...!"

"Oh no?" the brunette leaned back on the hood of her car. "I just wanted to give you a ride to school is all."

"Look, that's... that's really nice of you, but you're-you're making this _awkward_..."

Ashley's grin widened. "Oh I bet I am. Wouldn't that just be the biggest kick in the teeth for those snobby, buttoned-down, George W. Bush-loving, suburbanite parents of yours? I can see it now. News flash, homosexuals! You're goddamned daughter's a goddamned dyke'."

When Ashley got like this Spencer just couldn't read her. She seemed angry about something and yet she appeared as equally cheerful as that. It was then that Spencer paid close attention to Ashley's face. She was wearing shades today. But at the edge of her lower right eye she saw something. It was the purple swelling of a bruise. Spencer dropped her fear of the sarcastic outing' that Ashley was talking about and reached out to her, softly touching her upper cheek. Ashley's smile fell. She shut her eyes at the feeling. Spencer always had such a gentle touch.

"What happened?" Spencer asked with notable concern.

Ashley pulled the sunglasses off her face and revealed the extent of the bruise under her eye. "It's nothing. I probably sleepwalked into a door or something."

Spencer just stared at her.

"I said it's nothing, okay?" Ashley fitted the shades back onto her eyes. "Now am I taking you to school or what?"

"...Alright."

Ashley walked around to the driver's side and hopped in just as Spencer did the same through the passenger's side door. The car peeled off just a few moments afterward and drove out from Spencer's street and off toward school. The drive wasn't long, no more than fifteen minutes. With the passing of that time they reached Alderson High School. The car drove up one of the side streets that led cars around the back of the campus and into its car park. Ashley turned at the wheel in search of a parking space, and found one of two spaces down from the far left corner. She reversed into the space and locked off her car, turning to Spencer with a smile.

"We're here."

"Yeah. Thanks for taking me," she reached for the door. "I should go."

Ashley's smile fell a little. "Wait a minute."

"Yes?"

"What about tonight? Is everything okay for it? Can you come see me?"

For the brief few seconds she was given to answer Spencer pondered what her response to that should be. She couldn't lie very well but she didn't want to complicate things any further by suggesting that the two of them were heading somewhere. For the most part Spencer still wasn't sure if Ashley was what she wanted -- especially considering how she'd been acting. But there was no good excuse. She could come. That wasn't an issue now that her parents were going out for the night. Spencer just wasn't sure if she _wanted_ to. Eventually the struggle led her to her inability to discover a solution. So she tried to do the next best thing -- stall.

"...Maybe w-we should do this... you know, next week or something?"

"Why?"

"...Why?"

Ashley shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, why wait? I don't wanna just be sneaking around in cars trying to do this. I want us both to be comfortable, you know? So what's the deal? Is there like, something up at home that you can't come today or what?"

"Well, it's not like that..."

"So it's _them_, huh?" A sigh left Ashley as she leaned back in her seat. "You know, I don't get why you always bend over backwards for those two."

Spencer frowned. "They're my parents..."

Ashley took a long and deep glance out of her side window. "...Parents are overrated," she commented.

"...Ashley... it's just not a good time right now."

She glowered. "Oh bullshit. You're bailing on me. So what's the problem now, huh? Did they see me yesterday? What'd they say? Did they tell you to stay away from me? Don't want me corrupting their precious daughter, huh?"

"W-will you stop talking about my parents?" Spencer plead. "It's not even about them, t-they won't even be home tonight...!"

It didn't occur to Spencer that she'd dropped the ball until she witnessed the grin on Ashley's face return and widen. After that she realized that she'd just blurted out the absence of her parent's for the night. That also meant losing the last real excuse she had for not wanting to be with Ashley tonight -- at least in _her_ books. Spencer nervously leaned forward and tugged a strand of her blonde hair back behind her ear, pensively glancing ahead of her. After that admission she didn't dare look at that gloating grin of Ashley's.

"So the WASP-patrol is off duty tonight, yeah?" Probed Ashley.

There was no point in hiding anything now. "...There's a wine party at my Mom's law firm tonight. She and Dad are going together. They won't be back until the early morning, my Dad said."

"Good. Then that means we have the house to ourselves."

Spencer's body and will visibly deflated. But she knew there was no point in saying anything to try and dissuade Ashley. She always got what she wanted. Instead she just had to get out of car and get some air. She tried to do that, but then just like yesterday, Ashley restrained her by the wrist.

"...Ashley, class starts soon... we have to go..." She mumbled.

The brunette smirked. "Where's my goodbye kiss?"

Spencer heaved a sigh before leaning over the stick shift and giving the eager lips of her lover a gentle butterfly kiss. The smack was so audible in that confined space. Spencer pulled back, only to have Ashley reach out and cup her cheek. It wasn't a tender touch despite the lace-softness of Ashley's hands. It was that possessive touch that the older girl was so good at. Spencer bit her lip for a moment; suppressing whatever lust she felt bubbling up inside her again. She turned to leave. But _again_ Ashley held her back.

"I didn't get a hello' kiss this morning, either," She stated matter-of-factly.

Spencer blinked with disbelief. Was she serious? Apparently so -- and so Spencer exhaled and leaned over the stick shift once more. Only this time Ashley reached up, held Spencer's cheeks with both strong hands, and passionately brought their lips together. Their more rigorous kiss stifled Spencer's surprised gasps, rendering her powerless, as Ashley's kisses always did. The smaller one melted in that moment, so startled and so overwhelmed, as Ashley moved hungrily against her lips. Spencer's hands remained caught between the two of them, sandwiched between her small breasts and Ashley's much larger ones. And as Ashley kissed her like that, head tilted to one side, her restrain dissolved. That was until Ashley slid one of her hands down her flushed red cheeks, along the length of her neck, then down the outline of her tiny right breast. Spencer tensed. Then a lustful Ashley, so drunk on her Spencer, slipped that hand underneath her white tee shirt and cupped the mound. Alarmed, Spencer quickly disengaged from their kiss.

"Ashley, don't!" She quipped in gasps, leaning back.

The older girl drew in breaths with a lazy grin, her own tanned cheeks rosy. "Yeah. We can save all that for tonight. Meet me back here after your Western Philosophy afterschool class, okay? Don't be late."

"I won't. I'll... see you later."

This time Spencer was allowed' to go without restraint. She opened the door, swung her backpack onto her back, and shut the door. She didn't look back as she marched from the car park out into the side streets and back around to the front gates of Alderson High. The morning bell rang on her way there. Spencer sped up and strode past all the other chattering kids funneling into the arch door of the main building. The first thing she did was go to her locker and put away some of the books she didn't need until later on in the day. She took them out of her bag, slotted them into her locker, then slammed it shut and turned to leave.

The very second she did she knocked face-to-face into someone else.

Both girls gasped and reeled back, eliciting a few sniggers from the passers-by, and causing Spencer to drop her bag to the floor. Her eyes shut reflexively; in front of her she heard the girl snipe son of a motherfucker!' under her breath. Spencer opened her eyes and quickly apologized, "Oh God, I'm so sorry!" before catching an actual look at the woman she was talking to. The girl was gorgeous. She was roughly the same height as Spencer, perhaps a few centimeters taller, with an equally petite yet much fuller' body and profile. Her hair hung around her forehead, shoulder and upper back in long wavy locks of natural cinnamon brown, accentuating the slight tan on her creamy white skin. Her eyes were the most fascinating color of green; they were like dazzling emerald gemstones. Add to that her cute, lightly freckled button-nose, luscious cerise lips and long curling eyelashes, the girl was a sight to behold. The angry snarl on her face did nothing to take away from her beauty.

Spencer bit her lip and looked away, blushing.

The girl (who had been holding her head in pain up until now) peered at her. "Jeez, could you watch where you're going a little? God, I hate California already!"

"I'm so sorry, I... I should have been more careful..."

"Yeah, you should've," The unknown girl petted her heavy dark-ginger bangs back into place. "But you're forgiven if you can tell me where Mr. Peterson's English class is?"

Spencer smiled a bit. "That's my next class. I-I could show you there if you'd like?"

"Lead the way," she replied.

The blushing blonde turned to do just that, before the still nameless girl said, "Hey, wait a minute."

"What's wrong?"

She pointed at Spencer's bag, still on the floor. "Isn't that yours?"

"Oh...!" And now she felt like the world's biggest dork. "Oh right, yes, that's... that's mine..."

Spencer grabbed her bag and gestured for this woman to follow her. The two girls walked through the crowds of the corridor, up one of the conjoined (and quieter) stairwells, then into the corridor of the second floor and along all the doors of its lengthy right wall until they came to door no. 230. Spencer told the woman this is the place' and in reply she patted Spencer on the shoulder with a nonchalant thanks'. They both went inside. The English hadn't started yet but most kids were seated. Spencer darted off to her normal seat in the bottom right corner, while the girl she'd helped parked herself somewhere in the middle-left. When Spencer sat down she got her stuff out -- but privately stole glances of that girl she'd run into. She was so pretty. Already some of the boys in the class started throwing glances her way, though she remained largely indifferent. Then the English teacher, Mr. Peterson, walked in through the door and all the other kids started piping down.

Mr. Peterson plopped his briefcase down on the pine wood desk in front of the whiteboard (still scribbled over with the notes of other teachers) and took off his glasses to greet the class. "Morning everyone. Before I get down to the subject of your screenplay assignments... I want to introduce a new student to our class... uh, Nicole Milligan?"

The girl Spencer bumped into, the one with the golden brown hair, raised her hand briefly. "Right here."

"Yes," Mr. Peterson continued. "This is her first day here. I'd like you all to make her feel welcome. Now, moving along, I hope that you all have..."

As their English teacher started to drag on about the assignments that were due in today, Spencer smiled privately and observed the stunning girl known as Nicole. She spent the rest of the class staring at her. And for the first time in a week... she wasn't thinking about Ashley.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

By the end of her English class Spencer couldn't have been more curious about Nicole. The beautiful chestnut-haired teen sat and observed Mr. Peterson's lecture as though she had been attending them for months, ignoring the large number of stares she was getting from all the boys in the class -- and there were many; Danny Ellis (football jock), Michael Lewis Carter (basketball jock), Alexander Smythe (computer geek), Daley Fiorentino (student council representative), etc. It would have been impossible to ignore all of that attention but Nicole seemed to be doing just that, or at least feigning it, and doing quite well. When she even answered a few questions correctly Spencer felt impressed by her. Nicole was probably as intelligent as she was pretty (which was a lot). However Spencer tried not to be too conspicuous by watching her like that periodically updated her notes for the class. And when the bell rang, signaling the end of the first period, she was startled to see that she had actually gotten some work done. As everyone else started standing up and mobilizing for the door Spencer began to pack up her stuff, putting away her text book, notebook and pencil case. Once zipped up she looked over in Nicole's direction.

_Already_ she had a crowd of guys around her.

She stood by her desk in the center of a ring of testosterone. The supplicants of which asked her trivial questions that they clearly didn't care about, like where she was from, how old she was, what classes she was in, etc. The only question Spencer overheard that probably did matter to those guys was if she had any brothers or not. Nothing killed a boy's chances with a girl faster than an overprotective brother. As such -- there was a malignant gaggle of grins from her fan club when she replied no'.

Spencer bit her lower lip. The class was emptying out. She couldn't stay here. And even if Nicole's new all-male groupies weren't there, she still wouldn't have had the courage to approach or talk to her. So she merely heaved her bag onto her back and left her desk. Before she left she looked back over her shoulder for one last glance at Nicole. Someone must have cracked a joke because she was laughing within the circle of dicks'. Spencer sighed and left Mr. Peterson's English room despondently. Her hope was that she would have another class with Nicole at some point throughout the day, but she didn't see her in Spanish, Math, or Chemistry. From that point the school day proceeded as normal. At lunch she sat alone outside on the green, this time eating a light salad with a sub-par, economy-grade Thousand Island dressing and a carton of orange juice. As time passed without seeing Nicole again Spencer's thoughts returned to what had been dominating them thus far --Ashley.

To a certain extent, she wanted to forget what might happen tonight. But with the day trudging along at a leisurely pace she eventually had to think about it. How would it even pan out? Would Ashley try and spend the night? If she did what would they do together? They hardly ever spoke about themselves to each other; thus far Ashley's sex drive had circumnavigated everything else. Before and after sex (and Spencer was sure that Ashley would find a way to get her naked before the night was out) what would they even have to say to each other? Spencer didn't really ask herself these questions until her afterschool class, Western Philosophy, was underway. Mr. Stephens was busy discussing the complexities of existentialism and the relation that figures such as Sartre and _Kierkegaard_ had to it. Spencer sat with the other ten students (unsurprisingly fellow nerds like herself) but unlike the rest of them she wasn't really listening. It was when she thought about the lack of connection' between herself and Ashley that she stumbled on more issues.

Why didn't they know more about each other? Where was this relationship' going? Would they date? _Could_ they date? Half the time Spencer felt almost frightened by Ashley's inability to listen to her and the rest of the time she was literally astounded by her self-assurance and confident demeanor. Was that a stabile or even logical foundation for a relationship? And what about Ashley? Where did _she_ see this thing going? She didn't seem like the type to really have a girlfriend, and to be perfectly honest Spencer wasn't even sure she wanted to _be_ her girlfriend. In the end she tried to assure herself that it was the moment that mattered, not the long-term. Ashley probably thought the same. But it was a thorn sticking in Spencer's flesh that hadn't been removed yet -- these thoughts weren't that easy. When she came to that conclusion Mr. Stephens was wrapping up the lesson for today, saying, "And for your homework assignments? I want you to read the first main chapter of _Being and Nothingness_ and come up with a short summary of his assertions about psychical perspective -- what holes do you think you can see in it, if any. If you have any problems over the weekend, e-mail me with your school accounts and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Okay then! You're free to go."

Light conversation peaked between some of the other kids as they all stood up from their respective desks. As usual Spencer wasn't involved. So she simply did as she did at the end of every class, packed up and got the hell out. It was nearly 5:00 and she knew that Ashley didn't like waiting too long for her. Spencer walked down one of the now empty corridors of the main building, her footsteps echoing over the flooring, now that most of the student body had headed home. She left through the frontal doors at the end of that corridor and out into the main courtyard. A quick jog around the edge of campus and she made it back to the gates of car park. She was just about to walk into it when the blonde girl noticed something in the corner of her eye.

Across the street from her was the bus stop she usually waited at for a bus to take her home. There was only one person standing there right now -- and it was Nicole. Spencer stood and watched her for a moment. The brunette had her cell phone against her ear and appeared to be in the middle of a conversation. But although she was idly twirling one of those luscious golden-brown tresses around her index finger, there was a concerned expression on her face. And after a slight pause... she stopped playing with her hair. Spencer wasn't stupid. She could tell right off the bat that Nicole had just gotten some kind of bad news. A tremble in her heart, the kind you'd get for anyone when you saw them pull a crestfallen expression like that, made her want to go over there and comfort her. And Spencer was almost about to do that, she actually felt herself take the first step, but then...

...A car horn blared.

Spencer shot around and stared into the car park. Over by the back wire wall she spotted Ashley's car. Immediately it honked its horn again. A clash of motivation ensued. Nicole, a girl she didn't even know, across the road; and Ashley, someone she knew little of but had been close to in ways she had never been with someone else. One part of her said "Nicole" and the other said "Ashley". The debate went on. Then Ashley pounded her car horn again. Spencer whimpered in frustration, unable to hold out anymore, and walked over to the car. The passenger-side door was already open for her. So she climbed inside and closed it. The moment she sat down Ashley reached over and kissed her with yet another powerful, domineering hello' kiss.

When she finally pulled her tongue out of Spencer's mouth she was incredulous. "What were you doing, standing there?"

"Uh..."

"Forget it, you're always spacing out. Let's ride."

In the seventeen minutes it took to get from Alderson High to Spencer's house (two minutes extra due to traffic) most of Spencer's constant psychological interchange was devoted to Nicole. Had it been right to leave her alone like that? It wasn't like they really knew each other or anything. Nicole didn't even know Spencer's name. But it seemed kind of wrong to leave her standing alone in the cold like that, especially after getting bad news. And since she was new here she probably didn't have very many people to talk to (she doubted that those jerks that had been sniffing around her earlier would have even cared enough to listen to Nicole's problems). It was all Spencer could think about until she heard the engine shut off. When she looked up she saw the front windows of her house up ahead. Ashley took her keys out of the ignition and got out of the car. Spencer unbuckled herself and followed the trend. While Ashley locked her car Spencer went to her front door and unlocked that. She gestured for Ashley to hurry up, mostly because she didn't want any of the neighbors to see her coming inside. People on this street had a habit of being indiscriminately nosy. If one of her Mom's friends saw any 'outsider', like Ashley, coming into the Carlin household, it was bound to get back to her parents.

Ashley strode in when her car was secured and glanced around as the door closed behind her.

She whistled with esteem. "Shit, Spencer. I knew you were loaded but _this_ is impressive. I bet the key rack on that wall costs more than my damn car."

"...We're not rich," Was all she could think of to say.

"In comparison to me you are," The older girl pulled off her jean jacket and hung it on the oak wood hanging post that stood near the stairwell. "So, where's your Dad keep the liquor?"

Spencer blinked. "W-we can't drink...! If my Dad finds a bottle missing he'll go berserk! Besides, aren't you driving?"

"Fine, fine! Don't freak out, Jesus. It's not like I came here to swill booze, anyway."

Fact is there was little in the way of disputation about what Ashley really _was_ here for. Spencer knew as well as anyone else what this was about. And if she weren't, it would become clear to her. Merely a few moments later Ashley pulled that lusty grin. And a few moments after that the smaller girl found herself pressed up against the wall of the ground floor corridor. They locked eyes -- carnal honey brown ones piercing into and entrancing shaky cerulean ones. The thumbs of Ashley's hand hooked under the straps of Spencer's backpack as they continued staring at each other. She shrugged it off her shoulder and it dropped with weight to the floor. Spencer's back then slapped the wall, and she gasped, when Ashley lunged in and kissed her with the same animal passion as this morning. And once again Spencer was herded into submission by the pleasure that came with her lover's domineering sexual nature. Her eyes slipped shut and seconds later she found herself returning the kiss with a burgeoning fervor. They moved in rhythm with one and other, when Ashley's head tipped slightly to the left, Spencer's did the same to the right. Ashley groaned with the pleasure of the kiss just as Spencer did. And her hands reacted -- they reached out and fumbled for Spencer's tiny, soft hands and placed them both on her ass, one on either globe. The groans emerging from her throat got louder when Spencer involuntarily squeezed that tight perky butt of hers. Ashley's now free hands reached up to Spencer's blushing red cheeks and held them whilst she deepened their kiss. Their conjoined lips parted wider and almost immediately the brunette thrust her tongue into the blonde's mouth. Spencer started whimpering. It always got to her when Ashley's tongue entered her mouth. As a result her grasp of Ashley's ass in her hands got tighter. And when that ass kneading got tighter Ashley got more turned-on. Spencer really wasn't a tactile lover but she could get that way when she was pushed – Ashley knew how to work' her. Their tongues flicked at each other in the kiss as a result, the clinch becoming more desperate and more passionate, with Spencer burning with a kind of sexual energy she always remained oblivious to _unless_ this Amazon of a High school student was touching her. As they fornicated Ashley let slip one of her hands. It wove along the soft flesh of Spencer's neck, then through the shirt-concealed trench between her tiny breasts, then down the invisible line to her naval, and finally settled at the writhing juncture between her lips.

When Ashley cupped her there, Spencer immediately broke the kiss, gasping. "Wait, wait a minute..."

"...Huh? What's wrong...?"

"Let's not do this here," Spencer pressed her hands up against Ashley's chest. "Somewhere else?"

Ashley pondered for a moment while her hands settled on the younger girl's hips. "...Your bedroom?"

"My bed... it's a single. Besides, it's... it's private..."

"Got any guest rooms?"

Spencer nodded.

To that Ashley grinned, gave her girl a little peck on the lips, and then took her by the wrist. "Lead the way."

An image of Nicole flashed through Spencer's mind when Ashley said that lead the way'. That was what Nicole had said when she led the girl from the lockers up to Mr. Peterson's English room. She shook her head briefly to dispel the image, as well as the one of her standing sad, silent and solitary at the school bus stop. The two women walked to the carpeted stairs and ascended them to the second floor. They hung a right and Spencer opened the door of the third door from the right, the first of the Carlin household's two guestroom. It was undecorated. It had only a three piece set of mahogany furniture (a coffee table, a wardrobe and a chest of drawers), an oaken nightstand with a basket-head lamp on it, a set of netting for its windows, and of course, a double bed with plain ashen sheets and a long, fluffy, and white pillow case.

Ashley wrapped her arms around Spencer as they took it all in. "This'll do..."

Spencer continued to evaluate the place with her sight just as Ashley lulled her head forward and kissed teasingly along the outline of her neck and shoulder. Her lips smacked softly against the tender flesh laying in wait there. All the while her strong hands glided up and down Spencer's taut stomach and abdomen. Spencer bit her lip and blocked out her little giddy moans of delight, absorbed in the feel of Ashley's kisses, that ran in tiny trails of up' and down' across the left side of her neck. Ashley only stopped when she needed to whisper into girl's ear, "Take off your top."

No protest. Spencer crossed her arms over the bottom of her white tee shirt, stepped forward slightly, and yanked the top over her body, shoulders and head. She then tossed it to the floor where its whiteness clashed with the eggshell-brown colored carpeting. She also didn't need to be told to remove her little bra (which was pretty much rendered needless by the virtual non-existence of her breasts). Spencer reached behind her back and unclasped its hooks and then threw it on top of her shirt. Her arms crossed over her breasts to conceal them.

"Turn around," Ordered Ashley.

Spencer turned on her heels and faced her, blushing and a little embarrassed. She'd been topless in front of Ashley before but this felt different somehow. Ashley herself was in awe. Even at that point she knew that she would never get over how much Spencer's childish, adolescent-like body turned her on. Her nipples were already swelling to rock-hardness underneath her black tank top -- you could strike a match with them. But Ashley resisted the urge to touch herself during Spencer's shy strip-tease' and gestured at her jeans shorts

"Turn back around," she said. "And take off your shorts."

Spencer's cheeks flushed again. But she did as she was told once again, turning around. First she kicked off her shoes and pulled off her socks then she undid the buttons of her denim shorts. Though she wasn't told to do so, she somehow sensed that she was supposed to bend over, and so when she slid the loosened article of clothing down her long legs she did just that. Ashley grinned at the sight of her beautiful nerd mistakenly flashing that cute little ass at her. When the shorts reached Spencer's petite feet she stepped out of them and threw them onto the pile that her clothes were now forming. Now she was clad only in her panties. She turned around again.

"Take off your panties -- but do it slowly," Ashley commanded.

In her own home and space, Spencer followed those orders. She hooked her thumbs under the elastic band of her small pink panties and slowly, gradually, pulled them down the length of her unblemished legs. Ashley watched every single movement with razor edge sharpness. When the panties hit as low as her ankles Spencer stepped out of them as she had done her jeans shorts. She threw her underwear to the rest of her clothes. Now she was utterly naked.

Ashley reached out and stroked her rouge-tinted left cheek. "Jesus Christ, you're so fucking gorgeous..."

And Spencer _still_ couldn't handle compliments'. "...Ashley..."

But she didn't reply. She grabbed Spencer into an embrace and kissed her as deeply as before, sparing her no quarter, automatically plunging her long tongue down the girl's bobbing throat. Spencer sobbed aloud whilst smothered and rendered breathless by Ashley's powerful kiss. She didn't think straight. What she _felt_ was Ashley kissing her, hugging her, touching her. What she _saw_ was stars as the impact of those kisses, hugs and touches rushed to her brain. What she felt was a mixture of fear, allure, weakness and stimulation. What she _smelt_ was the rampant waft of wetness, of vaginal arousal, that was seeping into the air. What she _heard_ were Ashley's constant groans of lust and her own continual moans of gratification.

Without even realizing it Ashley was moving them both toward the bed. She noticed it when Ashley broke their savage kiss, a little trail of saliva linking it to a distance, and then pushed her down. Spencer landed with a gasp on the slightly dusty bedspread gasping, spread-eagled, her dark blonde hair splashed about her shoulders and head like a shining halo of light against the backdrop of a heavenly white void. Ashley climbed onto the bed and let her angel lie there, naked, her tiny little breasts heaving with each breath, their even smaller pink nipples deftly erect, and her hairless crotch damp and slick with feminine excitement. She took the time to peel off her own clothes, her tank top, boots, bra, trousers and belt, tossing it all any which way to the floor.

Ashley pushed Spencer's inert legs part by the knees and crawled between them. The pink flower of flesh that was Spencer's labia was sparkling; the beams of sunlight shooting through the netting of the window emphasized the droplets of premature discharge that were moistening her nether lips. She looked so glorious. Ashley couldn't resist touching her any longer. She brought her index and middle fingers together, crawled up Spencer's body on the bed, and pressed their tips against Spencer's pink lips.

"Lick them," Ashley said, her tone made heavy by monochrome lust.

Spencer shut her eyes and opened her mouth. The next thing she felt were Ashley's two fingertips sliding into her oral cavity. They pressed along the tip of her tongue, being careful not to go too far, just as Spencer closed her lips around them. Ashley smiled. Very soon she felt Spencer's tongue running around her fingers. They were bathed in warm saliva, stroked with placid licks, and being sucked at like a baby to a pacifier. Spencer had the most seraphic expression to her as she sucked them -- her blushing pink cheeks pulled in, her lips forming a cute O' shape, while her eyes remained tightly shut. The halo of her hair and the little moans she expelled every few moments contributed greatly to the beauty of that visage. As lovely as it was it couldn't last forever. Ashley reluctantly withdrew her fingers from Spence's mouth and they emerged coated by slick, hot saliva. What she did next was press her wet fingertips on Spencer's chin. From there (and Spencer opened her eyes to see it) Ashley dragged her wet fingers down her chin, along her quivering neck, through the center of her collarbone, down the valley between her tiny breasts, over her tight stomach, then the rest of the way in descent to the fleshy hood of her clitoris. A thin visible line of saliva was left running through the very center of this angel, "splitting her in two". Spencer raised her head to see what Ashley was doing. What she saw was Ashley lowering her head between her thighs while at the same time feeling two other things. One was a pair of wet fingertips brushing her vulva and the other was a cool wind of breath waving around her clit. Ashley smiled briefly.

Then, in a compounded action, Ashley both suckled at Spencer's clit and thrust her fingers in her vagina.

A scorching shriek pierced the relative quiet of the room. Immediately Spencer's head dropped back onto the bed, her dazzled blue eyes scrunched shut, her tiny mouth opened wide, her nubile back arched, her little toes curled up, her fists grabbed at the sheets and her hips involuntarily pushed closer into Ashley's sucking/fucking of her. Ashley held on as best as she could with Spencer's screams in the background, to do what she wanted. Her lips curled around the small love button and her tongue flicked at it with continuous arcs of back and forth. At the same time her fingers pushed in and out of her lover's inexplicably tight pussy (which was now even tighter, with wet internal flesh clamping down hard on those fingers). Ashley's actions were both deft and methodical. As she picked up the tempo with her fucking she sped up the rate of her sucking and licking. The reaction elicited from Spencer was automatic and expected -- utter rapture. Without her being aware of it her hips bucked repeatedly. Her feet arched and dragged twin bunches of the sheets underneath her toes. She literally screamed; overcome with pleasure that she hadn't felt before, not even the first time she had sex. Normally Ashley avoided her clit... but not today. What she achieved as a result was a complete sexual overload; the two most important parts of her womanhood both loved and appreciated with Sapphic care by someone experienced enough to _know_ what she was doing. Everything that had dwelled on Spencer's mind up until that point, her phony parents, her schoolwork, her social isolation, the complexities of her relationship with Ashley; all of that became irrelevant. All she was left aware of was the unaccountably pleasing feeling of being consumed and devoured by the actions of another humble human being in this miserable, meaningless rat race people called life'.

The orgasm that hit her was like a wave. It washed over her, striking like a thunderbolt but moving like a rising tide, both a bombardment and bathing, in the limpid pool known as satisfaction. Spencer's eyes rolled into the back of her head as her torso convulsed and bucked, and her vagina spurt a blast of female ejaculation into the imaginary gap between her vulva and Ashley's face. Clear liquid splattered the sheets between her hips and droplets of it hit Ashley's lips, cheeks and jaw. Spencer collapsed onto the bed again and was left an immobile mass, her hands and feet tangled up in the duvet. Her breathing slowed from a coarse and throbbing drum beat to a slow classical mantra. With each breath her chest rose and fell. Without looking, she felt Ashley's lips disengage from her clit and her fingers withdraw from the honey pot they had so recently been buried in. Spencer then felt Ashley crawl up her body and kiss her again, this time softly, appreciatively.

But then something odd happened.

When Spencer's foggy eyes opened up, when she looked up into the face of the one whom had given her so much pleasure, she didn't see Ashley's face... she saw Nicole's. She was startled for a moment, so shook her head and looked up again. This time she did see Ashley, arrogant grin and all. But the face she saw _first_ concerned her.

Had she... been thinking about Nicole the whole time...?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

In the end Spencer had only managed to get a few hours of sleep. The rest of the time she lay awake in bed staring up at her ceiling, blankly. There were few audible sounds. Koenig's light purrs as she slept, the sound of keys rattling in a lock and a door opening as a consequence (her parents came home), the odd passing car driving by the street. It was all as absent from her mind as the idea of doing anything else. It was 3:40 at night. Normally when she woke up this time she'd hit her computer to update herself... but not tonight. Spencer's mind was too preoccupied with what had happened earlier today.

The evening went just as Ashley had planned it. As soon as they got indoors they had sex. The sex (in and of itself) was admittedly amazing. But what was haunting her was what had happened just at the end of it. When Spencer was lying with Ashley in bed after her orgasm, she had pictured Nicole's face staring back at her. It was brief but significant because she couldn't shrug off the fact that it happened. What did it mean? What _did_ it mean? And if it was not important then why couldn't she forget about it. Spencer had no answers for herself. But the rest of the night it was to plague her. Ashley and Spencer spent most of that time in bed. The rest of the time she introduced Ashley to her fridge for a drink of anything _but_ alcohol. Then a few hours later, closing in roughly on 11:49, she got in her car and left. Spencer was thankful that she didn't make trouble and threaten to hang around until her parents got home. But when she tried to sleep off tiredness that came with all the sex there was still a lingering, nagging echo in the back of her head that reminded her that she had been thinking of Nicole; a girl she didn't even know.

Spencer kept thinking of her standing by the bus stop as she had done yesterday, with that sad expression. She could only wonder about what it was that was bothering her. What could it have been? Maybe a relative of hers had died or she had lost her job or something happened back home? Whatever was going on with Nicole, Spencer felt obliged to speculate even though a more pressing issue might have been her relationship with Ashley. Ever since Spencer pictured Nicole's face though, Ashley hadn't occupied every corner of her thoughts (like she usually did).

If anything Spencer felt more distracted and confused than ever.

That went on until morning. Spencer watched the moon fall and the sun rising in its place. The hue of her room changed but her feelings didn't. She still didn't see why she was thinking about Nicole while she was with' Dani. But then she didn't question it forever because, as usual, she had school. Spencer peeled herself out of the banana skin that was her bed and headed for the bathroom. She took a shower, combed her hair, brushed her teeth and returned to her bedroom to pick out her clothes. Today (because it looked hotter than most days) it was a bottle green knee length dress and a pair of sandals. She got dressed, packed her books, pencil case and wallet into her bag, then gave Koenig a goodbye stroke and went downstairs. As usual Arthur and Paula were down there before her. And as usual they didn't seem to communicate with each other. Spencer greeted them and walked into the kitchen for what she usually had in the morning -- a cup of coffee. Today she added an onion bagel to that. When she finished eating breakfast she said her goodbyes to her parents and left.

Yesterday, before leaving, Ashley had promised to pick her up for school. When Spencer stepped into her driveway, Ashley's car wasn't waiting for her. So she walked to the curb and waited a few minutes. Nothing. Then a few minutes became ten minutes. Nothing. And finally ten minutes tripled into half an hour yet still nothing. By now it was 8:45. There was still no sign of Ashley. If she waited any longer she'd be late. So Spencer heaved a sigh and walked off down the sidewalk to traffic-heavy road. The bus stop she normally used was waiting for her by the street corner. Spencer took a seat under the shelter next to an elderly woman with an empty shopping bag. There were a few other people waiting for a bus too. For the most part Spencer ignored them and stared distantly at the traffic piling up and down the street. Though she could hear all the honking cars and trucks and coaches around her it was really no more than white noise to Spencer.

It was at that specific point in time that the whole course of her romantic life changed.

That was because Spencer felt someone tap her shoulder. And when she glanced at her left to see who it was, her blue eyes widened. It was Nicole, in all her brown-haired, green-eyed glory. She was looking wonderful in a pair of navy blue denims (that hugged the perfect constitutions of her ass, hips and thighs in all the right places), a tint white tank top with a little pink love heart on the front, and two club-heeled black boots. There was a book satchel hanging from her shoulder. Unlike yesterday she was smiling and what a wonderful smile it was.

"Hiya," greeted the brunette. "I'm Nicole Milligan, I think we sort of met yesterday?"

Spencer nodded and shook her hand when Nicole extended it to her. Her hands were inexplicably soft to the touch. For a moment that was _all_ Spencer did, shaking that soft hand and staring at her, until Nicole half-smiled and shrugged her eyebrows, nodding toward her. It clicked in her head then that she was supposed to give her name now.

"Oh, r-right...!" Spencer stammered, Nicole's brilliant gleam held her stillborn. "I'm sorry. My name is Spencer. Spencer Carlin."

"Nice to meet you, Spencer Carlin'. Do you mind if I sit next to you?"

The blonde gave her some room on the metallic seat by moving to the right a little. Nicole parked herself next to Spencer and heaved a sigh, staring out into the traffic. Things went silent shortly. Then that silence was shortly broke when Nicole suddenly blurted out, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"...Huh?" Spencer honestly had no clue what she was talking about.

"When we bumped into each other I kind of swore at you?" She reminded her. "I'm sorry about that. Ever since we moved here I've just been a little... rattled. And to be honest I can't say that I like it here."

"Where are you from?"

Nicole parted her bangs. "Salt Lake City."

"...Nice."

"It was," A nostalgic, wispy smile overcame the girl. "I liked it there. I really did. But L.A.? Man, its like, well... have you ever seen _Pulp Fiction_?"

Spencer wasn't big on Tarantino movies. She hadn't seen it. In fact the only reason she even _knew_ of it was because it was a subject of an essay she once read at the library called "Postmodernism and Filmmaking. "...No, I haven't."

"Well, there's a scene close to the beginning of the movie where two of the main characters, Jules and Vincent, are in car talking about fast food joints in Europe. Vincent sort of explains that things are similar but different' somehow. I think that's how I feel about this place."

Spencer glanced at her. "...Why not give it some time? I'm sure you'll... you know... settle in."

"Well, it's not just that, it's..."

"...It's what?"

The expressions on Nicole's face underwent a rapid succession of changes. They went from nostalgic, to distant, to resolutely dismissive and finally settled on sadly humoured. "You know what, lets not talk about that. I'd probably just bore you."

Spencer still didn't really know anything, but she doubted that. Nicole's looks alone had Spencer skewered. When things went silent between them again, very awkward flashbacks raged through Spencer's consciousness. She remembered almost instantly that she had been picturing and thinking of this girl whilst having sex with Ashley. What would Nicole think of her if she knew about that? What would she think if she knew that Spencer was a lesbian? Before Spencer could get lost in her thoughts, Nicole broke the silence between them.

"So what do you do for fun around here?"

Spencer blushed with embarrassment and stared at her unpolished toenails. "I-I wouldn't know. You should probably ask someone at school about that..."

"Well, I'm not wondering what _they_ do for fun, I'm wondering what _you_ do for fun," She said with a small smile. "And besides, I'm not crazy about the student body at that place."

"...The boys seemed to like you in English class."

Three things startled Spencer when she said that. The very _fact_ that she said it, which was more or less an admission of staring at Nicole through Mr. Peterson's lecture; the biting tone she detected in her own voice when she said that, a tone saturated by what Spencer could only assume was jealousy; and finally the fact that Nicole reacted obliviously to both by not realizing either.

"I'm not crazy about those guys," was all she said. "In fact I'm not crazy about _any_ boys right now."

A probing lust for knowledge angled new confidence in Spencer as she said, "...You must have had a boyfriend back in Salt Lake City..."

Nicole smirked at her. "Hmm. Pretty personal comment for a girl who seems so shy, don't you think?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean-"

"Don't freak, Spencer," she said. "I like it. I like it when people can be honest with each other, you know? It sucks when you can't do that. I guess that's why I can't really stand most of the kids I've met at Alderson High so far. So many of em are just so damn phony. I mean, what's up with those bitch cheerleaders? They make _Rosie Perez_ look subtle."

Spencer giggled at that. She liked Nicole already. "I couldn't tell you."

"Well, I'm glad not everyone's a fake up in there. I'd probably go crazy if they were."

Silence again.

This time Spencer broke it. "...What classes do you have today?"

"Oh, uh..." The brunette went into her satchel and pulled out a timetable. The numerous classes of the week were all highlighted in different colors. "Um, Art with Miss Cooke, Geography with Mr. Peyton, Physics with Mr. Willard, History with Mrs. Swirlin and Cultural Studies with Mr. Stephens. What are those teachers like?"

A private elation welled up within Spencer. All five of those classes she shared with Nicole, unlike yesterday. But she replied quickly so as not to seem weird, "Uh, Miss Cooke is just your average teacher, no... pros or cons there, really. Mr. Peyton is a nice guy, can't say anything bad about him. Mr. Willard... can be a little crotchety but he really knows his stuff. Mrs. Swirlin is... putting it lightly, an octogenarian battleaxe... I can't stand her, but... she's good at what she does I suppose. But Mr. Stephens is very cool. I'm sure you'll like him too."

"Thanks. I'll keep all that in mind."

"Do you know where the rooms are yet?"

"Not as..." Nicole pulled a long, lazy grin. "Guess you're gonna have to help me again, eh?"

Spencer formed a mutual smile. She _liked_ this girl.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Ever been in a position where your life feels so obscure one moment and then, as if by some kind of forbidden fairy magic, a person arrives in your life and suddenly makes everything feel better than it once was? That was the way Spencer learned to feel about Nicole. And what was frightening about it was that it didn't happen gradually. All at once, though it would take time for her to realize it, something had changed since her meeting with Nicole. It first started to become clear that morning, the day after Spencer had slept with Ashley.

Spencer and Nicole had bumped into each other at the bus stop (or rather Nicole had seen Spencer and then approached her) and got to talk from there. In the twelve minutes between that morning introduction and the arrival of the bus, Spencer learned things about Nicole that she hadn't told anyone else thus far. She was from Salt Lake City, and her parents had moved out to L.A. because her Mother (Daryl Milligan) was a financial advisor whom had been highly recommended to some bigwig C.E.O. of an electronics company in the city. Though it was a bit of a hike for a mere job opportunity, they needed the money, as Nicole's father (Simon Milligan) had had an accident that rendered him unable to work. Nicole didn't get into the bare details of that but it was obvious that her father's condition weighed very heavily on her mind. She went on to explain her distaste for Los Angeles and the kind of "rushing capitalism" that made everyone so indifferent to each other here. It was a convulsed way of saying there was no commune between its people. You wouldn't have expected something like that to bother someone as glowing and vibrant as Nicole, but it did. And Spencer could tell without question that it wasn't an act. And from that Spencer learned more about this girl not her background but _who_ she was.

She was smart. From a distance you could have just dismissed her as another pretty yet brainless cheerleader or trendy. Yet from what Nicole had told her (and from what Spencer would eventually see of her in class) she had pretty good grades. Admittedly she had to work hard to maintain that, as Nicole openly admitted that she studied at least two hours a day, but the situation was completely different from Spencer's. The main reason was that Nicole studied so hard because she wanted to go to college, get her degree, and get enough money to take care of her family. Though the Milligan's were economically stable, her mother was working hard (she was getting work from more than one person) and it was taking its toll on Daryl. Nicole confessed that she wanted to lighten the burden on her Mom at some point.

When the bus finally arrived and the two girls climbed aboard, Spencer compared herself and her situation to that. She wasn't so devoted to her schoolwork because she wanted to take care of her parents. She did it because they expected nothing less from her. It was coercive pressure, but compared to Nicole's situation, it was irrelevant. That both lowered her own opinion of herself and elevated her opinion of Nicole (though it was hard to believe it could have gotten any higher than it was at that point). It drew her closer to Nicole on its own. From then on conversation between them seemed to simply roll on its own, with Nicole making cute little jokes and Spencer basking around her, explaining the little things about Alderson High and the city it was located in. When the bus arrived at school they got off together and walked over to the main building then stopped at their lockers (which turned out to be quite close to one and other) to pick up their books before heading upstairs to their first class, Art, taught by Miss Cooke.

What followed was what would happen in all but one of the classes they shared together. While Spencer spent most of her time watching Nicole, Nicole spent all of her time doing the work and actually paying attention. And like yesterday at the end of class, a gaggle of boys surrounded before Spencer could even get near her desk. But now that they had spent a little time together, Spencer re-read Nicole's mannerism. When the brunette was with them, laughing lightly at their lame jokes and feeble interest in her situation, Spencer clearly saw the front that she was putting up. It was a very convincing act and Spencer could see why those guys might have believed that she was interested in what they wanted to say. But there was a slight insincerity to her laugh that spoke volumes. Spencer was sure of it; after all, she had spent most of her life watching others live _theirs_. She knew a real laugh when she heard it. That wasn't one of them. That alone made Spencer more curious about her. Nicole seemed to be aware that most of those guys were full of shit but she didn't shoot them down. At first she wondered if maybe it was because she didn't want hurt her image just yet.

What happened at lunch would disprove that.

After Art there were two more classes before lunch, Geography and Physics. When the second bell rang in Physics class, its teacher, Mr. Willard, adjusted his glasses and pointed toward the door, saying rottenly, "Alright you kids, get out of here" and everyone stood up from their seats. This time no one went to Nicole's desk to harass her so Spencer advanced on it to greet her new un-proclaimed friend. "Hey."

"Hey," Nicole said with a grin. "Wanna grab a bite to eat? I'm starving my ass off here."

Spencer nodded, though conscious of her own politics about the cafeteria. Even so she went with Nicole to it (she knew the way since someone had told her yesterday) and they soon found themselves standing in the lunch line with twin brown plastic trays in hand. No matter what school you went to, no matter what country you visited that had them, the cafeteria was always the most social place on school grounds. It was a place where all the clicks got together in packs to eat, drink, talk, laugh and heckle. The jocks sat with the jocks, the geeks sat with the geeks, the trendies sat with the trendies, the cheerleaders sat with the cheerleaders, the Goths sat with the Goths, the stoners sat with the stoners, etc. Nicole was the first person Spencer had known, not met but _known_, who didn't buy into that system. When Nicole got her lunch (a slice of pizza, two pieces of oval shaped garlic bread, a pudding cup and a diet coke) and Spencer had gotten hers (an egg salad sandwich, a peach and a glass of mineral water) that's when the issue came into the forum.

After they paid, Nicole scanned the crowded, noisy tables for a free one. "Where... should... we... sit...? Hey Spencer, where do you normally sit...?"

"...Uh..." She squirmed. "...I... usually sit outside."

"Why?"

"Well, I..."

Nicole frowned. "Come on, we're not lepers. We don't have to hide ourselves. Follow me."

Needless to say, Spencer was extremely nervous when Nicole began leading her through the slight gaps between the tables. Passing by one of them she saw a cheerleader, a bitchy queen by the name of Madison Duarte; point at her, whisper in the ear of one of her buddies, and laugh. Spencer clammed up and hurried along behind Nicole, trying to block it all out. They sat down around small and empty four-seat table unfortunately it was smack-bang in the middle of the rest numbering close to sixty. Nicole sat down without a care in the world and shrugged her satchel off. Spencer nervously did the same.

When Nicole tried to take a bite of her pizza she noticed Spencer's insecurity. "What's up, Spencer?"

"N-nothing."

"Then you wanna explain why you're shaking like a paint mixer?"

"It's just..." Her hands tightened up. "...I don't like eating here."

"Why."

The blonde stared evenly at her. "...People make fun of me."

For some reason the two of them just stared at each other that moment. Nicole looked like she had something to say but she didn't. And before she even had the chance to do so, someone approached the table they were sharing. A boy. It was Josh Gallers, a quarterback on the football team and your standard testosterone-junkie jock. The moment he arrived, clad in a soil-stained football jersey and reeking freshly produced man-sweat, he set a hand down on the table and leered over Nicole like a vulture over a carcass.

Every inch of Spencer wanted him to get lost before he spoiled things.

"Hey Baby," he quipped arrogantly with his macho, baritone voice. "You're the new girl, aren't you?"

Nicole, gracious as ever, smiled at him. "Hiya. Josh, was your name, right?"

"That's right. Say, why don't you and me get outta here for a second...?"

She pretended to think for a second before uttering, "Um, you know what, I don't think so. I'd rather just eat my lunch with my friend here? Thanks for the offer though."

"Come on, Nicole. Ditch the geek and let's book."

That was when the accommodating smile that Nicole so often posted for her fanbase dissolved. "That's my friend you're talking about."

"That?" Josh pointed at Spencer with impunity, grinning. "Fuck her. She's a flat chested nerd."

The pizza slice Nicole had been holding hit her tray with a thud. "...What'd you just say?"

"Nicole, its okay..." Spencer whispered.

"No, it's not okay!" Luckily the laughing and talking at the other tables was loud enough to drown out her voice when it rose up a level. Immediately Nicole shunned back her chair and shot up, eyeing Josh angrily, "Listen up, dick-face. I'd rather eat with Spencer than bump uglies with your sweaty apeshit ass any day of the week. And if I ever hear you talking about her like that _again_, I swear I'll make you regret it. So get the hell out of my face and leave us alone."

Josh sneered at her before turning on his heels and stomping away, muttering bitch' under his breath, while Nicole sat down and angrily watched him leave. "Jeez, are all guys at this school like that? Someone should grab that empty head of his and shove it up his ass make a donut outta him."

Spencer chuckled to herself, watching Nicole huff and take a few bites of her pizza. No one had _ever_ stood up before. She and Ashley didn't associate with each other here, but wherever she was today, Spencer really wasn't thinking about her. Nicole had her completely captivated. Just like Ashley, Nicole was so confident. But unlike Ashley, there was a grace and politeness in it. Just like now, she didn't shoot down Josh until he displayed how big of a jackass he really was. Nicole was the perfect combination of kind, pretty, intelligent and confident.

In other words... she was perfect.

And Spencer was so consumed by that perfection that she didn't notice how much it made her heart (as well as the spot between her hips) ache. Nicole was kind enough to distract her from that when she put her half-eaten slice of pizza down and said, "You know what, I think you're right about this place, Spencer. Numbnuts and his football cronies are staring at us."

Spencer glanced at one of the tables carrying football jocks. Sure enough, Josh was there, speaking inaudible words to the five other guys sitting with him. They burst into laughter when he said something, but he only glared irritably at their table. He was probably telling them what happened. The fullback next to him put a hand on his shoulder and pointed at the cheerleader's table. They all, including Josh, started what Spencer could only presume was hooting.

"Didn't take him long to get over me," Nicole said, grinning. Her smile then mellowed out when turning to Spencer again. "You wanna go eat outside, like you do normally?"

Spencer blushed, smiled and nodded all at once. "Yes please."

The two girls picked up their trays and their bags and left the cafeteria. They went out to the quiet hillocks of the grass fields that Spencer usually sat at and ate the rest of their meal in relative peace. From that point on to the end of the lunch period, the two of them continued talking as they had been doing throughout the day. They became better acquainted and before long it was like they had been friends forever. Even though they had known each other less than two days and had been properly speaking to each other less than that, something odd bound them. It was odd because from a distant, empirical standpoint, they were so different. Everything about Nicole, her looks, her speech, her dress code; it all screamed "Popular!" while those same things shouted "Nerd!" with regards to Spencer. And despite that they gravitated, bonded. That thing about Nicole's father, Spencer knew that she didn't just go around talking about something like that to everyone. There was something about her that Nicole trusted and that made Spencer feel both happy and honored. Of course, all new friendships have friction; the only difference was that this friction only made them like each other more.

"What do you mean you like Nietzsche?" Nicole said in disbelief.

Spencer smiled as they sat together by the grass. "I didn't know you like philosophy as well."

"Well I'm not crazy about it, but I think there are a few things it can teach you about yourself... wait a minute, don't change the subject. Why on Earth would you like Nietzsche? I mean haven't you read the crap he said about women?"

"Of course I have. But it's not that simple."

Nicole frowned. "Oh yeah? Then explain it."

"Well think about it," Spencer began. "I can't honestly say I like every element of his philosophy but that doesn't discount the fact that there are elements of it that I agree with. I mean it's like Richard Wagner. His personal anti-Semitism was repulsive but that doesn't make his music any less beautiful. I think it's the same with Nietzsche. I resent his attitude towards women, but... the things he wrote about Christian morality, his rejection of metaphysics, as well as the assertions he made about the potential of mankind, I... I find them... interesting, you know? Maybe it's different for you. You can be so cool and confident about everything, but... I'm not like that. Yet when I read _Beyond Good and Evil_ and _Twilight of the Idols_ and _On the Genealogy of Morals_, I feel... empowered somehow. If I could... have that in my actual life, I'd cherish it, but... I'm not as strong as that. I'm not as strong as you."

Nicole glanced evenly at her. "...You think I'm strong?"

"...I couldn't have stood up to Josh Gallers the way you did."

" Spencer..."

"I don't mind," she pulled a small defeated smile. "It's who I am."

The green-eyed one shook her head. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Put yourself down. You're better than that."

Spencer stared at her. "You barely know me."

"I know you _enough_. You're smart, you're kind, and you're all kinds of cute. You're fine as you are, Spencer."

The girl in question blushed. "...I'm not... cute..."

"Oh no?" Nicole pointed at her flushing red cheeks and giggled. "If that blushing isn't cute then I don't know what is."

And just like that, Spencer knew, implicitly, that she had just found someone special.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

By the end of that day a few things had changed.

In all respects, Spencer had never enjoyed a day of school as much as she did that one. For the first time in her life as an outsider, she wasn't so deeply conscious of the fact that she was one. When she looked out at all the people who had once ignored her and ridiculed her for being who she was for the first time she did not look at them as the cannons to her cannon fodder. She saw peers who were just people and nothing more. But that wasn't because she had summoned up some deep hidden willpower from within herself or read some pretentious philosophical text that had confirmed to her, her own self-worth; it was because of Nicole. And because Nicole was the first person on this Earth, sans the Internet, that she could call a friend. It was frightening and peculiar how well Spencer and Nicole had gotten on since they'd met each other. From a distance they clearly didn't fit', at least not in terms of the great social hierarchy and structure of your typical American high school. Spencer, no matter how cute, was unmistakably nerdish while on the whole Nicole appeared to be the complete opposite. And yet for some reason they seemed to like each other. Nicole might not have shared all the interests of Spencer, such as philosophy, but unlike everybody else Nicole was aware of at least some of it, and made an attempt to at least engage with Spencer on any topic they knew of mutually. That alone was something Spencer felt thankful for. And she resolved to do the same for Nicole to find something, _anything_, that she was interested in and invest some of her own devotion to it. Those were the primary thoughts making rounds in Spencer's brain when she and Nicole were walking home together. School had finished about twenty minutes ago. They left Mr. Stephens Cultural Studies class together, waited for a bus by the stop just outside of school grounds and when it came they rode it all the way down to her street (Nicole had been the daughter of the family that had moved in across the road). This time, not only did Spencer not go to the car park to meet Ashley, but also she didn't once think to do so either. Ashley didn't seem to be there that day but Spencer hadn't really cared, either. Ever since Nicole came into the picture things had been different. Ashley didn't dominate every waking thought in her mind and with that pressure off her back, Spencer felt more like her old self again. It was just another thing she had to thank her new friend for. She would do all that she could to repay that debt in the future by being the best friend she could be to Nicole.

As they slowly strode together down the quiet suburbia they both had to call home, Spencer asked, "What kind of things do you like to do in your spare time?"

"Me?"

"Yes," Spencer nodded, smiling. "Of course you. What do you like to do?"

Nicole interlocked her fingers behind her head and paused to think about it. "...Hmm. I suppose just the usual stuff. I like reading romance novels when I wanna relax, I like listening to music when I wanna chill out, and I won't turn down a good movie when one rolls by. Nothing out of the ordinary."

They didn't share many interests. But Spencer was willing to make things work, even if that meant engaging in things that she normally didn't. "Anything else?"

"...I don't... think so," Nicole answered, speculating distantly. "I mean, I used to have this weird thing about taking morning walks though parks, but..."

"That's not weird. You like doing that, right?"

Nicole smirked nostalgically. "Well I used to. It used to clear my head, when things got confusing, back in Utah, you know? But after a while I started taking someone I knew with me, mostly because that... person asked me to. And when we fell out it kind of put me off the whole thing. Too many bad memories."

"...I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's okay."

Spencer thought about that. It was weird. Through all their talking today not once had Spencer considered that Nicole actually might have a history of her own, a few skeletons in her closet. She didn't consider it. Now she did. And now she felt both resentful (someone had been enjoying Nicole before Spencer even knew about her) and pleased (because it didn't matter now that Nicole had moved out to L.A.) from thinking of it. But thinking about that led Spencer to think about other things like; did Nicole have a romantic history? Was the person' she was referring to part of it? The blonde didn't want to think of that being a possibility because, deep down, it hadn't escaped her memory that she had been thinking of Nicole during sex with Ashley last night. At this point she didn't dare consider making any kind of romantic overture toward her, for more than one reason. She had a friend now and she didn't want to blow it, also she probably wouldn't have had the courage to tell Nicole anyway, and most of all there was a something in the back of Spencer's head telling her that Nicole was probably straight. She had little in the way of gaydar' but everything else about Nicole was seemingly perfect, chances were high that she had at least _one_ flaw.

Then it occurred to Spencer that she was daydreaming. And why? Because the next thing she knew, Nicole was waving a hand in her face. "Hello in there? Earth to Spencer?"

"Huh?"

She pulled a lazy smile. "What were you thinking about?"

"N-nothing," Spencer started blushing again.

"Well nothing' must be pretty spicy if those cheeks are flaring up like that again. Besides, we're home."

Spencer hadn't even noticed. When she looked across the street she saw her house, with both her Dad's BMW and her Mom's Lexus parked up in the driveway. Spencer shivered a little. It sometimes unnerved her how she could get so caught up in her own head. There were times when she'd walk somewhere, start thinking about something else, and then blow past her destination without even realizing it.

Nevertheless, Spencer turned to Nicole with a smile. "I really enjoyed today."

"You mean at school?" Nicole chuckled sceptically. "I'm a newbie and I already hate the place."

"Well... I know it was bad day for you, especially with that whole Josh Ellis thing, but... for me... it was one of the best school days I've ever had..."

"Come on!"

"No, Nicole, I really mean it," Spencer looked up at the slightly taller girl in earnest. "I usually hate it there... people either ignore me or pick on me and... I've never... I don't really have... a lot of friends, so..." she exhaled, struggling to get out what she was trying to say without sounding like a dork, "Look, what I wanted to say was... I'm really glad that you're my friend..."

Spencer watched Nicole stare at her with an even but questioning stare, slightly nervous, and felt charmed when that stare turned into a tiny, humbled, appreciative smile. "...You are all _kinds_ of adorable, Spencer Carlin."

Ever a person unable to handle the compliments of others, another bright red blush spread across Spencer's cheeks and she cast her gaze down at the sidewalk that the two of them stood on. Immediately she felt her heart swelling, its beats becoming more rapid. Ashley had _never_ made her feel like this. With Ashley she always felt... guarded and to a certain extent unwilling. With Nicole she felt, with no better way to describe it, "free". But unfortunately she had to say goodbye. If she were ever late getting home more than twice a week Arthur and Paula would freak out.

Spencer pointed at her house. "I should get going."

"...Oh. Yeah. But before for you go, um..."

"Yes?"

Between her fingers Nicole played with a tress of her long brown hair. It was a habit which in future months, Spencer would learn meant that Nicole was nervous, "Look, this is gonna sound REALLY corny, but... would you like to... come have dinner at my house after school tomorrow? My Dad cooks a mean-"

"I'd love to...!" Spencer blurted out, cutting her off.

They went silent with each a moment before giggling in unison. They didn't need to say a thing more about it. Spencer's smile was now so bright it made her cheeks ache, but reluctantly she said a brief I'll see you tomorrow' to her new friend before turning around and crossing the street. She looked back over her shoulder, once at the other curb and then once again at her door, by which time Nicole was getting inside. She waved to Spencer just before getting inside. The blonde girl did the same -- but when she got inside, she collapsed against the door with a breathless sigh and a happy, dreaming smile. She had never known anyone like Nicole before. Just being with her made Spencer happy. It was such a sudden, wanton, thing but it was undeniable. Yet such a wonderful feeling, something that Spencer was so alien to, did not last long.

The ringtone of her cell started jingling in her backpack.

Spencer's charming smile faded. Only three people on Earth knew her cell-phone number; her Mom, her Dad, and Ashley. And since neither one of her parents ever called her cell (they knew what time she got home so they always called the house if they ever needed to get in touch with her after school) she knew there was only one possible person it could have been. With a sombre ache, Spencer pulled her backpack off of her torso and fished out her cell. With an awkward flick she opened and held it against her face.

"Hello?" she whispered.

"... Spencer," it was Ashley. Spencer would have known that ashy voice anywhere. But there was something different this time. The confidence she had come to respect and worship in her spouse was absent somehow. It became clearer when she spoke on. "...Where are you? Are you home yet?"

Spencer's eyes darted from side to side as she probed the dejection in Ashley's voice. She wanted to say something, to call it out, but for whatever reason, she didn't. "W-why are you calling me?"

"...I... I really need to see you."

There were thunderbolts with less authoritative strikes. It hit her dead on, Spencer's smooth blue eyes widening with a mixture of surprise and alarm. For the first time since knowing of her, Ashley actually sounded vulnerable. It didn't even occur to her to be worried that something might be wrong, the shock was purely in the newly broadcast vulnerability. Spencer was so stunned by it that she actually fell silent for a moment.

"... Spencer? Are you still there?"

The blonde girl swallowed the lump in her throat to answer. "Yes, Ashley, I'm still here."

"Can you... can you come see me?"

She weighed the idea in her mind. Truthfully, she didn't want to. It had been weird, but for the first time in weeks, her thoughts hadn't been dominated by Ashley every waking moment. She had no idea how much she'd been missing that simple freedom. But whatever reluctance there was that Spencer carried, hearing the normally strident Ashley sounding this way made simple compassion well up inside her. She couldn't have stopped it, whether she wanted to or not.

"...Where are you?" she asked.

She heard Ashley breathe a sigh of relief on the other end, right before she replied; "I'm... I'm in the car, kinda close by. Are your parents home?"

"No." Spencer didn't even have to check to see if that were true. She knew her Mom would be down at the O'Caplen and Wintermire law firm and her Dad would be at his hospital.

"Okay, I'll uh, I'll come pick you up. I'll see you in a few."

She hung up.

Spencer exhaled and flipped her phone closed. For a few moments she did nothing but stare at her phone, eyes shaking. It soon hit home that something had to be wrong. Ashley didn't normally call her up like that, most of the time she merely appeared out of nowhere. And when she did show her face, the first thing she had on her mind on was getting into her panties. There was no bravado this time, no lust. It truly threw Spencer for six. Yet for that same reason it didn't take long for Spencer to acclimate. She stood up, slotted her phone away in one of her pockets, then ran upstairs to her bedroom. As soon as she got inside she tossed her back pack onto her bed and withdrew a pen and pad from one of her drawers. She paused a second, breathing out and then wrote down in a beautiful lying cursive,

"Mom + Dad. I have an important assignment to finish and I just remembered that I need a book from the library to do it. I'll probably be reading there for a few hours so don't be worried if I'm not here when you get home. Love Spencer."

She tore the note from the pad and folded it up. It was a barefaced lie and she knew it. She also knew that she had been lying to her parents more often because of her association with Ashley ; but right now that didn't matter much to her. Even when her pet kitten Koenig came up from under the bed and nuzzled himself against her leg, it was all Spencer could do to give him a dismissive, passing stroke. She merely strode out of her bedroom thereafter and went back downstairs. She then left the note somewhere where her parents were bound to see it; beside the answering machine on the hallway coffee table. After that it was just a six minute waiting game for Ashley. That was all it took before she heard the distinctive sound of tyres running up the stone of her driveway. Spencer exhaled to calm herself again and opened the front door. She locked it behind her and walked up to the passenger side of Ashley's car. The Italian-American woman reached across the empty seat to open the door for Spencer, and she climbed inside.

There was silence between them when Spencer sat down -- mostly because Ashley was always the one to engage her in conversation with regards to these things. But when she cast her eyes away from her lap and at Ashley, they widened in surprise to actually see her, or rather what had happened to her. And the silence was broken.

"W-what happened to you?" Spencer questioned.

Ashley smiled weakly as Spencer stared aghast at her face -- her hair was tousled, sweaty and rough, there was a small cut across her cheek (which happened to be bleeding), and the bruise that Spencer had noticed before was joined by another just shy of the left corner of her mouth. Spencer instinctively reached out to touch her cheek, but Ashley winced at the caress. It still stung apparently.

"...Easy," whispered Ashley.

Spencer's face twisted with confusion. "Were you fighting with someone?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what the hell happened?"

Ashley frowned as her hands re-gripped the wheel. "...I fell down my stairs."

Spencer knew without thinking that _that_ was bullshit. Ashley wasn't that clumsy of a person, and a line so cliché and obtuse wouldn't wash. But at the same time, Spencer didn't want to push it. Ashley Davies wasn't normally a secretive person, she was the type of woman who just let it all hang out. This was clearly different and Spencer didn't want to tax her about it. That was the last thing she planned on doing right now. So she slinked back in her seat, withdrawing slightly.

"Why did you call me?" she asked simplistically.

"...I just wanted to see you," there was a softness in Ashley's voice now that Spencer had never known before. "You're... you're the only good thing I've got in my life right now."

The blood rushed to Spencer's cheeks. She clammed up like she always did, whenever Spencer had approached her suggestively it didn't escape her that this was a little different. Not once before had Ashley ever spoken to her like that, so tenderly (or at least as tenderly as someone like Ashley could be). It was, truthfully told, endearing. Spencer bit her lower lip, cursing the heat in her cheeks, feeling Ashley stare at her warmly. She felt a tugging in her heart. On the one hand she was concerned about what had happened to Ashley and on the other, she actually felt charmed at the quiet sweetness she was now seeing in her. It was odd and frank in that way; and she knew that Ashley always meant what she said.

"Come for a drive with me, yeah?" The older girl asked with a shrug. "It's won't be long."

Spencer pondered for a moment, then smiled a gentle smile at her. Ashley returned that smile briefly before turning the keys in the ignition and bringing her car's engine to life. They backed out of the drive way and then drove off out into the suburban block Spencer called home. Before long they were cruising around an unknown but high street at the high afternoon. Spencer sat patiently all the while, stealing little glances at Ashley before exchanging them with an elongated stare out of the window. But after a while she paid more attention to that cut across Ashley's cheek. It was still bleeding. She didn't speak up until they approached a shopping arcade across the street.

"Lets stop here." Spencer asked.

Ashley replied without looking. "Why? What's the big deal?"

"Your face," she replied. "Come on, just pull over."

The brunette exhaled and kept out an eye for parking. There was an mostly empty side road she spotted and so she turned into it, parking by the tail-end of an inert SUV. Spencer unbuckled her seat belt and climbed out of the car saying 'back in a few minutes'. The door slammed behind her and she crossed the street to the shopping arcade she had spotted earlier. Spencer soon found what she was looking for -- a drug store. When she entered it she perused all the aisles and shelves until she found the things she was looking for. Those things were a packet of painkillers, a roll of band-aids, a small jar of disinfectant and some cotton pads, she paid the teller, and then left. When Spencer crossed the street and returned to the car, a quarter of an hour, she sat down to see Ashley with a milkshake in one hand, a cheeseburger in the other, and two soggy bags of McDonalds sitting tight on the dashboard.

Spencer closed the door. "Where'd you get all that from?"

With her mouth full, she couldn't speak, so she merely pointed with her hamburger hand to the right window. Sure enough, across the street was a small McDonalds branch. Spencer rolled her eyes and set the makeshift medical kit' she had bought down on her lap. "Are you that hungry?"

"...I got some for you too," Answered Ashley after she swallowed.

"Why don't we just clean you up instead, okay?"

Ashley's reply was to say nothing; she only finished the cheeseburger in her hand and washed it down with the strawberry flavourings of her milkshake. So Spencer didn't wait to be given permission. She reached into the bag, opened the pack of cotton pads and took out one. Then she unscrewed the cap of the disinfectant bottle and doused the cotton pad with it. It might have been fair to warn her first but, since she didn't see fit to take care of herself, Spencer didn't bother to tell Ashley anything. When she pressed the wet cotton pad against the small gash, Ashley yelped and hissed like a scalded child.

"Shit...!" She seethed. "What the hell, Spencer?!"

The younger girl held the cotton pad in place regardless, letting it work its twofold job of cleaning the cut and soaking up some of the blood. Ashley grit her teeth and bore the pain, if only to keep her shake from spilling over. And when she settled down Spencer withdrew the pad, threw it into the bag, and then tore open a band-aid. With a touch as soft as that of a mother or a nurse, she pressed the bandage against her cut and sealed up the light blood flow. Ashley watched Spencer the whole time as she did it. The corn-haired girl had a lovely expression on her face at the time, a serene mix of seriousness and concern. That look alone had a calming resonance with Ashley.

"There," Spencer said in accomplishment. "That's better."

Ashley smiled at her again. "...Thanks."

"It's okay..."

"I meant it, you know," she assured. "You're great. You're so great..."

Just as Spencer parted her lips to speak, Ashley leaned across and kissed her... hard. Her lashes flickered with blinks, her throat billowing a startled whimper that dissolved into a drawn out sigh of surrender. Her senses were bombarded once again with so many sensations; the silky feel of Ashley's soft lips, the strawberry taste left lingering on them from the milkshake, the honey-like smell of Ashley's lithe body and the distinctive croon of her aggressive moans. It all had Spencer melted with warmth into an immobile state as her body reciprocated instinctively to the kiss. Her clear blue eyes slipped shut just as Ashley blindly slotted her shake into one of her ride's cup holders. The two tilted their heads either side of themselves. Their mouths opened and deepened this kiss, Ashley's lengthy tongue forcing its way past Spencer's lips. The grade-A student sobbed aloud, though the sound was muffled. It was when she felt one of Ashley's strong hands slide up her thigh that alarm bells rang.

Spencer quickly held the hand at her thigh down with one of her own and pressed her free hand up against Ashley's shoulder to break the kiss. They drew apart in gasps, chests heaving, cheeks flushed. Ashley searched out her lover's eyes. "What's the matter?"

For a moment there, Spencer had forgotten where she was. "We're in public...! We shouldn't...!"

"Heh, heh, heh..." At that, Ashley sniggered a little, returning to her old self a little. The idea of them being ogled by some horny frat guy or busted by a burly cop actually amused her. She knew that Spencer wouldn't have liked the idea one bit though. "Okay. I can wait. How about tomorrow?"

Then something weird happened.

The very second that Ashley asked her about possibly meeting up with each other tomorrow, a stomping thought burst its way back into her brain -- Nicole. With the way Ashley sounded over the phone and everything, it'd kind of escaped her mind that she was going to be eating dinner with Nicole and her family tomorrow. She still wanted to do that, even more so now, and her lips curled into a faint smile because of it. But then, weirdly, Spencer felt a small but palpable pang of guilt. She didn't know why or what for, she just felt... guilty, somehow; like there was some wrong that had been done or that was about to be done. It was hard to analyse.

Ashley reached up and ran her hands through Spencer's delicate blonde hair. "Well? Would that be okay?"

"...Um..." Suddenly things felt awkward again. "...I can't tomorrow, Ashley..."

"Why not?"

"...I'm... sort of meeting a friend for dinner," she answered, somewhat sheepishly.

Ashley frowned almost crossly. "...Friend? You don't _have_ any friends."

It was a fair point. She didn't have any friends, at least not up until this morning, and she knew that fact as plain as day. And yet hearing it blurted out into the open like that, for it to be said so frankly, so matter-of-factly, it actually seemed kind of offensive. As usual though, Spencer didn't voice her problems, instead she justified the query.

"...She's new in town. She just moved here from Salt Lake City and everything, we... just sort of ran into each other a couple of times and we started talking. She's my friend."

Ashley leaned back into the driver's seat without a word, staring straight ahead at the SUV that had its big ass parked right up in front of her car bonnet. She didn't so much as utter a word. Spencer stared at her. But inside she was questioning things. What was she trying to put across here? Nicole was a friend -- she didn't need to justify having a friend to anyone, including Ashley. Yet she couldn't help but wonder as any intelligent person would have -- if she thought of Nicole as 'just a friend' why did she even feel the _need_ to explain it away? After all... she had pictured Nicole's face the last time Ashley made love to her...

Spencer found herself chewing her lip for Ashley's response.

"...That's," Ashley's glow darkened, hands still on the wheel. " That's fine. Go have dinner with your _friend'_."

"... Ashley..."

Her fingers twisted at the keys in the ignition. "...Why don't I just drop you off back at your place."

Things went quiet again just as the engine roared to life. Spencer, though she felt like she should say something, merely sat in the passenger seat, the bag of disinfectant and band-aids still in her lap. Whatever she wanted to say, she couldn't put it into words and she probably wouldn't of found the courage to say it even if she could. And so she let that sleeping dog lie where it may.

Naturally, the ride home was spent in silence.

* * *

Thank you **RUlov3r**


	9. Chapter 9

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Chapter Nine

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The day started off like any other. Spencer awoke with a little stir in her warm bed. When her eyes fluttered open she peered at her open curtains and saw darkness and stars through the window. It was early morning; the time she usually woke up at. She turned to her bedside coffee table to confirm it and she was right. Her alarm clock said 3:45 am. So Spencer climbed out of her bed, pulling the sheets off of her body, and stood upright in her navy blue sun and moon jammies. Her first instinct was to take a bath but it was early and her parents would most likely be in bed by now. She didn't want to wake Paula and Arthur anymore than they themselves wanted to be awoken. So she went to her desk and sat down by her computer. She did as she always did; logged on then connected to the internet. She checked her hotmail account, replied to any e-mails that had been sent her way, then busied herself by trawling through all the websites she liked to frequent.

That sequence of events took no more than forty minutes to complete. She was half-asleep in a way, everything about it just felt routine to her. But when the sleep finally drifted from her head she was left with the confusion that had burrowed its way into her head yesterday. She knew now that she was more confused than ever. On the one hand she had Ashley-- the woman whom had taken her virginity, who opened her naive eyes to the very many pleasures of the flesh, the girl whose contemptuous overconfidence had sucked her in like metal to a magnet in a vacuum. And on the other she had Nicole. Nicole who was so sweet and caring, her newest and only friend, the proverbial oasis in the proverbial desert. Spencer was lost between the two of them and she didn't even know it. What was worse was that she didn't know if she was reading into a calamity from a squall. With Ashley she had the true dilemma. Part of her wanted to end things once and for all with her -- yet with Nicole she felt a burgeoning set of feelings that so far she'd been quite oblivious to. But that was in question too, because they made her feel guilty.

It wasn't some obnoxious delayed reaction to her sexuality, she knew that much. Spencer knew implicitly what her sexuality was and knew that she didn't have anything to be ashamed of, no matter what the bulk of humanity had to say about the issue. So that led her to the conclusion that her guilt stemmed from her current... _thing_ with Ashley. It wasn't a relationship. It wasn't a marriage. It wasn't a commitment. It was just sex; sex that Spencer rationally didn't want. So why did thinking about her attraction to Nicole make her feel so guilty? Why on earth did she feel like she was betraying Ashley in some way? No matter how hard or how often she asked herself that question Spencer found no answers for herself. It was frustrating in so many ways. Spencer chastised herself for it all, just like she always did. But she knew she couldn't bury her head in the sand about it forever. This wasn't a problem that was going to go away.

If only she had a solution.

Spencer buried her face in her hands and whimpered. There were no tears, merely sobs of frustration and weakness and impotence that she resented in every way possible. If only she were half as strong as the women she were attracted to; she'd have no problem figuring out what to do. But apparently her current constitution denied her that underrated luxury. While she languished in that emotional quagmire, her pet kitten, Koenig, poked her little ginger head through the bedroom door. As if sensing Spencer's depression the cat padded in on quiet steps and headed for her desk. It 'meowed' before leaping into her owner's lap and nuzzling at the girl's stomach with surreptitious pokes of her head. When Spencer pulled her face from her small hands and snivelled, she saw the kitten's warmth.

It made her smile, if only a bit.

"Oh Koenig," she whispered, stroking her pet. "I wish I knew what to do. It can't go on like this. But I'm not really sure how I feel about either of them. I'm attracted to Ashley and Nicole, but Ashley's not right for me... is she? And Nicole... she's my only friend... I don't want to risk that. And even if I could... there's no way she'd be attracted to other girls, right? And even if she was a lesbian or at least bi... that doesn't mean she'd be interested in me, does it? Oh it's all so confusing."

It truly was. Spencer couldn't think straight about any of it. She tried to distract herself from that point on by creeping downstairs and making herself a cup of coffee. She drank it there whilst making a point of replenishing Koenig's water dish. But that did nothing to take away from her problems. So Spencer distracted herself by doing what she had been meaning to do all week --- finishing every piece of incomplete schoolwork she'd left behind since first sleeping with Ashley. She went back upstairs to her room and bulldozed through four essays, two assignments and one term paper, most of which wasn't due for weeks. It was unusual and by no means cathartic but by the end of her spell morning had hit and her parents were wide awake downstairs. What she was left with was a pile of freshly printed schoolwork that, without question, would provide her with a continued A-grade stretch. Despite all that Spencer didn't feel the slightest bit tired or lethargic. She merely went into the bathroom, had a bath, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, got changed into some other clothes (a pale burgundy blouse, black trousers and flat-soled shoes). Then she got her bag packed with all the books she'd need for school today. Nine minutes later she left her bedroom fully prepped and headed downstairs. It was the usual spiel with her parents -- Arthur with his head in the morning paper and Paula in the kitchen making coffee.

" Spencer," Her mom smiled as she approached the kitchen door. "Would you like something to eat? I've made pancakes."

The younger woman sighed. "No thanks, Mom. I'm fine."

"Come now, honey. I haven't seen you eat breakfast in days. Go sit at the table and I'll get you a plate."

She couldn't argue and she didn't expect herself to either. Spencer exhaled and shrugged the backpack off of her shoulders. Inside the dining room her father sat reading the newspaper. There was a partially eaten croissant and a half empty cup of coffee waiting on the table beside him. Spencer took a seat by the opposing side of the table to wait for what her mom intended to bring her.

"Morning, Dad." she spoke softly.

Arthur's reply as loving and eloquent as ever. "Good morning."

It didn't take Paula long though. She came into the dining room and set down a plate with a four-tier stack of syrup-drenched pancakes and an a mug of coffee to accompany it. Though she was kind of in a rush to get out of there Spencer didn't woof down anything; she ate with the same manners and grace she always did before finishing up and putting her plate and cup in the dirty disk rack. She said her goodbyes to her parents (once again asking her Mom to feed Koenig for her) then left, shutting the door behind her. Given the 'routine' feeling of the day so far, perhaps it shouldn't have surprised her to see Ashley's car waiting very patiently at the sidewalk for her. Whatever confusion that brought to the girl she ignored it only to run up and see what Ashley was doing there.

The black-haired girl sat in the driver's seat of her car. She grinned when Spencer came up to the passenger's side window. "Hey, Spencer."

"...Ashley..." The first thing she did, perhaps unconsciously, was look at Ashely's face. The swelling of her bruise had gone down somewhat, her cut wasn't bleeding (although the bandage had been replaced) and her hair was no longer tousled. Whatever happened to Ashley before hadn't happened again last night or this morning. That was something of a relief although Spencer wasn't exactly busting with joy at the prospect of Ashley being parked in front of her house. Especially since Nicole would be heading for school anytime soon... "W-what are you doing here?"

That trademark smile of self-assurance resurrected itself in Ashley. "Conect the dots, girl. You have to go to school and I have to go to school. Why don't I take you?"

"..._Take_ me...?"

"_That_ kind of 'take' wasn't what I had in mind," Ashley purred suggestively. "But I could be persuaded..."

Bang. Ashley was back to her old un-humble self. Spencer felt a twinge between her hips. For her own sake, she bit her lip and tried desperately to suppress the carnal, wanton lusts that Ashley could so effortlessly extract from her. The core potentiality of sex with Ashley Davies was (at least in Spencer's case) like being trapped in quicksand. It didn't matter how hard you tried to struggle and wriggle free you ended up being swallowed into its mass. The only way to avoid the fate was to avoid the phenomenon entirely.

"Ashley... I..."

The girl in question pushed the passenger side door open. "Get in."

"...Um..."

"What's the hold up?" Ashley prodded. "Haul ass, or we're gonna be late."

Crunch time. Once again Spencer found herself herded into one of these 'Ashley or Nicole' moments. Her friend would be leaving home soon. Even now Spencer exchanged glances between a seated Ashley and the painted white door of the Milligan household across the street. Normally she could deny Ashley nothing -- all it took was a look of lust or determination from her to sway Spencer Carlin's impotent course. But something inside her, something slightly more overwhelming than the dirge of sexual desire, told her not to get in the car... not right now.

Spencer bit her lower lip as she always did when she had to make a hard choice. But eventually a resolve came to her and she was compelled to express it to Ashley. "...I... I'd prefer to go... by myself."

Ashley's quadruple four (**a**rrogant-**a**s-**a**n-**a**ss) smile twisted into a frown. No psychology degrees from Harvard were necessary to see that Ashley Davies did not like to hear the word 'no' from Spencer. Her brow wrinkled with irritation as a result, causing Spencer to shrink back an inch in steadfastness.

"What the hell is with you lately?" Ashley barked. "I thought we were getting somewhere."

The blonde looked away. "Ashley, p-please don't make this into a big thing..."

There was a silence and a pause. Then Ashley, with her strong yet soft hands grappling the wheel, turned and stared hard at Spencer with shrinking glare. The comment that followed was just as penetrating. "...Has this got something to do with that girl you were talking about yesterday?"

No one could cut through the shit like Ashley could. Spencer balked, partly for being so transparent and partly for even subscribing to the notion that she had to hide things from Ashley. But again there came this sense of indignity. Why was she making allowances for her actions to someone who had no real claim over her? Why was she tip-toeing around her own life? And **again** Spencer didn't broach the question. She buried it.

"...Ashley," She skirted around the name. "We can see each other... another time, okay...?"

She gave the younger girl a frank stare. "When?"

"I... I don't know..."

There was another pause. It was followed by Ashley's skull drooping toward her wheel in frustration. She pulled a seething grin and chuckled derisively at herself. It had Spencer confused for a moment, until the Italian-American girl breathed out heavily and reached for her stick shift.

"Why the fuck do I bother?" She barked at herself. "You know what? You go have fun with your 'friend'. Tell me how that works out for you."

The engine came to life. Spencer sighed and stepped back. As soon as she did the car peeled out of the sidewalk, tyres screeching, and shot down the road toward the main street. Spencer watched her go. She'd seen Ashley angry before but never at her. It was a bit unnerving to say the least. And yet those anxieties vanished like phantom when the door to the Milligan household opened and revealed its progeny, Nicole. Spencer's bright smile, the one from yesterday afternoon, returned to her. Nicole was quick to notice her and waved accordingly across the street. So Spencer crossed it to see her.

"Morning, Spencer." Nicole said cheerfully.

"M-morning..." she replied.

Nicole gestured to her house. "What were you doing, standing over there?"

In the same way that she didn't want Ashley knowing anything about Nicole, Spencer didn't want Nicole to know _anything_ about Ashley. It was a sector of her small life that she wanted no one (beside herself and Ashley) to have any knowledge of. "...Nothing, really."

"Oh. Okay. Well, lets get going then," Nicole shrugged her satchel over her shoulder. "I don't wanna miss my bus."

***********

Spending time with Nicole, Spencer found school far less difficult than she usually did. The drive to school on the bus was no longer the boring rolling mantra it usually was. It seemed to pass as quickly as a cool breath; because she had Nicole to talk to. The same went with Alderson High itself. Normally when she went from class to class Spencer felt like a fly caught in a spider's web -- the web being the school and the spider being her peers. But whatever scathing and egotistical comment your random jock or cheerleader levelled at her as she passed by, she didn't pay them the mind she would have done three days ago. Times had changed. Even when Nicole didn't share a class with her (for example Math and Spanish) it was enough to know that she'd be seeing the brunette again later that made them pass by so smoothly. It was a good thing. For some reason it allowed her to better focus on her work.

Then when the first set of classes for the day were over and lunch briefly took their place, for the first time ever, Spencer didn't feel so self-conscious and paranoid about the lunch room. They didn't eat there of course. As soon as their last morning class was over they met up and headed to the cafeteria together. When they left they headed for the grassy knoll that Spencer always ate her lunch by. This time Spencer had a cheese and pickle sandwich, a carton of tropical fruit juice and a banana; while Nicole had a cheeseburger and fries, a glass of lemonade and finally a slice of chocolate cake. That was one negative about Nicole. She didn't eat very healthily; although it was impossible to tell by looking at her body.

The two girls spent most of lunch chatting and laughing with each other.

"Hey listen, you're still coming over for dinner after school, right?" Nicole asked. "Not putting it off or anything?"

Spencer shook her head. "No. Of course not. I can't wait."

"That's good, `cause I'm not gonna be free tomorrow."

"Why's that?"

Nicole nibbled on a fry from her trey. "Well, don't laugh or anything, but I'm trying out for the girl's soccer team on Friday."

"You play soccer?" It hadn't even occurred to Spencer that Nicole would.

The brown-haired girl nodded. "Uh huh. I played for the girl's team at my old school back in Salt Lake City. I used to kick around a ball with my Dad all the time, until his accident. Its been one of my little passions, you know?"

Spencer couldn't really relate. She'd never played sports outside of academic necessity (one of the most awkward and mortifying moments of her life was when she was forced to play basketball in gym class -- her small frame and inability to either jump or shoot made a laughing stock of her -- unsurprisingly she wasn't likely to be head-hunted by the WNBA anytime soon) nor had she gone out of her way to develop any affinity for them. But to Spencer it was irrelevant how she felt about sports up until that point. Anything Nicole was interested in was something that Spencer was willing to give the benefit of the doubt. It explained how someone who ate so much junk food could have such a delicious body too.

"Good luck," Spencer offered. "I'll be rooting for you."

"Thanks, Spencer. You know-" Nicole cut herself off when her cell phone went off. It was that little jingle from _Grey's Anatomy_. The brunette took it out of her satchel and looked at the I.D. of the person calling her. The name `Ryan' was displayed on it. Spencer watched with concern when Nicole's brilliant smile collapsed like a deck of cards. She was quick to answer the call though, proclaiming,

"Ryan?"

Pause.

"I know. I know, Baby, I know that... but,"

Spencer bit her lip.

"That's because I've been really busy here. My Mom's carrying everything on her own and, and, you know my Dad tries but he needs help while she's at work. I can't just drop everything to-"

Another pause.

"It's not like that!"

Spencer tried to detach herself from this by eating something. But her sandwich was finished and her banana was now nothing more than a skin. The fruit juice carton was empty also. She was left fidgeting with her hands.

"It doesn't have to be like this Ryan, please...!"

Yet another pause. Nicole ran an anxious hand through her chocolate-coloured bangs.

"So that's it? You won't even give it a chance?"

Then came the final pause.

"Ryan, I'm begging you, please don't..." As soon as Nicole finished the sentence Spencer knew the conversation was over. Nicole, who now looked dejected in a way Spencer never would have imagined possible of her, lowered the cell from her ear and froze.

Spencer didn't _want_ to ask her the question but, "...What happened...?"

"T-that was my boyfriend... from back home," She explained in shock. "He just dumped me."

In the precise two and half minutes that this all took place in, a certain fact (or at least what she thought was a fact) had been revealed to Spencer. Nicole's sexuality. It weighted on her like a brick. But the very instant she saw those first few tears welling up in her friend's eyes... that was the moment that her own revelations and anxieties took a backseat. All she was aware of after that was that her friend was hurt. And she didn't really know what gave her the courage to do it, but Spencer climbed off of the smoothed out patch of grass she'd been sitting on and carefully wrapped her arms around the brunette. Nicole collapsed into Spencer's embrace of her. She sobbed openly into Spencer's shoulder, not even noticing when her cell phone fell out of her hand. The blonde held the brunette close without a single thought for what was going on around.

So as a consequence... she didn't notice when a young woman, who had been passing by only to get to the cafeteria, caught sight of the two of them embracing each other like that. This girl stood paralysed at the image, Spencer holding Nicole, Nicole holding Spencer. She then stormed off. This woman... was Ashley.

***********

It took a while but by the time the final bell rang it was clear that Nicole had calmed down a little bit. The last two classes of the day were classes that she and Spencer shared so they managed to see something of each other in that time. Nicole was grateful for that because it meant having a friend around in one of the worst possible places to get over a break-up, and that was class. Spencer was grateful because it meant that she could keep an eye on Nicole while she was coping with all this. So when that final bell rang the first thing they did was seek each other out. Nicole didn't even bother to entertain the one or two guys whom had been ogling her in class as usual. They simply found each other and went to the bus stop. On the bus ride back things were silent, with Nicole pretty much holding back her dry heaves. But it was when they got off the bus and started walking home that she started to talk.

"What is his name?" Spencer asked.

Nicole sighed out loud. "Ryan Finch. I met him three years ago I think. We were friends first. Then, one day after we'd seen a movie with some of our other friends, there was this really horrible storm and we got separated. Ryan and I hid under this old bus shelter until the storm calmed down. I remember... feeling so frightened of it. But he was warm and kind to me. He kept me talking to help me ignore all the thunder and lightning and rain... and then out of the blue he just kissed me. When he told me he'd had a crush on me since we'd first met, well... I was a little giddy. I cared for him but that made me like him all the more, you know? That was about... seven months ago. I was so proud to call him my boyfriend. I... I-I-I don't know if I'm in love with him or not, but... if there was anyone, it would have been him."

Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat. "...So... um... what happened...?"

"I moved here," Nicole whispered bitterly. "It was hard on me when my parents told me we'd be moving to L.A. But I think it was even harder on Ryan. I wanted us to try a long distance relationship, you know, like with phone calls and e-mails and letters and everything... but he said it wasn't working for him. So he broke up with me."

At that point Spencer thought back to that moment she saw Nicole standing sad and alone by the bus stop. She had been on the phone at the time. In retrospect it became clear that she had been speaking to Ryan. They probably had an argument then too. And although she wanted to hate him for hurting Nicole, she found that she couldn't. That was for more than one reason though. No matter what her sexuality was, no matter who the person was, male or female, Spencer shuddered to picture Nicole with someone else. She could relate with Ryan too. As sad and as cruel as it was, she wouldn't have been able to bear the thought of being separated from Nicole like he had. So was there anything more torturous than being reduced to having tiny fractions of her? Little love notes and poignant e-mails? Spencer knew that if _she_ were in that position it would have destroyed her. That's how special Nicole was. You'd be a fool not to see it.

"...I'm so sorry, Nicole." It was all she knew to say. It was all she possibly _could_ say.

"It's okay," Nicole feigned a little smile. "But you know what? I should be apologizing to you. Me and my big silly self. I was crying all over you."

There was a wet patch on the left shoulder of Spencer's burgundy top. It was quite noticeable. Although she never would have admitted it, she liked having something of Nicole's `marking' her, even they were her tears. "...Don`t worry about me."

Neither one of them paid attention to their surroundings whilst they were talking. It was only by chance that when they strode by Milligan household's driveway that Spencer spotted. And so they stopped. Then thoughts turned to what had been planned for the evening, for Spencer to have dinner with Nicole and her family.

"...Maybe this isn't the right time," Spencer wondered out loud. "I'm sure you don't want me in the way-"

Nicole shook her head. "No. No way. I don't wanna throw off my plans with you because of this. And, you know, to be perfectly honest, I'd really like to have a friendly face around me right now. Please come inside, okay?"

That provoked precisely what it warranted; a smile. "...Okay."

Then, for the second time today, someone's cell phone went off. This time it was Spencer's. She exhaled and took off her bag so she could pull out the phone. She knew without even looking that it would be Ashley. And sure enough, when she _did_ look, it _was_ Ashley. When Nicole turned her keys in the lock, she looked back and saw Spencer standing silently with her ringing phone.

"Who is it?" Nicole asked.

Spencer stared at her cell for a second before switching it off. "...Nobody. It's nobody."

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	10. Chapter 10

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Chapter Ten

**********

Considering what this was, a meal with another family, Spencer didn't expect to be surprised by anything. She did this with her own family every Sunday so it didn't strike her as the kind of thing that would be a break from her norm; other than sitting to a meal with Nicole of all people. In fact she was quite wrong. In opposition to her own frame of knowledge... it startled her how nice and warm Nicole's parents were.

Despite her break up with Ryan, Nicole tried to put a brave face on for everyone and it worked (as well as it could have, at least). She introduced Spencer to her father, Simon, who was as Nicole said a paraplegic. But despite him being bound to a wheelchair he wasn't the slightest bit remote or embittered. He was a cheerful man who took Spencer's hand and shook accordingly, welcoming her to the household. Spencer was startled but not ignorant. She didn't stare but she didn't dismiss it, either. It was only shortly after that that Nicole compelled Spencer to follow her up to her room. There was no way the blonde girl would have refused that. Nicole's bedroom was pretty much like any other belonging to a girl in high school. There were numerous posters up on the walls (which had been painted in a very faint green) of her sporting idols and most liked movies. Those posters presided over a fairly standard set-up of a single bed and nightstand, a pinewood desk which held her PC, printer and scanner, a television on a blank painted TV unit, a stack of CDs piled up next to that, and a chest of drawers and wardrobe that Nicole's clothes were stored in. There was also a small bookcase on one side of the room that contained at least twenty text books or so. It alone was proof that Nicole was as studious as she said she was. However the room was unkempt and messy. The books and CDs were in disarray, quite a few clothes were strewn about over the carpeting, including a pair of Nicole's panties (Lisa noted _that_ with a very heavy blush) which were hanging off a spoon lodged in a now cold and half-drunk cup of coffee. It was all very charming though, even as Nicole made her apologies for the mess and started to clear up. Spencer herself didn't mind it at all. She couldn't deny the feeling of pride she had when she was there. It was Nicole's private space (well... at least the external one) and Spencer was probably the first person in L.A. to have seen it. That made her feel proud; to know that there were dimensions of Nicole that only she had seen.

The girls spent less than an hour up there together before Simon called them downstairs for dinner. By that time Daryl had gotten home. When Spencer came down and saw her, she realized that that was font from which Nicole's beautiful looks came from. Daryl was much like an older and more mature version of her daughter, though her own hair was slightly longer and slightly darker, and straight, as opposed to the waves Nicole's hair had.

By contrast Nicole looked less like her father but definitely got his personality.

After Daryl and Spencer were introduced (and Daryl got changed out of the suit she had worn to her new job) and after Spencer had helped Nicole set the table, they all sat down to the meal Simon had cooked. It was beef stroganoff for Nicole and Simon and a well-tossed garden salad with roasted potatoes and Thousand Island dressing for Spencer and Daryl (who was apparently a vegetarian). It was a very relaxing and eye-opening experience for Spencer to see the Milligan household in its time of commune. Their meals were so very unlike the ones she shared with her parents. Simon and Daryl asked Nicole about her day, how she was settling in, if she'd still be trying out for the Alderson High's female soccer team, etc. On the contrary; Spencer's parents barely asked her to pass the salt. Simon and Daryl were also very friendly, asking similar questions of Spencer, inviting her for dinner again some other night too. It was nice. It was the first time she had ever sat down to a family meal and hadn't felt awkward. And by the time it was over Spencer was left with a lasting impression of Nicole's family -- a sanguine one, one of true esteem.

Come two and a half hours later, Daryl and Simon were curled up on the couch of the lounge together watching CNN (an act which conveyed more intimacy than Arthur and Paula had shown each other in years) while their daughter showed Spencer to the door. The two stood in the hallway of the Milligan household with mutual smiles. But Spencer wasn't stupid. She knew that Nicole was still hurting over Ryan. It was a shame really. Here Nicole had truly had her heartbroken, and Spencer felt powerless to stop it.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked in earnest. "I know that it must be... really hard for you, with Ryan and all..."

Nicole pulled a tiny and crestfallen half-smile. "...I don't want you to worry about it, Spencer. Ryan and I just wanted a few different things is all. I've had some time to think since this afternoon and... I'm actually starting to believe that it was for the best. We couldn't have kept up a long distance relationship anyway; he was such a horny bastard."

They both giggled a little.

"..Nah. You know what? I'm gonna be okay." Nicole's smile then became quite real, made `full'. "Thanks for coming over tonight. I really needed someone to talk to and you were there for me. I'm always gonna be grateful for that."

Spencer blushed lightly again. She was never, and would never, be one for compliments. But to hear Nicole say such sweet things to her (especially when Spencer was so used to being treated like a nerd by her student peers, an invisible girl by her parents and a vibrator by Ashley) made all the difference. It made her forget all the jealousies she felt against Ryan and all the inadequacies she felt as a human being. That was how much Nicole meant to her. So Spencer softly pulled the bangs out of her eyes and offered Nicole her gentle and appreciative smile.

"That's okay..." Was all she said.

Nicole sociably squeezed her shoulder. Spencer quivered with delight at the oblivious touch.

"Want me to walk you home?"

Spencer shook her head. "I'll be fine."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow morning then, yeah?"

"Yes." Spencer then opened the door, not breaking eye contact with Nicole for a second, before turning outside and walking down the driveway. Nicole gave her a parting wave before closing the door. Spencer stopped and took a brief moment to breathe and reflect. These past few days of knowing Nicole had been a wonder for her. Meeting her lovely parents had been just as nice. And here she was, afraid she'd make a lousy impression. The knowledge of all this made Spencer feel light and giddy like never before. Nicole was feeling better too... in time maybe she would forget about Ryan and move on. Those thoughts too, added to Spencer's joy. But when she opened her brightened blue eyes to cross the road, that wave of elation inside her crashed into the jagged rocks of realism and dispersed. Across the street she could see Ashley's ride parked up in her parent's driveway.

She was sitting on its bonnet and was staring somewhat angrily in her direction.

The tide of warmth that Spencer felt dissolved faster than she would have expected. What was worse was that she was becoming very clear on one thing. Whenever she saw or heard from Ashley her mood went sour. Spencer quickly looked back to make sure Nicole wasn't standing by her doorway (she wasn't) then she crossed the street hurriedly and came up to Ashley. But before Spencer even opened her mouth she smelt an overpowering waft of something on Ashley... and that something was alcohol.

There was actual recoil. "...Have you been drinking?"

The angry smile on her face said as much. "What d'you think?"

Immediately Ashley reached out and dragged Spencer to her. The blonde girl gasped as Ashley literally smothered her lips in a kiss while one of her strong hands groped Spencer's tiny excuse for an ass -- IN PUBLIC. And her eyes shot wide open at the striking taste of diluted vodka on Ashley's lips. Spencer was incredulous. Her whimpers of discomfort were muffled by Ashley's kiss until she pushed herself free and said uncharacteristically; "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Nothing I haven't done before..." Ashley slurred. "What're YOU doing...?"

"...We're in public!" She seethed. Spencer glared frantically from side to side to try and see if someone was coming or if someone had seen Ashley accost her like that. Apparently no one had. Of course that didn't stop her from being worried that someone _would_ if it happened again, especially considering the inability Ashley seemed to have at keeping her voice down. She wasn't _drunk_ but she certainly wasn't being careful either. And this was one hell of a quiet suburb. A pin could drop and ten of your neighbors would hear it. Ashley didn't seem to care much about that though. She ambled forward and grabbed both of Spencer's enflamed cheeks. She brought the girl close to her again.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Spencer...?" She asked.

Spencer squirmed as Ashley's hands left her cheeks and went roaming around her body again. This time she didn't pull away... but only because her thoughts started running away from her again. Ashley paid no attention to that, to the expression on Spencer's face, the one that indicated that gears and cogs were turning in her mind.

"How long has it been?" Her pearly white teeth bit down on Spencer's left earlobe before uttering, "...Come on..."

Her hand grabbed Spencer's ass again... but tighter and more possessively. That was enough to break Spencer out of her own thoughts once again and compel her to pull away. This time she put some real distance between herself and the half-drunk girl in front of her.

"...I don't want this." She declared.

Ashley's callow sneer turned into an angered one. But she turned her attentions to the Milligan household across the street. Spencer followed her stare and then looked back at Ashley. Apparently she had seen the two of them together at the door saying goodbye. Part of Spencer felt defeated at that thought. Though she hadn't really considered the fact up until now... she wanted to keep Ashley and Nicole as far away from each other as possible. At once she knew why. For one thing she couldn't stand the idea of Ashley potentially ruining the only serious friendship she had ever had... but most of all Spencer didn't want someone as sweet and as decent as Nicole to know the kind of things she had let Ashley do to her. It was all a result of her own personal weakness. For those reasons; the knowledge that Ashley now knew of Nicole really bit her on the ass. Spencer would have done anything to keep this element of her life a secret from Nicole.

Ashley stared at the Milligan house. "...Is this because of that bitch over there?"

At THAT Spencer balked quite completely. The comment stung, like it had been said to HER, like she had been slugged in the stomach. Through all the sex and the power the blonde girl had forgotten how boorish Ashley could really be.

"Don't call her that...!" Remarked Spencer.

Ashley stared evenly at her before quipping, "...Are you hot for her?"

That second comment stung too... but for a very different reason. Spencer tried to protest but found herself stunned into silence. All she could do was glance away. That silence was more than an answer for both of them -- it resolved the question with a calm earnest and frankness that words couldn't possibly have mustered. But then something peculiar happened. When Spencer looked up sheepishly, taking her eyes off her feet, she saw something in Ashley's caramel eyes that she had never seen before.

Hurt.

Ashley took in quick breaths, eyes darting rapidly, while one of her shaking hands absently plucked at her bangs. At first she tried to laugh it off, dismiss the idea of Spencer having feelings for someone else, as though it didn't matter or that it just wasn`t possible; but that was false and both of them knew it. Spencer suddenly felt a pang of guilt... even more so when she saw Ashley's lip quiver. The frailty Spencer had seen in Ashley before was back but this time it was so much worse. This time it was truly emotional. "You... _like_ her?"

Spencer bit her own lip and tore herself from Ashley's frustrated gaze. "...I'm sorry..."

Ashley's left leg started trembling.

"I'm really sorry, Ashley..."

The Italian girl swallowed the uncomfortable lump in her throat. "...What about me?"

It was long overdue. She had to say it now while the chance was here. "... Ashley... I... I mean... it... wasn't going anywhere, was it...? Maybe... I'm sure... that there's... someone better out there for you. Someone else."

"...I don't _want_ someone else! I want _you_...!"

"...I'm... sorry..." It was all she could possibly say. Then she turned to her door. "...I think you should go now..."

Before she even made it to the step Ashley desperately grabbed her wrist to stop her from going. She spun Spencer around on her heels and grabbed her by the shoulders, declaring desperately, "Spencer, please...!"

She couldn't think of a single thing to say other than `I'm sorry'. And Spencer had apologized more times than she could count for things she couldn't control. But this was something she _could_ control and she was finally (albeit through the friendship she shared with Nicole) beginning to see that for herself. So Spencer shrugged Ashley's grasp off of her and jogged up to the front door. She quickly unlocked it, went inside, and then slammed it shut -- only to hear Ashley bang her fists against it from the other side.

"Spencer! ... Spencer!" She yelled aloud. "Spencer, open the door! Open this door! Spencer!"

That was bound to be heard by the neighbors. Spencer didn't dwell on that this time however. She ignored all the banging and shouting and ran upstairs to her room. She slammed the door behind her and collapsed on top of her bed in sobs. Below she could still hear her now ex-lover slamming her fists into wood and yelling for her to come back out. So Spencer grabbed the pillow off her bed and wrapped it around her head, covering her ears until Ashley gave up. Moments after that Spencer heard two sounds; first of a car door opening and then closing, then of tires screeching erratically against asphalt. She knew that to be Ashley driving away, and she remembered with some bitterness that Ashley had been drinking vodka. But there was nothing she could do. It had to be done. What they had wasn't a relationship but whatever it was, it was wrong, and it had to end. The young blonde woman curled up into a ball. While lying down she roughly wiped the tears out of eyes and sobbed to herself, "...I'm so sorry..."

Not even the tender nudge of her pet kitten could break her out of that malady.

**********

When Spencer awoke the following morning things proceeded as they always did. It was the same tried mantra; wake up, feed Koenig, take a bath, get dressed, check e-mail, go downstairs and finally drink a quick coffee alongside her disagreeable father. Spencer did most of that with a chip on her shoulder. She didn't express anger very well however; so to Paula and Arthur it was like it always was with her. It was per usual. There were times when Spencer really believed that should she even catch fire they wouldn't notice her.

It was all quite meaningless though. Her mind, as normal, had vacated from her usual routine and settled on her newly burgeoning love-life. Throughout the process of getting ready for school the only thing she thought about was what happened with Ashley. Part of her really felt guilty. Normally Ashley Davies was such a strong person to her, this Goddess of determination and strength that Spencer felt powerless to deny. But lately she had been seeing a new side to Ashley, one that proved wholesale she wasn't nearly as strong as Spencer had thought her to be. There was an understated but palpable fragility nestled inside Ashley's heart -- Spencer had seen it twice thus far, the first time being after all her facial injuries and the second being yesterday. The blonde didn't think she'd ever forget that heartbroken look in Ashley's eyes. It was plaguing her even now. But she kept telling herself, over and over and over and over again, that this _was_ for the best. They would probably just cause each other more pain if things continued as they had thus far. This didn't need to be another modern reincarnation of the hedgehog's dilemma. They could get through this; of that Spencer was becoming quite certain. So by the time she went downstairs there was little in her head that accentuated regret. There was maybe a little guilt for Spencer's reaction to the whole thing, but no regret.

This time Spencer made quick goodbye's to her parents (so quick in fact that Paula could not stop and cajole her into eating something she didn't want or sitting around a table with a father who barely knew her) and left the house abruptly. Spencer noted with some relief that for once Ashley's car was _not_ parked up in her parent's driveway. Less than four minutes later Nicole emerged from her own home. Spencer smiled fully. She looked great as always. This morning she had forsaken her brown satchel for a rucksack though. It was open slightly, and inside she could see one of the heels of a pair of studded shoes. From that Spencer recalled that Nicole would be trying out for the girl's soccer team today.

"Hey Spencer." Nicole said, somewhat more chirpy than yesterday. "Ready to go?"

She nodded. "Of course. But how are you? Are you... okay? You know, after the whole Ryan thing?"

Nicole's smile faded but it wasn't replaced by a frown. Rather it was replaced by a thoughtful and distant glance in the distance. She seemed to be in deep thought for a moment, perhaps even losing sight of her surroundings, then shook herself out of the reverie to answer. "...You know what? In a really weird way... I think I'm already over it."

That had Spencer confused. "...Really...? But... I mean... he was your-"

"I know. He was my boyfriend and he was a great one. But I put my head down last night and I just had a good chance to think things through. I think that part of the reason I got so upset was because Ryan was like... the last piece of 'home' I had left. That's no fair on him and it's not fair on me. I think it's best to move on."

Spencer couldn't have been happier to hear that. "I'm pleased for you. I hated seeing you so upset."

"And that's why you're my friend...!" Nicole nudged her playfully as they started walking to the bus stop. "So what plans do you have for the weekend?"

Spencer blinked. "...Plans?"

"Yeah, you know, plans? What'cha got planned? You gonna hit the town? Get hammered? Sacrifice a goat?"

"...No, nothing like that..." The blonde giggled a little. "I don't really... do much on the weekends, except... well... studying and stuff."

Nicole stared at her. "...That's all? Studying?"

"Pretty much..."

"Uh huh. No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no. That's boring. That's school. You won't be burying your ass in books... at least not this weekend," Declared the brunette. "No, my friend, this weekend you'll be taking me out for a movie. Yeah, that sounds about right. And there'll be no arguments either."

Spencer smiled privately. "I wasn't going to make any."

That smile widened when Nicole hooked her arm around her more petite shoulders. Nicole brought her close with a chuckle. "Yeah I didn't think so. We'll have a blast."

The two of them walked off down the street toward the bus stop. If it didn't sink in by now it had to be said - Spencer wasn't stupid. She knew that Nicole was overcompensating. She was still cut up about Ryan, but being the sweet girl that she was, Nicole didn't let that intentionally affect the way she treated her friends. The two girls from then on discussed where they would go and what they would do that weekend on the way to school. Half an hour later they were disembarking their transport and walking up to Alderson High's open gates. This first period they didn't share together, so when they got their books from their lockers they said goodbye to each other. Spencer watched her disappear into the numerous crowds of students gathering in the corridor of that wing. As soon as Nicole was gone however, someone bumped into her shoulder. Spencer scowled when droplets of coffee doused the lapel of her shirt. When she looked up the culprit waved an apology to her and sped off down the hall, her coffee cup splashing every which way. Apparently she was in a hurry. Spencer sighed and headed for the toilets before class.

As soon as she walked into one of them she clammed up. There were two cheerleaders (they weren't dressed in their leotards or anything but Spencer knew the two of them to be cheerleaders) standing in front of the mirrors hanging over the wash basins. They made themselves prim and proper, re-applying make-up and lipstick, whilst gushing at the cuteness of one particular boy and laughing at the ugliness of another. Spencer took the basin that was three basins down and tried not to draw attention to herself as she dampened a wash towel and wiped at the coffee stain. By the time it became clear that the stain wouldn't come out this way, the two cheerleaders had finished picking at themselves in the mirror. When one passed Spencer by she remarked, "Hey flat-ass! Work out much?"

Spencer lowered her head as the pair cackled like hyenas on their way out. It distracted her. So much that she didn't even notice someone stepping out of one of the stalls behind her. That person paused a moment, then the next thing Spencer knew, she was being dragged, with a gasp, into that same stall. That person thrust her against its wall and swiftly locked its door. Spencer stared wide-eyed. That `person' was Ashley.

"...W-what on earth are you doing?" Spencer questioned her.

Ashley held her by the shoulders. "I just need to talk to you."

Despite the way she went about this Spencer was somewhat relieved to see that Ashley hadn't gotten herself killed in some kind of road accident. She hadn't forgotten how the Italian girl had been semi-inebriated when she drove off last night. That thought rushed back to her when she saw the older girl again. But that didn't change the fact that she didn't want to see (or better yet sleep with) Ashley Davies anymore.

"I think we said... everything that needed to be said... last night." Spencer put forth.

Ashley scowled. "No, _you_ said everything you needed to say last night. You didn't even give me a chance."

"When have you ever given _me_ a chance?" Spencer shot back, defying her own infirmness, startling Ashley, "How many times have I said... that I didn't want to do things we did together...? But you forced me... told me things... about how I'd like it.... in the end..."

"But you did-"

"It doesn't matter!" She shouted defiantly. "No means no!"

There was silence. That comment had both of them stunned. Ashley especially. Because not once, not one single time, had she ever heard Spencer yell. Not ONCE. And of all people, she never expected herself to be the one she finally did it too. It then dawned on her that Spencer was changing. She didn't know why or how, but this was not the same Spencer Carlin she'd been fucking privately. Butterflies danced in Ashley's stomach -- but they weren't the good kind, the kind you got when you saw the love of your life for the first time. These were the kind of butterflies you got when you knew you were about to lose something very precious. The thought that Spencer was growing and thus growing _apart_ from her made her squirm. Ashley was even shaking again and didn't know it.

"Look," Ashley tried to rationalize all this. "I know I might have done a few things wrong here, I don't... I mean I'm not... look, what I'm trying to say is... that I'm sorry. Maybe I haven't been treating you as good as I could have and maybe I am a little selfish sometimes... but I REALLY want this. Me and you."

Spencer turned her head to one side.

But she didn't move.

"Come on, Baby..." Ashley's long black tresses fell with her as she leaned down over an inert Spencer. Her smooth lips descended slowly upon the terse but tender muscles of the blonde's neck. Ashley brought soft butterfly kisses down it, teasing its supple flesh. Spencer shuddered but remained immobile.

Spencer's eyes shook. "...Don't..."

While soft kisses were planted along her neck, Ashley's commanding hands seized her wrists and pressed them firm into the wall. Spencer felt her fingernails scratching its plastic. All the while Ashley pushed herself closer to her; flattening their breasts together. The blonde girl tightened up and bit her lip while a tense frustration built within her.

"...Stop it..." She whispered.

Ashley didn't even pause, let alone stop. Rather her kisses over Spencer's neck became more intense and more hungry. They became bites. Spencer winced when Ashley bit down hard to the left side of her neck. It wasn't hard enough to make her bleed but it would definitely leave a hickey. That was the last straw. It caused Spencer to scowl angrily and once more yell;

"I said stop it!"

Once more she shouted and once more it stopped Ashley in her tracks. And then she realized what she was doing. The raven-haired temptress pulled back and looked at Spencer. She _actually_ looked at her. The upper half of her shirt, coffee stain and all, was now a mess. The part of Spencer's neck that she'd bitten was already turning an enflamed red. Trails of saliva ran across it. Meanwhile she held the girl down by the wrists. And she came face to face with the quivering in Spencer's big blue eyes. Ashley knew that look... or at least knew what it signified.

Spencer was scared.

Ashley's heart sank. "...Are you afraid of me?"

The shorter woman shrugged her hands free from an astounded Ashley's grip. "...You don't listen to me."

Point in fact -- no one did. Except Nicole. And that was what this was about. Another quiet stillness surrounded the pair of them. Ashley stepped back, startled as she had never been before. She had never _ever_ meant to force herself on Spencer. But because Spencer was so damn frigid and insipid... she kept thinking that the girl needed a nudge to make her push through, a little bit of motivation to make her see that this was what she really wanted. That was Ashley's train of thought. It never occurred to her, not a single time, that she might be frightening Spencer. That was the _last_ thing she wanted.

Ashley reached out to touch her cheek. "I... I'm sorry. Spencer, I don't mean to..."

"Don't...!" She recoiled. "...Don't touch me! Ashley... I can't do this anymore. I don't... I don't want to see you... or be with you... or anything else. So please just... leave me alone."

Spencer hurriedly unlocked the stall door and ran out; leaving a fairly perturbed Ashley behind her.

**********

The last class before lunch break was one that Spencer shared with Nicole. When they met up with each other for History Nicole seemed to pick up quick that something wasn't quite so right with Spencer. The blonde dodged the few questions that Nicole leveled at her because of that though. What happened with Ashley in the toilets earlier had shaken her, but it hadn't weakened her resolve to keep secret Ashley's existence from her friend. If anything the whole thing hardened her resolve to do that.

Because of that Spencer spent most of the class focusing on her studies. She didn't want to daydream anymore after a big fight. It distracted her and drew attention to her; what's worse was that Spencer knew Nicole might question her about it if she wafted off on one of her daydreams in front of her. If that were to happen then Nicole would know something was wrong and, considering what kind of person she was, wouldn't let up until she found out what the problem was. If that happened Spencer would be forced to lie to her and she didn't want that. So Spencer tried and was somewhat successful in keeping down her sentiments and anxieties about Ashley.

While the crotchety Mrs. Swirlin gassed on continually about the consequences of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade on the US, Spencer felt a little like her old studious self again.

An hour later Spencer and Nicole (as well as the other twenty or so students) sighed with relief at the ringing of the bell. They packed up and retreated from her room to the corridors. The two girls then went off to get lunch. It was the same as it always was; a loud marking ground for high school sub-culture that Spencer took as more of a chore than a relief. And like usual she and Nicole were forced to wait around on the tail end of a lengthy line of fellow students before being served. When they finally were seen to, Spencer got herself a whole meal tuna sandwich, a carton of milk, and a red apple. Nicole (ever the avid fan of junk food) had a cheeseburger, a side of potato wedges, a pudding cup and a can of Coca-Cola. However when they left the line and turned to the doors that allowed them outside they saw budding droplets of water pattering against their glass. Those droplets soon became a downpour. It was raining outside.

"Crap," Swore Nicole, holding up her tray. "I guess we'll have to eat in here today. Is that cool?"

Spencer bit her lip nervously. It wasn't cool but it wasn't like they had much choice either. She nodded. Nicole nodded back and scanned the tables for a free one. There was a borderline empty table to the centre right (it's only occupant was a nerdish boy with an unsightly retainer, sitting alone -- neither of the girls knew him) so they headed for that one. Nicole and Spencer sat down around the other side of the table from the boy, who looked up from his plate of pasta salad only once before returning to it, and they started eating. Spencer was somewhat more nervous about it than usual but she tried hard not to let it show.

It didn't seem to be working. Before long Nicole asked her; "Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"You seem stressed out."

Spencer fobbed it off. "No. I... I'm fine."

Nicole was understandably unconvinced. Yet before she opened her lips to question her further, she blinked when she saw someone approach their table and lean over Spencer. Spencer realized it only when she heard this girl press both her palms down on the table (the silver rings she was wearing made a kind of clacking sound). When she looked up her eyes went wide as saucers.

It was Ashley... again.

"I really need to talk to you again," Ashley spoke urgently. "I have to explain."

Spencer went rigid. The strength she found yesterday to break up with Ashley disappeared even faster than it came. The only thing her mind registered was Ashley standing between herself and Nicole. The ONE thing she had wanted to maintain was distance between the two and now they were right _here_ in front of her. Spencer's blue eyes swung in Nicole's direction. The brunette stared oddly at Ashley, clearly wondering who she was. Spencer then cast her gaze back at Ashley herself -- who was waiting for a reply.

"Well?" Chipped Ashley. "Are you coming?"

Spencer was so stunned she was speechless. Her throat actually felt dry, so dry in fact that when she tried to say something she found that she _couldn't_. The previous infirmness came back down on her like a weight in her stomach and she was rendered unable to say or do a thing. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) Nicole was.

"...Can we help you...?" She said with probing confusion.

"...Heh. `Can _we_ help you?'..." Ashley's hands balled while her lips pulled an angry grin the very second Nicole spoke to her. Thus a new dimension of tenseness opened up as Ashley turned from Spencer to Nicole. "Do I look like I need your help?"

Nicole gave a half-chuckle. "...Um... kinda..."

"...You think you're so fucking perfect, don't you?"

"...Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter?" Retorted Ashley.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"You wanna know what my problem is?" Chipped Ashley. "My problem is stuck-up, more-money-than-brains bitches like you who can't mind their own fucking business. That's goddamned problem."

The half-eaten cheeseburger Nicole had been holding hit her tray. Both Spencer and the boy with the retainer looked on (Spencer was terrified but the boy was just understandably curious) as Nicole rose from her chair with a sneer and angrily faced off with Ashley.

Nicole didn't show the slightest instance of fear about Ashley having an inch over her. "You've got a big mouth, you know that? Now I don't know what your issue is and to be honest I couldn't give damn. But Spencer's my friend and you're bothering her. So just buzz off, alright?"

Ashley smirked angrily at her before giving her a shove. "You wanna make me?"

Spencer was petrified but still unable to say or do anything, even as Nicole staggered back, startled but not baited. But the Milligan girl's left hand balled into a restraining fist. She suppressed her anger, willing it not to consume her, and she replied tersely, "I'm not gonna fight you."

"Yeah, I guessed not." Ashley bit acidly. "You might break a nail or mess up your hair or something. You might even end up in a wheelchair; like that crippled Dad of yours."

Even with the calmest of souls, the most pacifistic of priests, there was always something, just one thing, that when said, provoked them in ways they themselves probably wouldn't have imagined. Nicole's trigger was her Dad. And Spencer's apprehension burst into overpowering horror when she and about twenty other people from surrounding tables overheard the auburn-haired girl scream **"You bitch!"** right before she literally bolted over the table and threw herself at Ashley.

There was a clattering of chairs and scraping of table legs against floors, as well as screaming and shouting, the moment Nicole and Ashley tumbled to the floor and started fighting. The sound dampened all the chatter and laughter of the kids around it and soon everyone in the cafeteria, more than 170 people, started to dash and gather around the pair. A huge crowd developed around them, the youngest of the group shouting "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" amid a chorus of teenage roars and cheers that swept across the cafeteria in waves. Spencer, who by now was out of her chair, struggled to make her way to the front of the pack. It was too tight to move through them and was held back two lines behind the fight itself. But between the heads of two jeering jocks she saw Ashley and Nicole rolling over the floor, surrounded by discarded food and overturned tables.

Spencer's heart was in her throat. By now Nicole was on her back, kicking and thrashing, while Ashley rolled over and mounted her from above. The taller girl drew back her fist and punched Nicole across the face with it. Spencer winced -- at both the impact and Nicole`s hurt cry. But as soon as Ashley pulled back her other fist, her face jerked to one side when Nicole slapped her across it. She reeled, enough for Nicole to grab her by the neck and push Ashley off of her. Then Nicole immediately rolled on top of Ashley, shrieking angrily, clutching bundles of her jet black hair and yanking viciously at them. Ashley tried to smother the younger girl's face with her hands, yelling, "get the fuck off me!" or something to that effect -- at least as far as Spencer heard.

Spencer remained mute but her heart screamed internally. Her inner voice shouted, begged and pleaded for them to stop fighting, but it wasn't nearly enough. What bubbled up inside her was a both stark realization and a cold personal admission... that this was all _her_ fault. If not for her none of this would be happening. Spencer shut her eyes and tried desperately to block out the giddy jeering of her student peers. She could feel her tears encroaching on her. In seconds she knew that if they didn't stop she'd burst into tears.

But that was before someone else got involved. A louder and more sophisticated voice shouted heavily over everyone else. Someone was yelling at Ashley and Nicole to stop. Spencer opened her eyes and saw Mr. Stephens, the black Cultural Studies teacher, push his way through the throng and immediately foisted himself between Ashley and Nicole as they tore into each other. With some difficulty he grabbed hold of Ashley and pulled her off of Nicole -- who still had bundles of Ashley's hair in her hands. Once she was up Mr. Stephens kept her at one side then pulled Nicole off the floor. As soon as they were up they lunged at each other again. But Mr. Stephens was between them and extended both arms to keep them at distance from each other. They were both breathless and their clothes and hair were in disarray. Spencer silently thanked whoever needed to be thanked for his presence.

The multitude of kids around them started to calm down (with some of them groaning at Mr. Stephens for stopping the fight and others already debating which one of them had `won' the scrap). Because of that Spencer could now hear what was being said between them.

"Bitch!" Nicole yelled, irrespective of her teacher. "You ever talk about my Dad again, I'll kill you!"

"Yeah? I'd like to see you fucking try!" Retorted Ashley, loudly.

"That's enough!" Mr. Stephens' powerful baritone voice overwhelmed them both. "I don't know who started this but it's going to stop! Period! Understand? The pair of you, in my office, now!"

He released them. Ashley and Nicole threw deathly glances at each other but did as they were told, and made their way out of the cafeteria. Both were so angry and breathless that neither one of them searched for Spencer in the crowd. And as for the crowds; Mr., Stephens' shook his head with a sigh and proclaimed to them, "Alright, alright. There's nothing to see here. All you kids go back to your tables. Now."

Everyone began to slowly disperse in the midst of collective clusters of laughs and chatter. Mr. Stephens then followed Ashley and Nicole to his office. And while the high school flock had been satiated with yet another demi-gladiatorial fight, the girl at the centre of it all was left reeling and dazed. By the time one of the lunch ladies came up with a broom to sweep up the all food that had been thrown on the floor as a result of the fight, Spencer was the last one left still standing there. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute. But the one thing she thought without contest was the one thing that hurt her the most. It was the only thing marching through her brain, true or not.

This was all her fault.

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	11. Chapter 11

**********

Chapter Eleven

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There were a few notes scrawled over the current page of her Geography notebook. They were no more than a few lines or so, something to do with the effects of tectonic activity on American economic interests or something or other. Spencer found herself writing those few lines without knowing that she was, as though she were on autopilot. But that didn't last. Her thoughts were too clouded, too obscure. Very soon after Mr. Peyton had begun his class, [Geography] Spencer's head tuned out his words. In fact everything around her, the room (decorated with geographical posters, environmental awareness pamphlets and globes) the students (some of them listening, some of them talking quietly amongst themselves, some of them secretly fiddling with their cell phones) and the lecturer himself; all became willowy shadows dancing around her here. They were there but they didn't mean anything. They didn't convey anything. Spencer was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she _truly_ felt that way.

Not once since the fight between Ashley and Nicole had Spencer been able to think of anything else. Even now, a good forty minutes after the whole debacle, the image of it was plaguing her with incandescent gumption. All she saw in her head was the two of them fighting with each other on the cafeteria floor whilst a segment of the student body surrounded and jeered them on. She recalled the painful expression Nicole had when Ashley punched her. She recalled the aching scowl Ashley bore when Nicole yanked at her hair. Everything about it was mortifying. Yet despite Spencer's brain didn't seem to want to relinquish those images. Far from it -- her psyche was playing them back to her over and over again like a scratched vinyl record.

As soon as Mr. Stephens (and thank God for him) had stopped the fight, Spencer was in her own personal tizzy. It took her a few moments at the time to get herself together. The first thing she did subsequent to that was to leave the cafeteria. She'd always hated it anyway and the way everyone stood around and watched while two people mindlessly tore into each other was an intrinsic conformation that these people were not the sort that she would want to be associated with. They didn't much carry a torch for her either -- the sentiments balanced themselves out quite well to that end. When she left the cafeteria Spencer headed for the toilets again. Fortunately the one she picked was empty. Swiftly she had gone to one of the basins and gave herself the hardest of looks through the mirror above it. Though she hadn't noticed it earlier (probably because of the shock of seeing two of the biggest people in her life beating the crap out of each other) she actually _had_ shed a few tears. There were three noticeable tear tracks on her face. They had dried up by that point but they stood out as plain as day. Her eyes were shaking too, much like the rest of her body. Her lower lip was quivering as well. One thing that stood out more plainly than all of that however was the hickey on Spencer's neck. Because of everything it took her a moment to remember why there was a patch of widening red flesh on her normally flawless porcelain skin but the memory soon struck home. That was where Ashley had bitten her earlier. She touched it gingerly. Spencer knew nothing about hickeys as this was her first, but what she did know was that it wasn't going away anytime soon. It was like a branding. And it soon dawned on Spencer that this was the same toilet room they'd been in earlier that day.

That alone was more than enough to say again, in her skull, "It's all my fault".

There was no thinking in her at that point that would have said otherwise. All she considered was her own flagrant guilt. If only she had been more confident in telling Ashley to leave her alone, if only she'd been more stern, if only she'd done it earlier...

...if only she'd refused outright to sleep with Ashley the very instant they'd first clapped eyes on each other.

The maybes and the what-ifs were, in her own fragmented mind, undeniable. The truth was utterly irrelevant, what mattered was the reality, the will behind the representation; and that was the simple fact that _people were getting hurt_. If Nicole had never met Spencer then that would never have happened to her in the first place. That notion on its own had Spencer overwhelmed by both horror and guilt. And yet it might have seemed so simple an affair at its core -- two girls having a fight in school -- that likely happens everyday all across the world, right? There were probably two little kids in England beating the living shit out of each other in schoolyard over some nameless boy they happened to take a shine to. But to Spencer it wasn't some little thing... it was everything. It was someone she cared about being hurt for no reason at all. Which was why she felt as shitty as she had.

Spencer buried her face in her palms and willed herself not to start sobbing. She couldn't take the situation. But with a shaky hand and a flimsy resolve she tried to deal with it. So the blonde student twisted the faucet and let a cold stream of water hit the basin. Water was tossed into the air when she splashed her haggard face with it, wiping away her tear tracks, cooling down her skin which had become hot with blood flow. After that Spencer gave herself a prolonged moment to catch her breath and calm down. But her stillness was once more broken when she realized something else.

...How would she explain this to Nicole?

Spencer blinked. At first it seemed like a stupid question, a weird little tingle about something that was essentially irrelevant at the moment. But then the idea became more frank and that frankness made answering the question more important. How _would_ she explain this to Nicole? The Milligan girl wasn't some idiot that could be fobbed off with your average excuse. Spencer had to explain what that was all about. But what on earth could she say? Spencer couldn't rightly walk up to her and say that Ashley, the woman that had been accosting her sexually for quite a spell, was "unreasonably jealous and thus kicked off a fight she had no right to". But she couldn't lie to Nicole either. As soon as she and Nicole ran into each other again... Nicole would want answers. That would mean having to explain everything, about sleeping with Ashley, about her sexuality, everything. Could she even begin to make that step? And how would Nicole react if she did? Though she seemed open-minded enough there was no guarantee that she wouldn't flip out or be so utterly repulsed that she would decide to have nothing further to do with Spencer.

To Spencer... that was one hell of a terrifying thought.

Her eyes narrowed. All of a sudden she felt a quick mix of panic and resentment. The panic was fear of her situation, of possibly losing Nicole, and the resentment was for Ashley, for having started this. Spencer had been backed into a corner and urgency, not a callow one but a _true_ urgency, set in. What if things were even worse than what she envisioned? What if Nicole (who clearly had every right to be angry after being dragged into the puzzling entanglement between Spencer and Ashley) took it further and outed her to the entire school? What if that happened and then somehow word got back to her parents? Spencer had a hard enough time as high school as it was, but that was NOTHING compared to kind of hatred she'd get here if people found out that she was a lesbian. The thought of that, as well as the thought of Nicole actually hating her, made Spencer wretch. It made her stomach turn.

"Oh God..." Realization hit as clouds stopped thickening. "...I... I can't tell her..."

Initially, once she got herself cleaned up, Spencer intended to head out to Mr. Stephens' office and wait for Nicole to be released. But when she realized what might possibly happen if she did... there were some very stark second thoughts. Spencer spent the rest of the lunch break pondering her recourse and not once did she summon up the bravery she needed to find Nicole. Before long the bell rang. The blonde girl wiped her face with a hand towel then exited those toilets. She had then jetted straight down the halls and headed for her next class, Geography, which was where she was now.

Mr. Peyton continued to speak while Spencer continued to ignore him. In fact nothing other than her own predicament seemed to be worthy of her attention now... at least until the classroom door opened. Mr. Peyton silenced himself and most of the class turned to see who it was. Spencer didn't even bother to look up and wonder. At least that was until she heard Mr. Peyton say, "Nicole? You're fifteen minutes late."

Spencer's head shot up.

It _was_ Nicole. She stood with her backpack shrugged over her shoulder and her clothes and hair in restored order. But she certainly wasn't happy. Spencer felt the knots in her stomach tangle even tighter when she gazed at that cold and irritable look on Nicole's normally cheerful face. The apprehension worsened when Nicole approached Mr. Peyton's desk and turned her cheek. There was a slight colored bruise where Ashley had punched her. Spencer couldn't stand to think of Nicole's beautiful face being marred like that. Nicole herself merely sighed and pulled a note out of her pocket. She handed it to Mr. Peyton who in turn read it -- apparently it was from Mr. Stephens, to explain her lateness for class. He nodded with understanding then handed the note back to the girl and said,

"That's fine. Take a seat."

Nicole shoved the note into her bag then went for the empty desk next to Spencer. The blonde one didn't dare look at her. As soon as Nicole sat down Spencer could feel her questioning glare, her piercing stare, already demanding an answer. But what could she give? What could she honestly say? How could she possibly explain what there was between herself and Ashley? How could she explain the callousness of Nicole's being dragged into that? How could she explain her own sexuality which was a knowledge that, to this point, only Ashley and a few people on the internet had been privy to? Suddenly the work Mr. Peyton had been throwing at her and the rest of the class became more appealing. Spencer busied herself by taking down a flurry of notes as he started talking again, whilst feeling Nicole stare at her for the rest of the lesson. By the time it was over -- Spencer had written down more than seven sides worth of information. Rather than dwell on it she scrambled to get her shit together, slotting her text book, notebook and pens into her backpack. Without a sole look offered to Nicole she then stood up and scuttled for the door amid the throng of her peers. As soon as she made it outside into the corridor a hand grabbed her shoulder from behind. And there was a voice with it, declaring, "Wait a second!"

Spencer froze.

It was Nicole.

" Spencer..." Her voice was slightly more mellow than Spencer would have expected it to be. "...You don't have to run from me."

Spencer lowered her head, still not looking back. "...I'm so sorry..."

"Can we talk later?"

She didn't imagine there would be any other outcome. Spencer finally turned around though found herself unable to look Nicole in the eye. That was how deep the feelings of guilt and sorrow ran in her. It seemed to be enough for Nicole at that point because she didn't press it any further. She merely gestured down the corridor to their next class, History with Mrs. Swirlin. They went together in silence. Before today Spencer would have felt that to be quite discomforting, an inability or an unwillingness to talk to her Nicole. Spencer didn't want that. But much worse was that she didn't want a rift to form between them. She was _sure_ that if she told Nicole about Ashley and her sexuality that _that_ would be the result. And so, because time seemed to zip ahead that much faster when she was dreading something, the final two classes of the week played themselves out to a conclusion. The final bell rang in Miss Cooke's Art class. Everyone started to shuffle up with chatter and excitement. Spencer glanced behind at Nicole (who never sat with her in Art class, they had different partners). She was gathering her stuff together too. Spencer sighed and did the same, knowing that there was no way she could avoid this executioner's axe any longer. With a heavy sigh she lifted her backpack onto her shoulders and made her way for the door. She knew it wouldn't take long to for Nicole to catch up and it didn't. By the time she hit the hallway the other woman was at her side.

Spencer still couldn't look her in the eye.

"Um, I've got my soccer tryout in about half an hour," Nicole stated. "You wanna follow me to a little nook?"

She shrugged her shoulders for a yes. Even though Nicole was still quite new to Alderson High she had very swiftly learned the layout of the place. Which was how she knew about 'The Dell', a secret spot on campus where couples would often go to make out or exchange secrets. It was a dell wedged out of two buildings (one of them the art department and the other being the humanities department) which conjoined the main courtyard with the rear path to the gyms and training fields. It was empty when they got there (naturally -- after all it was Friday and everyone wanted to leave and enjoy their weekend). When she and Nicole got there, Spencer exhaled and stood against one of The Dell's thick stone walls. Nicole's gaze was fixed on her. Spencer prepared herself for the worst. But the first thing to escape that girl's beautiful lips was a question she hadn't expected.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Asked Nicole, curiously.

Spencer blinked. "...Huh?"

"You ignored me all through Geography and now it's like... you can barely even look at me. And it's because I lashed out at that girl, isn't it? I was out of line, I know, but..."

If she had been surprised by what Nicole had said earlier then she was even more so by what she'd said now. Was she hearing right? Was Nicole blaming HERSELF for all this? Spencer's sky blue eyes shot open as though she were about to be splashed by acid. How could Nicole think that she was to blame for all this? If anyone, Spencer held _herself_ accountable for what happened, and to a lesser extent, she blamed Ashley. None of this was Nicole's fault.

"Nicole..." Spencer finally regained the courage to look her in the eye. "That's... not it. It's not your fault. It _never_ was."

"You mean... you don't blame me for, you know... doing what I did?"

Spencer shook her head. "You were defending your Dad. It's sweet."

The blonde girl saw a small but pretty smile eek across Nicole's face. It made her heart swell, if only for a brief moment. But that smile dropped a mere three seconds later and was suddenly replaced by a probing frown. It had Spencer worried again. "...What is it?"

"I can't forget," Nicole uttered in remembrance. "Who the hell was that Ashley girl? I mean we were just chilling, eating our lunch, minding our own business, when she comes along and... throws her weight around, making demands of you, calling me a stuck-up bitch, talking about my Dad. Where does anyone get off doing that? Who is she?"

The moment of truth. Ever since meeting Nicole it had been her one goal to keep her and Ashley, and the dual lives she was straddling between them, apart from each other. With Nicole she had sanity, friendship and security, as well as her first true crush. With Ashley she had fear and constant reminders of her own personal weaknesses... but also a carnal and overpowering lust; which itself was masking a reluctant urge or longing (as pale and remote as it was) that Spencer felt whenever she saw Ashley upset. To cast the two choices at each other and evaluate between them was the natural reaction and Spencer had been doing it incessantly up until now. What was left to her was her choice, her own bitter, existential, possibly-fucked-if-you-do, possibly-fucked-if-you-don't, toss up.

She chose Nicole.

But what did that mean now if she had to tell Nicole about Ashley? How would it make her look? What would Nicole think at her? What would she do? Spencer exhaled again. Her fingers were shaking and she didn't know it. All she could manage to do was pull some of the bangs from her eyes and reluctantly break eye contact with Nicole. And when it became clear that Spencer was in no hurry to answer the question, Nicole piped up.

" Spencer. Whatever's going on with you... I'm not gonna be mad. I just... want to understand. You know?"

Unconsciously Spencer's shoe had started tapping the floor. It became clear when the sound echoed through The Dell. In her heart she knew that her friend was correct. She did have the right to know why Ashley did what she did. But it was so much to think of, telling Nicole about Ashley. All kinds of scenarios ran through her head. One of Nicole hearing the news, completely freaking out, and then spreading that information across school. Then not only would she have lost her best friend but she'd also be outed as a big old dyke. Isolation would become torment, and Spencer had seen plenty of jocks kicking the crap out of kids they thought were gay -- as cowardly as it might of seemed she sure as hell didn't want the female variation of that treatment. But there were other scenarios in Spencer's head too. Maybe Nicole wouldn't be horrified by the revelation. Maybe she'd gush, burst into tears, proclaim an undying love that she thought was unrequited; then press Spencer up against the wall and give her the biggest heart-pounding, blood-rushing, toe-curling, nipple-erecting, vagina-dampening kiss in the history of kisses.

Then again... maybe not.

There was a grim tyrant known as reality and he ruled his kingdom with an iron fist. Like Spencer often found, it could not be resisted. No matter what reaction Nicole had, Spencer was sure that it wouldn't be an entirely positive one. If Nicole didn't judge her for the gayness then she would for the sluttiness (and there were times when Spencer truly did feel like a cheap slut, letting Ashley fuck her whenever Ashley wanted to, her sexual existence willingly left to the mercy of someone else's discretion). Whatever spin you put on it there was one thing that could be said -- if ever there were a time to strap on a pair it was now -- and Spencer knew implicitly that that wasn't going to happen.

She felt a knot deep down in her stomach when she realized it. There was no way in _hell_ that she could tell Nicole the truth. Beyond all else; her back and forth debate about Ashley, her lousy parents, her social non-existence, her dull nature, there was one good thing her life right now and that was Nicole. Sincerely, she just couldn't bear the thought of Nicole thinking badly of her. That was it. No more than that. For that reason, for that reason alone, Spencer knew that she'd have to be dirty in all this. She was at war with herself and no one entered a war without sullying their hands.

She'd have to lie.

"...S-she's just... someone I used to know. She wasn't really... a friend... but you know... we knew each other and... I uh... I... uh... I-I-I... stopped... talking to her... (a gulp) for a while... sometimes she could really scare me," That part she meant. "I just... uh... I just kind of wanted out, so... I... I stopped talking to her."

Nicole stood watching her for a while as if to evaluate something. But as soon as Spencer thought she might have seen through the lie somehow, Nicole uttered. "You know I think that was the right thing to do."

"...What? What was?"

"To stop speaking to that girl. You really don't need people like that in your life, Spencer. She's crazy."

Spencer had an odd reaction to that comment.

When Ashley had once called Nicole a `bitch' Spencer had taken offence. She assumed that that was simply because she cared for Nicole and didn't want to hear such things said about her. But when Nicole said that, "She's Crazy", which in all fairness she had a right to think, it didn't quite... sit well with her. And before she even knew what she was doing, Spencer uttered, "...I know Ashley can be... kind of a handful, but-"

"A handful? She called my Dad a cripple! Why are you even defending her?"

Why _was_ she defending Ashley? Spencer didn't know. It was just another example of the general rule of her life -- confusion. She never really knew how she felt about anything, everything was a tentative question that dominated her psyche for prolonged moments of time. Then they became bitter lingering memories that she dredged up for the next question, just like her parents. Though she resented them for being forthright enough to plan out an Ivy League future for her, she also resented them for not paying enough attention to her. It was the same with Ashley and Nicole. When Ashley was flirting or fucking or harassing her, she wanted out with a hearty passion. Yet when Ashley was upset or forlorn Spencer couldn't help but reach out to her. Nicole again was the same story. Spencer wasn't sure if she wanted Nicole to be her friend or her girlfriend. She was too scared of losing that friendship (even though her attraction to Nicole told her she wanted more). Nothing in her life was concrete.

"... Spencer?"

The girl in question shook her head chidingly when Nicole called on her. She had become lost in her own thoughts again. She was always spacing out like that. Spencer skipped past the phenomenon however and merely turned to her friend, biting her lower lip. "...I'm sorry."

"...It's okay." Nicole softened a little and rubbed the cheek that Ashley had punched hours earlier. "I'm gonna have some explaining to do to my parents when I get home though. Mr. Stephens slapped me and that other girl with detentions but he moved mine to next week 'cause of my soccer trials."

"You're still doing that?"

"Well yeah, of course I am. I'm not gonna change my plans 'cause of some psycho nut-job. One of the main reasons my Mom and I chose Alderson High was because of the girl's soccer team. You wanna come?"

Normally Spencer would have jumped at the chance to do something with Nicole but today wasn't the time. For the first time in a while Spencer felt truly emotionally drained. The last thing she wanted was to prolong this day. "I'd like to but it's been a really long day, and... I just want to go home. Do you mind?"

"No, I don't mind. That's cool." Nicole heaved her backpack up. "But we're still on for tomorrow, right?"

With all that had happened today she had forgotten that she and Nicole had agreed to catch a movie on Saturday. Though Spencer wasn't in the mood for anything like that now she was sure that she would be by tomorrow. A good night's sleep would likely see to that. Maybe then she could put everything that had happened today, `breaking up' with Ashley, seeing her and Nicole fight, then having to lie to Nicole to cover it all up; behind her.

"Yeah," Spencer replied. "It sounds good."

"Alright then. I'll call you tomorrow morning to iron everything out. Seeya, Spencer."

Spencer replied with a wispy "Bye" as she watched Nicole exit The Dell and head for the gyms to get changed. Yet another sigh was heaved. Spencer turned on her heels and left in the opposite direction venturing out into the stone floor of the quad. She went straight home and as soon as she was indoors she marched up to her room and collapsed onto her bed. A prolonged groan of impotence and frustration was muffled by the pillow her head was buried in. She didn't move an inch. Eventually sleep took her over and she didn't imagine herself waking up for days.

Because of that heavy sleep she didn't hear her cell phone go off. Caller I.D. flashed "Ashley" incessantly for quite a few seconds (along with the ringtone) before both came to a stop. Spencer slept on obliviously. It wasn't loud enough to wake her up. Which was why she didn't hear it when Ashley called her again across the hour until a fifth and final call was made. No more calls were forthcoming.

And Spencer had no idea how critical that last call would prove to be.

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	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

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Normally Spencer was an indescribable early bird. She woke up at hours that hadn't seen sun the yet and filled that time with chores she cared for personally; like going online to check her e-mails as well as her most frequently visited websites and blogs. She might even be so bold as to make herself a cup of coffee or go downstairs to feed Koenig. And if she felt frivolous enough she'd even do her homework or polish up any unfinished essays and reports she had collecting dust in her computer's numerous folders. She would tip-toe around the house to make sure she didn't disturb her parents while they slept. The whole house was hers in those hours and she relished it because it was the one time where she didn't have to put on masks in her own backyard. No fake indifference toward her inconsiderate father's hidden conservatism, no deflecting her mother's inglorious fussing over the most trivial aspects of her diet or anything equally as mundane. It was a short few hours of self-hood and reflection for Spencer.

Which was why her sleeping through it that Saturday morning stood as a testimony to how exhausting the past week had been. All of her normal habits for the morning were pushed aside for sleep and sleep alone. She had been asleep since coming home from school yesterday morning and hadn't cracked open an eyelid since. Her parents had come by her room in that time, but rather than disturb her (well-needed) sleep, Paula pulled a blanket over her daughter's slumbering form and let her have her rest.

When Spencer's eyes finally started to flutter open there was a shower of golden morning light cast over her entire room past the unfurled curtains of her window. She looked up and emitted a kind of grumble/groan hybrid. It didn't take long for her to register that she'd overslept (at least by her own schedule). So the young woman yawned and leaned up from her bed, pulling the blanket off of her. All things considered Spencer usually got the grandest amount of sleep. Unfortunately that was happening at a time when she truly needed it. This sudden burst was therefore fully welcomed. It did nothing to change her preoccupations though. In instantaneous flashes she recalled what a hell of a week it had been. Her relationship with Ashley and bringing that to an end, meeting Nicole, taking care of Ashley after her bruising, then watching she and Nicole scrapping in school and finally the coup de grace, having to lie to Nicole about Ashley and her ties to the Italian girl.

With all that had happened this week... it was the lie that seemed the most foul right now.

Make no mistake. Spencer hadn't wanted to lie to Nicole. But what choice did she really have? Lose the closest and probably only friend she'd ever had? If not lose her then weaken the friendship itself? Spencer could picture that little scenario oh so well. She might tell Nicole and Nicole might try to accept it, awkwardly so, just to please her. Then the Milligan girl would over time grow distant and unbecoming. It was a slow corrosion that Spencer had admittedly not seen for herself or better yet experienced; but she was more than smart enough to know how these things worked. And she couldn't bear it. The last thing she needed now was to lose a good friend. If that meant having to lie to her then she would do that -- no matter how sick that sounded in her head.

The private resolve steeled Spencer somewhat. She still felt guilty about lying to Nicole like that but stronger than that guilt was her desire to preserve the friendship she'd established with Nicole. _That_ was what she told herself. And it was quite enough. So the blonde girl yawned aloud once more and stood upright to stretch out her arms. She was still dressed in the clothes she had worn to school yesterday so when she realized it she took them off and redressed in some indoor clothing -- a pair of white polyester summer shorts and a large black jersey that ran all the way down to her thighs. It was too big for her but she liked the way it felt when she wore it. After that Spencer went about unpacking her backpack, putting all her notebooks and texts away. Very briefly during that exchange she noticed her cell phone. Normally she didn't pay it any mind. Aside from Ashley hardly anyone called her on it. But when she saw its screen declaring missed calls she couldn't help but take notice. Spencer put her Geography notebook down and flipped her cell phone open. She was startled to see there were five missed calls on it... but perhaps not so startled so see that they were all from Ashley.

That bugged her.

Spencer closed her cell phone and threw it on her bed, somewhat childishly. Suddenly her thoughts turned from Nicole to Ashley. New emotions she'd somehow tried to forego crossed territories in her head -- namely anger. What right did Ashley have calling her up after what she did? After Spencer had told her so frankly to leave her alone? After provoking Nicole and fighting her like that? It actually annoyed her that Ashley could be so self-centered. For as long as Spencer had known of Ashley she had thought that it was her strength, tenacity and conviction that she found most attractive about the brunette. But now those very same things Spencer found repulsive. It made her wonder. Had she even really _liked_ those things in Ashley? Or was it more about the sex? Was it that someone had finally noticed her, not just as a bookworm or as an out-of-place WASP child, but as a woman? Much like every other question that she asked herself these days... Spencer had no answer for it. All she knew was that Ashley had called her and those calls gave her a budding tingle of consternation. And the more she thought about it the more that tingle became a gripe.

At the moment she knew where she stood with Ashley -- Spencer never wanted to see her again. But that didn't apply to Ashley herself. They hadn't spoken to each other since the fight but Ashley had been calling her. If it was to say goodbye then she wouldn't have tried calling over and over again. Obviously Ashley wasn't ready to let this go. That rose another worry. How would she justify it if Ashley ever came up to her and Nicole was there? The thought made her tremble. The last thing she wanted was to see them fight again. It had all but broken her heart the last time. It occurred to Spencer then that if Ashley didn't get it, nothing had really been resolve. She wasn't completely sure that Nicole had bought the lie anyway, she was probably still suspicious, and if it happened again, if Ashley came up and confronted her while she was with Nicole, there was no telling what might go down.

Right now she knew that she couldn't let what happened in the lunchroom yesterday happen again. Though Spencer was aware that she had feelings or at least an attraction to Nicole, none of that was as important as her friendship right now. To protect that she would have to make things plain to Ashley. She'd have to tell her that it was over and then _make_ her understand that. She couldn't do it, and then run away like before. Spencer needed to have Ashley know that it was over, to make sure she knew that the notion was an undeniable verity. In moments Spencer made the decision. After today, after her day with Nicole, she'd call Ashley up, maybe arrange a meeting some place close by, and then just tell her once and for all to back off. In all honesty Spencer wasn't sure if she could get the point across but she knew at least that she _had_ to. She simply couldn't be wishy-washy about it. That was the plan.

Just then Spencer's cell phone went off.

Her clear blue eyes swung towards it and almost immediately a weight dropped in the pit of her stomach. Was it Ashley? Spencer paused with alarm for a moment then balled her hand into a fist and shook her inertia off. _So what if it was __Ashley__?_ If she couldn't handle speaking to her now how in the blue hell would she handle articulating their break-up in person? That gave her a drop of iron. It was a small one (fledgling soldier she was not) but it was just about enough to get her to take up her cell again and make things clear.

So it made things slightly anti-climatic when she saw Nicole's name running across the screen. All the same, Spencer breathed a sigh of relief and accepted the call, remembering that she and Nicole had exchanged numbers once before. "Hello?"

"Hey Spencer, it's me."

Spencer couldn't help but feel all atwitter, even if it was just Nicole's voice. "Hi..."

"Sorry to call you so early in the morning. Were you sleeping?"

Normally when she woke up it was still dark out so to her this was late. Nevertheless Spencer glanced at the alarm clock on her nightstand to check the time. It was about half past nine. They clearly still had a great deal to learn about each other. "No. I was awake. How are you? Is everything okay?"

"Sure. Everything's fine," The other girl answered sweetly. "I'm psyched for today. Are we still on?"

"Of course." Hellish three-headed dogs couldn't keep her away.

"Good! I was thinking we should probably go see the movie first and then afterwards go get something to eat. How's that sound? Yay or nay?"

"...Yay. I think."

Spencer could envision Nicole grinning across the street. Her tone of voice suggested it. "Very cool. Come meet me in front of my place at about quarter past three. I'll be waiting there. Catch you later!"

Spencer whispered "Bye" very softly then heard Nicole hang up on the other end. She then dreamily pressed her cell against her chest, heaved a calming sigh and shut her eyes. Nicole was so sweet and adorable. Her voice alone was like a beautiful piece of music composed solely to relax and to soothe. There was grace and fire of the most potent nature within her. It had Spencer so charmed that she'd even forgot to ask the girl how her soccer tryouts went. She was sure that Nicole had made the team though. While she had never seen Nicole play (and was pretty much uninterested when it came to sports in general) she had faith in her friend's capabilities. If anyone could do it, it was Nicole.

With their impending day together Spencer went about her usual tasks with a small smile and a bit of a spring in her step. She went downstairs and opened up a can of lamb-flavored cat food for Koenig whilst making her own self a cup of coffee and some thinly buttered toast. After that she went back upstairs to her room, saying a polite good morning to her mother when she woke up (while Arthur slept in). Then came her online business. All her e-mails (and there were at least twenty-five unopened ones -- she hadn't been frequenting her hotmail account often) she replied to, all her favorite websites and blogs and mailing lists she visited to keep herself up to date. After that Spencer concentrated on the few pieces of homework that had to be done before next week. And subsequent to all of that the blonde girl took herself to her wardrobe and picked out what she was going to wear for the film with Nicole.

Spencer wasn't a Valley girl. It didn't really matter to her what she wore as long as it was comfortable and kept her warm when she needed to be warm. But in this case she wanted to look good for Nicole. So it was a question of what she had at her disposal. It was not much to be sure because her wardrobe was in no way flashy. What Spencer ended up settling on was a pleated mid-length brown skirt coupled with a pearl-colored v-neck shirt, cotton ankle socks and her polished up brown penny loafers. It perhaps wasn't as becoming an outfit as Spencer would have intended but it looked casual enough to pass as casual and formal enough to be formal. It suited Spencer in that sense. She too was neither here nor there. Once she decided what she was going to wear there wasn't much else left for her to do. All of that took about three hours. All that was left was to wait for the time to pass. She hastened its movement by taking a bath, listening to a CD from the Ring Cycle as performed by some random Latin American philharmonic, and playing with Koenig a little. Everything else was simply a distraction. Though it couldn't have come any slower than it did it was eventually time for Spencer to get ready. The young woman brushed her hair again, doused herself with a few spurts of perfume then got dressed in the clothes she'd picked out. Spencer didn't normally bother with jewelry so by the time she'd gotten changed that was an afterthought. Then she turned to the full body mirror in her room and observed herself.

She thought that she looked okay.

Koenig at that point came up to her leg and nuzzled his little head against it. Spencer smiled, taking that as a share of the sentiment, then grabbed her purse. Having one really made her feel like a dork and while she had no idea why; it was necessary to have something to carry her keys, cell and money in. The blonde closed the bedroom door behind her then descended her stairs and entered the lounge to say goodbye to her Mom. Paula was sitting alone in one of the armchairs now; Arthur had left earlier for one of his weekend shifts at the hospital. She was busy though, sorting through numerous case files she brought home with her from her law firm. Paula went through them all with studious nobility.

Spencer approached her and said, "Hey Mom? I'm leaving now."

"To meet your little friend?" Though Paula hadn't intended any offence there, the way she said `little friend' didn't do anything but highlight how everyone saw the concept of Spencer having a friend, a quaint novelty. With Ashley it was more a result of her intractable jealousy but with her mother it was just the naked thought. That stung, if only a little.

Spencer nodded. "Yes. Nicole."

"Nicole? That's her name?"

Spencer became cautious. "Yes. Why?"

"Oh it's nothing. It's just that I was speaking to Mrs. Wilberman this morning and she told me that the other night, before your father and I got home, there was a girl banging on our door and screaming for someone. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

At first that comment didn't quite sink in. Then it _did_ and Spencer froze. That was the night before last when she had originally broken up with Ashley. Spencer clearly remembered sobbing into her pillow until she left that night. But since no one had said anything to her parents the day after she had assumed that the event had gone unnoticed by their neighbors. Apparently that wasn't the case. Spencer frowned with irritation. If anything about white affluent suburbia cheesed her off it was that stupid way everyone was up everyone else's ass. You couldn't step more than three yards from your door without stepping into someone else's business. All the gossip and innuendo and thin walls were the ultimate antagonist to privacy in this place.

"I uh..." Now she'd have to lie again. "...I don't... remember anything like that, Mom. But I... I-I-I guess someone must have... gotten the wrong door or something. That`s all it is."

How many lies would she have to tell to cover up the trail of shit she and Ashley left behind them whenever they were together? Paula stared evenly at her for a moment then returned to case files. Apparently she'd bought that big steaming load of shit. But why wouldn't she? To Paula, to their family, and to their family's friends, Spencer was a pristine angel of finely crafted porcelain and delicate Asian paints. A pretty object on the shelf to be admired and fused over but never understood. Something precious, something subtle, something fragile. Would anyone ever know the _real_ Spencer?

"Okay, sweetheart. Be back before ten." Paula answered.

That was enough. Since Spencer's social life was practically non-existent she'd forgotten that she had a curfew. But she didn't intend to be back any later than say eight or nine so it was moot. The scholarly teen bade her mother another goodbye then left the Carlin Household. Once outside she could already see Nicole standing beside her door in wait for her. And she looked absolutely gorgeous. Spencer bit her lip when hazarding a probing glance at her friend outside the realm of school. Nicole was wearing a tight grey tee shirt (with the phrase `savage badlands' across the back). The lower half of her body sported dark blue denim jeans. Pointed high-heel boots were her choice of footwear and hanging from her earlobes were two sparkling silver teardrop earrings. As for her hair? She'd braided two long tresses of it, while her bangs bounced freely. There was a tint of pink lip-gloss spread across her lips. The color didn't seem at all smutty while she was wearing it. On the contrary. The pink matched well with the sea green of her eyes and the golden brown of her hair as well as accentuating Nicole's natural pucker. Aside from the bruise her cheek still had from her fight with Ashley (which had been de-emphasized with a little pap of crafty make-up) she was a sight to behold.

Spencer licked her lips unintentionally, perhaps forgetting for a moment that this _wasn't_ a date; and crossed the empty suburban street toward her friend. The blonde one greeted the brunette with mature zest. "Hi, Nicole...!"

" Spencer," Nicole's patient waiting frown became a smile. "Are you ready to go?"

"Ready and waiting."

Nicole gestured down the street with a grin. "Well then follow me. Someone from my Math class told me about the local Cineplex. It`s pretty good."

All Spencer did was follow the lead Nicole set for her as they journeyed down the street to their bus stop and waited for a modern wagon to take them downtown. When they reached the Cineplex they got to the business of picking a movie. All things considered Spencer really wasn't big on film so it really didn't matter to her which one they went with. Fortunately Nicole wasn't the type to heckle and chide about something like that and just made her choice; _I Am Legend_. They then waited in line for tickets for about twenty minutes (it was surprisingly busy this time of day) and after purchasing, they walked upstairs across burgundy carpeted steps to the food stands of the second floor. The girls were forced to wait in line once more behind a grouping of men and women mostly the same age as themselves. While the line dwindled in number Spencer patiently stood behind Nicole (who was somewhat more impatiently eyeballing the last few foot-long hotdogs sitting tight and warm on a grill behind the counter.

Nicole snarled at the teenage maîtred' that their queue was aligned to. "What's taking that pimpled jackass so long? If he doesn't hurry up all the foot-longs are gonna sell out...!"

That was another of Nicole's weaknesses. Junk food. For the life of her, Spencer honestly couldn't understand how a girl like Nicole could eat so unhealthily and still have such a sexy figure. It was just another one of those little foibles that made her so captivating.

At this point they were quite close together in the line. So close in fact that Spencer saw the light bouncing of the texture of Nicole's cinnamon brown hair, giving it a shimmering gleam. It looked very beautiful. It made her stare at Nicole's hair for a moment, just before she did something unusually bold of her, she leaned forward and quickly smelled the scent of Nicole's hair. It had a sensual aroma of coconuts to it. But as she realized what she was doing Spencer pulled back fast, looking from side to side to check if she had been seen. It was fortunate that she hadn't been. She chided herself for slipping like that. Then she blinked repeatedly when Nicole's bright mane of golden brown hair whipped around her shoulders when she turned to look back at Spencer.

"You know that lines are faster in Utah?" She remarked.

Spencer half-smiled. "You have to get used to L.A. sometime..."

She rolled her eyes and turned back around. Eventually the line did speed up and about four minutes later they were only three people down from the attendant. It was right then that the pair of them heard someone say, "Hey it's Nicole!" from a parallel line to their own. Both she and Spencer looked across. There was a girl smiling with startled glee at the brunette. Spencer observed her cautiously. She was slightly taller than herself and Nicole, having perhaps an inch over the pair of them. Her smooth black hair was long (running down to her lower back), aside from her heavy bangs, which hung as far down her face as the bridge of her nose (though they had been pulled to the side). She wore a tight yellow graffiti t-shirt and black trousers whilst having a tiny backpack hanging from her shoulders. Spencer mused. She didn't know this girl but she somehow looked familiar, like Spencer had seen her before from somewhere. Behind the girl was another young woman that seemed to be `with' her. A demure and perhaps a little morose Asian girl that wouldn't utter so much as a word.

But while Spencer knew nothing of the pair of them, Nicole's expression brightened with familiarity. "Carmen...? Kyla? Hey guys! What are you doing here?"

"We're catching a movie, genius," Replied the grinning taller one, the one that Spencer noticed first. Then that girl stared evenly at Spencer herself and said, "So who's your friend?"

"Oh right, damn." Nicole shook her head chidingly and first gestured to the tall girl, "Spencer, this is Carmen." Then she went on to introduce the Asian girl, "And this is Kyla, her best friend." Finally Nicole gestured at Spencer. "Kyla? Carmen? This is Spencer. My best `Los Angeles' friend."

Carmen gave her a polite "How you doing?" while the more tepid Kyla gave her a nod and a brief smile. Nicole then went on talking, uttering, "I met these two last night at soccer tryouts. Carmen's a really good goalkeeper. I couldn't get one damn shot past her."

"Nicole. Sucking up to me won't get you anywhere. You're still not gonna score on me."

The brunette giggled. "Oh don't flatter yourself. I don't need any handouts. Besides, I was kind of distracted last night. Once you see me in action for real next week you'll be surprised. I'll kick all kinds of ass."

While Nicole and Carmen smiled and joked with each other, Spencer struggled not to let this dampen her mood. It was nice for Nicole to make some other friends, but... it bothered her that the private time she and Nicole had to spend with each other might now be intruded upon by two people she didn't even know. Nevertheless for Spencer's sake she tried to feign some kind of interest in all of this.

Spencer turned to Kyla and asked blankly, "What position are you?""

Carmen was about to answer that for her when Kyla quickly (and dourly) interjected, "I don't like soccer. I just go there to watch Carmen play. Moral support."

Her speech was as terse and distant as her demeanor. It made Spencer curious a moment, a bit like that moment you first walk past a fishmonger. But it soon passed and very soon she saw that Kyla was quite a bit like her; remote, unassuming, tagging along on the coattails of a more animated girl. The only dissimilarity was that Spencer was more shy than languid -- which Kyla seemed to be.

Nicole changed the subject. "So... what movie are you guys going to see?"

"_Atonement_," Carmen answered. "I liked James McAvoy in _The Last King of Scotland_ so I thought I'd be kind of cool for Kyla and I to check it out. Is that what you guys are gonna see? Atonement?"

"It's something called I Am Legend." Said Spencer.

Carmen smiled first at her then Nicole. "That Will Smith flick. That's pretty okay. Kyla and I saw it last week I think. It was last week, wasn't it, Kyla?"

The somber sidekick bobbed her head stiffly. "...Yeah."

By that time the line had whittled all the way down to Nicole. The maître d' behind the counter smoothed out his red and white smock and said to her, "May I take your order please?" By now Nicole was somewhat less annoyed so she didn't bother to relate her misgivings about the speed (rather the lack thereof) of his work and simply got down to business.

"Yes you can, cowboy, yes you can." Nicole pointed out one of those sizzling foot-long hotdogs on the grill. Luckily there happened to be two left. "I want one of those jumbo dogs over there please. Put some ketchup and mustard on it as well. Can I also have a box of milk duds and a salt pretzel? Oh and a diet soda... no. You know what? Scratch the soda. Make it a strawberry shake!"

The attendant scratched his head. "Okay."

"And for my friend here," Nicole turned around. "What do you want, Spencer?"

Spencer smiled softly. "Just some popcorn maybe. No salt."

"Sugar?"

"No."

"You want a shake or a soda or something? Wet the whistle?"

Spencer shook her head. "No thank you."

"That's a bit dull, but alright," Nicole turned back to the maître d`. "She wants a plain popcorn, regular sized. And you got my order right? A foot-long with ketchup and mustard, milk duds, salt pretzel and a strawberry milkshake?"

As he rang up the cash register he replied, "I got it, alright? That'll be... $11.67."

Nicole blinked in consternation. "...Twelve bucks? Are you kidding me?"

The attendant rolled his eyes and pointed upward to the overhead whiteboard. It had three rectangular light bulbs inside it which illuminated the black lettering that the items for sale (and their respective prices) were written in. "It's all there in black and white." He said.

Nicole grudgingly reached into her back pocket and pulled out her wallet to pay the money. When it exchanged hands and she got her change, the pimple-faced boy went about his work, picking the foot-long off the grill with a pair of tongs and lodging it in a lengthy bun then pouring two lines (one of ketchup and the other mustard) down the thing. While he busied himself with the rest of their order Nicole turned back to Carmen and Kyla. They were now merely two people away from ordering themselves.

"Why's everything in this city so expensive?" Nicole bitched.

Carmen shoved her hands in her pockets. "They don't charge you six bucks for a hotdog in Salt Lake City?"

"Not with a straight face."

Then the boy came back with everything. Nicole handed Spencer her popcorn (then asked her to hold her pretzel and box of milk duds) and took a hold of her foot-long with one hand and her shake with the other. Then Nicole turned to Carmen and Kyla.

"We'll catch you guys later, okay?" She said. "Our movie's gonna start soon."

Jenny nodded to them. "Sure. Nice to meet you, Spencer."

"...You too."

She and Nicole then exited the line and left the pair of them behind. Spencer couldn't help but look back at them though. When she did she saw Kyla stare hard at Nicole then whisper something into Carmen's ear. Her face twisted into a defensive expression and she said something in reply, whispering back into Kyla's ear. Whatever she said it was enough because Kyla seemed to calm down at that point; but not before casting a palpably worried glance in Nicole's direction and huddling closer to Carmen. That had Spencer curious. While she and Nicole climbed the stairs to the next floor Spencer called her on it.

"...About Carmen and Kyla..."

"What about them?" Said Nicole, obliviously.

Spencer blushed a bit. "Are they... close?"

"I suppose so. Carmen told me that she and Kyla have been friends since they were in kindergarten together. You wouldn't think it to look at them because they seem so different. But Kyla wasn't lying though. She _did_ come to the tryouts afterschool. She didn't say anything or speak to anyone. She just sat in the bleachers watching Carmen dive all over the place."

Spencer pondered that while they found their assigned screening room. They then walked into the darkened room, sparsely seated, with light chatter and laughter emanating from the few dozen people whom had already gathered here. Nicole pointed out two empty seats on the rear row just a few aisles down. They claimed those two seats before anyone else could and sat down on their upholstery quite comfortably. Once Nicole was settled in nicely she removed her hotdog from its warmed-up cardboard container and took a big luxurious bite out of it.

Spencer's face went bright red when she watched her do it; Nicole's head tilting back, sylvan mouth wide open and oval-shaped, eyes fluttered shut, brandished pearly whites sinking into bread, pork and its twin dressings. Her baby soft cheeks rolled around repeatedly whilst she chewed. Her throat bobbed when she swallowed it. Then Spencer quaked as Nicole's hot pink tongue lavishly licked around her lips. Nicole brought her hotdog to her mouth again and bit down on the mouth-shaped indentation she'd left behind earlier.

Spencer brought her legs together and urgently looked away.

Fortunately as more people started to fill in the trailers started (which gave Spencer a good enough distraction). By the time it was full the movie was starting. Nicole had finished the hotdog and was now exchanging nibbles on her pretzel with sips from her strawberry milkshake. Spencer tossed a piece of popcorn into her mouth every few seconds. It was partly because she was hungry (she'd skipped lunch knowing that she and Nicole would be going out for a meal after this) and partly because she needed a little something to distract herself from Nicole's unconscious seductiveness. It was one thing to see her in school... but this was outside in the real world. It felt mature somehow, and quite bold. Very much so. Those things made Nicole all the more beautiful and alluring. All the work she'd done to ignore her feelings for Nicole in protest of their friendship seemed so ineffective now. Whilst the opening credits were rolling Spencer hazarded a glance at her friend from the corner of her eye. Her pretty green eyes were fixed on the screen while she absent-mindedly took bites of her pretzel and sips of her milkshake. Nicole being so gorgeous was no secret but it hadn't really dawned on Spencer, until now, how attracted she was to her. She was the only girl Spencer knew of that turned her on as much as Ashley had done.

As the movie proceeded and Will Smith's character spent God knows how long talking to himself and his dog, Spencer tried to focus on it. She _really_ tried. In the end it wouldn't take. Her eyes would be on the screen for no more than a minute or so before they drifted off to Nicole again. The Milligan girl on the other hand was pretty focused on it. She'd laugh with the others every time Will's character cracked a funny joke or grimace any time he suffered a setback. All the while Spencer secretly stared at her -- utterly captivated and actively suppressing her desire to simply reach across their shared armrest and caress her. All that will was well mustered because Spencer succeeded in that aim. But before she knew it she'd fallen foul of the treachery of time. Less than two hours later...

...the end credits were rolling.

There was an explosion of chatter from the crowds and banging from their seats as they started to stand. Nicole smiled brightly at Spencer, who was somewhat startled at how swiftly the time had moved on, and asked, "That was pretty cool, right? What d'you think?"

"Uh," Spencer couldn't even remember the dog's name. But she could have told Nicole now many freckles she had on her cute little nose. "Yeah, yeah... it was... it was great."

"Sure was! I love a good movie, you know?" She then stretched out her arms and yawned a little. "So? You hungry? Fancy a bite to eat?"

"You're still hungry after all you ate?"

Nicole winked at her. "Course I am. C'mon, let's go. I don't watch the end credits."

The two of them got up and slid down the row along with some of the other people then marched out with them through the aisle. The girls stepped outside into the lobby where numerous groups huddled together chatting about the movie. Spencer felt the need to relieve herself and told Nicole as much, saying, "I need the bathroom. Wait for me?" and Nicole offered a quick "Sure. I'm right here." to her before she left. Spencer made her way to the women's bathroom and claimed a stall before they were all taken. When she was finished she came back out and went to the basins to wash her hands. Via her reflection she could see that her cheeks were tinted rouge. That meant she had been blushing a lot. Spencer had hoped that she could control that for once but it was one element of her face that always betrayed her. It made her wonder how long she could be friends with Nicole without making her suspect something. She was a smart girl. All Spencer had to do was slip one day and the secret would be out. And the consequences? Thoughts like that kept Spencer in line. She could make this work. She could ride out her crush then find someone else, while still having Nicole as a friend at the end of the day. That rejuvenating thought kept Spencer going.

When she passed a few others by and stepped out of the bathrooms again she searched for Nicole at the spot she'd left her. Nicole was indeed still there. But now she was joined by the two girls that Spencer met earlier, Carmen and Kyla. Nicole and Carmen were knee-deep in conversation again while Kyla stood behind her 'best friend' with a small but perceptible scowl. She clearly didn't like sharing Carmen with anyone. Spencer almost instantaneously identified with that. But there was something weird about it all too. For a moment she just stopped and focused on Kyla -- who stood there sullen and miserable because her favored person was talking to someone else.

Was that anything like Spencer?

Nicole hadn't really made many friends thus far but that was because she was new. This time next month Spencer expected her to be swimming in them. Who _wouldn't_ like Nicole? But would Spencer be anything like Kyla if that happened? Would she be possessively hanging around Nicole like an ongoing oddity with other people wondering what the hell they were doing with each other? Would she too get jealous any time she saw Nicole talking to someone else? It was strange... because when Carmen spoke to Nicole earlier, Spencer felt like that. Like a poorly thought out addition, some kind of eccentric ornament that didn't quite fit the decor of a room. She was seeing the exact same things in Kyla and in Spencer's eyes it looked... somewhat pathetic.

What did that mean?

Spencer shivered a little. Something about that creeped her out. It _really_ creeped her out. Because of that she didn't stand around and speculate but rather walked over there to get it out of her head. She immediately greeted both Carmen and Kyla, saying, "Hi. How did you two... enjoy your movie?"

"It was brilliant," Carmen commented. "It's got Academy Award all over it."

Nicole nudged her eyebrows. "Hello? Writer's Guild strike?"

"That won't last."

"Wanna bet?" The cheerful Nicole then turned to Spencer. "Anyways, since these guys are done and we're done, I asked if they wanted to come eat with us now. Is that cool?"

Spencer's gut feeling was no. In her heart she declared "This is **my** time with Nicole and I don't wanna share her!" That was the knee-jerk reaction. But then she recognized how it sounded in her head. And she once again took a look at Kyla and how wretched and childish she came off as, watching Carmen talk to someone else with that brooding look of envy. There had never been any inclination toward pride in Spencer... until now. Because for all her indecision and personal weakness the last thing she'd ever want is to be seen as was Nicole's 'unusual friend'. She didn't want to defend herself like that and she sure as hell didn't want people thinking any less of Nicole because they were friends.

Spencer swallowed her heart's misgivings to make way for her head's sensibilities and said, "...That sounds great."

"Awesome!" Nicole said merrily. "Lets bounce."

************

An hour or so later the quartet of Spencer, Nicole, Carmen and Kyla were seated around a circular white plastic table (complete with mounted parasol) outside a small but intimate little pizzeria called _Mama Giancarlo's_. Carmen and Kyla shared a large one between the two of them (with ham, mushrooms and green peppers) while Nicole ate a medium-sized one (with sweet corn, pepperoni and red peppers) and Spencer ate a small one (simply with cheese and tomato on it) by themselves. Night had fallen by now and the traffic had slowed down around the high street. It left behind a beautiful quietness that was only pierced by the little chatter between Nicole and Carmen. Around the table they dominated conversation, mostly about the soccer team. Nicole hadn't been introduced to everyone on it yet so Carmen went about informing her of all the little details about each player, their strengths and weakness, who would be playing what spots and who there was to account for in opposing teams once the season got started. Spencer tried to interject every now and again but she found herself unable to account for all the soccer jargon and technicalities. Kyla was much the same way... although she didn't even bother to join the conversation. She simply sat back and chewed on one of her pizza slices, constantly mute, that status only contradicted when Carmen asked her brief unrelated questions like "Are you cold?" or "Are we going home after this?" or "You want another glass of water?" and so on.

Kyla herself seemed to be used to this. Even though it was clear (if only through her body language) that she did not want Nicole and Spencer to be here, she didn't bother questioning it and just sat back to let things play themselves out. Spencer couldn't say she was handling it all as easily. As selfish as it sounded, she wanted Nicole's attention on _her_ right now. That clearly had not materialized. What's worse was how awkward it left things with Kyla. Spencer tried to talk to her, to ask her what her interests were, how long she had known Carmen, whether or not she liked the pizza. Kyla's responses were brusque and dreary, "Nothing much," and "A long time." or "It's not bad." to name a few. She didn't want to talk and Spencer wasn't long compelled to cajole her into doing so. That made things uncomfortable. Thusly Spencer sat silent as Kyla did and listened to whatever it was that Carmen and Nicole were talking about.

"Look," Said Carmen. "We're working a 3-4-3 set up here. Dawn, Marianne and Amanda are normally up front but Marianne dropped out at the last minute so it's up to you. I think you can do it."

Nicole haggled back. "But I'm not a striker, Carmen. I always play midfield, that's how I am."

"You didn't mind shooting in practice."

"That's _practice_. In a real match, I-"

And so the two went on, back and forth, with Spencer not really getting it and Kyla positively indifferent to it. So when Spencer's cell phone went off she was almost glad for it. Carmen and Nicole stopped talking and looked toward her. So the blonde said a quick, "I'll be back in a minute" then went off to answer it. She left the table and turned the corner of Mama Giancarlo's till she was out of earshot in the alleyway. When she took her phone out of her purse and stared at the screen she saw Ashley's name flashing on it. Spencer exhaled. She'd resolved to do this tomorrow or even later on, but if Ashley insisted on calling her maybe now was the best time to get it over with. So she flipped open her cell and held it to her ear.

"Hello Ashley." She said listlessly.

Spencer's eyes narrowed when she heard a man's voice on the other end -- not Ashley's. "Uh, hello, is this Spencer Carlin?"

Something was off and Spencer quickly became concerned. "Who is this? Where's Ashley?"

"Okay, I'll try to explain as best I can. My name's George Prescott, I'm an intern at Headings-Stanley General Hospital," Spencer noted at that moment that that was the hospital her father was the Chief of Medicine at; but kept listening to what this guy had to say. "Last night a young woman named Ashley Davies was brought into our Accident and Emergency center and uh... she was pretty severely beaten."

Spencer's blood ran cold. "...Oh God..."

"B-but she's pretty much okay now," The way this guy stumbled over his words it was quite clear that he _was_ just an intern. "Everything's stable and she's breathing. She's suffered through a few bruised ribs but we've given her some antibiotics and she'll probably be discharged in a few hours. The problem is she'll need some help getting home. By law I have to raise her next of kin but I haven't been able to get in touch with either her Mother or her Father. So I've spoken to Ashley and she told me to call you. Do you think it might be possible for you to come down here?"

She answered without thinking. "I-I-I'm on my way."

"That's great. Listen, the address is-" Spencer didn't listen and immediately shut her cell phone. With her heart racing and adrenalin pumping through her veins, the blonde girl shot out of the alleyway and ran down the street without a second thought -- the opposite direction of Mama Giancarlo's. She dashed all the way down to the end of the road and flagged a taxi mid-stride. As soon as it pulled over Spencer yanked open the door, jammed herself inside the back seat and slammed the door closed, yelling, "Take me to Headings-Stanley General Hospital please! Quickly!". The Hispanic driver nodded with a grunt then turned a corner and drove toward it.

Ten minutes later, at the table that she, Carmen and Kyla were sitting at; Nicole glanced at Spencer's chair and saw that it was still empty. She stood up and looked around for her but couldn`t see Spencer anywhere. Nicole`s eyes thinned in concern. "...Where's Spencer...?"


	13. Chapter 13

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Chapter Thirteen

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She didn't often carry a lot of money on her. It wasn't her thing. Someone had told Spencer once that that wasn't such a good idea, not only because it left you shafted if you happened to be into a tight spot where you needed that money, but also because your average mugger wouldn't just walk away if you told him you were broke. He'd want something else. But Spencer still made no sweeping attempts to carry money around. This night, luckily enough, was the only exception. As soon as the portly Latino taxi driver pulled up at the curb of Headings-Stanley General Hospital's Accident and Emergency wing, Spencer shoved into her purse and fiddled open her wallet. She had about fifty bucks on her. She grabbed one of the twenties into a hand and thrust the paper money at the driver. He took it with a confirming grunt then went into one of his pockets for change. Spencer completely ignored that and grabbed the handle of the door, yanking it open. Before she could leave the cab driver called out to her with tough Mexican flavoring, "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! You forgot your change!"

"Just keep it!" Spencer slammed the door behind her. He didn't seem to have a problem with that. Because the next thing he did was put his foot on the gas and peel out of the asphalt. Within seconds the yellowness of his taxi drove out into the heartbeat of the traffic blazing across the way and became indiscernible.

It didn't matter very much. Spencer now found herself standing outside the tall and intimidating walls of the Headings-Stanley A&E. Somewhere deep in her head she reminded herself that this was her father's hospital. If he caught her here or if someone recognized her then she would have some explaining to do. Just how would she do that? How would she explain why she was here? It was a tough-ass question to answer. But Spencer didn't percolate on its cusp because it wasn't really her concern now. What was her concern was the woman whom had been the dominating force behind every tumultuous emotion (each one of them lumbered with demi-orgasmic fury) that she'd felt recently. That woman was Ashley Davies. And she was here for her now.

It was funny. When Spencer first learned of what happened to Ashley through the simpering intern that had been taking care of her, her first thoughts were to rush to the girl's side, irrespective of anything she'd happen to be doing at that point in time. But when she finally got there, there was a suspension. She found herself standing at the Accident and Emergency department's transparent glass doors, silently lingering with chill in the cold night air, watching a few people exit; old women with broken arms, young boys with recently pumped stomachs, people with bandaged gashes and burns. There was no one exiting under the labors of illness -- merely of mishaps that may or may not have been their own fault. Spencer glanced at each one in turn with their own problem. How miserable and wretched they all looked. Vitality had been drained from them and filtered off into the dust of their creation, leaving behind nothing but skin-encased sacks of blood, muscle and bone whom went about things with bemused gracelessness.

Would Ashley be anything like that?

If there was anything Spencer found attractive about Ashley that _did not_ relate to her seraphic body, it was her almost relentless steadfastness. Ashley was like the non-existent dream of the Southern States, she'd always 'rise again'. But what about this time? Seeing Ashley with the shit kicked out of her was one thing. Seeing her with her spirit broken was entirely different. There was a firm reluctance on that score. It bugged Spencer. But as strong as that base reluctance was, it paled in comparison to her need to be with Ashley right now, her need to be there for her. She couldn't have explained it and in coming days she'd struggle to understand it overall, especially considering all the shit that had gone down between them and all the pacts she'd made with herself to end the cycle. But Spencer knew with impunity that this was where she had to be.

Her free hand balled into a fist. It then clenched and unclenched. That tiny little action gave her the means to calm her nerves and her small feet started to propel her forward. The glass of the double doors slid either side of Spencer as she strode into the lobby of the Accident and Emergency wing's lobby. Numerous metal benches had been built in the center left side of the room. Seated on many of them were varied people afflicted with various ailments ranging from purple-colored black eyes and stomach upsets to searing migraines and the odd severed finger (the remnants of which now chilled in bags of ice). Babies were crying in the background, either because they had a problem or because they were being carried by someone who did. To Spencer it was all a malady. How her father came to all of this everyday was beyond her -- hospitals were never her cup of tea.

So the first thing she did was cross the lobby to the reception desk, built for five but manned by two, and she addressed one of those receptionists, a thirty-something woman filing her nails. When she saw Spencer she looked up with dismissive passivity.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

Spencer bit her lip. "Um, a... uh... friend of mine was brought in last night. Ashley Davies? A doctor called me and he said that, uh, she was, uh... ready to, you know... be picked up, so... could you tell me where she is? I, uh, I appreciate it."

Although she didn't notice it beforehand this woman was chewing bubblegum. She nonchalantly blew it up into a small pink bubble before it broke and she chewed it back into her mouth again. A single instance of this and she went to her computer. Rouge-polished nails tapped in Ashley's name. Some mere moments later she glanced back at the young woman and said, "The girl you're looking for is in room eight of the Lovington ward."

"How do I get there?"

She used her nail file to point at a door across the room. "Go up that corridor and take the third left. Use the elevator and go to the third floor then hang a right and then another left at the end of that hallway. Follow that to the end and you'll be at the Lovington ward."

Spencer nodded. "Thank you."

As soon as she got that information Spencer pulled her purse off her shoulder and stepped, a bit quicker than usual, to the door that the woman had pointed at. Each of her directions was followed to the letter until she was brought to the green-painted double doors of the Lovington ward. With a single breath taken she pushed inside. It was really just a large chamber -- on one side were the nurses, standing beside shelves of medication and cupboards of breakfast-like food; milk and teabags, coffee and cream, cookies and juice. On the other side were a row of rooms. Twelve of them in total. Each one protected by respective doors with a single translucent window fixed in them. And each door was painted with a number. Ashley laid behind the one with an '8' on it. Spencer scanned each number as she walked past them -- to find her.

Her heart quickened when she saw the eighth.

She could feel it pounding forcefully in her stomach. There was chalkiness in her mouth as well, all of her nervousness had yet to be vanquished, but in this case she could put it to one side -- she had to. As a result Spencer's hand turned the knob and pushed. All thoughts of retreating or rethinking her move disappeared when she stepped inside. When she finally did see Ashley her breath froze in her throat, gasping.

She was a wreck.

Whatever happened to her before was a speck on the horizon compared to this. The flesh around Ashley's right eye had swelled into a glassy purple. There were at least sixteen cuts across her upper body, arms and neck. Most of them were shallow and patched up with band-aids laced and with disinfectant. Her pouting lower lip had been cut and crusted flakes of blood remained in her nostrils. A tight set of bandages had been wound around her right hand. The knuckles of it had been skinned -- razor bloodied skin lingering tenuously. The knuckles of her left were only slightly bruised. And of course her ribs had been bandaged too -- Spencer couldn't see them because of the bleach green smock Ashley was wearing but she knew they were there. Her normally wavy black hair was now straightened and frayed. Her beautiful skin, tanned by California sun, seemed almost pale now, almost as pale as Spencer's own skin. It didn't suit her. The Italian girl sat slumped in her sterile bed with a kind of distant pondering gaze in her eyes, like she was evaluating something. That gaze curved into a pallid smile the second she caught sight of Spencer.

Not even Spencer could ignore the haunting look relief simmering in Ashley's eyes.

"You came..." even her voice was weak."I'm glad."

She didn't know what to think or what it was she should do. Spencer was in control of nothing, the moment she saw Ashley Davies, arguably the strongest woman she'd ever known, looking so meek. In the future she'd recall this moment as a blurry cluster of images that she lacked the power to understand. It was instinct that took the fold at that point. The next thing she knew, she was huddled up against Ashley, crying openly, arms wrapped around her neck. A significantly weaker Ashley embraced her, feebly at first, not oblivious to her own pain, but she prepared to put it all away for her weeping blonde angel. They spent the next quarter of an hour like that. Holding each other. Spencer sobbing into Ashley's shoulder. Ashley slowly petting Spencer's hair. Those soft and tender minutes, which seemed so prolonged and yet so tranquil to both of them, were like a cool bath on a hot summer day. They did something, something so miraculous and so unexpected that neither Ashley nor Spencer would begin to understand until a later date. But with imperceptible slightness it made its mark.

Once Spencer calmed down she sniveled a little. She noticed the hoarseness in her throat. Then she noticed Ashley's fingers reaching up to her eyes. The brunette softly wiped the wetness from them with a gingerly administered touch. That hand then evened out and cupped Spencer's baby-soft cheek. Watery blue eyes locked in with meekly optimistic caramel ones. Emotions were communicated through that exchange that no words were needed for. The look alone was enough. Spencer smiled a bit, wiping her eyes herself, getting her breathing back under control, trying hard to keep her lip from trembling anymore than it already was.

Ashley smiled back at that, saying, "Are you okay now?"

It was her who should have been asking Ashley that. Of that Spencer was conscious. But like most thoughts in her head Spencer didn't voice it, she simply fulfilled the natural response. "Yeah. I think so."

The light smile Ashley had diminished. "I'm... really happy you came. After what happened with... that girl, the fight, I was... I was kind of worried that I might've blown it."

"I had to come," Spencer said simplistically. "I didn't think to do anything else."

"...That's nice." Ashley tilted her head back. She sighed.

Then there was a pause. Spencer stopped sniveling a moment and wiped up the last of her tear tracks. Ashley didn't say anything more. She simply shut her eyes and kept her arms around Spencer's waist whilst Spencer herself sat on the edge of her plain bed-gurney hybrid. From then on every moment was a moment that Spencer would recall with true clarity in the future; because it was the moment she started thinking again. And the thought that stuck out hardest was a question that needed to be answered once and for all. Spencer's breath had one final hitch before she pulled her face from Ashley's shoulder. Her little pink tongue poked out to lick off the salty taste of her tears before she cast her gaze and asked with paced finality, "What the hell happened...?"

That was the big question.

And from the look on Ashley's face it was still a question that she didn't want to answer. She met Spencer's probing stare for a moment, licked her own lips, and then looked away. The grip she had on Spencer's shirt tightened; perhaps more out of nervousness than anything else; but she didn't say anything. But this really wasn't something that could just be shuffled aside or dismissed. This wasn't some childish play fight or some immature little fracas in a high school lunchroom; this was serious. Someone had kicked the crap out of Ashley and _methodically_ so.

"Ashley," there was a pleading tenor in Spencer's voice now. "Ashley, please. Tell me what happened."

Silence. Then; "It's... nothing. I must've just gotten into a fight or something."

It was bullshit and she knew it. Spencer wasn't buying it either. "Come on, Ashley! _Look_ at you! Someone beat you up and this _isn't_ the first time! What happened to you?!"

"I said it's nothing, alright?" She yelled back defensively.

Spencer tightened up in frustration. She'd almost forgotten how stubborn Ashley could be about things. She should have remembered that after everything they'd been through in the short time they'd known each other. But this was an entirely different story. This was assault -- it was nothing to be tight-lipped about. All of a sudden Spencer started to recall all the times before this that hinted something was wrong. She remembered the bruise she'd first seen under Ashley's eye. Then there was the pasting she'd gotten in the middle of the week, the one she had to patch up herself. Now there was this. The former two could be explained as random; being clumsy, falling down the stairs maybe, but this was nothing like that. It was no accident or personal mishap. Someone had willingly done this to Ashley and there was no excuse for it.

So why wouldn't she explain?

Truth be told it pissed Spencer off. The joke of it all was that Spencer wasn't the type of girl to get 'pissed off'. But who wouldn't be in this situation? However any anger Spencer felt became a weight on her. It was useless now because she needed to be there for Ashley. In her constantly analytical mind she knew Ashley would become even more closed off if she tried to coax the truth out of her. Now probably wasn't the time for it. So Spencer resolved to be the cement to her bricks at the moment -- and do what she could to repair some of the damage.

She heaved a sigh before peeling Ashley's arms off of her and stood up.

"What are you doing?" Asked the older girl.

Spencer straightened out her skirt. "...I'm taking you home."

At the mention of 'home' Ashley got terse again, looking away. Spencer noticed it.

"Is there a problem?" She questioned.

"...No."

She didn't need to be told what to do after that. Ashley pulled the covers off and winced in pain when she edged off the bed. Her bare feet plopped on the cold floor so she could stand upright, even if a bit shaky. Beside the bed was a wooden side unit. Ashley gradually pulled it open and revealed her clothes. Spencer noted that they were the same set of clothes that she'd worn to school on Friday. That meant that whatever happened to her happened fairly soon after leaving Alderson High. Then the young woman went about pulling the unbecoming smock from her torso. She wasn't really sure why but Spencer watched this by the corner of her eye. She quite soon wished that she hadn't though. When the gown reached as low as the crests of her ass Spencer saw Ashley's ribcage. Though all the wrappings were tightly in place you could see streaks of purple and blue by their fringes. It was horrifying. Ashley hadn't just been beaten -- she'd been battered. From the looks of things she was lucky not to have broken a rib.

Spencer tightened up and tried desperately to block that out of her head. She quickly went around the bed and came up to Ashley who was now, aside from the bandages and underwear, naked. It was the first time she'd seen Ashley undressed without succumbing to sexual desire.

The blonde girl took up Ashley's blouse. "Lift up your arms."

She obeyed. Spencer stood up on her tip-toes and pulled Ashley's blouse down onto her, fitting her arms through the arm holes then buttoning it when in place. Then came the khakis. Spencer unbuttoned then unzipped them before she kneeled down for her. Whilst taking great stress not to aggravate her injuries Ashley lifted her foot and threaded her left leg through. She did the same with the other leg. Spencer pulled them up to her waist and refastened the zipper and the button. Next she went for the socks and boots that she'd been wearing. "Sit down, please." Spencer asked of her. Ashley did as she was told without a word of protest. So Spencer crouched down and took Ashley's left foot into her hand. The older one giggled a bit, clearly ticklish down there, whilst Spencer busied herself.

Although it was perhaps a stupid thing to note, especially at a time like that, she couldn't help but notice that Ashley's toenails were pained the same color as her fingernails -- lavender. For some reason it just seemed to suit her best of all.

Spencer shook her head, not even knowing why she was thinking of something so irrelevant, and slipped the first of the sock pair up her foot. The second one followed afterwards, the cotton fabric gliding up effortlessly. That just left her boots (as far as the lower half of her body went). They were lengthy and had three inches worth of heel. Typical. The worse possible footwear for someone in Ashley's condition. Spencer sighed then helped Ashley put them on one after the other. Finally there was her trademark jacket, a tiny but well-suited array of ebony leather. Spencer told Ashley to stand up and stick out one of her arms. She did, and Spencer pulled it along the length of that arm. The other arm she helped slipped through too.

After that Spencer started buttoning the jacket, informing Ashley that it was cold out. She went about this unhurriedly though. They stood face to face together. Close enough for Ashley to feel Spencer's breath tease her cold lips with their warmth, close enough for Spencer to smell Ashley's intoxicating scent -- poisonberry and mint. They stood like that for perhaps longer than they should have. Ashley watched silently whilst Spencer finished up the last of her jacket's six buttons. She stopped then. Spencer's hands lingered on the bottom of her jacket. Her bright blue eyes rolled north and met Ashley's. They happened to glance at each other then, unmoving, not really saying anything, just staring at each other. They'd _never_ been this close to each other without kissing.

"Thank you." Ashley said evenly.

Spencer felt her heart race again.

But before she did something stupid, Spencer pulled away awkwardly, walking toward the ashen door. Her hand went to the knob and she turned it. She didn't look back. "I'll speak to one of the nurses about discharging you. Wait here."

Ashley replied something but Spencer didn't wait around long enough to hear it. She exited room eight and called on one of the nurses. She spoke quick to get the information. Apparently Ashley just needed to sign something and then they could go. After learning that she returned to room eight and Ashley was exactly where Spencer had left her, standing beside the bed.

"Let's get going."

A nod was Ashley's reply.

By the time they stepped out the nurse that Spencer had spoken to was already back with the form, complete with pen and clipboard. Ashley signed the thing then put the pen down. When she did Spencer was at her side. The slightly shorter girl wove an arm around her waist (she was really careful about touching Ashley there though) to help guide her to the doors leading out of this ward. They then walked back through corridors and down through stairs to the lobby of the Accident and Emergency wing.

Spencer pointed at the bench seats. "Sit down for a minute, okay? I'll call a cab."

"...Okay." Ashley slowly hobbled over to the long seats and parked herself with care. Meanwhile Spencer walked over to the phone compartment that had been mounted on the wall. It was a one-button service. Once she pressed it the number was rung. A short wait later a voice came through. "How can I help you?"

Spencer held the receiver close. "I need a taxi. I'm at Headings-Stanley A and E."

"Name?"

" Spencer."

"...Okay. It'll be about fifteen minutes."

"Thank you," Spencer then put the phone down. She sat with Ashley after that and waited out the minutes, most of the time in silence, a silence broken only when Spencer swiftly popped into the bathroom for a quick pee. Five minutes or so after she came back a middle-aged guy walked through the door and said, "Taxi for Spencer?". The girl in question shot up her hand, declaring that she was Spencer, and then helped Ashley to her feet. The two of them followed him out of the hospital and back into the cold night air of the car park. His auto was parked by a delimiting wall. As he unlocked it, Spencer opened the lower left door and helped Ashley to climb in. The teen secured her belt then shut her door and got in through the other side.

Once she was buckled up herself the driver asked, "Where to?"

"Crenshaw," Ashley whispered.

Spencer glared at her. "...That's where you live?"

"Yeah. Where did you think I lived? Beverly Hills?"

Spencer ignored that sarcasm for the time being. The driver grunted his understanding and put his foot down. He drove them from this relatively suburban setting. The ride took about an hour and a half, longer than what Spencer a had expected, but when they got to Crenshaw it certainly wasn't the time taken that bugged her. The place was a dump. Dilapidated waste after dilapidated waste, broken windows, burned out youths hanging around menacingly astride stoops. Police sirens bleared in the murky black distance. In all honesty the place was... well, scary. Spencer glanced back at Ashley, questioning her silently, as if to say "is this a joke?". But if there was a joke here then Ashley wasn't the one telling it. She turned when she noticed Spencer staring at her and she seemed to understand what Spencer was thinking; because she offered the blonde a brief and conforming nod. Ashley directed the driver the rest of the way until they pulled up at a quite rundown apartment building.

"That'll be twenty-two bucks." Said the taxi driver.

Ashley turned to Spencer. "My wallet's in my jacket pocket."

She would have paid for it herself but she wanted get inside as quickly as possible. Spencer went into Ashley's jacket, removed her wallet then took out two tens and two singles. The driver claimed his pay without qualm. Then Spencer went about helping Ashley climb out of the back. When they were out on the pavement the taxi peeled off down the street like a bat out of hell.

Ashley sniggered mirthlessly. "That's a grown man."

"Can we just get inside please?"

With Spencer being scared it was slightly different. So she nodded and they walked together toward her building. It was a horrible place. The windows of the twin doors into the foyer were smashed open. Its fractured bits of glass were splayed all over the steps and the inside of the hall. Spencer carefully pushed it. The first thing that struck Spencer when she entered was the smell. The whole place reeked of a pungent mix; cigarette smoke, urine, and a robust herbal odor that Spencer would one day come to know as the stink of marijuana. The floor of the lobby was littered with broken glass, crushed beer cans, used needles, burnt spoons and hundreds upon hundreds of cigarette butts. The place looked like it hadn't been cleaned in months. Across the way Spencer saw a drunken old homeless man, shaggy and unkempt, sleeping in the corner.

Spencer was staggered. "...This is... this is where you _live_?"

"...Yeah. Home-sweet-fucking-home."

They wasted no more words where they were and started walking. There was an elevator but it had an `out of service' sign on it so they were forced to walk up the stairs. The stairwell was of pure stone and its miserable grey walls were hatefully decorated with graffiti. The smell now became one of pure urine, wet patches on every corner, the atmosphere truly foul. Spencer flinched when they passed by a puddle of vomit on the way up. They couldn't have gotten to Ashley's apartment fast enough. When they finally came to her door Ashley asked, "My keys are in my back pocket. Could you...?"

Spencer slid her hand down the rear left pocket of Ashley's khaki's (unintentionally) cupping her ass. She pulled out the key set and used them in Ashley's stead. It took a bit of fiddling because the lock was sort of old, but she got it unlocked soon enough. It swung open with a creaking groan and gestured like a welcoming hand into the place that Ashley Davies called home.

Spencer was surprisingly surprised to see that Ashley's apartment was a little better than her building. Aside from the carpeting (which was inexplicably pristine) everything else was a mess. The wallpaper pasted on the walls was coming down in strips or stained into darker shades by the condensation of cooking steam. Aside from one spot on the sofa of the living room the place was littered with empty lager cans and old pizza boxes and the like. A clothes rack stood alone in the corridor. Though she hadn't noticed it before the window of the front door had been broken through, perhaps by a rock or something, and was boarded up with three planks. The kitchen door hung loosely from its rusty hinges and looked ready to snap off at any time. There was a smoky tinge wafting in the air, which was odd because she knew that Ashley didn't smoke, but those she lived with clearly did. It all amounted to very inhospitable climate that Spencer herself couldn't stand. It was beyond her how ANYONE could have lived like this, let alone someone like Ashley.

The girl in question grinned darkly at it all. "Make yourself at home, Spencer."

Spencer was so stunned that she didn't even know if Ashley was kidding or not. She took her arms from Ashley now, letting her walk on her own. Then the older girl feebly pushed the kitchen door to one side so she could get in. When she did she called out and asked, "You want a cup of coffee?"

Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat. "No... thank you."

"Okay. Go sit down in my room. It's the second door on the right."

That door was already open. The apartment was only one floor so she simply gaited into Ashley's bedroom from the corridor. The first thing Spencer noticed was that this room was better kept than the others. There was still a bit of damp on the walls but they were painted rather than wallpapered. There were only a few bits of furniture. A single bed (with unmade checkered linen), a wardrobe, a chest of drawers, and a plastic table with a stack of music CDs next to it. Her schoolwork lay strewn along the floor, along with random articles of her underwear and shoes. There was no smoky smell in this room. Spencer felt slightly more comfortable here. So she sat down on the edge of Ashley's bed, pausing, trying hard to work all this out in her head. It was then that she noticed a picture frame on the chest of drawers. It was surrounded by other items, a jewelry box, make-up, more CD cases, a plate with a half eaten tuna sandwich on it, an address book, car keys, etc. But the picture stood out for some reason.

Spencer reached over and took it into her hands. Inside it was a picture of a much younger Ashley, she was perhaps eleven or twelve when this was taken, and she stood alongside a much taller and more strident woman. That woman looked a lot like Ashley did now actually. She had the same pastel olive skin tone, the same rich and luscious black hair, the same charming brown eyes, a true Italian beauty. But there were some differences. Ashley's mother was clearly older, wiser, and from the wistful half-smile her face sported -- a little melancholic. The picture had been taken in the lush green foliage of a park. Clearly these were happier days. After a few more moments of admiring that photo (there was no mistaking how adorable Ashley looked as a kid with those cute little pigtails of hers) she set it down. Spencer then sat back down and let her eyes wonder again.

Being the kind of girl she was it was only a matter of time before she was curious enough to stare at all the work Ashley had scattered across her floor. Something about observing her schoolwork seemed intrusive, but if there was anything that could take Spencer's mind off her horrid environment she'd take it. Her blue eyes rolled downward and observed. There were tests and essays amongst the piles. Quick gazes searched through them all on face level. It was only after checking out the eighth paper that Spencer noticed something.

Ashley had fairly decent grades at school.

The lowest grade Ashley had gotten (at least from what Spencer could see of the work she had at her feet) was a C+. For everything else it was mostly Bs and the occasional A. It seemed odd to her at first. For some reason, she really didn't expect Ashley to be doing well at school. Then she wondered why she would even _think_ that. Ashley was a year older than her so they didn't share any classes. And it wasn't something they talked about. She had no way of knowing how Ashley performed at school. All of that, coupled with this ghastly apartment and the scummy neighborhood she was in, made Spencer realize something. She didn't know Ashley as well as she thought she did. She'd always taken Ashley for some spoiled brat of a young woman who got things too easy in life. She figured that was why Ashley was so damn unaccustomed to the word `no'. But that clearly wasn't the case. What else was there that she didn't know about Ashley?

Before Spencer could ponder that, Ashley slowly ambled into her bedroom with a mug of hot coffee. She gently eased onto the bed next to the blonde, cracking a gentle little smile, nothing like the arrogant smirks Spencer had been so used to seeing from her.

"Enjoying Chez Cooper?" She chuckled, in spite of herself. "Yeah, I guess not."

Spencer stared at her. "I can't believe you live in a place like this."

"...Yeah. It sucks, I know. But what'd you expect, I'm not rich. It's a little shithole, this place. I can't even keep my car anywhere near here, it'd get torn apart. I've got a friend a few districts down though. He has an empty garage. He lets me stash it there most of the time."

"Is that even the point?"

Ashley sipped her coffee. "I'm not rich, Spencer."

"You keep saying that," she replied. "I don't get it."

"Maybe I'm trying to make you understand that I'm not like you, okay? I didn't grow up with silver spoons in my mouth and fifty dollar bills flying out my cat's ass. You can smooth it over, ask for anything, and you'd probably get it. You're going to college. You'll get a great job, climb the ladder and be successful; whatever it is you wanna do. I just... I'm not like that. I don't have that."

Spencer nudged closer to her. "You could go to college..."

"College? Yeah, right."

"Of course you could. You've got the grades for it."

Ashley paused a moment, mug at her lips, apparently wondering how Spencer knew something like that. She dismissed it just the same though. "It doesn't matter anyway. I haven't got the money for it and I haven't got any specialty so a scholarship isn`t likely to happen either."

"So you're just... content to live like this?"

She didn't reply to that one. Ashley just sipped down more of her coffee whilst staring at the wall ahead. Spencer glanced at her. When it became clear that Ashley didn't plan on answering though... she looked away. Inevitably her eyes roamed. Even more inevitably those eyes ended up on the picture Ashley had on her chest of drawers, the one of her as a kid. Spencer picked it up once again.

Ashley blinked. "What are you doing?"

"This is you, isn't it?" She whispered obliviously. "And the woman beside you is...?"

The older girl mellowed some. "...My Mom."

She thought so. The resemblance between them was uncanny. Though Spencer had to wonder, "Does she live here with you?"

"Here? No. She's in West Hollywood with her guy."

With the way she said that it was clear that by `her guy' she meant someone other than her father. Ashley sipped some more of her coffee before looking up nostalgically. Her memories became informative pieces for Spencer when they were uttered verbally. "She sends me letters every week. Calls me up every other day. She keeps talking about me moving out there with her."

Spencer was incredulous. "And you _won't_?"

"She has a kid with him, Spencer. She started up a whole new family. I'm not gonna crash in there and wreck all that."

"Does your Mom know what this place is like?"

"She wouldn't call me so much if she didn't."

"Then she's _worried_ about you."

"More fool her."

Spencer's expression hardened. "_I'm_ worried about you."

Ashley stared at her -- blankly. "...Why?"

It was a one word question. At first it struck Spencer as a relentlessly stupid one. Then it dawned on her what Ashley meant when she asked "why?". She wasn't asking "why are you so afraid of this place" but rather "why do you even care what happens to me?". And it wasn't some kind of Goth-fabulous or Emo-licious self-loathing in play. It was a strident and simple question in reference to her own personal wretchedness. Why would Spencer even begin to care what happened to Ashley after everything she'd done to her? Spencer went quiet again when she caught on to the point Ashley was trying to make. She had no answers. She didn't understand why either. She didn't understand why she was here, why she had gone to such effort, why feelings she'd tried so hard to bury started stirring up again. When did Spencer ever have the answers to _anything_?

So when Spencer said nothing, Ashley did what she had to. "...Look. I've been really shitty to you, Spencer. I wanna say I'm... that I'm sorry. And I _really_ mean that. Of all the people in my life, you're... the one person that I just... I'd never want to hurt. I don't know why, it's just... when I'm around you, I get stupid, you know? You make me stop thinking. I just see how sweet and pretty you are and I get... fuddled. I don't know how to fucking explain it, but you just... do things to me. That's all I can say. You make me stupid."

It was some kind of apology wrapped in a hurried and malformed compliment. Spencer was still not able to handle any complements. She blushed, not really smiling, but not uncomfortable either. This was the first time she and Ashley had ever sat down and had a serious conversation about anything, the first time she and Ashley had shared some byplay that didn't involve her domineering way of doing things. Spencer felt herself melting, relenting, acquiescing and capitulating, all at the thought. She _liked_ Ashley this way. Not when she was throwing her weight around or when she was coming onto her without regarding her feelings on the matter, but when she was like _this_; open and available. It felt like progress.

But that moment was soon ruined. It was ruined when they heard the lock of the front door turn. Ashley's brown eyes flashed with panic. "Oh shit! He's back already...! Spencer, you gotta get under the bed...!"

"What?"

"Just get under the bed...! And keep quiet!"

Spencer shook. " Ashley, I don't understand, what-"

"Please just do it...!"

She still didn't get it but the horror in Ashley's eyes confirmed to her that she'd best just do what she was told. The girl crouched down to her knees and slid under the safety of Ashley's bed, alongside a baseball bat and a worn-out catcher's mitt. Ashley carefully put her coffee down before she stepped out of the bedroom into the corridor. The walls were quite thin though. Because of that she could hear Ashley's voice almost as clearly as she could when she was inside the room. Almost.

What she was able to make out was her saying, "...Hey, Dad..."

A gruff and disagreeable baritone voice answered her, the voice of Ashley's father. "...I, uh. I got all the way down to the bus stop then I realized I forgot my damn work keys."

"...I haven't seen them."

A pause.

"...Are you alright? Did they fix you up?"

Cogs started to turn in Spencer's mind when she heard Ashley's delayed reply. "...Yeah. I'm okay."

"Alright. I'm... sorry I lost it. Just... go lie down or something, okay? I gotta find my fucking keys."

There was some shuffling and the stomping of boots over carpeting -- boots that clearly weren't Ashley's . Then the door was jimmied open and the girl slipped in as carefully and as quietly as possible. Spencer heard the bed springs compress when Ashley sat down on the bed. She uttered nothing else. Off in the distance though, she heard wooden drawers being shunted around. There was grumbling, which got louder and louder, along with matching curses of varying offensiveness. Then there was a punt. The 'punt' was of glass being smacked. The next thing heard, so forcefully, was the sound of glass (probably a bottle) being smashed to pieces. Spencer juddered. If she hadn't been so focused on listening to him she would have known how terrified she was.

"...Motherfuck. Where's my goddamned keys?" Yelled Ashley's thunderous father, tearing around his apartment like a madman. There was a silence after that. But it was broken, and Spencer whimpered, when he bestially shouted, "WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY KEYS?!"

The walls shook. There were some people who could send chills down your spine just by hearing them speak. Ashley's father happened to be one of them. She heard him stomp around some more, wrenching out more drawers and rifling through spare coat pockets. Then there was a little jingle. Those were his keys. The man whispered a calmer curse before stomping to the door and slamming it behind him.

Ashley exhaled, transparently relieved. "You can come out now."

Spencer poked her head out from under the bed before climbing out entirely. As soon as she was on her feet, she cast her gaze directly at Ashley. The look wasn't returned. The older girl simply glanced away, partly ashamed, partly embarrassed. So when Ashley wouldn't look at her Spencer spoke the reality that neither one of them wanted to broach.

"_He_ did it, didn't he?"

Ashley said nothing.

"He's the one... the one who's been..." Spencer tensed. "Your father's been hitting you?"

The truth had been unfurled yet still Ashley spoke no words. That silence said all that needed to be said, as did that jaded look in Ashley's eye. Now everything made sense. Why Ashley was so secretive about it, why her mother wasn't living here anymore, why Ashley seemed so negative about parental authority in general. Spencer had seen it before from Ashley so many times but she never posited it as some kind of trend. Now it was clear that it was. The way she disparaged Spencer's parents, the way she was so cold about Nicole's father's disability, her old claim that 'parents were overrated'. It all made sense now. Ashley's father was abusing her. Suddenly every kind of preconception she had about Ashley Davies and every pained feeling she'd expressed in her own life flew out the window. What really _was_ her indecision in comparison to the shit that Ashley had been going through? More questions came to her then. Like how long had this been going on? Was this the reason her Mom left? Why hadn't she gone _with_ her Mom?

But every question she could think of fell to the wayside at the behest of single one that surged forward harder and faster than any that had come before it. Spencer had to ask, _"Why didn't you tell me?" _

That, Ashley was quick to answer. "When have we ever talked about anything? We never did. I never let you. And I didn't want to. When I'm with you, you know, I just... I don't think about it."

It became quiet again. Spencer watched Ashley and her expressions, probing her, trying to understand all this. But there was no solid logic for it. You couldn't step around it or sugar-coat it. This was abuse. So Spencer's only answer was to do what anyone in her position would have done. She yanked the purse strap from her shoulder and unzipped it, dragging out her cell phone.

Ashley glanced at this. "What are you doing?"

"I'm calling the police."

" Spencer! Don't-" When she moved to stop her there was a painful, fiery spasm at her ribcage. She stopped and grimaced, the pain holding her in check. Spencer saw her in agony and quickly went to her side. Two thin arms came around her shoulders and waist to keep the young woman still.

"You can't move around like that." Exclaimed Spencer, holding her cell phone tight.

Ashley, cringing, glared at her with desperation. "... Spencer, please. Please don't call the cops..."

"...You're out of your mind..." For the first time in a while Spencer started to speak the things that were really on her mind. Her free hand tightened into a fist and the frustration she was feeling from all of this swept over her like a composed torrent, unbidden. "That... _bastard_! That bastard! That bastard's been hitting you, Ashley! He's abusing you! We are you letting him get away with this!"

The Davies girl paused. And in spite of herself, staring at Spencer, she chuckled.

"What is so funny?"

"I think that's the first time I've heard you swear."

Spencer released her. "Is this all a joke to you? That man is a lunatic and he could have killed you...! Why would you even begin to defend him after what he did?"

The reply Ashley gave was delayed... but heartfelt.

"...He's my Dad."

"I don't _care_ who he is, he-"

" Spencer," she stopped the girl with an earnest stare. "He's my Dad. I can't do that to him."

Part of her was wondering if Ashley really meant that. But Spencer saw Ashley's seriousness. She really was trying to protect that psycho. At that point ninety-nine problems swam around freely in her head. An outspoken league of emotions cajoled her. There was anger. Anger at that asshole for hurting Ashley, anger at Ashley for wanting to protect him, and anger at herself for not realizing how bad things really were. There was also frustration. A frustration with how things had played out, how powerless she felt, and how desperate she was to help Ashley. Then there was shame. Spencer felt shame when she compared her life to Ashley's. She hated her Dad, Arthur, for ignoring her. But compared to Ashley's father he was a saint. All the bitching she'd known herself to do up till this point, about her life and how isolated she felt at home and at school, now seemed so trivial and meaningless. But most of all... there was one thing Spencer Carlin felt that haunted her above all others and it wasn't something she felt for herself. That feeling was fear. When she turned to Ashley, her sparkling blue eyes were already quivering with it.

"...I'm so scared for you..."

Ashley smiled a bit. It wasn't a smile of jollity or happiness, just one of calming grace. Her arms soon enfolded Spencer's body to bring them together. It was a tender embrace that approximated more intimacy than Spencer had known Ashley capable of. But it was always there. Behind all her bravado, behind all her sexual possessiveness, behind all of her overconfidence and immaturity, there was warmth and elegance. Spencer couldn't possibly describe it any other way. She had seen it before. She remembered the last time Ashley's father had knocked her around. She helped Ashley clean up her face. The vulnerability and softness was there back then. But Spencer had taken it as just a side to her. It wasn't just 'a side' though. It was who Ashley Davies was. All of the assurance and overt strength that attracted Spencer to her in the first place was an obscuring cloud, a smokescreen. When Spencer finally had the chance to see beyond those billows she found Ashley anew. And the woman she saw glistened with a quite different strength now.

If only Ashley had been upfront with her from the _beginning_, they might have...

" Spencer," before she became lost in herself again she heard Ashley call on her. "Listen. He's... my Dad, you know, he... wasn't always like this. When Mom was still around... I remember him being kind to me. Sure, he got angry every now and again... but he never hit me. Then Mom left and everything changed. He got depressed, started drinking, he lost his job and then he fell apart."

A tear fell from Spencer's eye. But she didn't sob. "...You can't stay here with him."

"I'm not going to. Senior year is gonna be over in a few months. As soon as it is I'm gonna get a full-time job and earn some money. When I save up enough I'm gonna find myself an apartment, far away from this hellhole. I just have to tough it about a bit longer, okay?"

It wasn't okay.

"...I understand, but..."

" Spencer, I know what I'm doing," then Ashley pulled away a bit. "Now I think you need to get going."

Though she didn't like it here she certainly didn't want to leave Ashley alone here either. Ashley seemed to get that sentiment without being told about it. "I'd love for you to stay longer, Dad won't be back until morning, but you can`t. It's early hours yet but this block gets really rough after ten. I don't want you hanging around here. Call a taxi then go home. Don't worry about me."

How could she do anything _but_ worry about Ashley? It was annoying but there was little she could say at this point. Ashley wouldn't budge. For a moment Spencer even considered bringing Ashley back to her place but dismissed the idea just as quickly. It would never work with her parents. They weren't exactly the charitable sort and they certainly wouldn't take well to a girl like Ashley. Then her thoughts went to someone else, Ashley's Mother. All of the well-oiled gears in her brain did their job flawlessly. Spencer was quick to remember that Ashley had an address book on her chest of drawers. Time to be sly again.

"I uh..." Spencer acclimated herself, wiping away her tears. "I'll call for one. Have you got a number?"

Ashley pointed at the table across from them. There was a little card there.

"Okay, thanks. Before I go, could you, uh... go get me a cup of coffee?"

"Huh?"

Spencer shrugged. "I'm a bit cold."

"Oh. Okay." Ashley lifted herself up and trotted out the door, across the hall and into the kitchen. As soon as she was out of sight and earshot, Spencer launched up and snatched the address book. She skimmed through it all the way to the 'M's and looked up Mom. There were two numbers there. Home phone and cell number. So Spencer took a pen out of her purse, tore off a piece of paper from one of Ashley's old essays, and scribbled down both of her mother's numbers. Then she thrust the note into her purse.

Ashley was still in the kitchen.

Now all she had to do was call for the taxi. Spencer took to the card Ashley had pointed out then flipped open her cell phone to make the call. Though she hadn't realized it she'd actually turned the thing off before. So when she turned it on again she was startled to see the screen display _seven_ unanswered messages -- and all of them were from Nicole. Spencer gasped. It didn't take long for the penny to drop. She had forgotten all about Nicole the moment she got the call from the intern. In her head she pictured how it must have looked -- her running off without saying a word and leaving her, Carmen and Kyla in her wake. How did she forget something like that?

It was a pickle but Spencer had to order the taxi first. She had to get out of here, call Ashley's Mom, tell her everything, and then she could think about the consequences of her actions. So Spencer tapped in the number of the taxi firm to get in touch with them. When she got through she told them where she was and the guy told her it would be there in about five minutes. Apparently their office was pretty close by. Once that was confirmed she put her cell back in her purse. Shortly afterwards Ashley stepped in with another mug, this one slightly cracked, with coffee in it.

"Here." She said.

"Thank you," Spencer sipped some before telling Ashley that, "The taxi will be here in five minutes or so."

"Yeah. I knew they'd be quick." A pause. "Look, Spencer, before you go. I wanna say something to you."

"Yes?"

Ashley sighed. "...Thank you so much for... you know, being there for me tonight. You really don't know how much it means to me. And I'm so sorry for everything that happened. I swear to God, I didn't mean to hurt you. If I knew how I was making you feel I wouldn't have done it. I know I'm a bitch for saying this, but... if you could forgive me sometime... down the line... I'd really like that."

For some reason that was the furthest thing from her mind right now. She didn't want to dwell on it. Something had changed tonight, and while Spencer wouldn't be able to place it now, there would come a time when she knew implicitly what had happened. For now she only wanted Ashley's safety to be her concern.

"Lets not talk about that now, okay?" Asked Spencer.

A nod. "Okay."

The rest of the time they sat together in silence. Not a single word was spoken. They didn't need to speak. They only exchanged small glances, Ashley giving Spencer tiny, reassuring smiles and a more distracted Spencer meeting those smiles with more reactionary ones of her own. Spencer took her in like a glass of water. It was weird, but... even with a cut lip and a black eye, Ashley still looked beautiful. With her current frailty, maybe even more so. A car horn soon bleared outside.

Ashley knew that was the taxi. "You'd better get going."

All of a sudden Spencer tensed, like she didn't know what she wanted do to, but quickly she settled on something. She hugged Ashley and she held on tight, like she would a life preserver in the middle of the Atlantic. "Be careful, okay?"

"I will. I'm fine."

An exhale. Then Spencer let go of Ashley and stood up again. It was time to go. She claimed herself one last look at the girl that had been such a big part of her life recently then turned on her heels and walked out of the bedroom, then out of the Davies apartment. She closed the door behind her, feeling the whip of the cold night air, and ran as fast as she could to the stairwell, then down it, into the lobby, and finally out of its broken doors. Spencer jogged up to the window of the car and knocked it.

The cabman rolled it down. "Taxi?"

"Yeah...!"

He unlocked the doors. Spencer shuffled into the backseat and shut the door behind her. As soon as she was inside he turned at the wheel and started driving. Thankfully Spencer had told his firm earlier where she needed to go. While she was whisked away from the decrepit urban waste that was that part of Crenshaw, Spencer took out her phone and flipped it open. There was something she had to get out of the way now. Something she felt guilty about. She scrolled through the few programmed numbers she had on it and selected Nicole's.

It started ringing.

She was quick to pick it up on the other end. "... Spencer? Is that you?!"

"Yes. It's me."

"...Oh thank God...!" There was a sigh of relief on the other end. "Jesus Christ, where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick! You had a phone call to answer or something, I remember that, and then you were just gone! What the hell are you playing at?!"

Spencer squirmed. "...I'm sorry. I didn't think..."

"...Well, at least you're okay. You _are_ okay, right? Did anything happen?"

Something did happen. But it was nothing like what Nicole was probably thinking. All of a sudden Spencer's priorities had changed. Things were different. Yet all of it was nothing she could confess to Nicole. She couldn't even begin to tell her what she'd seen tonight. Ashley wouldn't have wanted her to and she doubted Nicole would've been able to understand it.

" Spencer, what happened?" Repeated Nicole.

While she couldn't explain the details... she could still speak from the heart. "...Someone I know was in trouble. I had to help her. That's... all it is."

"...Okay."

She heard Nicole pause on the other end. Spencer knew Nicole was aware that there was much more to it, that the surface of something more important had only been scratched. Even Spencer's little placating admission was clouded. She said "someone I know". That wasn't what she wanted to say. It was becoming clear now. What she wanted to say wasn't "someone I know" but rather "someone I care about".

The task now was to find a way to protect her.


	14. Chapter 14

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Chapter Fourteen

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Spencer didn't get much sleep that night.

In fact if any accuracy were to be had here, then she hadn't slept at all. She tried all the right techniques. Sheep were counted, nothing was thought of, yet nothing went blank. Even when she heard her father creep into his bedroom (her mother Paula had done so a few hours earlier) at midnight, Spencer's humbled blue eyes stared cold at the ceiling above her. There was some ruffling about. She tossed and turned underneath her sheets, a groan or two rumbled around her, across the room she heard the purring of her kitten's slumber. When the hours started to roll on by Spencer realized that she just couldn't hit the hey feeling like she did. She not only felt depressed but also, understandably, could not stop thinking about Ashley. She was out there right now, in Crenshaw, alone, maybe even sleeping, wondering if her father would come home earlier than usual; with vodka on his breath and a hand clutched into a fist. The very thought made her wince. Soon Spencer realized that that too was keeping her up. Not only what she had seen that night but the possibility that this might not be the end of it. That all it would take was for that pig of a man Ashley called her Dad to put his daughter in the hospital again was a brief flux of anger - any of the slightest irritations. It was a chilling thought. Its primacy in keeping Spencer awake was undeniable.

Eventually Spencer simply gave up on sleep. Instead she wrenched the blankets from her, clad only in her pajamas (navy blue with gold sun and moon symbols over it) and ambled downstairs. Her mouth felt dry. She needed something to wash down her throat so when she came to her fridge she settled on a cold glass of milk. With that poured for herself she took a brief sip before returning to her bedroom with the glass and sitting down on the chair astride her computer desk.

She wanted to think about other things. She wanted to think about how she'd seen Ashley differently now, about how much potential she had as a student, about what windows might be open to Ashley if she just _considered_ going to college. But Spencer found that she couldn't. All she could think about was what that asshole might do to her. That was why she couldn't sleep and that was why Spencer kept glancing at her purse. Inside it were the numbers of Ashley's Mom. In her heart Spencer wanted to call the woman now, to tell her how bad things were for her daughter and that something needed to be done before it happened again. But it was early morning and she was probably asleep. And whoever it was she lived with was probably even more in the dark about this than she was, it wasn't a good idea to wake them both out of their sleep. It seemed like a stupid time to be so polite, but that was how Spencer had been since she was a child. A rock of manners and mild mannerisms, understated and of an intractably good comportment. As haunting as Ashley's situation was it couldn't rewire so many years of programming.

For that reason she found herself yearning for the morning sun. The sooner it became bright Sunday, the sooner she could call Ashley's mother and tell her what was happening. However time never rolled that fast if you waited for it. Spencer knew that well. So instead she performed her `routine'. Check her e-mails, comb through her schoolwork, raid her mailing lists, and so on and so forth. And that didn't take long to eek out. It soaked up less than an hour or so, if her clock were to be believed. The few e-mails that had been sent her way were replied to and every website she liked to frequent, even the political ones, was beyond her now. The boards were intense with debate about who better to receive the Democratic nomination -- Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, and what the future might hold if either were to lose to John McCain in November; thus ushering in another Republican presidency. It was understandably heated. Political arguments were one of the few kinds of arguments that Spencer liked to find herself in, mainly because she tended to be so damn good at them. Today she didn't have the chops for it.

That left her with nothing.

So as a result she did something she hadn't done in quite a while. She wrote. For a long time now one of Spencer's hobbies had been the writing of poetry. But from time to time she dabbled in short stories too. She chose subjects that were relevant to her at the time, ones that she could bury herself in, then rolled with them, quite completely. Spencer clicked on her _My Documents_ folder and opened up a sub-folder with the last short story she'd been working on -- a piece called _A Tale of The Winter Lady_ -- which she'd ironically started the day before she first met Ashley, the day before they first slept together, the last day of her virginity. And she started to update it. What followed was written word more florid and less terse than she was used to producing, a choice excerpt of that;

_"Into the phantom deep she dove, blackened by wretchedness and chill. The beating heart inside her was now no more; nothing of the sort that had offered bittersweet Sophia her love. Low and behold, she was nought but a wraith now -- cold and dead. The enclaves of that once serene woman's emotion had fallen and become nothingness in the tart face of her despondency. Now all that stood was the motivation to end it all, to seek deeper into the nocturne, but with a concluding, welcomed twist... there would be no more pain."_

By the time morning finally hit Spencer had added in more than 5,700 words into that single unbroken story. The tale itself was reflective of her temperament in general -- quiet, cold, distant. The setting was 1800s England, the city of York; about a maid girl of sixteen years who had fallen madly in love with an older woman of thirty-nine. The bulk of it? The young woman lamenting the loss of her older lover, Lady Sophia, to smallpox and the suicide she committed months afterward. The theme throughout every paragraph she'd written, the pulse behind each word, was loss. She welcomed it. It was intentional. Loss was now a dominating theme in Spencer's life, in both positive and negative ways, something she'd begun to understand. When she first met and slept with Ashley she had lost two things -- her virginity and her self-respect. When she met Nicole she lost her feeling of alienation from the world around her. Now she'd lost sight of the Ashley she thought she knew. Spencer had seen Ashley for who she really was as well as what she really had to deal with.

So when she read through the story in sum, alternating between what she wrote before and what she wrote now, she could see a clear difference. The Spencer that existed pre-Ashley Davies was a little self-indulgent. She was understandably remote but childish about it, as though the world owed her something, as though she had been short-changed like none other had been. She could see it in her own writing;

_"Lily lacked what the lords of Willow Hall loved in their wives. She was not a lovely maiden. Not a noble lady, nor a duchess of grace nor even a woman of the cloth. She was the stumbling note, the err, the mistaken key upon the piano that even the master might happen to tap. Lily knew herself to be no true beauty. Why should someone as lowly as her, someone so utterly without heavenly blessing, deserve someone as magnificent as Lady Sophia undoubtedly was?"_

The pretty nature of her prose didn't hide the self-referential tinge of it. The character "Lily" was so damn obvious. The whole story was Spencer's sounding board. Through it she spoke about her alienation and feelings of inadequacy. It was a cathartic gesture. But now, knowing everything she did about Ashley, she couldn't help but see how shallow it all really was. She'd buried herself in her own head for years now and had refused to acknowledge the reality -- life just wasn't as bad for her as she thought it was. Now there was Ashley, whose own life had ripped that error from her, leaving her only with insight and incision. There was someone out there with a real problem, someone she needed to help.

It would reflect in her writing later, that understanding. But for now it simply helped pass the time, inching minutes into hours, overseeing the rise of the sun. Before long it was mid-morning. At first Spencer didn't notice it, so deep in her thoughts and her writing, but sunlight was joined by bird chirps and that alerted her to it, as well as the nuzzling of her kitten Koenig at her leg.

"Are you hungry, Koenig?" She whispered, petting her. "Must be morning then."

She checked her watch on the nightstand. It was 9:42 AM. About twenty minutes was enough time left to call Ashley's Mom, right? She must be awake by then. Spencer was resolved on that thought, all she had to do now was get a few things out of the way first. To start off with her carried Koenig to the kitchen. With the little kitten waiting expectantly she refilled her water bowl and served out some cat food into her tray. Whilst Koenig ate her fill Spencer climbed back upstairs and scuttled into the bathroom. She stripped (albeit gingerly -- though sleeping with Ashley had made her less uncomfortable with her own nakedness she was still fairly timid about it) out of her pajamas and padded carefully onto the tiles of her shower compartment. Following a quick hot one she stepped out again in a plume of steam, before drying herself off, combing her hair, and brushing her teeth. With a mauve bath towel around her Spencer strode out of the bathroom. By now her parents were up; not only was their bedroom door open but she could hear the pair of them skirting around each other downstairs. Regardless Spencer returned to her bedroom and redressed in some white shorts and a faint indigo blouse.

Now everything was out of the way.

All she had to do was call Ashley's Mom, explain the situation to her, then beg her to do something about it. The numbers were still scribbled on a piece of paper in her purse so she took it out, as well as her cell. For a long and stupid moment Spencer wondered which one she should use, home phone or cell phone, and then settled on home. At least that way she had a better chance of getting in touch with someone over there, maybe she could leave a brief message or something. However... when Spencer's index finger pressed the first three digits, she heard her doorbell ring.

She froze.

"Who on earth could that be?" The girl wondered.

Nobody called round their house this early in the morning, not even their snooty next door neighbors, the Hamilton's, constantly complaining about Koenig doing her business in their driveway. For a minute though, Spencer thought quick and hard, wondering if that was Ashley. Had something happened again? She dropped her phone onto the bed and peeled out of her room so she could peer over the banister of the hallway. Downstairs she saw her mother at the door, but the girl outside wasn't Ashley at all -- it was Nicole.

She overheard her friend introduce herself to her mother. "...Hiya, Mrs. Carlin. My name's Nicole Milligan, I just moved in across the street?"

"Oh yes," Paula did well to put on her most gracious air. "I've met your Mother, Daryl, already. It's very nice to meet you, Nicole."

"You too." Nicole offered, rather gawkily.

Paula paused a moment. Then: "...Uh, well, is there something I can help you with?"

"Oh, right, of course. I'm friends with your daughter, Spencer. We went to the movies yesterday, remember?"

"Uh huh..."

Nicole scratched the back of her head. "Okay, um... well, uh... I was just wondering if I could see her maybe."

"At this time in the morning? We haven't even had breakfast."

An embarrassed smile. "Oh. Okay, I guess I'm kind of early. Sorry, it's just... you know, back in Utah, where I'm from, I always did things early. Is it, uh... is it still okay if I see her though? I'll be quick."

Spencer couldn't see her Mom's face but she could tell that it was primed with vacillation. Spencer had had few if any real friends in her short life, so one just popping up on her doorstep like this was a new experience. But to Paula's credit she didn't turn Nicole away -- instead she leaned back and yelled, "Spencer? You're little friend from across the street is here."

She was close by, so her petite voice squeaked out, "...Let her up please, Mom."

Paula pulled back, leaving the door open for the girl. Nicole gave her a friendly nod, walked inside and up the stairs, where Spencer was waiting for her. The blonde girl looked on as Nicole approached her, a little less bubbly than usual, with a friendly caress of the shoulder.

"Hey Spencer," she said calmly. "Sorry to stop by so early. Were you sleeping?"

"No, I... I've been awake for a while now. W-what are you doing here?" Truth be told Spencer didn't mean that to be half as rude as it sounded. There hadn't been a moment since they'd met where Spencer wouldn't have wanted to spend some time with Nicole. But the Ashley situation weighed so heavy on her mind right now, it was all she could think about -- and calling her Mom was the only thing she could do right now to help her. And now of all times Nicole had chosen to...

The girl in question spoke her piece. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay after yesterday. I'm still not completely sure what happened."

At that juncture Spencer realized that whatever they said out on the corridor could be heard downstairs. While Arthur might have been fairly uninterested she didn't dare imagine that Paula wouldn't eavesdrop. So she turned and said to Nicole, "Let's go into my room."

"Oh. Okay."

They entered and Spencer closed the door behind them. The blonde girl sat on her bed, unconsciously hiding her cell phone and the numbers underneath the sheets. Nicole took a seat on the swiveling chair astride the computer desk.

"So," began Spencer. "What were we talking about?"

Nicole stared at her. "About yesterday. You running off like that?"

"...Oh."

Silence.

"Well?"

Spencer glanced up, not realizing that she'd directed her sight on her unpolished toenails. "Well...?"

"Are you going to tell me what happened back there?" She prodded. "I mean, one minute it's the four of us and we're having a great time and then poof, you're gone, and for _hours_ at that. What the hell happened?"

If there was anything she regretted about last night it was the way she ran off and left Nicole like that. She didn't plan to do it, even if being there with Kyla and Carmen had made things uncomfortable. But as soon as she heard about Ashley she felt that instant gut reaction, that rush of momentum. You couldn't circumnavigate something like that. But how could she explain it all to Nicole now?

Spencer exhaled. "I just had to help someone. That's all."

"Yeah you said that last night and it's still pretty vague. I mean I understand if it was an emergency or something, but you should've told me. I would've come with you, I'd have tried to help."

There was no _way_ that would happen. "...Nicole, look... I'm so sorry I ran off like that. I wasn't thinking and I swear I didn't mean for you to be worried. It won't happen again, I promise."

Then there was another pause. Nicole stopped a moment, still staring at Spencer, who ducked away from that glance in an overtly conspicuous way. But whatever qualms Nicole had about it she didn't voice, because the next thing Spencer knew, the Milligan girl was smiling again. Nicole stood up, walked over to the bed, then sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around Spencer's shoulders.

"Hey. You know what? Forget about it. As long as you're okay and you're not up to anything shifty. You're not, are you? In with the CIA? Selling cocaine? Robbing a bank?"

Spencer giggled a little, the first bit of humor she'd felt since finding out about Ashley's home life. "If I ever do any of those things then you'll be the first to know, I assure you."

"I better be," Nicole's hug tightened. "You know you seem a little stressed. You wanna step out for a little while?"

"Huh?"

"Carmen told me about that big common nearby, Cunningham Park? I was gonna go for a walk. You wanna come with me?"

Spencer then thought back a bit to the day after they first met, and remembered that Nicole had said one of her pastimes was taking morning walks to clear her head. She also remembered Nicole saying something about not doing that anymore because of someone she had 'bad memories' of. Oh how times had changed. Spencer considered it for a moment. But what about Ashley's Mom? The longer she left this the longer Ashley had to deal with her bastard father alone.

"I'm... I'm not sure..."

"Come on, you look like you could use some fresh air." Nicole cajoled.

She didn't want to go. But she was being so understanding with the whole 'abandonment at the pizzeria thing', how could she tell Nicole no? With a reluctant sigh she nodded, widening Nicole's newly returned smile.

"Cool. Lets go."

After Spencer put on some shoes she grabbed her keys, wallet and cell phone, said her goodbyes to Arthur and Paula (who she swiftly asked for permission to leave) then exited the Carlin household and embarked on a fourteen minute walk across their area to Cunningham Park; the biggest park in the district. Before long Spencer found herself walking slowly along a pebble path curving and darting around a huge common of recently sheared grass. Across that grass, even in this early morning, were young kids playing stickball and tossing footballs and stroller-armed mothers chatting with others of similar ilk by the benches. There was an ice cream truck parked up against the jungle gyms and swings of the kiddy area. All the while Spencer and Nicole strolled through the long shadows cast by the towering oak trees that surrounded their pathway, brief breaks from the heat of the sun.

Nicole shut her eyes and sniffed. "Ah. I love that smell. Grass, flowers, trees. Spring's coming."

Though Spencer was listening her eyes were trained on her watch. It was 10:48. "Yeah, it's nice."

"Well you don't sound too enthused about it."

Spencer tore her eyes from her watch. "I guess I'm just less partial to all this than you are."

"How could you be?" She replied. "Come on, you're a philosophy advocate, right? Doesn't this symbolize some brilliant things for you? New life? Birth? Creation?"

"That's not so much... philosophical as it is... Earth Mother-ish."

"Oh whatever. I'll take nature over Kant any day of the week. I always feel good this time of year. Kind of puts me in the right place for my game, you know?"

Spencer peered at her watch again. "What do you mean?"

"You know, soccer?"

"...Oh right."

Nicole put her hands behind her head. "Yeah, my first league match is next Wednesday. I'm totally stoked. I think Carmen mentioned it yesterday at Mama Giancarlo's, but... I guess you and Kyla weren't really interested."

"No, I'm... interested..." Spencer said. "I'm glad you're excited."

"Thanks. I'm still a little nervous though. Listen, do you wanna come watch the game? My Mom and Dad are gonna be there, Kyla too, rooting for Carmen. I'd be nice if you were there."

Spencer's smile was quick. "I'd love to. That sounds great."

"Cool," Then her sparkling green eyes spotted the ice cream truck across the field. "Hey, why don't I get us some ice cream?"

"...Uh, t-that's okay, you don't have to..."

Too late. Nicole was already jogging over to the truck yelling "it's my pleasure" on the way. Spencer exhaled after yet another quick glance at her watch. 10:51 am. She knew that Nicole was only being nice. And any other day she would have gushed for something like this. But she wanted this to be over so she could call Ashley's mother. It was times like this that made Spencer resent how unable she was to take a stand on anything. As much as she wanted to leave she couldn't bear to offend Nicole by doing so. Especially not after what happened yesterday. So she only waited, watching Nicole exchange some dollar bills for two cones impaled by chocolate flakes and lathered with strawberry syrup.

When she came back she handed one to Spencer. "Here"

"...Thank you," Spencer said, receiving it.

There was a bench nearby. Nicole made the suggestion that they take a seat and so they did. Nicole flopped back and went to work on her ice cream, licking voraciously. Spencer on the other hand was more tepid. Whilst sampling the milky coldness of her cone she kept staring at her watch. Eventually Nicole noticed it.

"What are you, on a curfew or something?"

"Huh?"

"You keep checking the time," The brunette's free hand pointed at her wrist watch. "What's the deal?"

Spencer a blinked. "...Oh. I, uh... I just... I have someone I need to call soon."

"Have you got your cell on you?"

"Yes."

Nicole shrugged obliviously. "Fine. Don't let me stop you, silly. Make the call."

It wasn't something she could talk about in front of her. What's more she'd left the numbers back at her house. She couldn't call Ashley's mother now anyway, even if she wanted to. Spencer was about to say something to fob that idea off but before she could the phone rang. Spencer was alarmed. It wouldn't be her parents because they knew where she was. That meant Ashley. Suddenly Spencer's sights swung in Nicole's direction. She couldn't answer the call right here and now, could she? She considered, briefly, ignoring it. But then in a flash it all came back to her; what Ashley was suffering with, how she looked back at the hospital, the maniac that she was living with. She couldn't _not_ answer it.

"...Aren't you gonna answer it?" Asked Nicole.

Spencer nodded and heaved yet another sigh. She slipped her phone out of her pocket and flipped it open, not even bothering to check the screen for the caller's name. "...Hello?"

Sure enough, it was Ashley's voice on the other end, albeit weaker and more haggard than usual. "Hey."

"Hey," Spencer held the phone closer to her, softening a bit. "How are you?"

"I'm feeling a bit better. If you can believe it, _my_ bed is actually more comfortable than that piece of shit thing I was lying on in the hospital yesterday. But I didn't call to talk about me. I just wanted to see how you were. Is everything okay? I mean... you're not too freaked out about everything you saw yesterday, are you?"

Spencer, conscious of Nicole sitting next to her, made sure not to let anything on about who this was, as well as making sure that Ashley didn't know who she was sitting with in the park. She had not forgotten how much Ashley and Nicole disliked each other.

"...It's okay, I'm fine..." she said, hushed. "I got back okay."

"Good. I'm glad. Listen, I know I don't have to ask this, but... you haven't told anyone about my Dad have you?"

Spencer winced. "...N-no, I haven't..."

"Okay. Thanks. Just... you know, keep it to yourself, okay?"

She offered no reply.

"... Spencer?"

"Um..." From the corner of her eye Spencer could see that Nicole had stopped licking her ice cream. "Look, I can't... really talk right now. Could you call me back later or something?"

"...Oh," A pause on Ashley's end. "Okay, uh... yeah, sure. I'll call you back around... lunchtime maybe?"

That gave her enough time. "That'd be great. I`ll... speak to you later then, okay?"

"...Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

She flipped her phone shut. It was good to hear Ashley's voice again. Her father had likely cooled off for the night. Even so it didn't change her conviction to find a way of getting Ashley away from him. Automatically, after slipping her cell phone back into her pocket, she went back to her ice cream, perhaps looking for a distraction.

Nicole was quick off the mark though. "Who was that?"

"...Just a friend."

"...Is that the friend you helped out yesterday?"

For a minute there Spencer actually had herself thinking that she was better at covering her tracks than this. But if this was anything it was a tribute to Nicole's intelligence. She wasn't easily fooled. What's worse was that this wasn't the first time she had been forced to lie to Nicole either. One thing troubling Spencer about her life right now was the way she constantly had to skirt this razor thin line between Ashley and Nicole. At the least it was frustrating and at the most it was infuriating. In earnest Spencer was getting sick and tired of it. The only alternative was to see them at each other's throats though, and she just couldn't take that again. Not now.

"Yes," Spencer confirmed.

They said no more about it. Nicole seemed to realize that Spencer didn't want to. They then spent the next hour there, walking, talking and eating ice cream, before Spencer finally told her that she needed to go. Nicole agreed to walk her home. So they went back to their street, gave each other a goodbye, and returned to their respective houses. As soon as Spencer was behind her door she exhaled.

This was the only occasion she had ever willing rushed her time with Nicole. But there was something more important to do. Spencer told her Mom she was back (Arthur had already left for his morning shift at the hospital) before scrambling up to her bedroom and locking the door. She snatched the note of numbers from under her pillow and withdrew her cell phone again. Spencer gave herself a few minutes to think through what she was going to say, and then dialed their house phone number.


	15. Chapter 15

**********

Chapter Fifteen

**********

When it started ringing, Spencer actually noted that she was nervous. She could feel it in her stomach. But for the life of her she couldn't explain why. Then someone picked up. "Hello?"

Spencer blinked. Judging by the voice it was an older woman and most definitely Ashley's mom. Even their voices were somewhat similar. Ashley's was ashier though, while her mother's was smoother and honey-dipped. Then it actually occurred to her that she didn't know this woman's name. Since yesterday she had only been thinking of her as `Ashley's Mother'. Nothing else.

"Uh," How was she supposed to phrase this? "... I uh..."

"...Can I help you with something?"

She fought against the lump in her throat to speak. "...It's... about Ashley..."

"My daughter? What's going on with--wait a minute, who is this?"

"...My name's Spencer. Spencer Carlin. I... uh, I'm... a friend of your daughter's. I just... I need to talk to you about something... it's about her... I'm really worried about her and I just... I needed to talk to someone about it because I can't do anything myself and I'm so scared that-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Slow down, okay?" Said the older woman. "Take a deep breath and just tell me what's going on with Ashley."

And so she did. Spencer took that deep breath and went on to explain everything. That she and Ashley went to the same school, that they knew each other, that her father had been hitting her, that she was living in literal squalor, and that something needed to be done urgently. The only thing Spencer didn't mention was the sexual relationship between herself and the woman's daughter. And as soon as she was updated Ashley's mother was fraught with alarm. Her name was Eliza Brenner (no longer Eliza Davies) and she explained to Spencer that she already had suspicions about what Ashley's father, Raiff, had been doing to her. Though she never said as much, Spencer guessed that Raiff had beaten Eliza around more than a few times too. There was revulsion in Eliza's voice but no real _shock_. It was clear however that she never really expected Raiff to raise his hand to Ashley.

"That man is an animal," Eliza muttered. "I just... I can't believe he'd do that to her... he always thought the world of her..."

Spencer sighed. "She didn't want you to know. And she'll be angry with me for telling you-"

"Oh Spencer, don't be silly. Thank God you did. If I'd known how bad things were for her I would've taken her with me. But Ashley was just so insistent, so devoted to Raiff, I couldn't convince her to do it. I just wish I knew about all this sooner. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"I'm so sorry..."

"Honey, none of this is your fault. Thank you so much for informing me."

"What..." Spencer swallowed. "What happens now?"

Eliza was seething on the other end. "Leave it to me, alright? Ashley's going to be fine."

**********

The game was in its closing four minutes and the score was 3-0 to the home team. Alderson High's female soccer team, who called themselves the Alderson High `Deltas`, had literally blown the Chandley High `Blue Angels' away.

Carmen, fully clad in her goalkeeper uniform, big white gloves and all, looked positively bored out by the goal on the other side of the pitch. She hadn't gotten much heat tonight. In fact she'd made only two deft saves since kick off. The Blue Angels' goalkeeper on the other hand had been getting nothing _but_ heat. To her credit that girl had made quite a few blocks and some impressive dives, which had left her white and blue uniform, riddled with many a soil smudge. However, because of the veritable uselessness of the Blue Angel's three defenders, that girl was constantly under pressure from the Deltas' three strikers; Dawn, Amanda and Nicole.

Dawn had scored once. Nicole has scored twice.

Spencer sat on the lowest bench of the bleachers watching the whole thing. Next to her was the habitually stoic Kyla, her eyes firmly trained on an inactive Carmen, while Daryl and Simon sat together, cheering Nicole on, just above them. It was night but a warm night. The pitch was illuminated by the golden luminosity of six pole-mounted mini floodlights erected around it. It was Wednesday, the day of Nicole's first match.

Though she didn't follow soccer (or any sport of the kind) as such, Spencer managed to keep abreast of what was going on. And she felt justified to admit that Nicole looked very impressive out there. Where some of the others looked clunky and graceless, Nicole bounded around the upper half of the field with poise and speed, trading fast passes with the midfielders before setting up Dawn or Amanda, or waiting to be set up for a shot by them.

At the moment one of the Deltas' midfielders had stolen the ball and was charging ahead. As soon as two of the Blue Angel's own players closed in on her, the girl lobbed the ball over her assailant's heads. One of the guarding Blue Angels tried a header, missed, and the ball landed meters away, just shy of Amanda's boots. She took it forward in her swift step, watchful of the Blue Angel defender ahead of her, and passed it vertically to Nicole. She received the ball with her instep then ran then locked her eyes on the goal. At that point one of the Blue Angels other defenders ran toward her. Nicole paused then, slowing to a stop, watching the girl from the rival school watch _her_. They held each other in check for a second, just until Nicole faked left, and then burst right. The Blue Angel defender, taken by surprise, staggered just as Nicole darted past her. Without penetrating the final line of defense and risk provoking an offside call; Nicole kicked the ball with one powerful punt aimed straight for the upper left corner of the Blue Angels' goal. Their keeper dove into the air to stop it -- but it whizzed past her gloved fingertips and sailed into the back of the net, making the score four-to-zip.

The Alderson High side of the bleachers erupted in cheer for the fourth time that night (the Chandley High side just clapped morosely) whilst Nicole shot a triumphant fist into the air and basked in the compliments and hugs of Amanda and Dawn.

The Blue Angels goalkeeper, suitably pissed off, irately grabbed the ball and heckled her three defenders to be more alert than they currently were. She put it down on spot while the other players pulled back for her goal kick. But unfortunately for her and the rest of her team the referee blew his whistle. End of match. Once again the Alderson High supporters stood up from their seats, clapping and cheering with vigor. Even Spencer and Kyla did the same (although Spencer had to admit that everyone else's loudness was kind of jarring). Out on the pitch both the Delta and the Blue Angels took their game faces off -- but with opposing subsequent reactions. While the Blue Angels suckled and brooded, the Deltas all gathered up together in the centre of the field, cheering and chuckling, surrounding Nicole and showering her with praise.

Spencer was proud of her too. It was no surprise that Nicole was fitting in so well here. She was happy for it. And all this helped distract her from Ashley -- who Spencer hadn't heard from since that call in the park Sunday morning. While the Deltas and the Delta's coach basked in the glow of their victory, some of the Blue Angels filed out toward the locker rooms while others greeted their consoling parents and friends by the bleachers before doing the same. It took a while for the Deltas to do that but they eventually did, Nicole and Carmen together running up to Spencer and the others. As soon as Carmen approached, Kyla launched up from the stands and wrapped the goalkeeper in a uncharacteristically warm hug -- a hug that lasted a bit longer than it should have -- but it was too innocent to speculate on. Nicole on the other hand climbed up the first bench and hugged both of her glowing parents. Daryl had even taken time off work _just_ to see her play.

"Did you see me out there?" Nicole said giddily. "I scored three times! How cool is that?"

Simon gushed. "You were great, honey."

When Nicole stepped down and approached Spencer, she saw that the brunette was still out of breath. "Hey, did you enjoy it? The match, I mean?"

Spencer nodded. "Uh huh. You did really well."

It was then, at that specific point in time and space, that every romantic thing Spencer thought that she felt for Nicole took a severe U-turn. A boy approached their group from a short distance away. He was Brazilian (or at least Spencer thought), and roughly their age from the looks of things, a fellow student. What made him stand out though was his looks. He was undeniably handsome, boasting beautiful light mocha skin and a perfect pearly-white smile. No one but Spencer noticed it, but when he approached, Nicole didn't take her eyes off him for a single second, even in her breathlessness. However he himself didn't seem to notice it. He instead went straight for Kyla and ruffled her extensive black hair, grinning.

"Hiya," He said coolly. "Still the world`s most miserable `cheerleader`, right?"

Carmen playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Oh drop dead, asshole. Kyla's always welcome to come watch us, not that we need the extra mojo. We're really gonna take it this year, I can feel it."

"Yeah well," the boy hooked his arm around Carmen's broad shoulders. "Y'all really mopped the floor up with them, though. Props and congrats and all that. This school could use something to brag about, especially after my guys screwed up so hard last year."

Kyla glared at him, more her usual self. "You're not gonna start whining about that again, are you?"

"I don't whine."

"Yeah you do. `Why were there so many injuries last year?' and `why does our captain suck so badly?' or `why the hell don't we have better starting guards?'. Any of _that_ ring a bell?" Kyla reminded him.

The Brazilian, still with his arm around Carmen, rolled his eyes. "Man, you are cold, girl. You see that's why Carmen and I can't talk sports when you're around. You're like a cold shower. You know, if cold showers were cute and grumpy."

Kyla pouted, looking away. "Why are you even down here?"

The boy took his arm off Carmen and took his cell phone out of his jacket pocket. "Mom and Dad are going out for the night so they told me to ask you if you wanted a lift home. I've got my car parked out back."

"...No thanks. I'm going with Carmen and the others."

"For pizza," Carmen clarified. "After every game we play, we go for a slice each down at Mama Giancarlo's. I asked Kyla if she'd like to come with us and she said yes. Is that cool?"

The boy shrugged. "Yeah, that's fine. I guess I'll just head home then-"

"No...!"

When Nicole yelled that as erratically as she did, all eyes turned to her. Kyla's, Carmen's, the Brazilian, but most of all Spencer's. Nicole, now blushing, shrugged it off, and smiled gently at this boy who seemed so familiar with Kyla and Carmen.

"Uh, maybe you should, you know, come with us..." Nicole said to him, bashfully. "We can always make room."

The boy pondered it for a moment, not realizing the effect he was having on her. "...Uh, I don't think Kyla wants me cramping her style around you guys."

"I never said that." Kyla said pouting.

"You didn't have to. Your face says it all, Elvira."

"Look, you can come, okay?" Kyla said irritably.

The young man smirked at her (with cockiness but also a heartfelt caring) and ruffled her hair again. "Isn't it cute the way she keeps acting like I embarrass her?"

The Asian girl pushed his hand away. "Will you knock it off?"

"Alright, alright. I'll go tell Mom and Dad."

He stepped out of the way after that, past the table of bottled water (that had been put out for both teams) and dialed a number on his cell. As soon as he was out of earshot Nicole pointed him out and quickly turned to Kyla, who seemed to know him best. "Who was that?"

"My brother," She uttered with a sigh. When she got a half-skeptical, half-confused glare from both Nicole and Spencer when she said that, Kyla went on to explain things. "We're both adopted. Aiden and I."

Nicole looked at him again. "...Aiden...?"

"Yes. God, why does he have to act so goofy all the time?"

Carmen smiled at her. "He wouldn't enjoy teasing you so much if you didn't take it so seriously."

"Whatever."

Nicole, smile-ridden, still hadn't taken her eyes off of him. "...I think he's sweet."

It took a moment but Spencer soon caught on to something. In fact it would eventually stagger her how long it took her to work out. Nicole liked Aiden. You could see it in her eyes, the way she watched him, the way she smiled at him, the way she fiddled with her hair and wiped the sweat from her brow. It was unmistakable. But then a little something else entered Spencer's mind.

She wasn't upset about it.

_Why_ wasn't she upset? She was attracted to Nicole. Even now as she glowed with perspiration from her match she looked ridiculously beautiful. The thought of sharing her time with Nicole with anyone else still seemed unfair. So why? Why didn't it bother her? Somewhere, deep down inside her, Spencer knew the answer. She finally had an answer to at least one question in her life. Things had changed since she learned about Ashley. It had made her look at things different, and very quickly so. It was probably why she'd spent most of the match not really thinking about it -- but rather wondering why Ashley hadn't called her since Sunday. She thought back to all those times when Ashley was so rough and forceful with her. She'd been in awe of Ashley's confidence, her sexuality, her errant sensuality, and the explosiveness of their sex. But there hadn't been any emotional attachment -- she'd never gotten any _true_ sense of Ashley caring about her. Spencer had compared herself to a vibrator in that respect before and the more Spencer thought about it the more that analogy seemed apt. That emotional detachment, that deficit of caring, had she sought to fill that with Nicole? It was a given that she was attractive. And it was a given that Spencer found her so. Who on earth wouldn't be attracted to Nicole Milligan? But what really was there, beneath all that? To be honest, Spencer hadn't really considered it -- until now.

She'd figured she'd had a crush on Nicole. Many more people would in the future. But honestly she hadn't really thought about taking it further. She'd imagined Nicole bridging that gap for her, taking the first step, even though it was clear she was as straight as a barge pole. But did she really and truly _feel_ something for her? Something other than friendship and admiration? The more she wondered the more Spencer questioned if she ever did. It was becoming clear now that the emotional attachment she had to Nicole wasn't 'love'.

The truth was, she didn't have feelings for Nicole. She had been _trying_ to have feelings for her. And in Spencer's own analytical mind it made sense. Everything she wasn't getting from Ashley she had tried to get from Nicole. The cute kindness, the selflessness, the consideration, the genuine caring. After seeing Ashley for who she really was though; it was clear that these things did exist in her even if she was unwilling (or at the very least unable) to let the rest of the world know. The knowledge that had shunted Nicole out of the center of her earth with almost frightening speed and with good reason.

These thoughts weren't hitting her all at once. She'd been thinking hard about them since Sunday, since that time they were together in Cunningham Park, where for the first time since they'd met each other, Spencer wanted to do something other than hang out with Nicole. That was when it first started to sink in.

You see, as much as she hated thinking about Raiff's abuse of Ashley, there was a part of her that was almost glad that she knew about it. Seeing Ashley's shaky life had made Spencer question everything that she thought she knew about her own. It was like a cloud hanging over her head had been removed. Now she was observing things with real clarity for the first time in her isolated life. Maybe her parents weren't as horrible as she thought they were -- maybe they were just normal, flawed people. Maybe Nicole wasn't the seraphic answer to all her prayers -- maybe she was simply an average girl that Spencer had recklessly idealized to be a substitute for Ashley. Maybe Ashley wasn't the self-centered bitch Spencer had thought her to be all along -- maybe she was actually a fragile person so hurt by and resentful of her circumstances that she wasn't thinking clearly.

Maybe Spencer herself wasn't the eternal doormat of the world -- maybe she was just a lonely kid, a kid who wasn't used to such a strong rush of emotions and thoughts.

Spencer was knee-deep in all that thinking, all that consideration, for minutes, until she noticed someone waving their hand in front of her. She blinked and saw that it was Carmen (with Kyla closely flanking her as per usual). It snapped her out of the reverie.

"Hello?" Carmen said curiously. "Are you in there?"

Her blonde tresses whipped around her face when she shook her head, dispersing her personal revelations for the time being. She looked around, wondering how long she'd been distracted. Nicole's parents were gone, as were most people by the bleachers -- there were no Blue Angels in sight. Nicole herself was standing with the far taller Aiden, smiling and playing with her hair as he explained something to her. Both she and Carmen had taken off their soccer attire and were redressed in normal clothing.

"Are you okay?" Carmen asked. "You keep spacing out."

Spencer gave her a warm little smile in return. "I'm fine. Just thinking about some stuff."

"Okay. Well, we're getting ready to go now. Are you coming?"

The pizza thing. Spencer glanced over in Nicole's direction. She was still talking with Aiden. Her gaze returned to Carmen. "Um, I think I'm just going home. I want to be back before my parents and I've got some homework to finish up. You guys go. Have fun."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It's fine. Tell Nicole I'll see her tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Why don't you just tell her yours-" Carmen then glanced in Nicole and Aiden's direction. They were laughing with each other about something. It gave Carmen a brief little smirk, though Spencer couldn't tell what it was that she found amusing about it. "I guess someone just made a friend. Is she normally this distracted by a cute guy?"

Spencer shrugged. "I wouldn't know."

"I guess. Alright then, I'll tell her," affirmed the taller girl. "Look, thanks for coming to watch the game with everyone. It's really cool when we have some support while we're out there."

"It was my pleasure," Spencer then gave Carmen and Kyla parting nods. "I'll be seeing you."

She turned to leave the field just as Carmen and Kyla approached Nicole and Aiden. Spencer didn't wonder if she was missing out on anything. It might have been nice to head out with them for pizza tonight but she wasn't really in the mood. It wasn't that she was feeling lousy or anything. Right now Spencer just didn't feel like she was in the right... `space`. All she'd wanted was to support Nicole during her first soccer game and she'd done that. So the blonde left the field in the opposite direction and exited Alderson High through the rear gates. She strode down to the bus stop and waited. When one arrived she took it all the way to her street. When she got off she walked the rest of the way to her door. Then she saw a familiar wagon parked in her driveway.

Ashley's car.

And the girl herself was leaning on its hood in wait, arms crossed, jaw clenched. A brief smile tugged at Spencer's lips, not just from seeing her, but for seeing how she appeared. She looked a lot better than she did last Saturday. Her black eye had faded. It was still noticeable but it could be concealed with the right cosmetics now. There was only one fresh band-aid on her cheek, the rest of her cuts were healing up nicely, as was the skin around her knuckles. Her right hand was still bandaged (as her ribs probably still were) but all in all she looked far better than before. It was a welcomed change. What Spencer did not welcome was the embittered look on Ashley's face. In fact she was positively angry. And she wasn't looking at anything other than Spencer.

The Carlin girl was cautious as she approached her. "...Are you okay?"

"Where the hell do you get off calling my Mom?" Ashley barked.

It was now that Spencer remembered that Ashley hadn't been in school since Friday. When she called Eliza that Sunday morning she expected Ashley to be mad at her -- but she didn't imagine that that was the reason Ashley hadn't called her since. Now she knew that it probably was.

Somehow Spencer understood why Ashley was angry but that didn't stop her from being defiant about it. "...I did it for you..."

"For me?"

"Yes."

Ashley sneered. "Bullshit! I told you to keep this to yourself!"

"She had a right to know..."

"This is my family! My Mom and Dad! I said I'd be _fine_ and now you're screwing everything up!"

The blonde balled her hand into a fist. "I just... I thought I was doing the right thing..."

"The `right thing' would've been to stay out of it! This is none of your business, Spencer!"

At _that_ Spencer took offence. "You _made_ it my business when you had that intern call me!"

A stalemate. Both Spencer and Ashley silenced themselves, staring at each other. Spencer's eyes then darted around her. The lights were off in the house so her parents weren't home yet. They couldn't talk out here either. Someone was bound to overhear. So the studious girl put aside the hostility for a moment to fish her keys out of her backpack pocket.

"What are you doing?" Asked Ashley, whilst she unlocked the door.

Spencer frowned. "Come inside."

When they both walked in Spencer shut the door behind her. The last thing she wanted was for one of her neighbors to overhear them again and start spreading rumors around the street. It would get back to her mother in time. So that left the two of them standing together silently in the corridor. It was Spencer who eventually broke that quiet when she asked;

"What happened?"

Ashley exhaled. "My Mom came to the apartment Sunday evening while my Dad was out. Told me to grab my stuff and took me back to her place in West Hollywood. I've been living there since."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Said Spencer.

"What's he gonna do on his own? Without me there?"

"Why do you even care?"

Ashley looked away. "...I _cannot_ believe we are having this conversation again."

"...Look," Spencer shrugged off her backpack. "I'm... so sorry I went behind your back, okay? I didn't do it spite you or anything like that. I only did it because I'm worried about you."

There was a pause then. Ashley turned to Spencer again. The expression was blank but questioning, hiding poorly a quite palpable confusion. Her words were suitable pithy. "Why?"

"...Why what?"

A shrug. "Why?"

"Why what?" Spencer repeated, not getting it.

Ashley stepped closer to her. "Why? After everything that happened... why?"

Now she knew what Ashley was talking about. So she looked away.

"I mean... after everything I put you through...?"

Spencer's limbs trembled. Without realizing it she had taken steps back. It only occurred to her when she felt her back hit the wall. Ashley came up to her then, holding her in place without a single touch. Even so she did nothing else but look away. "...I don't know..."

Yet still Ashley was insistent. "Spencer. Why would you? I mean... why did you-"

"I don't know! Okay?" In her frustration Spencer finally met eyes with Ashley again. In the older girl's face she could see her own bewilderment. It wasn't pretty. But it was sincere. "I don't know. I just... I hate seeing you hurt... and I just hate thinking about him... hurting you..."

It was true. Anytime Spencer thought about what Raiff had done to Ashley, and she pictured the end result that she saw that cold Saturday night, she felt a churning in her stomach. It sickened her. But worse still it made her heart ache. Anyone who had been heartbroken will tell you unequivocally that it was truly a _physical_ pain. She could feel it in her chest, that pain. And she couldn't bear it. Even now she was feeling its weight. Spencer shut her eyes, tilted her head back, and swallowed down all the emotion she'd been forced to feel these past few days. She took deep breaths to calm herself, to try and not let those thoughts overwhelm her, and in time she opened eyes once again.

She found herself staring into Ashley's deep chocolate eyes. She couldn't even read Ashley's expression, she was so into them. From then on she simply lost sight of her surroundings. Whatever her own thoughts were at that point weren't mattering much, because the next thing she knew, Ashley's lips were pressed softly against hers. Her bright blue eyes slipped shut as a whimper escaped her. Her hands, now no longer shaking, were pressed flat against the wall behind her. Spencer's entire body melted into ineffectiveness as she stood up against that wall, Ashley kissing her like that. Every feeling was animate; the smoothness of Ashley's lips, the firmness of Ashley's hands upon her little shoulders, the tautness of Ashley's stomach pushing into her own. But it was different from every other kiss they'd had before. Ashley was soft with her, tender, and warm. It didn't feel forced. But as soon as Spencer really realized that she was kissing her back, that she was relenting to it and pleading for it all in one breath, she stopped. Her hands went to Ashley's own shoulders and pushed her back, breaking their kiss.

"...Wait. Don't..." She whispered in gasps.

Ashley's eyes darted from side to side, searching the younger girl's reaction, then hung her head. "I... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that..."

"No, it's... it isn't that," Spencer caught her breath, ignoring the heat she felt in her cheeks. "It's... I just... I don`t know how I feel about you. I need to... figure that out first, okay? I just need more time. Please give me that."

"...Okay."

"We need to... understand each other again, you know? Really learn each other."

Ashley visibly swallowed. "I really want to try."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

Spencer gave a gentle caress of Ashley's cheek. "Then can you do something for me? To prove it?"

"What?"

"I need you to apologize to Nicole for what you said."

She could tell that that wasn't what Ashley had in mind when she asked the question. But that was want she wanted. She was sick of having to worry about what Ashley and Nicole would do to each other if they ever bumped into each other again. So Spencer watched for the older girl's reaction, watched her pull back, release her shoulders, and quietly debate with herself about it. But she soon got her answer.

With a heavy sigh Ashley exclaimed, "I'll do it."

Spencer smiled at her for it. "Thank you."


	16. Chapter 16

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Chapter Sixteen

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Five days.

Just a short five days later, the following week's Monday, was the day that Ashley had finally gotten well enough to return to school. Spencer couldn't say that she was excited, there were, after all, few things in life that she got that way about. But she was feeling as close to it as was humanly possible. Ever since the day she'd first seen Ashley so beaten up and bruised, Spencer had been hungering for her to get better and to get out of that horrible situation. Thus far it seemed like both goals were achieved. But that hadn't been all she'd felt. Spencer was so introverted that she thought everything out. From how her lips chapped in cold weather to the way people looked at her shoes. It all dwelled on her mind and she sought to organize all the implications in her private little world. So although Spencer had longed for the moment Ashley got better, she couldn't help but wonder how things would be between them if she did.

Ashley had become more honest and open since Raiff's beating of her. Once she was better, would she revert back to her old self? That callow girl that seemed to want Spencer for nothing other than a periodic fuck? Spencer couldn't help but wonder as the days rolled on. However, when she finally did see Ashley again, she was pleased to see that that wasn't the case. And Spencer knew this now because she was currently engaged in what would become something of a tradition for them.

A Monday morning muffin.

When Spencer woke up for school that morning she expected to take the bus alone. Usually she went with Nicole, but she had an early morning practice with Carmen and the other Deltas in preparation for their next big game. Because of that Spencer had to go by herself. But as she completed her morning routine (computer time, feeding Koenig, a bit of awkward coffee with her Father, etc) and stepped out the door, she saw Ashley's car parked out in front. Its own sat in wait. Ashley herself looked great now. Though she still had her ribs bandaged, the bruises to her face had regressed and her cuts were all but healed. There was a glow about her again but the arrogance was gone. All that was left was a quite beautiful girl who'd faced up to herself and come out on top.

When Spencer approached her, Ashley offered her a quick stop at a bakery before driving her to school. Normally she dreaded seeing Ashley's car parked out front (if not for the tenuous relationship they had back then, then to make sure her parents didn't see) but this time she felt less trepidation. So she accepted the offer and was driven to a quiet little bistro on the corner of an empty shopping plaza just a few blocks away. A 'bakery' that sold both coffee and pastries, with a common area specked with numerous plastic tables occupied by fellow customers. If anything it was more like a cafe. And that was where Spencer and Ashley were now.

They stood out somewhat. Two young women, one slightly older than the other, amid a sea of older folks. They were all adults, mid twenties to late forties, affluent and suburban in their angle. Suits and ties and the like, sipping lattes and cappuccinos before cracking open some of L.A.'s finest fawning broadsheets. It was exactly the crowd that Ashley had always been so adverse to. The Italian girl seemed to pick up on Spencer's confusion about that because the next thing she said was,

"They make the best double chocolate chip muffins in town."

Spencer couldn't tell if Ashley had said that because of her transparency or because she herself felt how out of place they seemed to be here. She wanted to believe it was the latter. But whatever the reason Spencer simply shrugged and broke off a piece of her blueberry muffin.

Ashley watched her pop the soft chunk into her mouth with a grin. "That's really cute, you know."

"...What is?"

"The way you pick and nibble at your food. You're like a little bunny or something."

So the blonde blushed. She would never learn how to take a compliment without getting flustered but it felt nice all the same. There were no overarching angles or concerns now, she didn't have to worry if Ashley was only saying pleasant things about her to get inside her panties. It was surprising how calm that made Spencer feel about all this. A fortnight ago she would have balked at the idea of sharing time with Ashley Davies in a public place. Now here they were munching on muffins together in full view of suburban elite.

Of course, despite how pleasant this all was, she couldn't help but ask, "...How are things at your Mom's...?"

It seemed like Ashley hadn't expected that kind of question because the moment she was asked that she paused. But it was a pause followed by a sigh, and a slump of her chin into her palm. "It's... a lot better, I guess. I haven't heard from my Dad in a few days. Once he found out where I was he just stopped calling. But I think I'm holding up there. Mom's been really good to me, and even though I can't stand her boyfriend, he's pretty busy with Molly most of the time."

"Molly?"

"My little sister," Ashley explained. "Well, half-sister. He spends most of his time looking after her while Mom's at work during the day. Don't ask me why though. It's West Hollywood. You'd think with all the gay guys up there it wouldn't be so damned hard to find a babysitter."

Spencer frowned at her. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Huh...?"

"You think it's _odd_ that a man might actually want to run a house and raise a child? This isn't the fifties."

Ashley grinned, taking a bite out of her chocolate chip muffin. "Easy there, tiger. If he wants to iron my Mom's pantsuits and make cookies for the church bake sale then it's all his. I really couldn't give a crap. I just think it's weird that while my Mom's out there working herself assless, he's curled up on the sofa watching Oprah."

It seemed that there was one thing Ashley had inherited from her father and that was a work ethic. She was the kind of woman that always had to be doing something with herself, even if it was a trivial practice. Spencer couldn't say how redeeming that was but it was nice to know that when push came to shove Ashley was prepared to work at something, especially if it was something she wanted.

"Maybe that's a good thing," Spencer suggested. "I mean, you don't have a job, do you?"

Ashley shook her head. "Not anymore, no. I used to work at this little boutique in a mall that sold all these tacky French dresses and shitty overpriced perfume. I kind of hated it at the time because everyone there was so damn snooty."

"If you hated it then why did you stay?"

"Why d'you think? The money. Petrol ain't cheap and neither was my car. I had to save up a lot of cash for that baby `cause I wasn't gonna get it from my Dad and I didn't wanna bother my Mom. So I just sort of swallowed my pride and ran with it. Wasn't all that bad though. Wasn't the worst place to pick up a girl."

Spencer stopped for a moment, and, ever the thoughtful one, it suddenly struck her. Ashley had a romantic history. It sounded kind of stupid in her head when she thought the thought, most people their age did, even Nicole had a long-term boyfriend. So why was it suddenly hitting her that Ashley would have been with girls before they met? It wasn't really that shocking. Ashley Davies knew her way around the bedroom. You didn't get that way without having some kind of experience beforehand. It was strange in that way... that Spencer felt so surprised at the notion. It made her wonder other things too. Like who these girls were, how far they went with her, how deeply she cared about any of them. Was it anything like what Spencer and Ashley had now (or at least where starting to have?). She couldn't tell.

"Hey," Ashley waved a crumble-ridden hand in her face. "Are you spacing out again?"

That made the blonde girl snap into focus again. Every time she got into deep thought about something she just lost sight of everything else. And while Spencer made a mental note to work on that, she couldn't help but be a little distracted by what she'd been thinking. It made her terribly self-conscious too. Ashley was the only person on earth that she had ever slept with. Encumbering that kind of woeful inexperience, it was hard to imagine someone as outgoing as Ashley would even bother with her -- and yet here they were together, sharing the closest thing they'd had to date since knowing each other.

"Spencer?"

_Again_ she had to snap out of it. "Huh?"

"What're you thinking about?" Asked the brunette. "We're not late or anything."

"No, I... uh..." Maybe it didn't matter. The past was the past. Whoever Ashley dated in the yesteryears didn't matter anymore. She wasn't with those women now. Though Spencer had to remind herself that she wasn't technically with Ashley now either, there was... a connection. It was like a bud in springtime, repressed by a cold winter, that now wanted to blossom and display its pretty pink petals before the world.

Spencer smiled privately, to herself and not to Ashley, before tearing off another fragment of her muffin and slipping it between her lips. She chewed. "It's nothing. I was just wondering about... something silly, that's all."

"Okay," Was Ashley's only reply, before returning to her own muffin.

Then there was a silence. The only thing heard at their table was what was going on at other tables, their chatting, newspaper rustling, pastry crunching, and the clinks of coffee cups against their saucers. But it wasn't one of those uncomfortable silences two people could begrudge. It was nice. Pleasant. And Spencer often found herself glancing up from her muffin and stealing little glances of Ashley as she ate. It was really impossible to describe how beautiful Ashley was. Even the way she ate was cute, in its own way. But when she was caught staring at her Spencer looked away, with a little blush and a tiny smile, like a kid with her hand in the cookie jar. So when Ashley started grinning at her she just felt embarrassed enough to change the subject.

"Are you going to do it today?" Spencer asked.

"Do what today?"

"What we talked about last week? You apologizing to Nicole?"

Ashley sighed, woofing down the last of her muffin. If it wasn't clear that Ashley and Nicole weren't going to get along anytime soon _before_ then it was clear _now_. But that didn't change the fact that Spencer wanted some of the bad air out of the way, once and for all.

"Ashley please, it's important to me."

"That's the only reason I'm doing it." She clarified.

Spencer exhaled. "...Why don't you like her?"

"..."

"... Ashley?"

She saw the Italian girl fidget then. Ashley looked away whilst clapping the crumbs from her hands. But eventually it came, the reply, in a tone more fragile than Spencer expected. "When... when you broke up with me... you said that you liked her. Do you?"

At first Spencer didn't remember that. So much had happened since then that it kind of escaped her memory. But she did think back to their pseudo-break up. It was the evening Spencer spent with Nicole and her parents. Ashley had been drinking at the time. It was the day after that that she and Nicole had gotten into that fight. And Spencer recalled Ashley asking her what her feelings were for Nicole i.e. "Do you like her?". She hadn't said anything but that same silence had suggested it. In hindsight Spencer knew that what she felt was for Nicole was a construction and no more than that. But Ashley didn't know that. In fact it didn't even occur to her that Ashley was still thinking about it.

"...I thought I did."

"What changed?" Asked the older girl.

"I don't know. I guess I just... I kind of... realized what I was doing, and..."

"Is she straight?"

Though Spencer failed to see what _that_ had to do with anything, she replied, "...I think so. Yes."

Then Ashley started chuckling. It was a humorous little chuckle of victory, like she'd just won something, that she cast when she leaned back in her chair. Spencer pouted at it. You needn't be a genius to read the subtext of the laugh. It was as if to say, 'I knew all along'.

"It's not funny." Stated Spencer.

So Ashley sobered up a little. "...No. You know what, no it's not. But I'm not gonna lie to you either. I'm glad."

Spencer didn't see it as something anyone could have been 'glad' about at first. In fact if her feelings for Nicole had been more real then she'd imagined she could have come out of it all hurt, like many girls did. There weren't often times when Spencer pondered the situation of other gay girls out there -- she tried not to because she had always been adverse to be being seen as part of a lump sum (just another girl, just another blonde, just another American, etc) but it did make her wonder how other people dealt with the possibility of falling for straight girls. Oh sure, Spencer combed the Net over, looking for angst-ridden Sapphic poetry and fiction, but she'd never _spoken_ to someone who went through it. In that way she wondered why Ashley could have been glad about it.

Then of course, she felt a hand press itself over hers. For some reason Spencer had slipped her hand underneath the table and rested it on her knee. What she felt was a stronger hand on hers, gentle stroking it with the thumb. It was Ashley's hand. Spencer blushed, smiling at her, but not saying anything. _That_ was why she was glad.

"...What?" Ashley said with a shrug. "I can be romantic. Sometimes."

" Ashley, I'm... really glad that you're okay with this..." the blonde explained."About me needing time?"

"I don't mind waiting for you. I just want us to be together, you know?"

Spencer felt her heart gush. But she'd do nothing to suggest it. She couldn't let Ashley know how much that pleased her, not just yet. She still had to be sure that embarking on a relationship with her was the right road to go down. "...Yeah. I think I do."

So the morning proceeded. All in all it was one of the first times they had actually sat down and spoken to each other seriously about their lives -- without the horror of Ashley's past life hanging over their heads. It was significant for that reason and welcomed in both their hearts because of it. But unfortunately they couldn't sit there and eat muffins all day. Not least because they had school (and Spencer wasn't big on pastries to begin with) just half an hour or so away. So when they were done Spencer and Ashley left the bakery for the car park to climb into the car. From there it was just a short drive to Alderson High. As they later turned into school parking Spencer spotted the time. It was quarter to nine. Class was going to start soon. With her hand at the wheel Ashley parked just between two other student cars before pulling her keys from the ignition.

"We should do this again sometime," Ashley suggested softly. "Just you, me, and a muffin."

Spencer peeked a smile at her. "I'd like that."

"Well it's the best I can do on short notice."

"A muffin's fine with me."

"...Okay," Ashley's smile was bright enough to shatter stars. "I guess we better get to class."

Though Spencer was pleased to have Ashley back at school it hadn't escaped her notice that the blouse beneath the leather of the Italian girl's jacket was 'ridged' slightly. She still had her rib bandages on. Though she might have been well enough to come back to school she still wasn't a hundred percent. As long as she didn't push herself too hard that needn't be a problem, yet Spencer was still a little concerned. So frowning slightly, she leaned over to tenderly kiss Ashley's cheek.

"Take it easy today, okay? Just until you're better."

She shrugged. "Spencer, I feel fine."

"Promise me."

"...Okay. Okay. I won't sign up for any skydiving classes or 10-K runs. Oh shit, this is gonna ruin all my plans. I mean, I was thinking of flying over to Vatican City to punch the Pope. What about the Pope? Can I still punch the Pope?"

Spencer giggled lightly. "No you can't. And you're not as funny as you think you are."

"Yeah, maybe not," She unbuckled her seat belt. "I'll see you later then, yeah?"

"Yes."

Then Spencer unbuckled her own seatbelt, climbed out of the car, and closed the passenger side door behind her. She went straight for her locker then straight for class, once again it was History with Mrs. Swirlin. Nicole came in a little later than she did from her morning practice with the Deltas. Mrs. Swirlin couldn't reprimand her for it though because she had a note from their Coach. She simply took a seat next to Spencer's desk and they got on with the lesson. The hours marched on and one subject warped into the next until it hit its usual fleeting climax at half-noon, lunch hour. Spencer and Nicole went down to the cafeteria together, got in line, waited, and eventually were served by the lunch ladies on hand. Spencer moderated herself on an egg salad sandwich, a carton of milk and an orange. Nicole loaded her tray with chilli fries, chicken fingers and a 'pauper's-worth of garden salad' (Spencer speak for a leaf of lettuce and a slab of tomato) with a can of coke and a thin slice of chocolate cake on the side.

As per usual Spencer wanted to go outside to eat. But then she heard Nicole say, "You wanna bag outside today?"

"...Why?"

"Well," Nicole blushed a little. "There's no special reason or anything. I just think it would be good."

Good for who? Spencer heaved a sigh but she didn't put up an argument. She couldn't be bothered and to be perfectly honest she didn't want to. She only followed Nicole to one of the side-most tables and sat down when she chose an empty one. Yet when they started eating Spencer noticed that Nicole was a bit distracted. It was only a few minutes later that she realized _why_. Aiden, Kyla's adoptive brother, entered the lunch hall. Since Nicole had met him last week she had been enthralled by him, commenting that she could be "the Idina Menzel to his Taye Diggs". He was a senior however, like Ashley, which meant that he didn't share any of his classes with her. The only times she got to see him were before school, between classes, at lunch, or after school. That didn't give Nicole many windows. So as soon as she spotted Aiden and watched him grab some lunch for himself, she stood up and flagged him down.

"Hey Aiden!" She gestured. "Over here!"

He was across the lunchroom at the time. But the loudness and eagerness on Nicole's part carried her whims over the throng of the other kids. When he heard her he looked around for a moment, not really knowing where they were, but eventually found them holed up by their table. Spencer watched him approach them with a toothy, 'what the hell?' kind of smile.

"Hey y'all," Aiden said cheerfully. "Kyla and Carmen gonna be with you?"

Nicole shook her skull. "No, uh, I think Carmen's still in practice and Kyla's with her. Why don't you sit with us until they get here?"

She immediately pulled out the chair next to her and patted its seat. Spencer glanced up at Aiden. To look at his face it seemed that he wasn't getting that Nicole was hot for him... he probably assumed Nicole was just being friendly to him in virtue of Kyla. But while Spencer didn't know anything about Nicole's interest in Kyla she sure as hell could see her interest in her brother. As he sat next to her Nicole turned to him with a brilliantly bright and flagrantly flirtatious smile.

"You know," Nicole began smoothly, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger. "It's so cool that you're so supportive of the Deltas. I mean not a lot of guys out there take soccer seriously, much less, girl's soccer. I think that's really awesome."

Aiden shrugged. "Ah, it's no big deal. I mean... Carmen and I go _way_ back, and she's... pretty tight with my sister and all, so I'm just out there doing my thing."

Nicole frowned at the whole Carmen and me go way back' thing. "You and Carmen are... close...?"

"Yeah, we're good friends," he clarified. "I think she's the only one besides me who isn't creeped out by the way Kyla acts sometimes. But I swear to God, don't tell either of them I said that. They'd kill me."

Little Nicole offered Aiden a shrug, that somehow moved her chair closer to his. "I'm not gonna say a word... as long as you come watch us play Ellis-Johnson High next Wednesday?"

"You have a match next Wednesday?" Spencer blinked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't? Oh well, its next week and all. You're welcome to come too. Kyla always does." And so her attentions went back to Aiden. Spencer suddenly started to feel like second string material here. It wasn't to say that she at all begrudged Nicole's crush, she didn't, but at the same time she didn't like feeling like a third wheel. Situations like this bugged the hell out of her because they were a subtle reminder of how lonely she often was. And there's nothing quite like acknowledging your own loneliness when not on your own.

Spencer went about picking at her food after that, while Nicole flirted so damn obviously with Aiden, and he absorbed it without really 'knowing' it. Neither one of them paid much attention to her as they went about the business that straight people had the luxury of being able to do so freely. But while she ate her egg salad sandwich Spencer found herself unintentionally observing the way Nicole and Aiden played off each other. Despite all her brilliances Nicole was a terrible flirt. She wasn't _bad_ at the art, per say, she just lacked finesse -- constantly touching his arm, mimicking his bodily gestures, laughing just a _bit_ too hard at his jokes; at times her smile bordered on saccharine in its intensity. Aiden on the other hand just seemed to cling on obliviously with some kind of reserved politeness. It struck Spencer as odd for a moment because even a blind person could see how apparent Nicole's flirtation was. Aiden couldn't have been that dense, and upon closer inspection, she figured out that he wasn't. When Spencer looked hard at him, searching out his expressions and bodily nuances, she realized that he just wasn't confident around girls. But in his eyes it was clear that he knew that Nicole was into him -- and also clear that he liked her too (or at the very least was quite attracted to her).

Spencer didn't blame him.

But at the same time she didn't much relish the idea of watching these two playing cat-and-mouse games whilst visually digesting each other. By the time she'd get her reprieve Aiden had mellowed out a little which made his 'conversation' with Nicole more loose and by extension, more forthcoming.

"I'm totally crazy about Kubrick movies."

"Me too!" Nicole beamed, chin in her palm. "Isn't it weird how we have so much in common?"

Aiden flushed a little. "Well, uh... Kyla and I have a little Movie Night that we do every Saturday. I bag some DVDs, she makes popcorn, and then we just crash on the couch. I know it doesn't sound much like her thing but it's like a tradition... sort of. Point is, I was thinking of doing a Kubrick marathon this week, you know? Eyes Wide Shut, Spartacus, Full Metal Jacket, The Shining. Carmen's been stopping by these past couple of months so, if _you_ wanna come-"

"I'd love to." She abruptly replied.

"Great. That's great," Spencer saw him turn to her. "Do you wanna come too?"

"...Huh?"

He shrugged. "Spencer was your name, right? We've got room for one more."

"Oh, uh... I don't know, I..." In all honestly Spencer hadn't expected an invitation, nor would she have believed it if she had been told one was impending. It probably wasn't even on _Nicole's_ agenda to invite her (what with her being so consumed by her newest crush) but Aiden was clearly a gracious man, if a little gauche. But the choice was elementary in that there really was only one choice -- to say yes. It didn't escape her grasp that it might be somewhat awkward for her. Carmen and Kyla were likely to be pretty preoccupied with each other (like always) and Nicole was sure to be devoting most of her time to charming (or seducing, depending on your view of her outrageously bad flirtations) Aiden. But deeper than that was a will to find something, a union, a lack of distance, something to strike away her loneliness. Up until the whole Ashley situation she'd considered solitude her lot in life. But there were people around her now that she liked, and for some reason seem to like (or at least tolerate) her. What was the point of keeping them at arm's length?

"Sure." Spencer offered.

Nicole blinked with confusion. "Are you sure, Spencer? I thought you weren't into movies?"

Now she remembered (and regretted) admitting to Nicole that she wasn't big on movies over the phone a few days back. And although she wasn't sure if Nicole said that because she actually found it weird or rather because she wanted as much of her fixation to herself as possible, Spencer didn't argue the point. She merely said, "I don't mind trying something new," and left it at that.

So for the first time since Aiden's arrival she turned her attentions from him to Spencer. And she wasn't smiling. The brunette rolled her eyes and nodded succinctly in his direction, then off toward the door. But when it became clear to her though that Spencer didn't get what she was trying to convey, Nicole piped up, "Hey you know what? I think I just remembered something."

"What'd you remember?" Asked Aiden.

"Carmen loaned me a book for Art class last week. I was supposed to give it back to her this morning but I totally lost track of time during soccer practice." Then Nicole gave Spencer an overly-bright smile. "Could you go give it to her for me, Spencer? I'll totally owe you one."

She could have gone to the O'Reilly Factor website to order one of those 'Don't Block the Shot' bumper stickers before stamping it on her forehead and still it'd have been more subtle than _that_ was. How many more ways could you tell someone you wanted them out of the way without telling them you wanted them out of the way? People tended to learn new things about Nicole every day, and the newest thing Spencer had learned about her was that Miss Milligan didn't play around when she was hot for a guy. Even if that meant, in so many words, telling your friend to beat it.

Spencer heaved a sigh. She would have been a little peeved about this if not for Nicole's past break-up with Ryan. If anyone deserved to be happy right now it was her. More to the fact, Spencer still didn't want to be a third wheel here. As she stood up Nicole dragged a textbook out of her bag and slid it across the table to her. Spencer snatched up the Impressionist tome to slip it into her own bag.

"Thanks, Spencer," Nicole said with a wink. "I'll make it up to you."

Both Spencer's expression and her thoughts pretty much said 'whatever' to that. Nevertheless she wasn't going to hang around, especially not in the cafeteria, a place she unequivocally loathed. The blonde slinked her bag onto her shoulders, said her goodbyes (with Nicole briefly mentioning that Carmen should be out on the soccer field with some of the Deltas for their lunchtime practice) then left. She took her tray with her and was sure to dump what little she didn't eat in one of the lunch bins before booking it. Only as she turned to the door did she look back at the table. They looked even more blatant at a distance, with Aiden nattering on about something and a charmed Nicole hanging off his every word. Spencer simply rolled her eyes and left them to it. She headed straight for the rear of the school after leaving the 'mess hall', crossing the courtyard and traversing three departments until she got to soccer field behind the Art department. Just as Nicole said, some of the Deltas were there, dressed in gym class shorts and socks, but there was no Carmen. She saw that Kyla wasn't there either when she looked at the empty bleachers.

So Spencer walked up to one of the other girls and asked, "Have you seen Carmen?"

"You want Carmen?" quipped the girl. "I think she said she was hungry or something so she went to the lockers to get changed just a minute ago. She's probably still in there if you wanna see her."

"Thank you." Spencer said to the girl as she turned on her heels and headed for the gyms. They were just a short distance from the field and most of the doors were unlocked. She took her hand to one of the bars to pull the door open before slinking in, in search of Carmen. In an adjacent side door were the locker rooms. Spencer entered them but they (at first) appeared empty, with only a few school bags tucked in open lockers and clothes folded over wooden benches. Then strangely enough she heard something odd. It sounded at first like crying. It came from a conjoined room, and when Spencer peered there to see what was going on, she saw that room was in fact a unit of tiled shower compartments. Water had been left running in one of the stalls but no one was in it. But the patter of the water didn't drown out the sound of the sob, it being as blunt as it was. And as Spencer stole closer to the source she noted that it wasn't crying at all. It was protracted moaning.

Sheer curiosity made her peer around the corner of the stall she was standing by. But what she saw held her transfixed in the most illicit way -- what she saw was Carmen and Kyla; kissing each other with damn near animalistic fury.

Spencer's eyes widened. Whatever she expected to see this certainly wasn't it. An entirely amorous Carmen had the meeker Kyla pushed up against the wet white tiles of the wall whilst her smooth lips battered those of the Asian girl. At the moment the blouse Kyla was wearing had been rolled up to her chest and arms, freeing the slight bounce of her bosom to the sight. The faint copper of her rubbery nipples were utterly swollen into stiffness and stood prominent from small milk chocolate-y aureoles. Those same breasts coursed up and down as Carmen ground against her, with the thigh of her left leg pushed deep between Kyla's hips. They writhed together as they kissed, enraptured by total arousal, so enraptured that they failed to see an astonished Spencer meters across from them.

Instead they only deepened their intimacy. The grasp Carmen had of Kyla's throat, a throat she held so carefully as it bobbed with mouth contractions, slipped. One of her hands descended the slink of her lover's body only to seize Kyla's left mound. Kyla consequently broke the kiss with a quiver, eyes locked shut, and moaned her approval with sultry elegance. Carmen's fingers took to her breast not unlike a sculptor, who molded and kneaded a downy material to finality with enamored poise and artful composition. The goalkeeper knew full well how to manipulate Kyla with her breasts. A caress here, a squeeze there, perhaps even a pinch of her distended nipple -- all to provide electric shocks of indubitable pleasure to her girl, to make her writhe in ways only she could provoke. And her recompense? Blissful sobs that folded into Carmen's ears like a hummingbird's chirps; creating in her a sense of pride about her lavish labors.

It seemed though that if she couldn't kiss Kyla's lips then she had to kiss her throat. It was swan-like it its appearance and displayed a pearly velvetiness that Carmen took her lips, tongue and teeth to. Licks became kisses and kisses became bites, all the while Carmen's hand continued groping at Kyla's left breast, whilst her thigh stroked back and forth up the smaller girl's crotch. Kyla's expression was positively angelic; her thin eyebrows had arched up, her dusky olive cheeks were flushed, eyes had clamped closed, sylvan mouth opened. All that, along with the way her sweat dripped down the contours of her face in glossy diamond droplets, gave Kyla all the mesmerizing beauty of a cherubim within that single instance in time. Carmen noticed the loveliness of that expression as she pulled away from the girl's neck, a neck now slick with her spittle, destined to flower with hickeys over the coming hours. Kyla finally opened her eyes then. They stared hard at each other, displaying something in that instance, something that said that this was more than a cheap, reckless quickie. That `something' was love. They loved each other.

"Carmen..." the shorter girl whimpered. Not so suddenly she unwound her arms from around the taller girl`s neck and took one of Carmen`s own. Kyla brought that hand to her lips to kiss its fingertips, an act that made Carmen sigh delicately. "Carmen, please..."

"It hasn't been that long..." Said the goalkeeper, her voice low from the weight of her breaths.

"Yes it has..." Protested Kyla. "Please..."

How could she be refused? Carmen let Kyla pull her hand down. The three of them watched that hand descend and disappear below the waistband of the Asian girl's jeans and when it found its rightful place the reaction was instantaneous. Kyla juddered with a heavy, rasping gasp that dwarfed the intensity of her previous moans by a sizeable margin. Her thin arms grappled Carmen's body to her own as her feet arched on the floor just as the taller girl put all of her weight behind the thrust of her fingers, and as a result, Kyla's form moved with hers. In time they established a heavy rhythm in which they ground together, Kyla's back repeatedly slapping the wall, while Carmen leaned into her neck again to consume that smooth skin just once more. Kyla's breathing grew more and more ragged, more labored, more intense, until that illusive crescendo was reached. The most powerful moan of all burst forth, a harmonious and thunderous song collapsing into a breathless, heaving sigh. She rode out her orgasm to its very last, hanging onto Carmen as best she could, savoring every little bit of it, whilst Carmen's hand remained lodged firmly in her pants. To see its bulge there you could imagine no better place for it.

"I love you," Carmen murmured, between the kisses of Kyla's neck. "I love you so much..."

A stunned and now flushed (very flushed) Spencer staggered away from the scene, completely forgetting about giving Carmen the book. The blonde girl stepped out of the lockers, out of the gyms, then leaned up against the wall in a vain attempt to catch her breath. What the HELL just happened?


	17. Chapter 17

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Chapter Seventeen

**********

Spencer was left shaken and stirred after what she'd seen in the locker rooms that afternoon. It actually made her think about a lot. For one thing, seeing Kyla and Carmen like that really felt like the sum of a query, like the crowning piece had been placed on a reasonably difficult puzzle. Suddenly all that she knew of those two girls made sense. Their closeness, the way they were always with each other, how tactile they seemed to be with each other, never really made sense. Now it did. The fact that someone as normal as Carmen was so close with someone as distant and morose as Kyla now made sense. The idea of Kyla coming to all Carmen's soccer matches just to watch her play, even when she didn't like the sport, now made sense. They were a couple.

At first Spencer couldn't help but mentally reprimand them for being stupid enough to do something like that in a public area, and in SCHOOL of all places. There was no excuse for doing something that thoughtless. Of course she blushed with embarrassment and guilt when she recalled Ashley fucking her in her car a while back, but that was different. That was done in an empty car park. Even the times Ashley kissed her in public were paltry in comparison to what Carmen and Kyla did. But when she got past that in her thinking Spencer suddenly started thinking and seeing this in a new light. There was another gay couple in Alderson High.

It was the kind of thing you often wondered about when you were a sexual minority in high school. If other people were feeling what you were feeling, thinking what you were thinking, aching with the same aches. You might just bump into a crowd of trendies and hear them debate who was hotter, Brad Pitt or Matt Damon, and just think, in less profane terms; "who the fuck really gave a shit?". You might think, ever so privately, was there someone amongst them that wasn't buying into it? Was there someone amongst them that wasn't thinking about chest hair or six-packs or (God forbid) a penis? That was the secret dream of all high school closet-huggers; to accidentally stumble upon another closet-hugger. Because of that Spencer could not help but feel somewhat... excited. Sapphic existence wasn't her burden alone -- there were others she now knew of that had the same albatross. It was like being stranded on a desert island only to find someone else had managed to survive the plane crash.

But Spencer hadn't stamped her ass on a goldmine. She knew that because it wasn't really about her. It was about Carmen and Kyla. They probably didn't want anyone else involved in their business. You couldn't blame them for that. She herself had no delusions about whispering her relationship with Ashley, not even to Nicole, not yet. How would she even tell Carmen and Kyla that she knew their secret? _"Hey girls, I was passing by the lockers one day and I accidentally caught the pair of you offloading on each other. Wanna hang?"_. It was ridiculous. At best she'd sound like a voyeur and at worst (if she mentioned Ashley) she'd sound like a swinger. She didn't even know how to react the next time she saw them and it soon dawned on Spencer that she couldn't say anything to them or anyone else about what she'd seen. It was nobody else's business nor was it her own -- the least she could do was kept it to herself for now.

Spencer spent all the lessons after lunch thinking about that. By the time the last lesson of the day, Cultural Studies with Mr. Stephens, was rolling along to its end, it was still the dominant thought in her head. Then the bell rang. Nicole (who was beside her) and everyone else started to gather their things together to leave. Spencer followed suit of course. Then when she and Nicole walked to the door, Mr. Stephens called out to the blonde;

"Spencer? Can I speak to you for a moment?"

Both girls halted but couldn't say what it was about it, automatically wondering if Spencer were in trouble. She was _never_ in trouble. In fact not once in Spencer's life could she recall being given as little as detention. But when they came up to the pine wood of his desk it was clear that she wasn't in trouble, if the smile on his face said anything about it.

"Mr. Stephens?" She uttered tentatively.

"Do you remember that Existentialism report you turned in?" He said that as he brandished a folder Spencer silently realized was her own. She actually didn't remember it, but with all the things that had been going on in her life, her schoolwork was at best a distraction.

"Did I screw up...?" Questioned Spencer.

Mr. Stephens shook his head. "Not at all. It was fine. Problem is, you ended up mixing some kind of... story of yours with it."

At that point he shuffled out a second sleeve from underneath that folder with his thumb. Spencer flushed and Nicole gazed at the offending narrative when the teacher pushed the work into the blonde's hands.

"I hope you don't mind but I ended up reading it," he admitted with a sheepish smile. "I thought it was an essay but by the time I realized it wasn't I was hooked."

If embarrassment was something you could die from then Spencer surely would have dropped cold right there and then. How stupid could she have been to mix up her stories with her schoolwork? Before anything though she was quick to check what story it was. It was something she'd written a few months ago, a flowery novella called _The Endlessness of her Chaos_; a story set in Paris during the French Revolution, written in the form of a series of letters exchanged between a middle-aged woman called Amelia (whose husband had been dragged into the army by the levee en masse) and her childhood friend (whose own husband had been imprisoned on suspicion of being a counter-revolutionary). There was nothing lesbian or lesbian-tinged in it, thank God, just a recycling of certain feelings of animosity Spencer had at America right now. The idea of Amelia's husband being forced to fight was a reference to the way she felt about the Iraq War, just as the false accusation of the friend's husband was Spencer's attack on what she perceived of today's discriminatory Republican patriotism.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Stephens," Spencer muttered softly. "I really didn't mean to do that..."

The older one smiled. "Don't be sorry, Spencer. That story was amazing."

"Huh?"

"I'm serious. The characterization, the exposition, the cunning way you manipulated that plot twist, you know the one about the cousin who died of cholera? I thought that was excellent. And you certainly have a beautiful manner of writing. A bit florid, maybe, and I'd certainly tone down on the adjectives a bit, but... I was _really_ impressed."

Nicole gave her a smile and a nudge. "Wow, Spencer."

"It... it was nothing. I'm still not very good." She blushed.

"That piece begs to differ, Kiddo," Mr. Stephens said, grinning. "In fact... I had a little brainstorm when I finished it. Feel free to think about it, but... have you considered joining Miss Gilbertson's Creative Writing class? I think it's the perfect place for you."

This was all coming out of nowhere so she couldn't really come up with an answer on the spot. She was discomfited enough just knowing that Mr. Stephens had read her work. So her response to his suggestion was in fact reflective of that reality; "I'll uh... I'll have to think about it."

"Oh. Okay, well, you go ahead and think about it, and if you do decide to join her class, I guarantee she'd be over the moon to have you there."

Spencer pondered the idea of joining this creative writing class on her way out. But once they stepped out into the corridor Nicole snatched up the copy of The Endlessness of her Chaos and flicked nosily through its pages. Then the second Spencer tried to take it back Nicole pulled it further from her.

"Uh huh!" Said the girl from Utah. "You can't get it back until I read it!"

Spencer pouted. "Nicole!"

"Look, if this is as good as Mr. Stephens says it is then I've gotta read it. You might get a book deal one day, blow up, and suddenly I'll have to pay to read your stuff. Gimme a freebie."

"Nicole, I really don't think I'm comfortable-"

It was all smiles and jokes until Spencer's attention rolled past Nicole's shoulder. When she noticed Spencer's distraction her own smile faded and she turned around to see what was so interesting. However the brunette's face twisted into one of irritation when she saw the focus. It was Ashley, standing just a short ways behind the pair. All three girls fell silent for a moment, ignoring the movements and loudness of the kids around them in that hallway. Nicole didn't stay quiet for very long though.

"What the hell do you want?" She barked.

Ashley puffed out breath a second, as if to calm herself. She stole a fleeting glance from Spencer, who knew full well what this was about (and who also knew that it was long overdue). The bad blood had to stop. Ashley swallowed down the last of her pride on this matter and said solemnly, "I'm not looking for a fight."

"Then what _are_ you looking for?"

"I, uh..." It took a moment for her to get the words out, but in time... "I wanted to apologize for... what I said about your Dad a while back. That was a really shitty thing to do. I was going through a rough patch and I took it out on you and... it wasn't right. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Nicole was visibly taken aback. She clearly didn't see that one coming. Spencer on the other hand couldn't have been prouder. By looking at Ashley she could see that the Italian girl wasn't completely comfortable doing this, but she did it anyway, only because she wanted to make Spencer happy. That really made a world of difference to her. And Spencer had to admit that it was not the worst thing in the world to see Ashley chasten herself every once in a while.

Ashley extended to Nicole her hand. "How about it?"

There was still some reluctance on Nicole's part. You couldn't blame her. The last time these two had come face to face they had tried to tear strips out of each other. But she did end up shaking that hand. Ashley and Nicole locked eyes as they shook, conveying something to each other that Spencer couldn't quite read at that point. She'd one day realize just what that look meant -- that the only reason either of them tried to bury the hatchet was because it was important to Spencer -- and for no other reason. What Spencer _did_ know was that these two still didn't like one another very much. But it was going to be a personal quest of hers to get them to warm up to each other.

"Spencer," Nicole began. "I've gotta run. I'm supposed to meet my Mom later on. Are you okay here?"

"I'm fine. You go. Have fun."

"Okay. I'll catch you later then," Nicole tersely glanced at Ashley. "Seeya."

The older one just gave her a nod. Then the Milligan girl went about her business and calmly everyone forgot that she still had Spencer's story in her hand. But that was probably the furthest thing from Spencer's mind right now. All she could do was smile appreciatively at Ashley, a smile so strong she could barely begin to wipe it off her face. The fact that Ashley had done this was so much of a relief to Spencer but in more than one way. Now she didn't have to walk on hot coals every time Ashley and Nicole ran into each other. Better still, she learned that Ashley was prepared to listen to her, to give something back, to make an effort for their burgeoning relationship. Part of the problem before was that it felt like Ashley wasn't hearing her or wasn't even willing to. That wasn't the case anymore.

So she did the first thing it occurred to her to do. She compelled Ashley to follow her to the thankfully empty toilets down the corridor. They got into the first empty stall they came across and locked its door. Once they were safe Spencer clasped Ashley by the softness of her cheeks, leaned up on her tip-toes and swiftly pressed their lips together. Maybe she was somewhat influenced by what she'd seen of Carmen and Kyla, maybe it was because she was so damn proud of Ashley, maybe it was because things seemed to be getting better in her life; she couldn't say -- but it was at once the most passionate kiss Spencer had ever initiated. It was made all the more luxurious when she heard Ashley whimper with longing frailty, something she hadn't heard from her in while. As they kissed Ashley's hands automatically found themselves at Spencer's waist to be poised on both hips and they remained like that for many a blissful moment, until the one where a now breathless Spencer finally pulled back.

"Wow," Ashley whispered, with near Valley Girl dizziness.

Spencer beamed, wrapping her arms around Ashley's neck. "Thank you so much, Ashley."

Yep. Things were finally heading in the right direction.


	18. Chapter 18

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Chapter Eighteen

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"Stanley Kubrick? Never heard of him."

While Kyla and Nicole balked at that, not quite understanding how it was that someone could be anything other than in awe of such a filmmaker, Spencer didn't blame Carmen for not knowing much about him. She herself had heard of Kubrick via academics (she had heard of Quentin Tarantino much in the same way, through the academic journals she from time to time indulged in) with reference to the impact of mass media on contemporary thought. She'd not been big on movies from the start and if this conversation were to be believed than neither had Carmen, which wasn't so hard to believe, considering that her main interests in life were Kyla and sports, specifically soccer. But Spencer was happy that their talk was about the movie night the four of them were going to have with Aiden, because it paid her a great relief -- she'd not be subjected to silence around Kyla and Carmen, a silence that would make her think harder about what she'd seen the two of them do.

It was Friday afternoon, lunch hour, hour of commune. Spencer, along with Nicole, Kyla and Carmen, sat together upon the slight hillock of greenery that surrounded the outside of the cafeteria. It was a very bright and beautiful day out there today, though its radiant beams of sunlight might have glistened on an uncaring high school, one of its individuals, Spencer Carlin, did nothing but bask in all of it. For the first time in long while she could honestly and openly say that she was unequivocally happy. She, Nicole, Kyla and Carmen had over the past few weeks become close friends, a goal marched toward with the same blistering speed that other elements of Spencer's life had endured within the year, much like her relationship with Ashley, which had evolved from something inexorably contemptible to something so much sweeter, something that was good for the both of them, something that meant more to them than any other experience they'd known so far in their short lives. The 'albatross' that was Spencer's own sexuality, had seen validation through Kyla and Carmen. While it still felt awkward to be around them when she knew full well they were screwing each other (because they still didn't know that she _knew_) there was an undeniable comfort in being aware of their relationship, of their feelings for each other.

So often at school when you were gay and no one else around you was, you felt like a freak. Spencer had been carrying that sentiment with her from middle-school all the way up to her meeting with Ashley, that sense of distance and isolation, which was why she constantly referred to her lesbianism as an 'albatross'. But seeing the way Kyla and Carmen cared for each other helped her realize that she wasn't alone, that she wasn't the only one wrestling with those kinds of feelings and labors, even if it that had appeared to be the case for years. Their relationship (in its own way) had served to validate her feelings of comfort with her sexuality because Spencer was no longer _alone_ in bearing that cross. Most of all she had Ashley. Nothing could be instantaneous, and they still had a lot of things to work through, trust that needed to be established, but at this point in time Spencer couldn't be happier with the way things were unfolding.

Of course there were still nicks in the linen. She still didn't get on well with her parents and that wasn't likely to change any time soon. But seeing the horrors that Ashley's father Raiff had wreaked put Paula and Arthur under a different spotlight in Spencer's eyes. They weren't the horrible twosome she'd come to think of them as, at least not comparatively, which allowed the blonde girl to see them outside of their fallacies. Truth was she wasn't the only one who didn't get on well with her parents. She wasn't so unusual in that respect.

For those reasons she basked in the sun. And she smiled, honestly and heartily, in a way she didn't often do, while her friends nattered on about what Carmen should and shouldn't know about filmmaking, a triviality that could calmly be languished in, all because of a blossoming new life.

"A Clockwork Orange?" Kyla stated. "Haven't you heard about that?"

Carmen paused for thought. "I guess so. England, right?"

"...How couldn't I know that about you?"

"I don't tell you everything," said the goalkeeper. "It's not a big deal is it?"

Nicole, who was lying across grass on her side and popping potato wedges into her mouth, answered. "Well it won't be by tomorrow night I suppose. So, uh... what time does Aiden want us to get there? I'd ask him myself but I haven't seen him all day."

"We usually get started early, about two in the afternoon, because we watch so many movies." Kyla stated (since getting closer to Spencer and Nicole she had become more talkative).

Nicole sighed. "I'm coming early."

"Why?"

"I'm coming early." She repeated, not explaining herself, not that she needed to.

Throughout the week Aiden and Nicole had gotten everywhere and nowhere in an instant. Everyone, Spencer, Kyla and Carmen all, knew that they liked each other. Their body language was easy enough to read to tell the notion anyway. What made the difference was that they saw as little of each other. She saw as little of Aiden as Spencer did of Ashley, during the school week, because both Aiden and Ashley were seniors. What made it _worse_ for Nicole was that Aiden was something of an artist, and he had already applied to UCLA for a course on Art and 'aesthetic theory'. In doing this he went out of his way to keep his grades tight and expressed his academic interest in afterschool Art classes. When he wasn't doing that he was with his friends. Simply put Aiden was often busy, which was one of the reasons he was so adamant about having the movie night with Kyla on a weekly basis -- it was his way of making time for her. But of course that didn't leave much time for the Milligan girl, who herself was often busy with soccer practice and her father. Impasse.

"He needs to chill," Nicole moaned. "Finals haven't even started yet."

Kyla stared at her as she ate. "My brother does a lot, that's just how he is."

"And where's the time for fun? The year'll blow Aiden by and then _bang_, summer's over. He'll be at college and he'll have slutty frat skanks all over him. Meanwhile I'm still here. I mean look at the four of us right now. We're all single! It's such a kick in the ass."

Carmen and Kyla shared a smile with each other then, a knowing one, while Nicole ate her wedges, a smile that conferred their feelings for each other to each other. Feelings Nicole didn't know about. But Spencer noticed it. And they didn't know that she too had someone -- in reality Nicole was the only single person here. Carmen and Kyla were an item. However Carmen and Kyla didn't know that Spencer knew that they had something going on, nor did Nicole. And neither Nicole nor Carmen nor Kyla knew Spencer was with Ashley at the moment either. That fact reminded Spencer that there were a lot of secrets in their four-way friendship, but because it was so complicated in so many damn ways, she couldn't begin to understand how they'd unravel it now. Carmen and Kyla were clearly unready to come out of the closet and so was Spencer; hopefully things would just balance themselves out until they all felt ready to come clean.

The others went back onto the movie night subject and what it was they'd watch at Aiden and Kyla's house. Spencer had finished her lunch by then so she checked her watch. She balked at the time. The lunch hour would end in fifteen minutes and she still had something she needed to do. So she heaved her backpack back onto her little shoulders and stood, tray in hand.

"Spencer?" Nicole glanced up. "Where are _you_ off to?"

"Remember Mr. Stephens suggested I see Miss Gilbertson about her Creative Writing class? I'm going to see her about it now. I think it might fun."

Carmen smiled at her. "Good for you, Spencer. I didn't know you liked to write."

"Yeah, well..." she blushed."I don't think I'm very good... but... I still want to give it a go. I`ll see you all later."

She waved a brief goodbye to the three of them then walked off down the hill to the cafeteria. After dumping her tray (and all that lingered on it) she headed off to Miss Gilbertson's English room. Spencer had spent a good chunk of the week wondering if she should do as Mr. Stephens suggested and opt for this class. She hadn't been sure. You see from the moment she started doing it, Spencer's writing was a cathartic release for her, it was interpersonal and private for that very reason. Her poetry was one thing -- she routinely posted them on according websites for correspondence with fellow poets. But her storytelling was never as general or obscured. They were frank dirges that she churned out in blunt metaphor and historical backdrops. Each one was either a distant allegory for an aspect of her life or about feelings she had about things going on in the world; either way she hadn`t meant for anyone except God and herself to know about them. But because of her sloppiness of attention Mr. Stephens had read one which led her to seriously consider `sharing the shit' with others.

It seemed like a haunting option at first. What if they didn't like it? What if the work of the class was better than hers altogether? What if they read between the lines of her writing and figured out that she was *gasp* a big lesbo?

For every negative scenario that popped into brain she refused to let them stay their course. Spencer could be utterly rational when she wanted to be. All the rational inklings in her head right now were telling her that this might simply be a good way of improving her writing. When she eventually headed for college her major was likely to be English (or at least within the bracket of the department) so how could this be anything but a benefit?

Before long Spencer found herself at Miss Gilbertson's door, a door that she subsequently knocked, and heard a brief 'come in' beckon her forth. She twisted the knob to step in. Miss Gilbertson sat behind her desk at that moment, and, as horrible a thing as it was to say, she was quite an average-looking woman; a thirty something with shoulder length black hair, lightly tanned skin and a pair of reading glasses. Spread out over her desk were clusters of papers and tests with varying grades to adorn them, everything from A+ to E-. She looked up only as Spencer closed the door of her room, but when she saw the teen she pulled her glasses from her face, suspended from her neck by a chain, and let them dangle.

"Can I help you?" Asked the English teacher.

Spencer explained herself. "I'm, uh... my name is Spencer Carlin and... Mr. Stephens read a story that... accidentally got mixed up with one of my reports and um... he said he liked it so he told me that I should think about asking you if I could maybe join your Creative Writing class?"

"Hmmm," Miss Gilbertson mused. "It's a little late in the year to sign up for an afterschool class. There aren't that many places left either. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"...Well. Okay then. If you come recommended from Mr. Stephens then I won't send you on your way. My class is every Tuesday and Thursday from 4pm till 5:30pm. And don't think that because this is an extracurricular activity that I expect anything less than the kind of work you'd produce in a compulsory one. You will need to catch up on the work we've done beforehand too. Most of the notes are up on the school website anyway so I suggest that you spend your next free hour combing through them. Oh, and, if you don't mind, I'd like to read some work of yours. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate or concise, maybe less than a 1000 words will do, anything of the kind you can give me, say by... Monday morning. Does that sound acceptable?"

Spencer nodded. "Yes ma'am."

"Excellent. Good to have you onboard, Spencer."

Well. That went well. Although as Spencer left Miss Gilbertson's room she couldn't stop herself wondering what she would do about that 1000 word piece she wanted. If she was going to do this class then she definitely was not going to start with any of her old work -- she didn't want tongues wagging. That meant that she'd have to do something fresh, something new, and something by _Monday_, no less.

As she turned the corner of the hall past some other kids she tried to think up an idea, the key word being tried -- for as she turned that corner, just a short way down the hall, was Ashley. Spencer felt her smile emerge and widen as her girlfriend came out of Mr. Rodriguez's Spanish class whilst she stood with a couple of her own friends, fellow seniors of hers to head off to lunch since they ate later than their underclassmen did. It was when Ashley spotted Spencer out of the corner of her eye she pulled a deep grin, so typical of her, before saying succinct goodbyes to her padres. They continued down to the hall without her.

Spencer cast her gaze southward when Ashley approached, her cheeks flowering rouge. "Hey, Ashley."

"Hey," the copper of her eyes turned to a girl's toilet across the corridor. "Follow me."

They left with each other to its doors and pushed in. Unfortunately there were a few other girls in there at the time so Ashley and Spencer separated to await their departure. When the three girls were gone the two of them scuttled into one of the cubicles and locked the door. In seconds Ashley had Spencer up against the wall, their arms wrapped around each other, and kissing ardently within its miniscule walls. Spencer whimpered blissful whimpers whilst Ashley's velvety lips moved in concert with her own, all the more when her slippery tongue prised its way between them to thrust inside her mouth and sensually played with hers. She could have melted into goo when Ashley's hands took her then, one around her back and the other slowly riding up the smoothness of her thigh. Spencer's own arms she had around the Italian girl's neck to bring her as close as possible, close enough to feel the sensation of their stomachs pressed together, close enough to hear Ashley's soft, almost inaudible little moans of pleasure. When they parted; long, lovely moments later, they were both breathless.

"Jesus, Spencer... you look gorgeous today..." They were still so close to each other that Spencer could feel Ashley's warm breath tease her cool lips as she uttered each word.

It made Spencer beam, as Ashley did. "How are you... today...?"

"...Me? Fine, if not a little pissed. Seems like every time we kiss we do it somewhere people take a dump."

You couldn't really ignore the presence of a toilet bowl... no matter how good a kisser your girlfriend was. But while they were at school their options were limited. The bathrooms were the only place in Alderson High where you could get _some_ privacy, and only if you were lucky. And unlike Kyla and Carmen they weren't bold enough (or cocky enough) to do anything _more_ any place else on the grounds.

Spencer took to running her fingers through Ashley's glossy black hair during her reply, "It's tough, but... what's really the alternative?"

"Kissing loud and proud in front of everybody?"

"And then get beaten up?"

Ashley smirked somewhat. "We wouldn't get beaten up, we're not guys. Most likely the cheerleaders and trendies would harass us, call us dykes and stuff... then a few guys might ask us for a threesome, maybe even record the kiss and put in on YouTube. We'd get thousands of hits and hundreds of comments; it'd be all, "Dude that was so hot! Now _spank_ that WASP's ass!" or something. Of course some angry mother in Connecticut would call us pervs and get the site to remove the vid, but we'd still have our fifteen minutes of fame."

"...Yeah. That... isn't at all creepy."

"Well I wouldn't blame them," Ashley's voice got all husky again. "Your ass is cuter than mine..."

As she went on to place little butterfly kisses up and down her neck, Spencer giggled, so much more freely than she usually did. "Ashley..." she whispered softly. Whispers interrupted by the chime of the second lunch bell, that ended the hour for all students that weren`t seniors. Ashley pulled herself from Spencer's neck and rolled her eyes.

"You've got class." She said morosely.

Spencer stole one last kiss from her. "Call me later, okay? We can talk."

"Yeah. Okay."


	19. Chapter 19

Saturday night.

It wasn't a lie for Spencer to say that she was looking forward to the movie night. As she'd reflected on before, she wasn't big on films and she never had been, but for her that wasn't what this was about. She knew she'd be the odd one out; Nicole would probably be drooling all over Aiden, Carmen and Kyla would be fighting every living urge just to keep their hands off each other. But it didn't matter. Tonight was about her spending time with her friends. Not since her youngest years could Spencer honestly have had that -- multiple friends, a mutual friendship. Her loneliness was like a shadow now, not the puppet master at her strings, it could be fought against and conquered, the way it should have been all along.

This was why she stood in front of her bathroom mirror making sure that she didn't look too bad. The blonde girl had draped herself in a white feather-collar blouse and a knee-length blue skirt with a white headband setting back her bangs. Spencer wore something similar to school yesterday and Ashley had said that she looked pretty, but that didn't count because Ashley always thought she looked pretty. She wasn't sure about it but she didn`t have the time to deliberate the issue. It was half-one and while Kyla's house was only fifteen minutes away by bus, there was no tell how frequently buses would be coming by, so she had to hurry. After giving her hair just one more look over Spencer jogged out of the bathroom. Since Nicole had left earlier she wouldn't be travelling with the girl. Instead she'd go straight there on her own (Kyla had given her the directions afterschool yesterday). So when she returned to her bedroom she gathered together her purse, her keys, her cell phone, her bus pass, and her little pink 'going out' backpack from the surface of her chest of drawers. But when she twisted the knob to leave her phone jingled.

Caller ID on the screen said it was Ashley.

"Hello, Ashley?" Said Spencer, as she held the phone to her ear.

"Hey, it's me," she confirmed. "Listen, I'm in my car, I'm in the neighborhood, and I was thinking about what I said at school yesterday. Do you wanna hook up with me now? We could get a bite to eat or something, if you can swing it by your parents?"

Spencer's commitments twisted her insides. In a similar fashion to Nicole's situation with Aiden, it bugged Spencer that Ashley's being a senior meant that they didn't have as many opportunities to see each other. She would've have accepted the offer point blank, if not for what she had planned tonight. "Ashley..."

The brunette sighed on the other end. "I know that voice. What's the problem?"

"...I must have forgotten to tell you, but... I'm going to my friend Kyla's house with Nicole tonight, to watch some movies with her, her brother and someone else." Spencer admitted.

Ashley paused a moment "...I thought you weren't big on movies?"

_How in the hell did everyone know that?_ If she got anymore damn transparent she'd turn into Sue Storm. Nevertheless she answered the charge, pressing her back against her door. "I'm making an effort to, okay? Look, Ashley, I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. It just slipped my mind and since I didn't see you afterschool yesterday..."

"No, you know what? It's okay. It's fine. You uh... you just go have fun."

Ashley didn't hide dejection well. An elective trait and not a desired one probably. And Spencer hated to hear it. Which was why the gears in her head started turning in a manner that sought to soothe it, maybe over better logic, when she said; "Do... you... do you maybe wanna... come?"

Spencer didn't realize how sudden and presumptive it sounded until she voiced it. It wasn't really her night nor was it her house so she didn't have the authority to invite anyone. But she couldn't tolerate the idea of Ashley driving all the way back to West Hollywood after coming down here for nothing either. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

"Do you think that would be okay with them?" Ashley said, not seeming to have any objections.

Honestly Spencer wasn't sure. Aiden was a sweet person, he probably wouldn't care either way, but Kyla might be a different story. But they wouldn't turn Ashley away, would they? If she simply said that Ashley was a friend of hers that had wanted to join, surely they wouldn't say no? Spencer elected to take the risk.

"I think it'll be fine." She said.

"Okay. Thanks, Spencer."

"Pick me up, okay? How far from my house are you?"

She chuckled. "I'm outside."

When she heard a car horn blare Spencer walked to her window. Sure enough, down below by the sidewalk was Ashley's ride, with the engine still running. So Spencer switched off her phone, put all her stuff away in the mini backpack that she strapped from her shoulders, and then left her house. Paula was the only one of her parents at home tonight. Arthur was busy at the hospital as usual so Spencer had told her mother earlier where she was going for the night, as well as the address of Kyla and Aiden's place (just in case anything happened), so she didn't need to do anything other than say goodbye to Paula as she left.

When she got into Ashley's car they shared a quick kiss before driving off under the orange red glare of California dusk light. They drove for a solid twelve minutes along the streets of Los Angeles until they came to another white picket fence locality, the road that Kyla and Aiden lived on. It was an even more expensive area than Spencer and Nicole's was, both she and Ashley realized it as they pulled up in the Quinn Family driveway, it even had one of those 50's style mailboxes. Once parked though they both climbed out. There was only one other car in the driveway, Aiden's, so their parents weren't here (and probably wouldn't be for the rest of the night). Ashley followed Spencer to the door where they rang the bell.

Aiden appeared moments later with a receptive smile. "... Spencer. Hey."

"Hey." She replied.

"...Aiden?" Ashley quipped, blinking.

The eldest of the Quinn siblings then noticed Ashley standing behind Spencer, and when he did he did so with an automatic registry. "Ashley?"

This was odd. Spencer glanced at the pair of them, first at Ashley then Aiden then back to Ashley again. "You two... know each other?"

"Yeah, he's in my Math class," explained the Italian girl. "How's it going?"

They shook hands to greet. "Everything's good, everything`s good. So. Y'all two are tight?"

Both Ashley and Spencer nodded at that, though Ashley was the one to follow through on the verbal work. "Kinda, yeah. I know it's a piss-take to just show up like this, but I was passing by Spencer's house, asked her if she wanted to hang but she told me she was spending the night with you guys. I just wondered if I could come too. Is that cool?"

He shrugged cheerfully. "Sure, come on in. It's not like we're hurting for room."

Ashley and Spencer smiled at each other briefly as they stepped inside and took off their jackets. The house inside was just as large and lavish as its outside suggested it would be. Down the corridor was the lounge which Aiden led them into. Everyone else was there. Kyla, dressed more casually than Spencer normally saw her, was crouched on the floor by their flat screen sorting through a pile of DVDs all of which were Stanley Kubrick movies. Carmen wasn't too far behind her fiddling with a coffee table that had been enamored with two liter bottles of Pepsi, Fanta and Dr. Pepper and with three large transparent bowls of popcorn, pretzels and nachos. Nicole was on the couch flicking through the pages of some kind of booklet with her varnished nails. When Aiden, flanked on both sides by Spencer and Ashley, entered, everyone turned to them. Hellos were said between everyone except Ashley and Nicole.

"S'up, Spencer?" Carmen said jovially, with Kyla at her side. She saw Ashley. "Who's your friend...?"

Ashley extended a hand to the goalkeeper, which she shook politely. "I'm Ashley Davies. Uh, I think Spencer mentioned the two of you on our way over here. You're... Carmen Jones, right?"

"Guilty."

Then Ashley turned to Kyla. "Which must make you... Kyla, Aiden's little sister, am I right?"

"Yeah. Hi." She was terse in her reply but that was just Kyla being Kyla. She was never comfortable around new people, not until she had a chance to relax and warm to them, like she had with Spencer and Nicole. Carmen then started to engage Ashley in conversation. Apparently she had seen Ashley playing basketball (her height gave her something of an edge in that area) because she mentioned something about her having a great jump shot. While they got into it with Kyla hanging by Carmen's side, attentively, Nicole hauled up off the couch and took herself up to Spencer.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" She briefly glanced at Ashley while she was speaking to Carmen, oblivious of it. "...In private?"

In no way was Spencer muted to the sharpness in Nicole's tone so she didn't question her. Instead she only followed Nicole outside into the corridor while Ashley, Carmen and Kyla spoke, and Aiden took up what Kyla had been doing before, sorting through their pile of DVDs, probably to decide which one to watch first. Once they were out of earshot Nicole faced Spencer square on.

"What the hell is _she_ doing here?" Barked the girl from Utah.

Spencer blinked, not really knowing where this was coming from all of a sudden. "She's here for the same reason everyone else is, to watch movies."

Silence. The contours of Spencer's expression scrunched in confusion. She didn't get it -- at first. Then it soon sunk in. Nicole _still_ hadn't gotten over what Ashley said about her father even though Ashley had put herself out there and apologized for it.

Spencer glanced at her, pleadingly. "I thought we were _done_ with this."

"I don't want her here."

"Nicole, please don't do this. She's apologized and she's sorry. What more can she do?"

There was visible irritation and indecision on Nicole`s part. Spencer could read every inch of it off of her face. When she glared into the lounge at Ashley it was made all the more guileless. But whatever she wanted to say or do she didn`t follow through on... because she managed to keep herself composed. Nicole tore her eyes from Ashley then, turning once more to Spencer, and exhaled crossly. "I swear to God, if she wasn't _your_ friend, I'd...! You know what, just tell her to stay out of my way tonight, okay?"

Spencer watched her stomp off. "Nicole..."

She didn't reply. Once she was back inside she went straight to Aiden's side and whispered something into his ear. He shrugged his shoulders in reply. But when it looked like Nicole was about to protest something else, his hand reached up and caressed her rapidly inflaming cheek, tenderly. It seemed to settle her down because he was met with a caring smile because of it. Clearly something had happened between them since yesterday. For many reasons Spencer was glad that it did... but partially because Aiden seemed to be the only thing that could pacify and distract Nicole from Ashley right now.

Fortunately Spencer didn't have to worry about keeping own her girlfriend in check at the moment. She and Carmen were now standing together in front of a tower CD case, the side of which was labeled `Aiden's Music'. Ashley's finger slowly traced its way down its glass case as she registered each disk of each artist, muttering their names.

"..._Nas_, _Busta Rhymes_, _Snoop Dogg_, _50_ _Cent_... Hey Aiden? Got anything that wasn't written by pimps?"

He scratched the back of his skull in thought, with Nicole at his side. "If all that's a little too much for you I think I've got some Alicia Keys and Nelly Furtado albums up in there. If that still isn't your speed you're better off looking through Kyla's stuff. What is it you like again, Ky? _Green Day_?"

The Asian girl frowned. "I don't like _Green_ _Day_."

"Yes you do. Aren't they the ones with the redhead and the bald guy? You know, they did that thing with Dave Grohl and a stuffed deer a few years back?"

"That's _Queens of the Stone Age_." Carmen corrected.

Ever the nonchalant one Aiden leisurely dismissed the mistake. "That's what they're called? Hmm. Are they still together? I liked that song."

By then Ashley had to give up on listening to music until things were ready because things were ready. Kyla had gone back to sorting out the DVDs and they were now stacked up in front of the player. Spencer came back into the room and sat down, slightly less excited now, on one of the two couches. Ashley sat next to her. Carmen then plopped down next to Ashley, while Kyla sat on the floor next to Carmen`s legs, apparently because she was `more comfortable' there. Nicole sat on the adjacent sofa whilst Aiden had himself crouched in front of the player.

"Okay," he said. "Y'all gotta make a decision here. What are we watching first? The Shining? A Clockwork Orange? Barry Lyndon?"

Ashley arched her eyebrows. "Barry Lyndon? That's the most boring Kubrick movie there is. Let's watch The Shining first. As long as nobody here says `Here's... Johnny!', I think we're better off."

"I don't wanna watch The Shining first," Kyla commented. "That's a horror movie and it isn't even dark out. Let's watch 2001: A Space Odyssey. It's got the best soundtrack I`ve ever heard next to Blue Velvet."

"David Lynch. Maybe we'll do him next week," Then Aiden turned to Spencer and Carmen. "Hey, Carmen, Spencer. What about you two? What'd you think?"

"I'm up for anything, really. Spencer, could you pass me the popcorn?"

The coffee table full of snacks was on her side of the couch. She clasped the bowl and passed to Ashley then Ashley passed it on to Carmen, and when she got it, Spencer answered Aiden's question the same way Carmen did. "...I don't mind either. I haven't seen either film so it doesn't matter to me."

So Aiden moved on to his girl. "Nicole?"

"...Lets watch 2001 first." She said quietly, glaring in Ashley's direction.

It was a glare that Ashley _did_ notice.

"Okay then. 2001 it is." His fingers carefully pulled the DVD from its case. With the remote he ejected the feeding slot so he could set the disk on it, then he pressed play. As the Quinn family's sizeable screen brightened and started displaying the opening screen credits, Aiden took the bowl of pretzels from the table and sat by Nicole.

Most of the night proceeded in that fashion. Well into the late hours of the night the six of them, Spencer, Ashley, Kyla, Carmen, Nicole and Aiden, sat through a marathon of choice Stanley Kubrick movies. They went from the haunting beautiful harmonies of 2001: A Space Odyssey and the culturally significant mania of The Shining, to the seasoned sword and sandal nostalgia of Spartacus, the ridiculously violent throes of A Clockwork Orange, and the eerie contemporary mass-sexuality of Eyes Wide Shut. Members of the group all reacted differently to different films. Nicole, Aiden and Ashley loved every second of The Shining (being so familiar with it), Spencer and Kyla preferred 2001, which Spencer found _did_ have a gorgeous soundtrack just as Kyla had suggested earlier. Carmen seemed to like Eyes Wide Shut the most, constantly wondering if that was the sort of thing `scientologists approved of'. On the flip side, Aiden simply chomped pretzels all the way through Spartacus while Ashley almost fell asleep during Barry Lyndon and what she referred to as its `epic-ass craptacularism'. Kyla; in her hatred of all things Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise-related, went to the bathroom four times during Eyes Wide Shut, while Nicole found that she liked Dr. Strangelove the least, mostly because she didn't have a clue what was going on (and unlike Eyes Wide Shut, which made even less sense to her, there were no orgies to make up for it). The one Spencer disliked the most was A Clockwork Orange. She doubted that there was a single scene in it that didn't make her cringe or come to the verge of puking, and she wasn't the only one. It terrified Carmen as well. Although she was as tough as they came on the soccer field she was surprisingly squeamish when it came to violent movies, and A Clockwork Orange was no exception.

By the time they were watching Full Metal Jacket, which would be their last Kubrick movie of the night, they had gone through everything edible, and were forced to order a pizza to compensate. They ended up watching the war movie with a slice each, in an evening that had fun for everyone at least once. By now everyone was so calm and comfortable with each other (aside from maybe Ashley and Nicole) that they openly could talk about what they liked and disliked. Ashley didn't stop laughing throughout Gunnery Sergeant Hartman's tirades against `Private Pyle', while Aiden loved the scene where Pyle went crazy in the toilets and killed him, and Carmen complimented what she perceived as Animal Mother's `super cool' nihilism. The crowd had its cynics too though. Spencer routinely remarked on `factual errors' that the movie made concerning the Vietnam War, Kyla damn near popped a blood vessel during the two Vietnamese prostitute scenes; you know, all that "_Me so horny!"_ and _"Me love you long time!"_ talk.

It was during the penultimate sequence however, when Joker found the sniper who killed Doc Jay, Eightball and Cowboy (a sniper who was in fact just a young girl), that it happened. The screen went blank. Everyone groaned, especially since that scene, in particular the bit where Joker kills the child soldier off, was the most poignant of the whole film.

"What the hell?" Ashley said.

Aiden sighed and stood up. "Gimme a minute, I'll see what's up."

So he could see what he was doing (they had been watching movies in the dark since nightfall) he flicked the wall light switch. But the lights didn't come on. He flicked it a few more times. No dice. "I don't believe this."

"What's the matter?" Nicole asked him.

Aiden flicked the switch a couple more times but still nothing happened. "I think the power's out. Kyla, do me a favor, would you? Go into the kitchen and see if the fridge light's on."

"Sure." She went on to do just that. A few minutes later, when she came back into the pitch black lounge. "It's not coming on, Aid. And I couldn`t turn on the kitchen light either. The phones are all off too."

"Yeah, I thought so. The power's out."

"Can't you just flip the circuit breaker?" Ashley suggested.

"I don't think that'll do it," Said Carmen, who by now was standing by the window. She had the curtains pulled which revealed all the houses across the street that curled behind the Quinn household's garden, all of which as dark as it was. Not a single light was on nor were the street lamps. Absolute darkness. "I think we've got a blackout."

Spencer stood up. "W-what do we do? Go home?"

"You're not going out there while it's that damned dark," Said Aiden, seriously. "Anything could happen."

Kyla stepped closer to Carmen. "So what are we supposed to do?"

"My watch says it's about 11pm, Mom and Dad are gonna be back by morning, there's nothing to worry about. This kind of crap happens all the time, a power cable must have been broken or something. All we have to do is wait it out 'til it's fixed. For now we'd all best just stay here."

"In the dark like this?" Moaned the Asian girl.

Spencer thought a moment. "...Don't you have some candles or flashlights or something?"

"We should... in the cupboard, I think." Kyla remembered. "I'll go get them."

She carefully made her way toward the corridor exit. Then Carmen quickly followed her. "I'll help you."

This left Spencer, Ashley, Nicole and Aiden to their own devices. But it wasn't entirely a disaster. Aiden went into the kitchen looking for a lighter, and while he couldn't find one rifling through drawers in the darkness, he found a small box of matches instead. Their pizza (what was left of it) was still warm too and ten minutes or so later Kyla and Carmen returned with two flashlights and fifteen separate candles of varying height and girth. Spencer, Kyla, Carneb and Nicole all assembled the candles in the center of the lounge, on the tables and units, while Ashley and Aiden lit all of them. By the time they were finished there was enough light in the room to at least make out each other's faces.

"So what do we do now?" Nicole asked.

Kyla sat down. "...We don't have any board games, do we?"

"Board games?" Remarked Ashley, cynically.

"Well what do _you_ suggest?"

When Ashley also sat back down, she slung her arm over the sofa. "I dunno. Hold a séance?"

Aiden laughed a bit. "Oh yeah? And who would we talk to? Anna Nicole Smith?"

"Yeah. Well either her or Marilyn Monroe."

Carmen exhaled as the pair of them sniggered together at the idea, like a couple of kids. "Does anyone have any good suggestions, preferably ones that _don't_ call on the spirits of dead sluts?"

Nicole raised her hand. "I have an idea."

"What's that?" Asked Aiden.

"Lets play Truth or Dare."


	20. Chapter 20

**********

Chapter Twenty

**********

Ashley scowled at her. "...Truth or Dare? What are you, like, six?"

"If you don't like it, don't play," Nicole sharply retorted. "Don't worry, honey. I won't beg you to."

Ashley and Nicole glared irritably at each other again. The tension between them was so palpable that even the normally unconcerned Kyla was beginning to notice it. They hadn't said more than a few words to each other all night. When things went quiet for a moment Carmen acquired a slice of pizza and sat down, saying;

"It might not be the worst way to pass the time."

Aiden exhaled. "I'm in. There's jack-all else we can do, anyway."

Naturally since Carmen and Aiden were doing it, Kyla would too. That left only Ashley and Spencer. They glanced at each other, then Spencer saw Ashley roll her eyes and mutter a brief `fine' in acquiescence. Which of course left Spencer as the last one to opt for it. But she didn't feel strongly either way about it so she gave everyone a brief nod of agreement, so as not to be the odd one out. So that was what they decided to do. Nicole went and grabbed an empty glass bottle from the recycling bin the Quinn's had in their kitchen then called everyone to sit down on the floor in a small circle.

"We all know the rules, right?" Nicole said, glancing about the circle. "We take it in turns to spin the bottle and whoever it points at, they have to answer any question or do any dare, and if you can't, you're out."

"What does the winner get?" Kyla asked.

Nicole paused to think about it. "Uh, I dunno... uh... lets just... wait, we all must have five bucks on us at least, right?"

They all nodded, their faces partially illuminated by candlelight.

"Okay then. We'll all chip in five bucks. Since there's... six of us; that gives the winner thirty dollars. See? We're playing for money, doesn't that _age_ it up a bit?"

Carmen tugged one of her loose, habitually heavy bangs from her eyes. "Who goes first?"

"Well since it was my idea, I'll go first." Nicole set the bottle in the center of their circle and spun it. Everyone's eyes were on its continual revolutions until it slowed down, bit by bit, into an eventual stop. This left it pointed in Aiden's direction. Nicole and Aiden exchanged challenging smiles with one and other as Carmen hooted him on.

Nicole flushed a little. "Alright. Truth or Dare?"

"...Truth."

"You're a chicken, Aiden." Commented Kyla, at which both Carmen and Ashley chuckled.

He fobbed the three of them off so his focus could remain on Nicole. She didn't take long to come up with a Truth for him to answer though. The brunette pulled some of her hair back, which even in this poorly illuminated space, showed off the calculation (and, admittedly, nervousness) in her thoughts.

"Who's the prettiest girl in the room to you?"

They locked eyes. Carmen, presently getting into the mood of things, crooned a playfully ominous `ooohhh!`, like a member of the audience on the Jerry Springer show. Ashley on the other hand pulled a disbelieving `can you believe this airhead?' smirk and murmured "that was subtle", under her breath with soft sarcasm. Spencer nudged her in the arm to silence her. Aiden smiled at the circumstance (partially because he'd gotten off easy with that one) but he felt playful. Why not give an obvious answer some theatrics?

"Well, let me think," he pretended to ponder the question as he looked about the circle. "...Kyla's my sister so I'm not even gonna go there. Now Carmen's cute, she's got that whole jock thing going on, but... I've been mad at her since she _royally_ kicked my ass at pool in the mall arcade."

"That was six months ago." Said the goalkeeper.

"Yeah it was, and I still haven't forgiven you for it, which knocks like... six points off your sex-gauge."

Laughing now, Carmen reached behind her back to the sofa and threw one of its pillows at him. He ducked his head to one side and let it whiz past him. "Okay, I'm done with Carmen. Then there's Spencer, who's also very pretty but we only just met so... she probably doesn't want me thinking that way about her."

The shy blonde in question blushed, not saying anything, just brandishing a small smile. He was nice enough not to say anything lewd or cajoling about her. After her came Ashley to whom Aiden's attentions turned. "And Ashley of course. And yeah, she's smokin' hot and everything, but she's always wearing those damn leather jackets, the ones that make her look like a biker. No offence."

She flipped him off with a grin. "None taken."

"Then," he said, turning to the orator of the question. "I have you. You've got all that... amazing brown hair that just... looks even better on you in candlelight. Then there's your little nose... and your freckles... and you've got the prettiest eyes... ever. I love that green color. And... God knows you've got an ass like there's no tomorrow!"

Everyone, even Kyla, smiled at that.

He continued. "So, you wanna know who I think is the prettiest girl here? I think it's you."

"..._Aiden_..." Whispered Nicole, thoroughly touched.

"Alright, alright..." Carmen said. "Let Kyla have her turn before the two of you start sexing each other up."

Kyla, who was sitting next to Nicole, took her hand to the bottle, spun it, and it whizzed around accordingly, around and around and around again, until it ceased in motion. Its neck was pointed at Ashley. Kyla and Ashley now became the focal point, and Carmen, Nicole, Aiden and (somewhat less enthusiastically) Spencer, egged them on. The Davies girl didn't show the slightest bit of fear.

"Truth or Dare?" Kyla asked.

Ashley plucked her bangs. "...Dare."

"You know... thirty bucks is a lot of money." Kyla said to her.

"Yup."

"My folks are well off but they don't give us allowances. We have to earn it."

Ashley arched her eyebrows, provocatively. "Yeah, that sounds like a real slap on the ass. Get on with it."

"Okay. There's a half a bottle of ketchup left in our fridge. Drink it."

Carmen, Aiden and Nicole made that silly `ooohhh!' sound to jokingly `amp up' the tension, while a less amused Spencer balked. "Kyla...!"

"What?"

"I can't believe you guys," Spencer turned to her. "Ashley, you'll get sick, don't do it."

"Hey, I'm not backing down. I want that thirty bucks too and it's not like its _my_ carpet that's gonna get stained if I throw up. Lemme at it. Give me one of the flashlights and I`ll go get it."

Spencer was incredulous. How stupid could she be to do something like that for a game? But crazy as it was Ashley was serious in her convictions. Aiden handed her one of the flashlights. She turned it on and peeled her way out of the lounge into the darkness of the corridor. When she returned a minute or so later she had the offending ketchup bottle in her other hand. It wasn't quite as big as say, Nicole, might have hoped, but it wasn't small either. Spencer was still in disbelief as Ashley switched off the flashlight and sat down.

"Don't do it, Ashley." Spencer warned.

Aiden snickered. "Come on, Spencer. Get into it. You might end up having fun."

"How is this fun?"

Nicole's smirk said otherwise. "it's fun for _me_."

"She's _not_ going to do it," Kyla said, looking at her. "...Right...?"

Ashley said nothing. Rather she opened her mouth, moved the plastic bottle skyward, and squirted. Everyone among them winced in revulsion as a stream of the pulpy red condiment oozed out of the bottle and into her mouth. She squeezed and squeezed until the bottle made that squeaking `suction' sound declaring that it was empty. Ashley tipped her head forward then, and a lump travelled down her throat as she swallowed it all.

Everyone was staggered.

Carmen blinked. "That was so... gross...!"

"I said I don't back down..." Ashley winced. "...At least it wasn't mustard..."

Next up was Aiden. His toned hand reached into the center of their circle and spun the bottle just as the others did. It rotated under fate's discretion until it slowed into stillness and landed in Kyla's direction. The two adopted siblings stared at each other while the others goaded them on (well, all except Spencer).

Aiden's grin was implacable. "What did you call me before? A chicken? Truth or Dare?"

"Yeah. I stand by it. _Dare_."

"Okay, sis. I _got_ your chicken." He stood upright then, walking over to his tall case of CDs, the one Ashley and Carmen had been looking through earlier, and brought his flashlight's glare to it. Subsequent to a few moments of search Aiden found the one he seemed to be looking for, as well as an old CD player and earphones on top of the stand. When he came back to the circle he slid the player and the disk (which happened to be Jay-Z's _American Gangster _album) over the floor to Kyla's crossed legs.

"What's this for?" She asked.

"I dare you to sing _and_ dance to one whole rap song -- that I get to pick."

Kyla frowned and Carmen put her hand over her face, while Spencer, Ashley and Nicole looked at each other, not quite seeing why that was so bad of a challenge.

Ashley most of all. "What's the big deal?"

"Heh, heh, heh. You haven't heard my sister rap," he smiled at his sibling. "How about it?"

She sneered at him. "You are _such_ a jerk."

"Look Ky, you don't have to do it. You _could_ back out, but... you wouldn't do that. You're not a chicken, right? So what's it going to be?"

"...Fine. I'll do it."

Carmen blinked. "Kyla, you're not honestly gonna-"

"I can do it," she stated stubbornly. "Gimme this damn CD. Which song is it?"

"Number six, Roc Boys." he said.

Kyla grumpily hung the player off her skirt and fixed its earphones into her ears. Then she put the disk inside it and slipped the booklet out of its plastic case. She flicked through its pages until she got to the lyrics of the Roc Boys song. Her finger tapped the play button, then rapidly tapped fast forward until it hit number six.

While Aiden smirked darn near devilishly; Ashley, Nicole and most of all Carmen, were aghast when Kyla weakly ambled from side to side and nervously creaked out: "...S-speech! First of all I wanna... thank my connect... the most important person with all... due respect... thanks to the duffel bag... the brown paper bag... the Nike shoe box... for holding all this cash... boys in blue who put greed before the badge... the first Bush whoever made the s-stash..."

Oh. My. God. Ashley wanted to bite her lip off it was so embarrassing. Spencer, who by all accounts didn't know her Jay-Zs from her Ghostface Killahs, saw only an amicable attempt on Kyla's part as she journeyed into a small preview of the chorus, "The Roc boy's in the building tonight...! Oh what a feeling I`m feeling life... thanks to the lames, n- wait a minute! . . . Hold on a minute! I'm not saying that word."

"What word?"

"The N-word," Kyla said. "I'm not saying it."

Aiden frowned at her. "Kyla. I say it all the time. Jesus, they said it in Full Metal Jacket. Just sing."

"I don't care, I'm not saying it." She declared obstinately.

Ashley, who by all accounts couldn't bare to hear anymore of this that she already had, exclaimed, "Just say 'N-words' any time it comes up."

"Fine. Oh darn, where did I leave off...?" she continued. "Thanks to lames... `"N-word's" with bad aim, thanks to a little change... I tore you out the game... bullet wounds will stop your buffoonery... thanks to the pastor rapping at your eulogy... to Lil' Kim and them... you know the women friend who carry the weight `cross state for gentlemen... yeah, thanks to all the hustlers... but most important _you,_ the customer...! The Roc Boy's in the building tonight...! Oh what a feeling I'm feeling life...! You ain't even gotta bring your paper out we the dope boys of the year, drinks is on the house..."

"No, no, no, no." Aiden interrupted. "Don't do it like that. It's 'da' dope boys, not 'the' dope boys. Da not the. Da. Get it? Da."

She snarled at him, before continuing. "...`Da' Roc Boy's in the building tonight...! Look how I'm chillin,' I'm killing this ice...! You ain't even gotta bring your purses out we da dope boys of da year, drinks is on da house... let your hair down baby... I just hit da score..."

"_A_ score, not _da_score." Corrected Aiden.

"Who's singing this damn song, me or you?!" He silenced himself before she continued, "...Pick any place on da planet... pick a shore... take what da Forbes figured... then figure more `cause they forgot to account for what I did with da raw... pick a time let's pick apart some stores... pick a weekend for freaking for figure fours... I figure fraud never hit a lick before... so they don't know da feeling when them things get across... put your hand out da window, feel da force... feel da Porsche... hit defrost... ice cold, jewels got no flaws... drop got no top... you on da top floor... pink rose-aye... think O.J... I get away with murder when I sling `ye... heron got less steps than Britney... that mean's it ain't stepped on, dig me..."

Then came the chorus again, by which time Carmen looked about ready to die. "...Da Roc Boy's in the building tonight...! Oh what a feeling I'm feeling life...! You ain't even gotta bring your paper out we da dope boys of da year, drinks is on da house...! Da Roc Boy's in da building tonight...! Look how I'm chillin,' I'm killing this ice...! You ain't even gotta bring your purses out we da dope boys of da year, drinks is on da house..."

Nicole looked away, wincing. "Oh God, make it stop."

"Rare Porsches," Kyla rapped. "Rare portraits... rare guns if you dare come near da fortress... this applesauce is from da apple orchard... this kind of talk is only reserved for da bosses... which means I get it from da ground... which means you get it when I'm around... rich "N-words",,, black bat mitzvahs... mazel tov, it's a celebration, bitches...! L'chayim...! I wish for you a hundred years of success but its my time...! Cheers...! Toast to crime...! Number one B-Boy, shame he could rhyme...! Da Roc Boy's in da building tonight...! Oh what a feeling I'm feeling life...! You ain't even gotta bring your paper out we da dope boys of da year, drinks is on da house...! Da Roc Boy's in da building tonight...! Look how I'm chillin,' I'm killing this ice...! You ain't even gotta bring your purses out we da dope boys of da year, drinks is on da house..."

Since the chorus repeated itself twice during the final stages of the song Kyla was forced to repeat it a second time. "...Da Roc Boy's in da building tonight...! Oh what a feeling I'm feeling life...! You ain't even gotta bring your paper out we da dope boys of the year, drinks is on da house...! Da Roc Boy's in da building tonight...! Look how I'm chillin,' I'm killing this ice...! You ain't even gotta bring your purses out we da dope boys of da year, drinks is on da house..."

"Sweet...!" Then came the final mantras, spoken in unsung, mimicked word and there was some kind of wolf-whistling sound before it was over. And when it _was_ over, Aiden was holding his sides he was laughing so hard. They all gave her a little ovation for her efforts, though. While she sat down and tried not to feel too embarrassed, Carmen took up the CD player and American Gangster case to put them both back. She stepped out of the circle to do that, and when she came past a sobering Aiden she kneeled next to him so she could sharply whisper, "If it's my turn and I land on you, I'm totally gonna make you wear a bra." in his ear. For the next two hours that was the way they did things. They played this juvenile game with compunction and they challenged each other to stupid dares and revealing truths, getting laughs out of it, coming out of themselves and their shells, free from the pressures of school.

Spencer was the only one who didn't quite get into the spirit of things, but that was mainly because she kept herself outside of this fictional world where nothing seemed to matter as much as it did elsewhere. And it revealed some things to her. Like Kyla for instance. As said before, Spencer wasn't big on hip-hop so she had no idea how bad Kyla's attempt really was -- nor how brave she was to accept Aiden's challenge -- until Ashley made her listen to the actual song later on. Coming into this night Spencer wouldn't believe anyone who told her Kyla could do something like that, but she did, because she was in an environment of friends. Aiden was the same way. While he always seemed cheerful he was distant at school, probably one of the reasons it had taken so long for him and Nicole to get on the same wavelength, but here he was fully part of their union, making jokes with Ashley, bickering with and teasing his sister. Ashley herself was a surprise too. Spencer was half worried that the others wouldn't accept her, and while that was the case with Nicole, it certainly wasn't the case with everybody else. Aiden already knew her through Math class so there was no problem there. Carmen seemed to like her too. Eventually, Kyla warmed to her as well, especially after she had the guts to do that disgusting thing with the ketchup bottle. It made Spencer happy to know that her friends wouldn't reject Ashley... although she was disturbed by her _best_ friend's instance on doing just that.

The night was an important one because, even though she sat on the outside observing all the festivities and stupidity, it was the first time she felt like a part of a group. Which was why it felt so weird overall that their little gathering ended on a calm, partially sour note for her. It was when Carmen finally spun the bottle. She didn't get her wish of landing on Aiden to pay him back for making Kyla rap, instead she got Spencer.

"Okay, Spencer. Truth or Dare?"

She didn't want to sing or drink sauce. "...Truth."

Everyone knew that she was reserved and fragile, so no one pushed her, which was probably why it seemed like such a soft question in Carmen's mind. "Truth, huh? Okay. What the worst date you've ever been on?"

There it was. Spencer blinked while everyone waited on tenterhooks to hear what she had to say. No one knew. No one had a clue. But what could Spencer do but play along and give her answer? "Well... uh... the truth is... I've never been out on a date before."

Everyone else went silent. Suddenly the atmosphere amongst the six of them became awkward. But she could see the thoughts in almost all of their faces. In two years time she'd be at college... and she hadn't had a date before? It boggled their minds. Nicole, who by all accounts had no idea about this, was equally as incredulous. "Is that true, Spencer? You've... never been out on a date?"

"Uh huh."

Carmen swiftly tried to shrug it off. "W-well, you know, it's not such a big deal, Spencer. You don't have to do anything until you're ready to."

She wasn't sure if it was even a case of 'readiness'. But whatever it was no one wanted to dwell on it, least of all Spencer, which was likely why no one noticed the guilty expression on Ashley's face. It was Nicole's turn to spin again after that but when she reached for the bottle the lights suddenly flickered on. The flat screen flashed to life just the same and after a brief pause it continued right from where they'd left off on Full Metal Jacket, the scene where Joker shoots the Vietnamese girl dead.

"The power's back on." Reflected Nicole.

Whatever the problem was someone had gotten around to fixing it. They decided to call it a day after that. Since it was late and there were two cars there Aiden and Ashley elected to drive Spencer, Carmen, and Nicole home, before their parents got worried. Since Nicole and Spencer lived on the same street they'd need to go in the same car. However because Nicole and Ashley weren't really getting along (in fact they were barely tolerating each other) Aiden was the one who drove them home while Ashley did so for Carmen. An arrangement that didn't give Ashley the chance to say something she wanted to say to Spencer before the night was through. Half an hour later Aiden's car was pulling up in the Milligan family driveway. They all said their goodbyes to each other, then Spencer and Nicole got out and returned to their respective houses, whilst Aiden drove off back to his place. Walking the cobblestones of her pathway though Spencer found herself silently pondering the whole `date' thing. It didn't make her happy.

**********

Sunday evening.

Underneath the wood of Spencer's computer desk something tapped the carpet repeatedly. That something was her left foot. It repeatedly struck the floor because for the life of her Spencer couldn't figure out what to write. She had to hand this preliminary assignment, if it could so be called, in to Miss Gilbertson tomorrow. A thousand words wasn't all that much so why was she having so much trouble finding a muse? She had no idea. All she had was a blank screen and a squelched set of ideas at the moment. It was strange because normally a muse just `came' to Spencer and she rolled with it. She didn't get that this time around. Instead she got a phone call. Her cell phone flashed with that jingle it did. Sighing, Spencer swiveled her chair around to take up the phone. It was Ashley.

"Hello?"

"It's me. You're parents are out for the night, right?"

Spencer stood up. "...Yeah, they're attending some kind of gala or something. Why?"

"Come to the door." That was all she said before she hung up.

She could hear giddiness in Ashley's voice. What was going on? Spencer hadn't a clue but she'd play ball anyway. At the moment she couldn't think of a single thing to type up for her Creative Writing class. Maybe spending some time with her girlfriend might change that. So Spencer fitted on her fluffy pink slippers and left her bedroom to pad downstairs, but when she opened that door and took in what lay beyond it, her eyes widened. That was because Ashley was standing there in a way Spencer had never seen of her before. The Italian girl was wearing a dress. _A dress_. A thinly strapped white dress that saw its end three quarters of the way down her lissome legs. Slipped onto her feet were a pair of white open-toed high-heels and dangling from her neck was a pendant, a silver neck chain possessing a sparkling sapphire stone. The outfit looked surprising majestic on her, especially considering that white was an entirely virginal color, and the simple fact remained; Ashley ain't no virgin. And when she came to someone's door looking THAT gorgeous it wasn't hard to see why. The way the midnight black of her hair mixed with the snow white of her dress made her look all the more intense too.

Spencer had no idea how fast her heart was beating. "Ashley...?"

"I don't look too stupid, do I?" She chuckled. "My Mom said I looked good in it but you know what Mom's are like."

"You look... beautiful..." Murmured Spencer, dreamily. "But... what... are you doing here? Dressed like that...?"

Ashley flushed then and Spencer abruptly noticed that she had her hands behind her back. "Uh, well... I've never liked a girl as much as I like you, so... I'm not really sure how you try and make these things special, uh... but you know what? I've seen plenty of Hugh Grant movies so... here it goes. I couldn't find you a bouquet, so..."

She pulled her left hand from her back and presented to Spencer a thorn-less, single stemmed red rose.

"I swiped it from one of your neighbor's gardens. And on top of everything else I have planned I couldn't afford to go out and buy you a box of gourmet Belgium chocolates, so..."

With her other hand she presented Spencer with a Kit-Kat. Spencer looked at both of them and then looked up at the girl who gave them to her. How sweet was she to do all this? "...Ashley..."

She grinned sheepishly. "...I know I'm being lame. I know I am. But I'm trying to start it out right, you know?"

"Start what out?" Asked Spencer.

"…Our first date."

**PLEASE READ**

**I'm sure you all know that I didn't write this story I just changed characters. And to be honest with all of you this story isn't exactly finished, the last update was actually about eight months ago. I'm been trying to get a hold of Chris to see if he will continue, and the fact that he updated a different story only tells me that he probably won't continue and has forgotten about this story (allegedly). So I need your help to write the next chapter, any ideas or things you want Spencer and Ashley to do on their first date. And a little heads up I might make the next chapter the last chapter. **


	21. Chapter 21

**********

Chapter Twenty One

**********

"Our first date?"

Spencer pondered. Had she heard what her stupid ears thought they did? A date? While the idea flooded into her mind the extremely beautiful way Ashley was dressed suddenly made more sense. Then she looked at herself again. She was so... blah! Her blonde hair was all frizzy and unkempt, she was all cuddled up in pajamas, her toes were wiggling inside her pink slippers... and Spencer lined that all up with how Ashley looked. There was no comparison.

"Yeah," Ashley grinned. "I was thinking about last night... at Aiden's house, and... I hate the idea that you've never been on a real date, you know? We're a couple now and the buck stops with me so I wanna make it right."

"Ashley, look at me..." Spencer awkwardly combed her fingers through her hair. "I'm a mess...!"

The older girl shrugged. "I can wait."

Her saying that reminded Spencer where they were: outside on her stoop. After ducking her head through the frame to see if anyone else was around (she even took a quick peak across the street at Nicole's house) Spencer gestured for Ashley to come in. There was a pashmina around her shoulders that Spencer didn't notice before. When Ashley was inside she took it off inside she hung it off the Carlin family coat rack.

"Ashley, you don't have to do this. I'm okay about it."

Ashley wrapped Spencer up in her arms. "Yeah, well, I'm not. I know you don't get it, Spencer, but you're so special. There's no one I've met like you. I'm not gonna let you down again. And do you know how that starts? It starts with me acting like a real girlfriend and taking you away for a night."

Spencer smiled so hard she had to bit her lip to keep from looking like a dork. She couldn't help it. It made her heart ache longingly hearing Ashley speak like this, so sweetly. There was no way she'd question it anymore. A night alone and a night with Ashley was _never_ going to be a tossup.

"I don't know what to wear," Spencer admitted. "I'm not big on wardrobe."

"Spencer I said, I can wait."

For an instance Spencer wondered why Ashley wouldn't just come upstairs with her but she quickly remembered that barrier she'd put up between Miss Davies and her room the last time she was here. Spencer's room was _her_ room. It wasn't just a collection of objects in a unit of space to. It was her personal chamber, a tiny little byte of this huge world of data that belonged to no one but Spencer Carlin. It was where she'd spent so many hours crying over herself and Ashley, where she crafted her written work and built her way toward the Ivy League, where she slept and ate and lived and breathed as she chose. It didn't feel right to keep Ashley from it anymore. So in the spirit of things, Spencer slipped her small hand into Ashley's, gave her a dazzling smile, and lead her date upstairs to her quiet bedroom. Her PC was on its screensaver. The TV was off. There a few stray report sheets for school strewn about the floor and her desk but it wasn't at all messy.

"So..." Ashley folded her dress underneath her legs and sat herself on Spencer's bed. "This is your room, huh?"

"Pretty boring, right?"

"Understated," corrected Ashley. She shivered when something furry rubbed up against her ankle. "Whoa! What the hell was that?"

"What the hell was what?" Asked Spencer.

Ashley climbed off the bed and bent down inquisitively. Both her hands and head disappeared underneath the wood and metal of her bed before coming back with little Koenig in them. The Italian girl cradled the cat in her arms, gushing.

"I didn't know you had a kitten. Let's see," Ashley turned over the medallion dangling from the pet's collar. "...your name's Koenig, huh? Hello, cutie..! I'm gonna steal your owner for a few hours. You don't mind, do you?"

Spencer smiled. Another thing she didn't know about Ashley; she was surprisingly good with animals. "Looks like someone made a new friend."

"Is it a boy or girl?"

"Can't you just check?" Asked Spencer.

"...I _could_, but I don't normally make a habit of searching animals for crotch spikes."

A sigh. "He's a boy."

That made Ashley chuckle.

"What?" Wondered Spencer.

"You're the last person I'd expect to find sharing a room with a _guy_."

The blonde rolled her blue eyes at that and strode off to her closet. While Ashley played with Koenig she sorted through her wardrobe to find something suitable. Nothing popped out as good. Spencer glanced over her shoulder at what Ashley was wearing. She didn't just look mouth-wateringly sexy in it, she looked astoundingly elegant. Clearly they weren't going anywhere that suggested a casual dress code. The closest thing Spencer had to _that_ was a strapless lavender evening dress her Mom gave her the money for last year. Spencer bought it from Bloomingdale's online with a steep $450 price tag. It was for an impromptu fundraiser her parents were invited to and they made a point of bringing her along with them. It was the best piece of clothing she owned but it was so damn expensive... if she ripped or stained it and her Mom found out...

Spencer sighed.

"What's up?" Asked Ashley, setting Koenig down.

"I have nothing to wear," she complained. "My clothes are just... _ugh_."

"Spencer, I'm not Jimmy Carter. You don't need to bust out the good china for me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. As long as you're comfortable."

Well at least that was one less thing to worry about. The studious teen exhaled once more then began the search again, this time with lower standards. In a few moments she found an outfit that... _kinda_ worked; a fluffy snowflake blouse and a denim mid-thigh jeans skirt. She found a headband and a pair shoes to go with it. While it still seemed dorky in comparison to Ashley's dress Spencer figured their clothes would clash less if one of them wore a jacket. So she planned on taking one of those too.

Spencer was just about to change when she remembered who was in the room with her. Her cheeks flushed red as a tomato just thinking about it -- Ashley seeing her naked. Strange thing was Ashley had seen it all before. Every freckle, every curve, every dimple and every pucker. It seemed different now though. As comfortable as they were around each other it was like they'd hit some kind of reset button and they felt new to each other -- or at least that was how Spencer felt.

"I need to get changed," hinted Spencer.

"Don't I get a peep?"

"_No_, you don't."

"I could close my eyes," She did just that. A wide, lusty grin slowly tugged at the corner of her lips and curled up. With her eyes shut tight a grinning Ashley purred sultrily, "Oh wow..."

Spencer stared at her. "...What is it?"

"Well I've seen you in the nudie-nude before so all I have to do is close my eyes and... there you are. Every little bit of you... mmm! Makes a girl wanna-" She was stopped in her tracks when Spencer shoved one of the pillows in her face.

"I'll change in the bathroom," said the studious one.

She didn't take long. When she came back she was fully dressed and waited bashfully in the doorway for Ashley's approval. Of course she _more_ than approved. Spencer could tell just by gazing into Ashley's widened eyes and her appreciating smile. She knew she looked okay. Just about good enough to stand side by side with Ashley Davies -- who God knows has never had any trouble pulling off _beautiful_.

Spencer grabbed her keys, cell and wallet. "Should we go?"

"Yeah. Lets."

It was reassuring in some way that Ashley's eyes never left her on the way down to her car. She locked up and followed her girlfriend to her ride where she climbed in and buckled up. When they drove off Spencer paused to wonder where Ashley would take her. She hadn't asked all evening. The funny thing was that they didn't share many interests -- nor had they spoken much about them. That was why she was absolutely stunned when fifteen minutes later Ashley's car pulled up in the car pool of a sprawling arts centre. It reminded her of an article she'd read online about a new exhibit cataloguing replicate Byzantium-style gold and ceramic works.

"What are we doing here?"

Ashley put it in park. "I know you like art. You don't talk much about it, but... I know you like it. I wanted to do something special too, so... here we are. Is this okay? If you're not interested we can always go somewhere el-"

Spencer silenced her with a tender kiss.

"It's perfect," she whispered. "Thank you."

"...No problem."

No matter what theme or ideas you drew from the term 'Art' you likely had a specific taste for it or not. You either knew the academic culture, snobbery, champagne parties, unveilings and theory behind it or you didn't. Ashley _didn't_. She never would. It was just that the very idea of Ashley putting her own interests aside for Spencer's sake... something about that moved Spencer. It made her heart throb pensively in her chest for this girl. Without even thinking to do so Spencer reached for Ashley's hand (gripped to the stick shift) and held it softly with just a casual stroke of her thumb. They exchanged joyful glances and smiles on their way.

The exhibit was amazing. It was basically the progeny of a group of art historians who got together to create a collection of pseudo-relics and put them on display as a kind of museum exhibition. They crafted pots, shaped golden jewelry, forged swords and wove tapestries; all of which were then beaten, cracked, withered and abused to simulate the process of aging. Everyone who came to see the 'exhibit' were lead through a linear corridor delimited by numerous pieces of this artwork by a sort of tour guide. The exhibit itself was the actual piece, though, in totality. At the end of it was a plaque that explained that some of the relics on exhibit were genuine Byzantine pieces -- and challenged the viewer it surmise which pieces had been real and which ones had been fake.

In this way the _whole exhibit _was the artwork -- the point was to highlight the significance of perspective. What was real? What wasn't? How do you determine the gap between the two? It certainly provoked Spencer's thoughts, which was why she strolled contemplatively through the display. In the corner of her mind she knew that Ashley was less enthused about the whole thing.

Bless her heart, she tried to act interested. She asked Spencer what she thought of certain pieces, or how much they might be worth, but most of the time she simply followed the younger girl's lead and let herself be directed around the foyer with a sigh in her throat. Spencer went on to explain the point of the exhibit and remind her that beyond the aesthetics art was primarily a statement, but her dark-haired girlfriend just about grasped it. No commitment was involved.

It took a full two hours plus fifteen minutes in change for them to complete their exploration of the exhibit and by that time Spencer was thoroughly satisfied. Ashley looked half-ready to fall asleep. The kiss she got back in the car that woke her ass up.

"Did you like it then?" Ashley wondered whilst adjusting her mirror.

Spencer couldn't wipe the grin off her lips. "Very much, thank you. How'd you find it?"

"Uh... it was... yeah, it was... interesting... never thought of a Crusade operating like... Iraq, you said? So yeah, the whole thing was kinda-" she didn't get the chance to finish her rambling sentence... mostly because Spencer was too busy jamming their lips together. The cornflower-haired youngster worked her thin fingers underneath Ashley's statuesque jaw and kissed her with more passion either one of them knew possible of her. Ashley was earnestly taken aback by it -- but she couldn't resist it -- and wound her loving arms around her dream girl in return. They didn't stop exchanging lusty kisses until a tell-tale fogginess clouded up the car windows.

Spencer bit her lip. "Sorry..."

"Don't apologize," leered Ashley. "I like it."

"I just wanted you to know... I appreciate what you're doing. I know you don't like that kind of thing. It means the world to me that you're willing to try."

Ashley shrugged. "It's no biggie. I'm just trying to show... you know, that I'm thinking of you. But you know what?"

"What?"

"You keep kissing me like this I'm gonna get ideas," purred the lavish Italian.

All this talk flowered Spencer's cheeks. "Sometimes you can't help it, I suppose. I'm having so much fun with you."

She knew that Ashley didn't feel the same way about the arts center and it made Spencer like her all the more, knowing that Ashley was doing things for her for a change, rather than herself. That sole gesture might've been a rudimentary one if seen by another light -- but as far as Ashley's relationship with Spencer went... it was such a good sign. It felt like Ashley Davies was finally living up to the wonderful girl she truly was inside.

"So where to now?"

Ashley hooked her arm around Spencer's seat, threw her head over her shoulder, then guided her car out of their parking space. "I was thinking that after this we go get a bite to eat. What do you fancy?"

"Something light?"

Ashley drove the car back into the streets. "That excludes Chinese I guess. There's a little diner I know by the beach. How about it?"

"I'm game if you are." She replied.

So it was settled. Ashley took to the wheel and drove them across town. The vast and sprawling skyscrapers of central suburban Los Angeles gradually melted into the palm trees and sandy roads that marked the beach front. Street lamps lit up the view that collapsed from the expressway into the shore line. The roar of the engine did nothing to drown out the soothing course of the waves that crashed in the distance. Spencer never came to beaches much so she never developed an affinity for the sound. But when she noticed it she couldn't help but note how relaxing it was.

They pulled up in front of the diner Ashley spoke of earlier (called Katie's) and happily made their way inside. It wasn't crowded. Of all the circular chrome tables and chairs there were plenty free so Ashley drew them over to a good window spot in the corner. Katie's being built upon a hill gave it had an attractive view of the outside. From there you could see the freeway carve its way into the darkness and beyond it the sandy slopes of the beach caressed by the sea's waves. The night had turned its waters a vivid black.

"May I take your order?"

Spencer glanced up. A disinterested waitress stood over their table with a pad in hand and a pen behind her ear. Across the table Ashley already had her nose in a laminated menu. She mulled over her choices for a second before answering, "Uh, yeah... I'll have a double cheeseburger with a side order of chilli fries... plus some ice water to wash it down with. What about you Spencer?"

"Oh, uh..." She quickly cracked open a menu. "...Um... can I have the... uh... the garden salad, please? And maybe a glass of orange juice?"

The waitress yanked the pen from her braid-enfolded ear and scribbled their orders. "Anything else?"

"...Um, I don't think so."

"What about dressings?" She asked dourly. "Want any salad dressings?"

Spencer thought about it. "...Do you have Thousand Island?"

"Yup. Okay, so that's one cheeseburger, chili fries, salad with Thousand Island dressing, ice water and juice. It'll be about twenty minutes, okay?"

They both nodded that that was fine and she went off to wait on other tables. When she was gone Spencer found herself staring out the window again. She knew that she was on a date and that she ought to be paying her girlfriend more attention than this but she couldn't help it. It was weird. Los Angeles was her city and she'd been living here a while but she'd never gone to the beach often. It was more than being conscious of herself in a swimsuit (which she undoubtedly would've been). She often associated the beach with the kind of crowd that she always longed to be away from; the trendies and beach bunnies and whatnot. But in this lush dark night when almost everyone was gone it looked absolutely beautiful. Yet it was something right in her own backyard. It made Spencer wonder how much of the world she'd been missing out on by keeping herself to herself. It took Ashley's warm hand squeezing her knee to break her out of the reverie.

"Hey," she whispered. "We can go there later if you'd like."

Spencer nodded "yes, please" to that. Shortly afterward the waitress came back with their drinks, the ice water and the orange juice. Between that and the meals that were served eighteen minutes later Spencer and Ashley got to talking. Mostly it was just inane stuff like what assignments they had to finish, who at school had been acting extra annoying recently, what they might do on future dates and so on. While they ate Spencer brought up Nicole and the others, wondering if Ashley might like to hang out with them again sometime. She seemed genuinely open to the idea, if not a little frosty on the issue of Nicole.

"She hates me," Ashley quipped, gnawing off half a chili fry.

"Nicole doesn't hate you," Spencer argued. "She's just a little set in her ways. As long as you two don't stir each other up I don't see why you can't be good friends. It's not like you don't have anything in common."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Yah huh. We both like _you_. Anything else?"

She crunched a slice of iceberg lettuce between her teeth before answering. "You're both tough, confident, strong-willed, funny, and intelligent. You both love your families very much. You both go to the same high school and you both get on well with others. I can't think of a reason why you two shouldn't be friends."

"Oh no? Well I can. _She hates me_."

"Now you're just going around in circles."

Ashley, fist propping up her chin, and popped another fry into her mouth. "It's not like I'm not trying to be nice to her now, you know. I apologized for what I said."

"And I appreciate that," smiled Spencer. "Just give her more time and I'm sure she'll come around."

Another thing Ashley didn't want to do that she was still prepared to do all for Spencer's sake. When they were done with the eats and split the bill (something Spencer _insisted_ they do) they left Katie's and headed for the beach it overlooked. It was very quiet tonight. There weren't that many beaches that opened at night because the glory of it always seemed to shine through during the day. That was when all the surfers, sunbathers and kids came out for fun. For Spencer the ocean was more scenic pitched in nocturne and showered in starlight.

Her shoes dangled from her hand as she walked barefoot over the sand with Ashley at her side. It was warm and velvety between her toes. Together they found a spot that inched just shy of the shoreline, close enough to smell the waves' aqua fragrance without getting their feet splashed.

A reflective Spencer gazed out into waters unknown. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"When I was a kid," the younger girl's voice had a wistful tint to it. "I used to love sea animals. Fish, turtles, whales... especially dolphins. I even thought about becoming a marine biologist when my Dad and I first spoke about colleges. I changed my mind after a while, but... back then I was happy thinking about it. Swimming with dolphins. Playing with seals. Researching whales. That made me happy."

In the corner of her eye she noticed Ashley staring at her, quizzically, probably wondering what point she was driving at here. Spencer didn't keep her waiting long;

"I didn't remember being happy since then," she explained. "...I felt lonely... and screwed up for so long... and now, it's like... for the first time in ages... I feel like that again," she turned to her girlfriend and smiled with all the cheer and devotion in the world. "You make me so happy, Ashley."

"I know," She smiled back. "I really wish I could kiss you now."

***********

Okay so I'm going to erase my chapter and replace it, cause like I said it's not mine, and it's so obvious that I can't do this story justice. I can't tell you how happy I was that Chris got the message so I hope you enjoy this update, and I hope you check out his other stories on nifty!!! Thanks for reading!!

Chris's Afterthoughts

* I haven't updated this story in ages but I was moved to do so after reading a certain fanfic in the South of Nowhere section of . You may notice that this chapter is shorter than usual. It's occurred to me that I update faster when I write shorter chapters so from now on I'll be updating this story in shorter bursts (say 3000-4000 words max). That's preferable to seven months of inactivity, don't you think?

* I can't remember what Koenig's gender is and I'm too damn lazy to go back over all these past chapters and find out, so from now on (if he wasn't already) Koenig's a boy. ^_^

* Wanna do me a solid? Support my blog, .com . Come here and post your thoughts if you want to speak to me more in depth. Or, by e-mail, if you prefer.


	22. Epilogue

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Chapter Twenty Two

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"What do you think?"

Okay, there was no point in denying it any longer. She was nervous. Who wouldn't be if they were in Spencer's position? It was the first time she'd ever really shown Ashley her more... intimate writings. There was a certain amount of privacy it needed, a shield, not just for the work but for Spencer's feelings in writing it, at least up until now so Spencer's being anxious wasn't difficult to explain. It was only by accident that anyone else she knew (outside of the internet) had ever seen her compositions. Then of course in snowballed with Mrs. Gilbertson's Creating Writing class. Since then the blonde-haired novice felt a bit more comfortable submitting her most intimate of stories for Ashley's scrutiny.

Spencer wondered what Ashley was thinking. She couldn't see her face from where she was, tucked up snug and warm in her girlfriend's embrace, back pressed up against Ashley's tight stomach, delicate hips between Ashley's thighs, their long legs intertwined. The Italian girl had one of her protective arms wound around Spencer's waist. She unconsciously stroked the smaller girl's side with her thumb. Up and down. It sent tiny trembles of pleasure up Spencer's ribcage, but somehow she resisted the urge to kiss the lips off of Ashley. It was more important (right now at least) to hear what she thought.

"Well...?"

Ashley shifted her weight a bit, rankling the bed springs. "I don't get it."

"Huh?"

"...Baby, it's not that I didn't like it, I just... I'm not really sure what you're trying to say. I mean this bit about the blooming bud of blue? What does that mean?"

Tch. Spencer knew for a fact that Ashley was at least a B-grade English student so her opinion wasn't exactly uninformed. She thought that it made sense though. Blooming bud of blue? Eyes as a reflection of the self, "bud", in conjunction with blue which was the color of water, "depth" thus depth of character. Add to that the word "blooming" to manipulate images of spring and temporal growth: the precise line was about Spencer herself, finally coming into her own, finding herself anew, being happy for once. Who couldn't get _that_?

Spencer sighed. "You don't get it."

"No."

"But you like it?"

"Yup."

"How can you like it if you don't get it?"

Ashley smirked. "...'Cause I like you."

Oh that trick was so old even straight-laced Spencer knew it when she saw it coming. So the year younger teen took the print out from the older and scrunched it up into a ball. She hurled it into the waste basket in the corner of her room.

"Not a bad shot. You ever thought about basketball?" Joked Ashley.

Ugh. Like she ever wanted to remember that. The last time she tried playing basketball (well, it was more of a Gym requirement than a trial run on her) was in high school and clumsy as hell Spencer fell flat on her face. Everybody got a laugh out of that one. Well, all except for one person.

Spencer softly pressed her head to Ashley's shoulder. They were so close together she could hear her girlfriend's heartbeat which was slightly faster than usual. It did Spencer's ego no small favor to know that she still excited Ashley this badly, just by letting herself be held. "Everybody laughed at me the last time I tried. Besides, I'm too short."

"It isn't all about height, just like writing isn't all about prose. You need skill and deftness too, right? And I've got a mean jump-shot. Want me to teach you?"

Spencer pulled a warming, elfin smile. "Sweetie, sports aren't really my thing. Plus the whole being gay thing sets up to many stereotypical jokes."

"That'd only apply if you were like, trying out for the Lacrosse team," For no reason at all Ashley planted a little butterfly kiss upon Spencer's forehead. Both of her arms drew the younger girl even tighter into her secure embrace. "Besides this is Freshman year for you. You'll never stand out if you don't join a club or two."

"Is that really the point of college?"

"No, the point of college is to do anything _but_ study then cram your ass off before the end of the semester. Look at me. I'm booked for the next week practically. Three dates with you, a kegger with Aiden, Pilates with my Mom and then, you know, my dinner with Dad."

Spencer's smile faded a little. It wasn't like she wasn't pleased for Ashley. She was. She was happy that her girl was happy. That being said... she would never see Raife in a positive way. She just couldn't. When Spencer thought of him all she could remember was that eventful night two years ago. The night she took Ashley home from the hospital and finally saw the squalor in which she lived. The night she figured out how Raife had been violently abusing her.

Every bruise Spencer ever saw on Ashley's face and body had been his knuckles' handiwork. She'd never forget that no matter who's father he was. Never.

"How do you feel about it?" Ashley asked, cautiously.

Her lover mused. "...I don't want to lie to you."

"Then don't. How do you _really_ feel about it?"

Spencer turned around. Ashley's grip around her loosened enough for the studious girl to fold her legs beneath her butt, between Ashley's thighs, so they could look at each other properly. There truly was desperation in Ashley's eyes. Spencer's opinion mattered so much to her that they quaked waiting for the answer. Just another one of those little things that endeared the blonde to this brunette even further.

So Spencer cupped both of her lover's cheeks and whispered, "Ashley. I know you love your father, and... I'll admit it. I still hate him for what he did. You can't blame me, can you?"

"He's doing the AA thing now," Reasoned Ashley, with a sigh. "The `Twelve Step program' or something. He says he hasn't had a drink in months and I believe him because I _know_ when my Dad lies to me. I just need you to be cool with this."

That was the thing about relationships. You spend so much time thinking about how the girl you're with can fuck you up that you forget it's a two-way street. Relationships require equal amounts of give and take to make them work. Without that balance they sink like bricks in water and Spencer refused to let her and Ashley's love to go off into that shaky path from which it'd emerged. She was too fucking _in love _with this girl to let that happen.

"I'm here, Ashley, okay?" They kissed briefly, passionately. "I'm here."

Ashley grinned at her. "Thank you."

Then suddenly the door clicked. Both women froze when someone swung it open with a terrific grunt, only to breathe mutual sighs of relief seeing a friend step inside. Spencer's roommate, a girl called Piper McCullough, carried a sizeable (and clearly very heavy) guitar case into their room.

She took one look at Spencer and Ashley, all cuddled up and kissy-faced, and rolled her eyes. "You think one of you two lovebirds could disengage each other long enough to actually help me here? I'm too young for a hernia."

Being the gentile woman that she was, Ashley climbed off the bed (and reluctantly out of Spencer's arms) to help Piper lug the guitar case toward the freshman`s bedside. "How are these hands for help?"

"Adequate." Grunted Piper.

The two together carried it over and set it down. Piper exhaled a huge sigh of relief and gave herself thanks by collapsing into her bedding and spreading herself with a luxurious sigh. "Oh! That feels SO much better. Thanks, Ashley. My arms are gonna be sore all day."

"No problem."

By then Spencer had already snuck up behind Ashley and affectionately cuddled her again. Her focus was on Piper though, as she settled her chin upon her sophomore girlfriend's shoulder. "Why did you bring that thing all the way here? Wouldn't it have been easier to just leave it by the music department until tonight?"

"I wanted to get some practice in before tomorrow," admitted Piper. "Plus, there's this prick on the committee who keeps badgering me about taking over for Kyla. I keep telling the guy I don't sing anymore but he won't damn well listen."

"What's wrong with Kyla?" Wondered Ashley.

Spencer frowned. "Tonsillitis."

"Or mono," snickered Piper.

"...Oh that is _so_ not funny, Piper. Don't you remember what break-ups are like when you have them? It can really be emotional."

At that Piper softened a little. Her eyes wondered off to a distant place that neither Spencer nor Ashley knew, and thoughts of it seemed to dampen her somewhat. She rolled onto her left side and faked a snore, saying only, "She'll get over it".

Spencer wasn't so sure. Even if Kyla was the one to end things it didn't mean she was less likely to be hurt by it all. You couldn't blame Carmen for the way things turned out either. She was a natural athlete and schoolwork wasn't her strongest suit by any means, nor was she particularly rich. Carmen's only chance for college was a scholarship and unlike most young Americans angling for one, she scored it. What could she really do if not accept that scholarship? The problem was that the particular college she scored this scholarship from was in San Francisco.

That didn't go down so well with Kyla.

You couldn't blame either one of them. Carmen's future depended on getting into a good school and Kyla had lost the love of her life. What surprised everyone was that far from retreating into her shell, Kyla had been "throwing herself away" so to speak. She'd even made out with Piper once or twice -- but it didn't get any further than that. Spencer pleaded with Piper not to go that far. She was sure this phase Kyla was going through would eventually pass, so until it did someone had to run damage control. For a few weeks Spencer tried getting Carmen to come back from San-Fran and visit to maybe just cheer Kyla up, but Carmen refused to, saying that she "already got the message". Apparently Carmen already sent Kyla a flurry of phone calls, texts and e-mails, none of which were replied to. Even Aiden couldn't get through that stubborn skull of hers.

Spencer wondered what more she might be able to do for Kyla, maybe tell her adoptive parents what she was going through, but that would've meant outing her to her family (thus far only Aiden knew she was gay).

Then all of a sudden Piper asked, "I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?"

Ashley and Spencer shared smiles and giggles.

"I guess that answers _that_."

"We weren't horizontal, if that's what you mean," explained Ashley.

Piper yawned again, more realistically this time. "Of course. It's the middle of the day. Speaking of which, you guys have any classes now? I keep forgetting your timetable."

"We both have the rest of the day off so Ashley and I are going to go see our friend from high school. I mentioned her, right? Nicole?"

"I remember. Your best friend, right?"

"Right," Spencer smiled at her roomie's recollection. "Would you like to join us? There's always room for one more at Mama Giancarlo's."

The dark-haired musician spread herself flat over the bed again. "Thanks for the offer, Spencer. I could murder the hell out of a slice of deep-dish Chicago-style right about now but I've got class in a quarter of an hour. After that it's just band practice, band practice and more band practice. I`d probably just step on your toes anyway. Personal history and all that crap."

"We'll write you some cheat sheets next time," quipped Ashley, relinquishing Spencer's warmth just long enough to pick up her coat and car keys.

Piper smiled back. "I'll hold you to that."

"You bet," Spencer took the jacket Ashley handed to her from the coat-rack she shared with Piper in the corner. "Don't practice too hard, okay?

Piper tiredly waved off the pair as they headed for the door. "I'll catch you two later."

They stepped out into the corridor and shut the door behind them. On the way out of the dorms Spencer reflected on how lucky she was to have Piper as a roommate. She wasn't from Los Angeles but rather D.C. According to her she'd gone out-of-state for her schooling to get some "perspective about things and shit".

Spencer loved Piper. She was funny, charming, intelligent and considerate. She didn't seem to mind Spencer's clean-freak attitude nor did she begrudge how often she had Ashley over. That was the best thing about Piper McCullough. Not only was she totally cool with the couple thing but she had no qualms making herself scarce when she and Ashley needed time alone. Unfortunately, Piper hadn't dated nor shown interest in anyone since she'd stepped off the plane (aside from that one saliva exchange with Kyla) so Spencer couldn`t return the favor.

She was utterly thankful to be sharing a dorm with someone like Piper. There were so many horror stories stomping through Spencer's mind during her first week. What if they stuck her with a homophobe? Or someone unashamedly messy? What if she didn't _like_ Spencer? Fortunately those stories turned out to be so much wasted thought. Piper was nothing like that. You might even call her `unrealistically perfect' except for that whole **smoking** thing, which Spencer was determined to wean Piper off as they eventually got to know each other better.

Spencer and Ashley left the UCLA campus in a hurry. Mama Giancarlo's was way across town and they were supposed to be meeting Nicole and Aiden there within in the hour. As soon as they climbed into Ashley's car they buckled up and zoomed off down until they were once more driving through the palm tree laden streets of L.A.

They passed Alderson High on the way.

It looked different from the outside in. The grim grey walls, the imposing reinforced glass, the iron fencing and the flat hillocks enfolding the breath of the five separate department buildings that made up the complex; they'd all seemed confining and intimidating at one point in Spencer's life. Now the kids passing in and out of it seemed like... _kids_, more than anything else. Not kids Spencer had to consider as potential antagonists in the grand teen drama that was her life, but ordinary _kids_ heading off to school. It was liberating to finally be divorced from that noxious high school culture, but that divorcement also brought with it a kind of soothing nostalgia. It felt good to look back and not be sad.

Ashley took her eyes off the road for just a sec. "Are you okay? You seem quiet."

"Hm? Oh no, sweetie, I'm fine. I'm just thinking about stuff. Silly things."

A grin. "Care to let me in on them?"

"...Just high school."

At that Ashley chuckled. "Really? High school?"

"Yes," Her pondering blue eyes gazed through her window at the amorphous blur that was the world around them, coming in and zipping by, "do you ever miss it sometimes?"

"...Me? No. Not really. Do you?"

"...Kinda."

Ashley shrugged. "Why? I thought you hated Alderson."

"I did too, at least for a while. But then I thought about it. If I never went to there, if I'd been like, home schooled or something, then... I never would've met Nicole or Carmen or Kyla or Aiden. You and I, we... if it weren't for Alderson High, you and I never would've met. I feel like I should be grateful to it for that."

"Hm. I never thought of it that way," So Ashley snuck a quick kiss from Spencer. "..._Thank You Very Much, Alderson-Fucking-High_."

The drive lasted only a few more minutes. Sooner than they thought it would Ashley's car veered up by one of the parking spots just a block shy of the shopping piazza where Mama Giancarlo's was stashed away. Ashley turned off the engine and locked the door after Spencer climbed out the other side. The old place looked much the same as it used to. Spencer vividly recalled the nights when she and Alderson High Blue Angels came out for slices of victory pizza after a successful soccer game. Good memories don't fade easily.

Spencer and Ashely were at Mama Giancarlo within minutes and sure enough, the ever-doting couple, Nicole and Aiden sat outside in wait for them, but on this occasion they were joined by a little someone extra.

Their baby.

Nicole getting pregnant in her senior year was a huge shock to everyone. She and Aiden obviously didn't intend for it to happen and according to them they _did_ use protection, but whatever went wrong did so in the frankest possible way. It hurt Spencer's brain just pondering all of the fallout. It happened roughly around the time Ashley and Aiden were taking their finals and everyone was worried as hell about what Nicole would do. At the very least she was smart enough not to keep it to herself. As soon as she was `late' the soccer player went out and bought herself a pregnancy test. When it came up positive Nicole spilled the beans to Spencer in a tear-soaked evening of ice cream and hugs in bed.

Back then it seemed like the end of the world. First she had to tell Aiden, who was shocked at first but completely supportive throughout (not that he should`ve done _anything_ less, but for a teenage guy, he was improbably mature about the pregnancy), then she and Aiden together told each of their parents. Everybody was furious. Even Kyla was pissed off about the whole thing. In the end, after Nicole and Aiden sat down with all four of their parents, they came to a consensus -- that Nicole would have the baby. It was all hard work and tears shed (and from then on school was REALLY rough on Nicole) but nine months later she gave birth to a beautiful little girl they eventually named Michelle. Michelle Erin Milligan-Quinn.

Since there were no complications or post-natal depression or anything of the kind, Nicole went back to school in time for the finals when she recovered. Her daughter, parents, and boyfriend all got to see her graduate alongside Spencer, Carmen and Kyla. Nicole ended up going to a different college from Spencer and the others. It was the same one Aiden went to. During the week Michelle stayed with her folks (who received almost daily visits from Aiden's parents) but over weekends Nicole and Aiden came home to spend time with their daughter.

Since today was one of those rare Fridays where she and Aiden had no classes between them, they came home a day early and Nicole arranged this little afternoon out with Spencer and Ashley. It had been literally months since they'd all seen each other in one place.

It was all hugs and kisses when Spencer embraced her closest friend again.

"God, I've missed you so much, you cute blonde nerd."

Spencer watched Ashley and Aiden share a pound behind her. "Me too. I sent you an e-mail last week but I didn't get a reply. What happened?"

A frowning Nicole pointed her thumb at Aiden. "That _asshat_ over there happened. `Shell's temperature got a little high and he got all worried and crazy. Scared the hell out of my Mom and Dad, talking about how she had this `terrible fever`. Anyway we took her to the hospital and they told she was just hot, that all we needed to do was give her a bit more fresh air. I was so damn embarrassed!"

They all sat down under the shade of the parasol when Spencer pulled Ashley's buggy closer to her and carefully unbuckled the little cutie inside. The Carlin girl died over how cute and adorable that kid was, especially in her tiny pink jacket. Michelle's pale honey skin was a soft mix of Nicole's milky white and Aiden's moca skin. She boasted features from both her parents by having her father's nose and her mother's eyes. A tiny streak of drool rolled down her chin as Michelle suckled at a pacifier. With her tiny little fist she gripped one of Spencer's fingers whole.

"Oh, she's so pretty, you guys!"

Ashley sighed. "Oh God, here comes the baby speak..."

"_A-goochie-goochie-goo_!" Cooed Spencer. "I don't think there's a baby out there cuter than _you_! Oh no there's not! Oh no there's not!"

Aiden smiled at the pair of them. "I know how you feel. I was like that with her for so damn long I almost pissed _myself_ off. Don't change the fact she's sweeter than sugar. It's weird, you know? It's damned scary, being a parent, but I just can't wait to see what kind of person she's gonna grow up to be. I'm hoping either neurosurgeon or senator."

"She isn't even in preschool, Aiden," sobered Nicole. "Unless you want her passing bills in diapers Michelle isn't gonna be a Representative anytime soon."

"I think Mommy made a boo-boo...!" Spencer continued to gush with Michelle. "Oh yes she did! Mommy confused the Senate with the House of Representatives! Oh yes she did! `Cause this is a bicameral system, isn't it? Oh yes it is!"

Nicole sighed. "Okay. That was annoying when my boyfriend was doing it and it's even more annoying when my best friend does it."

"All right, I'll stop," she bit her lip so as to stifle her coos.

Ashley smirked Aiden's way. "So you've got big plans for her, huh?"

"Yup. Surgery or politics or bust."

"Well if she chooses politics you make sure the future Hillary Rodham Clinton here does something about Prop-8."

Aiden's eyebrows arched. "Whoa. I didn't know you and Spencer were that serious."

Spener's head bobbed up. "...What?"

"I'm not proposing, alright? Everybody keep their bras on," corrected Ashley. "I just think it's cool the way you guys are dealing with this. I know if I were in your position, I'd probably be overwhelmed by it all."

Nicole shrugged at the thought. "Having Michelle was a big deal but our parents do most of the work. It _kills_ me that I can't see her until the weekend, but... it's better for everybody. Once Aiden graduates we're gonna find a place to rent so we can raise her ourselves. I just need to get my studies together first. Anyway, we didn't come here to talk politics and baby speak, we came to eat. Pass me that menu, baby?"

Aiden handed Nicole one of the laminated menus on a neighbouring table since theirs' was devoid of one. He regarded Ashley and Spencer. "How are things with you guys up at UCLA?"

"Classes are okay but all the reading is a chore. The parties are _kick-ass_ but you wouldn't think so the way I have to drag Spencer along to come with me."

Spencer set Michelle back into her buggy when Aiden brought more menus to their table. "Ashley, you know I'm not into that scene. I'm sick of watching frat boys slap each other's asses and throw up."

"So I'm guessing you won't be pledging for any sororities, yeah?"

"I don't see how letting girls torture you for a week promotes `sisterhood'." Explained Spencer.

Despite his smile Aiden's mood dampened a bit. "...And Kyla...?"

An uncomfortable silence passed over the table. Aiden always asked after her, Spencer and Ashley always strained to keep the truth from him, and always Nicole suppressed the urge to scream "who the hell cares?". She had every reason to be angry with Kyla though.

Though she was often quick to dismiss him, no one was more defensive over Aiden than his little sister was and once the big secret that was Michelle's conception came out, Kyla freaked. Carmen tried to appeal to her, to make her see that her brother's life wouldn't be ruined by having a child, but no one could get Kyla to see it that way. She blamed Nicole for everything and her negative reaction created a rift between Aiden and Kyla during his freshman year. By the time she broke up with Carmen, Aiden hardly ever saw her.

Neither Spencer nor Ashely wanted to tell him about the way she'd been acting recently, getting drunk and sleeping around and all that. They could only sponge it over.

"She's still pretty upset about Carmen," Spencer told him. "But she's... I'm sure she'll pull through it."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks so much, you guys... for looking out for her."

Ashely nodded. "She's a friend. We wouldn't have it any other way."

"Maybe we should start ordering," interjected Nicole. "Does everybody know what they want?"

By now everyone had a menu in their hands (except of course Michelle) so they decided on what they wanted and called for a waiter to serve them. Once he scribbled their orders down on his tiny notepad he sauntered off and left the young adults to the discussions of their young adult lives. Over dinner Michelle spat out her pacifier and started crying so Nicole and Aiden quickly whipped out a bottle of formula for her (Nicole didn't breastfeed since she only saw Michelle over the weekends -- it just wasn't ideal).

They had a lovely meal despite everything though. Even while she ate `Aunt Spencer' kept playing with her cute little niece Michelle; Ashely and Nicole (who had long since buried the hatchet) conversed and joked with each other about their respective spouses, while Aiden took a call from his Mom and Dad who asked after `Shell. When their plates were empty, the group shared a few last coffees before saying goodbye. It was getting dark and Michelle was getting restless so it was best to do so. Spencer and Nicole shared the kind of best friend's hug that said without words how much they missed each other before she and Ashely waved the teenage couple and their bouncing baby off. Then they too left Mama Giancarlo's and the piazza.

On their way back to the car the sun was falling into the horizon which showered LA in rich orange light. Spencer noted how romantic Californian sunsets were in her own private little way. The thought would've occupied her mind for some time, until Ashley suddenly asked, "Hey. About what Aiden said back there?"

"About Kyla?" Wondered Spencer.

"No, not her. About you and me. Marriage."

"Yeah?"

Ashley winced. "...It's not... that weird, is it?"

"I never said it was weird."

"But the way you-"

"Hey, listen to me," Spencer cut Ashley off by pressing a fingertip to her lips. There was an alleyway nearby forged between a Dairy Queen and a second-hand video games store. She compelled her older lover to join her in its cloaking security. Once they were free of prying eyes Spencer spoke on. "The way I feel about you right now, there's only one reason why _I_ wouldn't propose to you."

Ashley swallowed a lump in a throat she hardly knew about. "...Which is?"

"I can't afford an engagement ring."

That made Ashley smile. Gleefully. "So you think that... if things are like this _six years _from now, you and I might-"

"I think we have our whole lives to decide what we want to do. We don't need to label anything. Ashley, all I care about is that you make me happy, and I make you happy. As long as I have you... I've got everything I need."

For someone who had such a history of shyness Spencer Carlin knew how to express herself in a way that captured you. If her heart didn't melt yours then her prose certainly could. Ashley knew it for a long time. Even when they had rough patches all it took were a few words and a smile to make Ashley Davies feel better. But you know what meant the most? The fact that that cute smile, that elegant prose, that blonde hair, those blue eyes and that amazing brain; they all belonged to someone who truly loved her. Someone Ashely truly loved. At a more cynical stage in her life Ashley might've scoffed at the concept of soul mates. She would've sneered at the idea of someone meaning so much to her that it almost hurt when that person wasn't around. Now she believed in those things with all her heart.

Ashley lovingly wrapped her arms around Spencer. "...I always feel like I'm dreaming when I'm with you."

"Well, if you are," Her lover whispered, "I don't plan on waking you up."

**********

END OF MY GIRL IS MY POISON

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Afterthoughts

* Yup. This is it. The last chapter. It might seem like I've jumped the shark somehow by leaping two years into the future but I think this was a good place to end this story. I originally planned to keep it ongoing, to write about all the things I mentioned in this epilogue (Nicole getting pregnant, Kyla going off the rails, Ashley finding the money to go to college, Spencer and Ashley's future rough patches) but then I realized I'd be dragging out a story that had already reached it's reconciliation. This story was never a "ups and downs of a relationship" kind of romance story but rather a "will they, won't they" one. We've established that _they will _so there's no real need to go any further. It's a shame though. I would've liked to have written about Nicole's pregnancy in more detail (especially because there've been two new additions to my family in the past three months) but basically I just want to move on.


End file.
